Preserved Sheet Nathan Solidor

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Mekking1

Mekking1

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Joined
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Messages
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Age
27
Location
Somewhere outside time.
Faction
Wilderness
The Survivor

Basic Information
"I'm tired of Running...I don't want to run away anymore!"
A Survivor of a now-destroyed land, he oftentimes hangs out in the Golden Willow Tavern. He originally hoped just to keep surviving, until he reached the Empire...

Race
Ailor, Ceardian
Age
20
Combat Style
Uses a Short Sword with a Shield, uses his sword for quick, precise attacks.
Battle Stance
Shield held forward, sword behind him.
Main Ambition
To uphold the law.


Visual Information
  • Eye Color: One Blue, One Green
  • Hair Color: Brown
  • Hair Style: Moderately Short
  • Skin Color: Fair-Skinned
  • Clothing: Blue fancy clothing, or his blue and black Schutzkraft Armor.
  • Height: 5' 10
  • Weight: 150ib
  • Body Build: Somewhat thin, not particularly strong.
  • Weapon of Choice: Daggers, Small Swords, and other light weaponry.
  • Voice: Not particularly deep, He's oftentimes mistaken for being a few years younger than he is because of his voice.

Personality and Abilities
"Back off, if you harm my friends, I'll be coming for you."

Personality Traits
  • Persistent - Its hard to make him back down once he has a goal or target. If someone threatens him, he stands his guard. If someone starts a fight, He won't back down until he's dead, or at least nearly so. He especially won't back down if defending his friends, or the Empire.
  • Loyal - His loyalties primarily lie with the Empire. His belief is that all of Aloria belongs to Regalia, and no one else. He is loyal to Regalia and his emperor. His Loyalty to his friends is second. He will stand by them, unless they betray his country.
  • Lawfully Good - He has respect for the law, the Violet Order, and the Emperor. If he sees Vampires, he will tell them to go to Greygate for the cure or he's calling the Guards. As for Possessed, He will usually call the guards instantly, or, as a last resort, will fight it himself. If he sees someone being attacked or otherwise threatened, he will interfere.
  • Kind - He is a kind and loving person. If someone needs help, he will offer it without question. He believes that it is the duty of the people to help one another. If someone is being attacked, he will try to get a guard. If someone is sad, he might buy them a drink or bring them flowers. He even took in a homeless girl and let her stay with him, the very girl he started falling in love with.
  • Occasionally Aggressive - He can be rather aggressive at times, mostly when confronted with people who pick fights with him, or with Vampires, or any being related to the destruction of his home. He tries to avoid attacking, however, unless his opponent attacks first, that way he can fight back while complying with Regalia law, as long as he doesn't kill or Maim his opponent.
  • Just - If he doesn't find something to be justified, he will become angered. He will challenge the action. He will likely try to do something about it, either getting into a shouting match, calling the guards, or in extreme cases, drawing weapons. If he sees something as unjust he will almost always fight it instead of taking it sitting down.
  • Thick-headed - There are A LOT of cases, particularly involving Vampires, where you just can't get something through his thick skull. People, for example, tell him, one of these days he's going to kick something bigger than him, and get himself crushed. He has a tendency not to listen in these cases.
Strengths
  • Small Arms Skill - He has skill for his age with small swords and Daggers. He used to train constantly with a practice dagger. He is very good with small blades. He will use his weapons to perform a serious of quick yet light attacks, slowly wearing his opponent down. His strikes don't have much of a blow to them, mostly due to his young age, but he can accurately and quickly place his blade in the right spots to do some damage.
  • Agility - He is very agile. Part of it comes from his lack of muscle. It also has to do with the size of his weapons. He uses this to his advantage in trying to find openings to attack his targets quickly, as well as dodge enemy attacks.
  • Intelligence - He is intelligent. Intelligence runs in his family. He knows basic math, he knows how to read, and he can think for himself.
Weaknesses
  • Goes down easily - If someone does manage to hit him, even just a light attack, it can quickly drop him. If he's hit with a single slash, he'll likely be open to further attack for a moment. If he is hit more than thrice with even glancing blows, he will likely go down.
  • Weak - He can't lift anything heavy. He also can't effectively wield larger weapons. His weakness also makes effective blocking difficult for him.
  • Occasional Mental Issues - His mental state is questionable at times, and if things go awry for him mentally, it can take a lot for him to get calm again. Usually this only happens when his friends have nearly died, have died, or when things from his past come back to him. He'll likely fall into depression for a time from this.
  • Arrogant - He can be very overconfident in himself. And he can underestimate someone many a time. This is not just in combat, but even in standard day to day life. Sometimes he thinks he can do something that someone is doing better, only to make an idiot of himself a few moments later.

