Preserved Sheet Nathan Solidor

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I know several people who play teen characters, they just aren't master swordsmen....
 
You have actually made great progress. The only really major thing left now is that you only have 5 personality traits. Add one more personality trait. Make it something that could be perceived as a negative aspect of her personality, right now most of the personality traits are generally very positive about his personality.
 
TheOverseer__ said:
You have actually made great progress. The only really major thing left now is that you only have 5 personality traits. Add one more personality trait. Make it something that could be perceived as a negative aspect of her personality, right now most of the personality traits are generally very positive about his personality.
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"Her". HER.
m8. fite me. lore friendly snipars only
 
TheOverseer__ said:
You have actually made great progress. The only really major thing left now is that you only have 5 personality traits. Add one more personality trait. Make it something that could be perceived as a negative aspect of her personality, right now most of the personality traits are generally very positive about his personality.
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Rebel - If he doesn't find something to be justified, he will become angered. He will challenge the action. He will likely try to do something about it, either getting into a shouting match, calling the guards, or in extreme cases, drawing weapons. If he sees something as unjust he will almost always fight it instead of taking it sitting down.
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Hows this @TheOverseer__
 
@Lore
I'm still waiting for a review on this, it has now been almost a week since the original post.
 
Hey, came back from AFK, IG. And saw your OOC message that you have a new character now. Is this review still needed?
 
Alright, after talking with Jared, I will actually be following through with the full review. I've worked with you a bunch on it already, and need a bit of mental space to finish it off. Full review will take a couple days to come up with.
 
TheOverseer__ said:
Alright, after talking with Jared, I will actually be following through with the full review. I've worked with you a bunch on it already, and need a bit of mental space to finish it off. Full review will take a couple days to come up with.
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Okay...hope I get accepted...
 
Honestly, all that is left is some formatting concerns. As he is written right now, the application meets all minimum requirements and Nathan is no longer a snowflake, nor is he really unbalanced.

Likes, dislikes, relationships, and his theme songs are technically not required, so it is good etiquette to put them in spoiler boxes.

To do this just highlight the text you are trying to hide and click spiler. Give it a title and hit okay.

Spoilerception:
upload_2016-11-1_9-44-33.png
 
TheOverseer__ said:
Honestly, all that is left is some formatting concerns. As he is written right now, the application meets all minimum requirements and Nathan is no longer a snowflake, nor is he really unbalanced.

Likes, dislikes, relationships, and his theme songs are technically not required, so it is good etiquette to put them in spoiler boxes.

To do this just highlight the text you are trying to hide and click spiler. Give it a title and hit okay.

Spoilerception:
View attachment 98830
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Yea...I give my characters Theme Songs a lot...that and the quotes are habits from an RP site that I will NEVER MENTION due to the severe issues I had with them.
@TheOverseer__ Done, am I allowed to leave the Vault now?
 
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Yeesh! Talk about a delay! Sorry about that. Got swamped in real life, as it always goes. Anyway, I'm going to dive right into the review so you don't have to wait any longer!
  • Ceardia's destruction occurred a little over 50 years ago in our lore. It's pretty much impossible for a 19 year old to be from there, much less to have survived it.
  • "Rebel" seems like a poor choice of word for Nathan. He seems extremely lawful and within his bounds. Maybe "Just" is a better word for this one?
  • While you do have six traits, I'm going to ask you to add one personality trait to Nathan that doesn't mention fighting.
  • Could you explain Nathan's combat experience a little better? I don't think one could become proficient with blades just by using a practice dagger presumably at home. Learning a martial art typically requires a mentor, scriptures, or battle experience. Ideally all three, all three of which can be tricky to obtain. Especially for a boy who grew up in a shop.
  • I'm going to say that Occasional Mental Issues are not a full weakness, and are an _occasional_ weakness. Add one more weakness of any sort.
  • I can't really review Nathan's life story as 50% of it is askew with the lore as it stands. You may have to rewrite it with the knowledge that Ceardia's fall was 50 years ago.
These are some hefty edits, but I'l leave this pending unless you want to start over, in which case, only ask. Tag me when you've made your edits or otherwise! Until then...

Pending.

