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Played Character Aldane Beauchene

This character is actively played.
Joined
Jan 28, 2021
Messages
42
Reaction score
55
Points
38
Aldane title card.webp
Character Information


Full Name: Aldane Beauchene-Gwentyr

Race: Breizh, Ailor

Age: 33

Gender: Male

Eye Color: Blue

Occult: Indeed. He draws his power from the Eidolon realm.

Magic Schools: Luminance, Radiant, Gravity, and Mend Schools

Core Concept

Aldane Beauchene is a staunch traditionalist set in his cultural values, which often rub people the wrong way. The young noble lord campaigns for anything that he deems will invigorate his political agenda, which entails dabbling his toe in the sea that is politics. Aldane is a devout follower of Unionism and centralist government, yet his occasional erratic behavior may leave doubt in an outsider's mind.

Dimensional Alignment/Theme: Eidolon / Light Magic

Attack and Defense Stat: Magic (Attack/Defense)


Proficiencies
Total Atrributes Spent: 15/15

Strength: 0


Constitution: 0

Wisdom: 0

Intelligence: 0


Dexterity: 0

Magic (EXIST): 11

Wardrobe Pack (Magical Variant)

Safeguard Pack (Magical Variant)

Shapeshifting Pack (Magic Variant)

Arcane Blade

Arcane Counter

Arcane Aura

Arcane Snare

Arcane Cleanse

Arcane Warp

Arcane Echostrike

Arcane Apotheosis


Charisma: 4
Sanctioned Presence
Saving Presence
Political Presence
Fame Presence

Languages

Common (free)
Breizh (Native)
Anglian
Lëtz
Calem
Gallwech

Appearance Information
Aldane is afflicted with the arcane but has no visible mutations or scars on his body.

The Breizh Ailor is 6'1 in height, has average body fat, and has a ripped muscular definition. Aldane has kempt and short blonde hair, and currently dawns a blue tunic with gray trousers.


Life Story

⦁ Aldane was born in Alstyr, Kintyr, as the eldest son of the Justyr family, a commoner household that revered nobility and the Empire to the same precedent as the old Breizh religion of the Weards.

⦁ From an early age, Aldane carried a carriage's load of expectations. His father expected him to learn the ways of the arcane and serve the Knightly Aelriggan Order. However, the young Breizh was too weak, hesitant, and struggled to unlock his magic potential. As a result of failing to live up to his surname, Aldane Justyr spent most of his time away from his home, preferring to explore the treacherous terrain of Kintyr through hunting or hiking without clear reason. Whenever he was home, Aldane studied the Creed and arguably developed a closer relationship with Breizh unionism than he did with his family and other people.

⦁ In his early adulthood, Aldane was sent off to Regalia for the first time to attend the marshal academy. During his three-year tenure, he trained to become a general in land combat and subsequently founded his love of writing. In light of dropping out of the academy due to an inability to connect with others, he opted to stay in Regalian city for a brief time in hopes of dedicating all his time to magic and his faith. It was here where Aldane finally began honing his light magic.

⦁ After his studies concluded, Aldane begrudgingly set a course back to Kintyr with the intention of serving his homeland and reuniting with family. But tragedy struck as his father, Jellane Justyr, was plagued with a foreign illness unknown to Kintyr's medical knowledge. Before he sadly passed, Jellane made Aldane swear to serve House Gwentyr as he once had long ago. The young breizh pledged his life to House Gwentyr and was rewarded through adoption into the family. Aldane was given the noble title of Lord Gwentyr as he returned to Regalia to represent his people. Since then, he has joined the Leutz-Vixe house of Beauchene, acting as Count-Consort of Budelle in Osteiermark.

⦁ Within the many years of residing in Regalia, Aldane enrolled within the Unionist College for Everian priesthood. Now being a fully-fledged neophyte, Aldane Beauchene continues to contribute to the Great Way in Regalia. He attempts to play multiple roles as he acts as a representative of the Breizh, the Leutz-vixe, and Unionism all at once.

Relationships
Lisette Beauchene
(10/10) "My one true friend..."

Lamont Norinn
(8/10) "A good man."

Charles Vasiliev
(7/10) "I admire your courage."

Lynmard Lomstedt
(7/10) "Reliable yet aloof..."

Lieven
(7/10) "A reliable confidant."

Merrick Felwinter
6/10 "You play both sides too often."

Ana Cervantez
(6/10) "Which side are you on..?"

Alfarin Thorleiksson
(6/10) "I do not know whether to thank you or to curse you."

Henry Windrocker
(2/10) "Lunatic..."

Javier Velasquez
(1/10) "Street trash..."

 
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@Daniel2stay Hello! Here's my review! There are some formatting issues I'd like you to fix if possible, such as extra spacing and deleting tutorial / filler sections in your app.

Basic Information
- No issues here.​
Skill Information
- No issues here.​
Visual Information
- No issues here.​
Personality
- No issues here.​
Life Story
- No major issues here at all!​

Overall the app is decently written. I don't think the formatting issues and grammar quirks in the life story are enough for me to hold you back, so, approved!
 
Thanks for your review, Lizmun! Any form of criticism is always appreciated, and I made an effort to delete any spaces that I thought were unnecessary. I'm aware you're an awfully busy individual, but if you happen to see this, I would greatly appreciate any more advice you may have for me in the foreseeable future regarding any roleplay related topic. Take care!
~Daniel2stay
 
@Lizmun
I'm done updating my application for the new proficiency update. My only issue may come from the body shape category, but other than that, I think this is good! Hope you think the same, Lizmun.
 