- He likes working on his house, he tends to enjoy getting new furniture for it.
- He likes training with his small swords and daggers.
- He likes talking to the few people he knows, and hopes one day he can have more than a friend.
- He doesn't like to talk about his original home and family very much, mostly because of what happened to them.
- He has a hatred for Vampires, and often tries to force them to go to Greygate to get cured.
- He hates Mining, and gathering. He finds it immensely boring, as well as difficult due to his lack of strength.
- He will usually report ANYONE who he hears speak out against the Empire. He firmly believes that "Aloria belongs to Regalia!" And dislikes or outright detests those who stand against them.

Relationships (Optional)
  • Jared Kade - Acquaintance
  • Ra'Eemily Saphire - Friend

Life Story (Required)
"I actually owe a lot to the empire...they are the only reason I am still alive."

Early Life
Life in his original home for him was rather average. He was born to a middle class family who owned a shop in the capital city. He helped his parents around the shop, or played with his younger brother. He was a happy child with a good family and a good life.
When he was 12, he was given a wooden Dagger for his birthday, and would practice with it every day, getting fairly good for his age.
Until the enemy army hit. It came when he was 14. Him and his brother were playing out in front of the house, when suddenly, an explosive mortar shell slammed into their house.
He then started to run away along with his brother, not realizing his parents might be dead until later. He later watched helpless as, almost to the docks, his brother was attacked and ripped apart by a group of Vampires.
He managed to get to the last Regalian ship out of Ceardia, spending most of the voyage silently in his quarters. He later jumped ship when the ship stopped in Daedenroc and started wandering. To this day, he harbors sadness and guilt for the deaths of his family, sometimes wondering why they're dead, and he isn't.

Welcome to the Empire!
He ended up wandering for a few years, not really having any direction, just surviving.
Very recently, he first came to Regalia. He can often be found hanging around the Golden Willow Tavern, the Park, or in front of Greygate, where he lives.
He also met a girl named Ra'Eemily in the Tavern one day, whom he became friends with. It was her that started trying to get him to join the Violet Order, and this eventually became his new goal.
He can be found training his speed and skill every day, as well as doing Physical Training in hopes of making himself fit to server the Empire.
Later on, he met a group of people who had found the secret room in the tavern he used as a training room, and become friends with them. One of these people was Mae Summers, a homeless girl who he would later fall in love with.

The Lo Takeover(In Progress)
When Freya Lo took over, he was but days away from becoming a Violet. He briefly fell into depression with the second loss of his home, until he was recruited into the Violet Resistance, making him feel as if he was a Violet at last. He headed to Fort Kronau to join the attack on the city, but unfortunately, Freya came to Siege the fort.
While Morale fell, Nathan didn't lose hope, believing the Imperial Spirit willed him, and them, to drive back the Dark Queen.
A few days after the siege began, he made his way up to a Window, bow in hand, with intent to put an Arrow through Freya Lo's neck. Unfortunately, he was spotted, and shot by an Archer. Then a Mortar struck, wounding him further, and nearly killing him. Thankfully, the Violet Resistance showed up in hopes of relieving the fort, which failed, although they managed to rescue Nathan.
STORY IS ALWAYS STILL IN PROGRESS! If your interested in Nathan's Story, check back every week or so!


EDIT: Hopefully, HOPEFULLY, I got it right this time. Just suggest whatever edits need done if any do.
Also note Nathan is a young man, and may change as he grows. I'll be updating this sheet to document these changes.
@Aespair
 
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FlugalMC said:
Race
Alior
Age
16
Combat Style
Uses dual-swords, relies on speed to dodge enemy attacks.
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Just gonna say a few things, first why don't you add what type of Ailor? Adds more detail and can better help others what he looks like.

Second do you mean being able to use two daggers or broadswords because there is a major difference and it's important to know because a 16 year old would probably not be able to use two broadswords at once, or anyone really.