@FlugalMC
 
Plecy said:
Yeesh! Talk about a delay! Sorry about that. Got swamped in real life, as it always goes. Anyway, I'm going to dive right into the review so you don't have to wait any longer!
  • Ceardia's destruction occurred a little over 50 years ago in our lore. It's pretty much impossible for a 19 year old to be from there, much less to have survived it.
  • "Rebel" seems like a poor choice of word for Nathan. He seems extremely lawful and within his bounds. Maybe "Just" is a better word for this one?
  • While you do have six traits, I'm going to ask you to add one personality trait to Nathan that doesn't mention fighting.
  • Could you explain Nathan's combat experience a little better? I don't think one could become proficient with blades just by using a practice dagger presumably at home. Learning a martial art typically requires a mentor, scriptures, or battle experience. Ideally all three, all three of which can be tricky to obtain. Especially for a boy who grew up in a shop.
  • I'm going to say that Occasional Mental Issues are not a full weakness, and are an _occasional_ weakness. Add one more weakness of any sort.
  • I can't really review Nathan's life story as 50% of it is askew with the lore as it stands. You may have to rewrite it with the knowledge that Ceardia's fall was 50 years ago.
These are some hefty edits, but I'l leave this pending unless you want to start over, in which case, only ask. Tag me when you've made your edits or otherwise! Until then...

Pending.

@FlugalMC
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Considering even TheOverseer__ didn't know about Ceardia happening over 50 years ago, where does it say this in the Lore?
THE EMPEROR DID SILVEREDGE
 
FlugalMC said:
Considering even TheOverseer__ didn't know about Ceardia happening over 50 years ago, where does it say this in the Lore?
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It's actually.. widely known around the RP community that it happened 50 years ago, it's on the wiki but I can't remember exactly where. But it did.
 
McLeafies said:
It's actually.. widely known around the RP community that it happened 50 years ago, it's on the wiki but I can't remember exactly where. But it did.
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WOW. So basically, everyone waited until it was far too late to tell me about this.
So. Here's the problem we have now. Nathan's backstory will literally need a complete rewrite, but I currently have no ideas.
Secondly, because of this, HOURS of RP will need to be Voided.
I am rather upset now that no one bothered to tell me this until now.
 
FlugalMC said:
WOW. So basically, everyone waited until it was far too late to tell me about this.
So. Here's the problem we have now. Nathan's backstory will literally need a complete rewrite, but I currently have no ideas.
Secondly, because of this, HOURS of RP will need to be Voided.
I am rather upset now that no one bothered to tell me this until now.
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Usually the "Ignore it for now, it don't really matter" thing kinda works. If you enjoy your RP with someone, then it would be pretty pointless to void the rp. This is all for fun, so if logic needs to be bent for the sake of happy Rp, then so be it.
 
And tbh, I don't have any ailor characters, I knew that ceardia had boofed. But I didn't know when.
 
It is a minor tweak to your backstory... Just change the place and assume in your interactions in the past you actually said X other place and/or had some variation of the same basic events. Two of my characters have had interactions with Nathan and I can't say that it appeared essential to the character.

When I initially wrote Valan I made a a big error on that I wrote him having Ice Magic when he couldn't really have it due to having Lyre Magic. Since had actually used Ice in battle once that took a little reworking, but the other player involved was legit having a short conversation with a consensus on alternate events that didn't really effect the end result....

Thanks for the thoughtful review @Plecy! I spent so long staring at this thing I'm not sure I'd have ever come up with more suggestions -.-
 