@Daniel2stay
I have a few things for you:
- To make reading your proficiency section easier, please add the total number of points (investments + any boosts) before the name of the proficiency
- Please include any racial abilities your character may have under the skill sections in the application
- You need to have at least 10 points invested into a proficiency to get the racial boost (only 5 if it's a talent prof boost)
- This is just a nitpick, but, Anglians speak Anglisch, not Axelland. Axelland is just a sub dialect of the language, comparable to an accent.
 
@Lizmun Everything should be fixed. I found a few errors too, so it will appear slightly different from how you saw it from last time.
 
Hello for the Pathfinding I should inform you that you now need 10 points invested in order for racial boost to kick in, not 5
 
Hello for the Pathfinding I should inform you that you now need 10 points invested in order for racial boost to kick in, not 5
Whoops, maybe I made that confusing. Just to clarify, 10 points are invested. I'm just acknowledging that there is a +5 racial boost because of it. Hopefully it's showing my updates, I don't know why it wouldn't be.
 
Whoops, maybe I made that confusing. Just to clarify, 10 points are invested. I'm just acknowledging that there is a +5 racial boost because of it. Hopefully it's showing my updates, I don't know why it wouldn't be.
Oh! This is what confused me, okay, please list your total as 15 for pathfinding, and note in its source that you invested 10, and got 5 from the racial boost. After that, you'll have no further issues
 
@Lizmun Then I believe I am done, and ready to be approved. I truly did not know that came off as confusing, but I'll keep that in mind for character apps in the future!
 
Hey potential reviewer,

I made all my changes in blue, and I feel like every change brings me one step closer to how I originally wanted to play the character. If we can't change the entire backstory, let me know if there's any compromise that can be made.
 
Alrighty, there's just a few discrepancies that need to be addressed before I can give this the greenlight.
  • Your phs stat is calculated incorrectly. Each proficiency that is halved always round up. The calculation should go like this: 12(Swords) + 5(1/2 Theatre) + 4(Shield) + 8(1/2 Pathfinding) + 3(1/2 Hunting) = 30 (Cap). Please include all stats when you show your physical stat calculations.
A: Aldane holds his father in high regard and believes he can do no wrong.
  • If Aldane holds his father in such high regard, why does he seek to rebel against him and get out of his shadow? This seems to conflict with his backstory.
  • You have misspelled Silvershale as Shivershale. Please correct this, as it makes it difficult to reference to the wiki.
  • Additionally, the Silvershale in the backstory behaves erratically. Silvershales are known to not be aggressive unless provoked, so why did it kill the Regalian Spriggan? Was it hunting, was it somebody's pet, or did it perceive Aldane as a threat? Please clarify this or swap the animal out to better fit the wanton violence.
Go ahead and tag me for re-review once you've made the necessary changes, thank you!
 
Hey @Yurs ,
Thank you for such a quick and thorough review. You made valid points regarding the backstory, so I changed it to be more clear to a general audience (yes, the Silvershale was hunting- it meant no harm to Aldane). All the edits remain in blue, tell me what you think!

Thanks.
 
Hey @Yurs

I edited my app to include that Aldane went to the Calemburg Ordner school, where he gained some command training along the way. Let me know if this edit works out, everything I changed is in blue.
 
Hey @Yurs,

I eventually got around to updating my app to the new format template, Ailor update, and progression update. Let me mention that hunting art doesn't appear to be under the affected proficiencies that determine the Physical statistic, so I think I'm fine not including it this time around. I'm sure you'll let me know if I missed something important, and I look forward to hearing back from ya.
 
Hey @Yurs

I went ahead and increased my combat proficiency points due to path-finding being scrapped. As always, changes are made in blue. Let me know if this looks alright, thanks boss.
 
@ezalB Whoops, didn't catch the extra stuff on the mount page. Thanks for catching it for me. I'm just going to go with the regular racial mount for two points, and it's been adjusted accordingly on the sheet.
 
@ezalB Whoops, didn't catch the extra stuff on the mount page. Thanks for catching it for me. I'm just going to go with the regular racial mount for two points, and it's been adjusted accordingly on the sheet.
I'm not sure your edit saved! It currently still says the same thing as before. Also, you have 11 Points invested right now, though it says you have invested 10 at the top. I'd also just fix that quickly.
 
We sure do love XenForo. I would just delete the +2 to avoid it being mistaken as extra Charisma. But it's fine for right now, thus:

Re-approved!!
 
@ezalB Hey, boss! I realized that "Light Shielding" tragically passed away in its sleep. Just wanted to get the okay to replace it with Block Pack. Also wanted to spend an extra point on Protectorate Pack. Changes are in blue. Thanks... btw HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
 
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@ezalB Hey, boss! I realized that "Light Shielding" tragically passed away in its sleep. Just wanted to get the okay to replace it with Block Pack. Also wanted to spend an extra point on Protectorate Pack. Changes are in blue. Thanks... btw HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
Damn I even get birthday wishes in app reviews now.... crazy.... but thank you!!

Looks all good to me bosmang. I might consider clarifying if you're using the Advanced Mount from Mount Husbandry or not, but I won't let that hold up an approved tag.
 
@ezalB Hey boss! Added a few more abilities to Aldane. A charisma revamp was done right after I posted this, so I included changes to that as well. Also wanted to see if I could reduce my Husbandry skill pack to racial instead of advanced. Agitator pack seems more fun to me. Highlights are in blue.
 
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Error on my part due to lack of familiarity with the state packs but this line exists;
State Point Buy Rule: Characters can only purchase up to two of these packs, under the justification that a character is "A Commander" "A General" "A saboteur" or "A clumsy little guy," and not all four at the same time.
@Daniel2stay
 
@Caelamus Rats! Looks like were on the same boat in that regard. Getting rid of agitator pack then. Want to reallocate that point in the Bastion Pack if that's A-Okay. Thanks.