Also I would try adding bolded names to your traits/strengths/weaknesses/likes/dislikes so they are easy to find.
Ex:
Depressed- He is depressed, due to the loss of his home and his family. Hesometimes boarders on suicidal, but is usually above this. He feelslonely to no extent because he has no family or friends, this is especially true when he seesanother happy family. He feelsenvy for those with happy families, those who have found love, and those who live happily with their significan

A good thing is I really like the use of quotes from, I'm assuming, Nathan. Good work! :D
 
FallenKitty2 said:
Just gonna say a few things, first why don't you add what type of Ailor? Adds more detail and can better help others what he looks like.

Second do you mean being able to use two daggers or broadswords because there is a major difference and it's important to know because a 16 year old would probably not be able to use two broadswords at once, or anyone really.

Also I would try adding bolded names to your traits/strengths/weaknesses/likes/dislikes so they are easy to find.
Ex:
Depressed- He is depressed, due to the loss of his home and his family. Hesometimes boarders on suicidal, but is usually above this. He feelslonely to no extent because he has no family or friends, this is especially true when he seesanother happy family. He feelsenvy for those with happy families, those who have found love, and those who live happily with their significan

A good thing is I really like the use of quotes from, I'm assuming, Nathan. Good work! :D
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I will make the edits when I get onto my computer.
 
@FlugalMC First and Foremost, I'd like to just recognize that I really appreciate how enthusiastic you are and assert that if you enjoy Roleplay then Massivecraft is the server for you to play on. There is absolutely no other server that will parallel Massivecraft in terms of player support and inclusivity.

There is a lot of work that needs to be done on this character prior to even being near approval, but it is not an insurmountable challenge either. I honestly feel that you have it in you produce a great character and engage in entertaining Roleplay.

That being said, the design of this character in its essence violates a core principal of acceptable characters in the Alorian universe. To wrap it up in a single sentence- Nathan is a snowflake. This is not a good thing in the way that people use this in real life to tell you that you are unique.

There are several different kinds of story telling that a character can be a part of. The kind of character that Nathan is belongs in a story that is a Protagonist vs. Antagonist narrative. In this type of story telling there is a clear main character or characters known as the Protagonist who has a finite goal and then some type of other Character or force known at the Antagonist that serves to try to impede the Protagonist from reaching their goal.

To put it simply, Nathan is a Protagonist in a Protagonist vs. Antagonist story. Every Anime ever as this type of story telling. Especially in Anime, the intrinsic strengths and weaknesses of the character are extremely superficial. Honestly, it doesn't really matter what the weakness or strength of an Anime character is because the antagonist is created with the purpose of losing to the Protagonist. These kinds of stories are very simple and in terms of rich and ongoing roleplay in the context that Massivecraft tried to offer, it is honestly not entertaining for anybody except the protagonist. That is why massivecraft uses a different type of storytelling in its quest to bring roleplay entertainment to players.

The Alorian universe is populated as many Equal Protagonists as there are players who participate in Roleplay. With Equal Protagonists, you have numerous Protagonists that all have different goals and there is no specific bond between their Aspirations nor is there a specific thing that holds any of them back from their aspirations aside from their own ability to achieve the goal. This is the kind of story telling you will find in shows like Game of Thrones. Many of the various Protagonists have a general ambition for power, some are out for revenge and still others simply want to survive or protect their own. While all of the characters have different abilities, they all have basically similar skill levels. There is no single character that could beat up all the other characters.

The first step in getting the character approved is basically to rewrite it so that they are not a character designed to fight an Antagonist, rather struggle cooperatively along with other Equal Protagonists.

I am not saying to not be creative and to not having a unique character, but rather I am just asking you to re-work him into a character that is unique like everybody else. Being less unique in creative way is best for Character creation.

I honestly believe you have what it takes to make a great character and I will happily takes baby steps with you all the way there.

Review:
  • Start by choosing a general main ambition for your character that is a more generalized aspiration like, Knowledge, some type of power, politics, etc, because this will set a starting point for everything else. Your main ambition will effectively select a starting point for character and set the stage for literally everything else. "To find his purpose" is an edgey Anime Character Ambition, and needs to be something that you could also believe that an every day person like you and me would have.
Tag me once you've made this edit.
 