Plecy said:
Yeesh! Talk about a delay! Sorry about that. Got swamped in real life, as it always goes. Anyway, I'm going to dive right into the review so you don't have to wait any longer!
  • Ceardia's destruction occurred a little over 50 years ago in our lore. It's pretty much impossible for a 19 year old to be from there, much less to have survived it.
  • "Rebel" seems like a poor choice of word for Nathan. He seems extremely lawful and within his bounds. Maybe "Just" is a better word for this one?
  • While you do have six traits, I'm going to ask you to add one personality trait to Nathan that doesn't mention fighting.
  • Could you explain Nathan's combat experience a little better? I don't think one could become proficient with blades just by using a practice dagger presumably at home. Learning a martial art typically requires a mentor, scriptures, or battle experience. Ideally all three, all three of which can be tricky to obtain. Especially for a boy who grew up in a shop.
  • I'm going to say that Occasional Mental Issues are not a full weakness, and are an _occasional_ weakness. Add one more weakness of any sort.
  • I can't really review Nathan's life story as 50% of it is askew with the lore as it stands. You may have to rewrite it with the knowledge that Ceardia's fall was 50 years ago.
These are some hefty edits, but I'l leave this pending unless you want to start over, in which case, only ask. Tag me when you've made your edits or otherwise! Until then...

Pending.

@FlugalMC
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TheOverseer__ said:
It is a minor tweak to your backstory... Just change the place and assume in your interactions in the past you actually said X other place and/or had some variation of the same basic events. Two of my characters have had interactions with Nathan and I can't say that it appeared essential to the character.

When I initially wrote Valan I made a a big error on that I wrote him having Ice Magic when he couldn't really have it due to having Lyre Magic. Since had actually used Ice in battle once that took a little reworking, but the other player involved was legit having a short conversation with a consensus on alternate events that didn't really effect the end result....

Thanks for the thoughtful review @Plecy! I spent so long staring at this thing I'm not sure I'd have ever come up with more suggestions -.-
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Changed to a generic kingdom with a generic enemy.
Added Generally Friendly to personality traits
Added Arrogant to weaknesses(Let's hope that brings up some laughs)
 
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FlugalMC said:
Added Generally Friendly to personality traits
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I think this trait is too identical to "Kind." Think on it a little longer, try to come up with something that isn't touched upon.

Plecy said:
Could you explain Nathan's combat experience a little better? I don't think one could become proficient with blades just by using a practice dagger presumably at home. Learning a martial art typically requires a mentor, scriptures, or battle experience. Ideally all three, all three of which can be tricky to obtain. Especially for a boy who grew up in a shop.
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Additionally, I notice this point was never addressed. I find it hard to approve a character who is so young, and with no formal training, as a "Very good" swordsman. Try to expand on his skill.

@FlugalMC
 
Plecy said:
I think this trait is too identical to "Kind." Think on it a little longer, try to come up with something that isn't touched upon.


Additionally, I notice this point was never addressed. I find it hard to approve a character who is so young, and with no formal training, as a "Very good" swordsman. Try to expand on his skill.

@FlugalMC
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Making characters on Massive is hard ;-; I'll get to this tomorrow before Game 7, because it looks like the fucking Indians just threw the game.
 
Plecy said:
Ceardia's destruction occurred a little over 50 years ago in our lore.
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Wait, since when has that been the case. There are so many characters around who've been in the rotation since before Ceardia was decommissioned. With all that's happened since I would have figured it was pushed back into maybe the 280s but throwing events that actual, played characters will have experienced all the way out of living memory (effectively) seems a bit overboard.
I'm not just angry because I'm trying to write biographical journal for a recently deceased character or anything.
 
Krolose said:
Wait, since when has that been the case. There are so many characters around who've been in the rotation since before Ceardia was decommissioned. With all that's happened since I would have figured it was pushed back into maybe the 280s but throwing events that actual, played characters will have experienced all the way out of living memory (effectively) seems a bit overboard.
I'm not just angry because I'm trying to write biographical journal for a recently deceased character or anything.
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This needs to be cleared up before I can continue edits to this thread.
We will likely need the @Direction team or @LumosJared to come out and clear up this issue.
 
Just a quick question. What is the problem again? I'm having one of those moments where nothing makes sense.
 
I'd ask you remove the "He is very good with small blades." line because it's redundant now that you've made your edit, and it slightly contradicts what you say above. Otherwise, though, you've addressed every point I've given you well enough.

Approved.

@FlugalMC
 
While Nathan needs a few little updates, I'm too stressed right now to rewrite on account of an Impersonation incident that has nearly destroyed my reputation and relationships with all of my friends.
Not only that but I'm being heavily accused of harassment as a result
 
FlugalMC said:
"accused"
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doctor-evil-quote.jpg
 
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