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TheOverseer__ said:
@FlugalMC First and Foremost, I'd like to just recognize that I really appreciate how enthusiastic you are and assert that if you enjoy Roleplay then Massivecraft is the server for you to play on. There is absolutely no other server that will parallel Massivecraft in terms of player support and inclusivity.

There is a lot of work that needs to be done on this character prior to even being near approval, but it is not an insurmountable challenge either. I honestly feel that you have it in you produce a great character and engage in entertaining Roleplay.

That being said, the design of this character in its essence violates a core principal of acceptable characters in the Alorian universe. To wrap it up in a single sentence- Nathan is a snowflake. This is not a good thing in the way that people use this in real life to tell you that you are unique.

There are several different kinds of story telling that a character can be a part of. The kind of character that Nathan is belongs in a story that is a Protagonist vs. Antagonist narrative. In this type of story telling there is a clear main character or characters known as the Protagonist who has a finite goal and then some type of other Character or force known at the Antagonist that serves to try to impede the Protagonist from reaching their goal.

To put it simply, Nathan is a Protagonist in a Protagonist vs. Antagonist story. Every Anime ever as this type of story telling. Especially in Anime, the intrinsic strengths and weaknesses of the character are extremely superficial. Honestly, it doesn't really matter what the weakness or strength of an Anime character is because the antagonist is created with the purpose of losing to the Protagonist. These kinds of stories are very simple and in terms of rich and ongoing roleplay in the context that Massivecraft tried to offer, it is honestly not entertaining for anybody except the protagonist. That is why massivecraft uses a different type of storytelling in its quest to bring roleplay entertainment to players.

The Alorian universe is populated as many Equal Protagonists as there are players who participate in Roleplay. With Equal Protagonists, you have numerous Protagonists that all have different goals and there is no specific bond between their Aspirations nor is there a specific thing that holds any of them back from their aspirations aside from their own ability to achieve the goal. This is the kind of story telling you will find in shows like Game of Thrones. Many of the various Protagonists have a general ambition for power, some are out for revenge and still others simply want to survive or protect their own. While all of the characters have different abilities, they all have basically similar skill levels. There is no single character that could beat up all the other characters.

The first step in getting the character approved is basically to rewrite it so that they are not a character designed to fight an Antagonist, rather struggle cooperatively along with other Equal Protagonists.

I am not saying to not be creative and to not having a unique character, but rather I am just asking you to re-work him into a character that is unique like everybody else. Being less unique in creative way is best for Character creation.

I honestly believe you have what it takes to make a great character and I will happily takes baby steps with you all the way there.

Review:
  • Start by choosing a general main ambition for your character that is a more generalized aspiration like, Knowledge, some type of power, politics, etc, because this will set a starting point for everything else. Your main ambition will effectively select a starting point for character and set the stage for literally everything else. "To find his purpose" is an edgey Anime Character Ambition, and needs to be something that you could also believe that an every day person like you and me would have.
Tag me once you've made this edit.
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That moment when you have been watching way too much Anime as of late and you go to make a character.
@TheOverseer__
 
Nice! I totally get it. I have been on an Anime binge before and all of the sudden.... everything was.... you get it it.

I already see Nathan wants to be a Regalian guard! That's great! It is an honorable position. I would still urge you to generalize this as something like "Uphold the law" so that if he gets accepted as a Regalian guard, he isn't effectively done. The big problem now is his age. It is fine for you to be skilled with a blade or even dual wielding blades, but it is not feasible he could do this by age 16. Most people who are considered expert swordsmen have been practicing for around 10-15 years. If Nathan started around 16 he could be an expert sword fight at around 25-30 years old.

If you want him to go this route, go ahead and start at the beginning of his life story. Answering fundamentals.

Review:
  • Start at the beginning of his life story.
    • Explain what kind of family he was born into.
    • How did he get into swords? Did he have any proper schooling on it? Bear in mind that you are much more likely to be an expert swordsman at the minimum age if you grew up in a stable home and had proper training in it. There is not really a sword expert who just by their gut instinct happens to be an OP swordsman.
    • How long has he been practicing? Does he have any real world experience? Fighting with bandits?
  • Create a corresponding Strength to go with it:
    • The minimum level of expansion for a strength is 3-4 sentences. Describe a bit about his skill and how it sets him apart from average people. Be careful though not to go so far that he becomes a snowflake again.
  • Brainstorm on the likely temperament of a guard:
    • If he is depressed and lacking in confidence it would be difficult for him to put himself on the line to uphold the law. Survivor's guilt is really the same as all of this.
    • Strike out all three of these and come up with more ideas for things that people like cops and military sorts have in their personality. Chances are if his one goal in life is the Uphold the law, he will act like a law abiding, morally guided, cop.
Tag me once you've got this much and we can keep working together!
​
 
TheOverseer__ said:
Nice! I totally get it. I have been on an Anime binge before and all of the sudden.... everything was.... you get it it.

I already see Nathan wants to be a Regalian guard! That's great! It is an honorable position. I would still urge you to generalize this as something like "Uphold the law" so that if he gets accepted as a Regalian guard, he isn't effectively done. The big problem now is his age. It is fine for you to be skilled with a blade or even dual wielding blades, but it is not feasible he could do this by age 16. Most people who are considered expert swordsmen have been practicing for around 10-15 years. If Nathan started around 16 he could be an expert sword fight at around 25-30 years old.

If you want him to go this route, go ahead and start at the beginning of his life story. Answering fundamentals.

Review:
  • Start at the beginning of his life story.
    • Explain what kind of family he was born into.
    • How did he get into swords? Did he have any proper schooling on it? Bear in mind that you are much more likely to be an expert swordsman at the minimum age if you grew up in a stable home and had proper training in it. There is not really a sword expert who just by their gut instinct happens to be an OP swordsman.
    • How long has he been practicing? Does he have any real world experience? Fighting with bandits?
  • Create a corresponding Strength to go with it:
    • The minimum level of expansion for a strength is 3-4 sentences. Describe a bit about his skill and how it sets him apart from average people. Be careful though not to go so far that he becomes a snowflake again.
  • Brainstorm on the likely temperament of a guard:
    • If he is depressed and lacking in confidence it would be difficult for him to put himself on the line to uphold the law. Survivor's guilt is really the same as all of this.
    • Strike out all three of these and come up with more ideas for things that people like cops and military sorts have in their personality. Chances are if his one goal in life is the Uphold the law, he will act like a law abiding, morally guided, cop.
Tag me once you've got this much and we can keep working together!
​
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You're so good at reviewing, damn bro
 
TheOverseer__ said:
Nice! I totally get it. I have been on an Anime binge before and all of the sudden.... everything was.... you get it it.

I already see Nathan wants to be a Regalian guard! That's great! It is an honorable position. I would still urge you to generalize this as something like "Uphold the law" so that if he gets accepted as a Regalian guard, he isn't effectively done. The big problem now is his age. It is fine for you to be skilled with a blade or even dual wielding blades, but it is not feasible he could do this by age 16. Most people who are considered expert swordsmen have been practicing for around 10-15 years. If Nathan started around 16 he could be an expert sword fight at around 25-30 years old.

If you want him to go this route, go ahead and start at the beginning of his life story. Answering fundamentals.

Review:
  • Start at the beginning of his life story.
    • Explain what kind of family he was born into.
    • How did he get into swords? Did he have any proper schooling on it? Bear in mind that you are much more likely to be an expert swordsman at the minimum age if you grew up in a stable home and had proper training in it. There is not really a sword expert who just by their gut instinct happens to be an OP swordsman.
    • How long has he been practicing? Does he have any real world experience? Fighting with bandits?
  • Create a corresponding Strength to go with it:
    • The minimum level of expansion for a strength is 3-4 sentences. Describe a bit about his skill and how it sets him apart from average people. Be careful though not to go so far that he becomes a snowflake again.
  • Brainstorm on the likely temperament of a guard:
    • If he is depressed and lacking in confidence it would be difficult for him to put himself on the line to uphold the law. Survivor's guilt is really the same as all of this.
    • Strike out all three of these and come up with more ideas for things that people like cops and military sorts have in their personality. Chances are if his one goal in life is the Uphold the law, he will act like a law abiding, morally guided, cop.
Tag me once you've got this much and we can keep working together!
​
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I'm just thinking of the Judges of the Archadian Empire from Final Fantasy XII when I'm making this, and how a lot of them seem to be diehard loyalists to the Empire. For some reason, Regalia reminds me of Archadia.
@TheOverseer__
 
The strength about swords still needs more meat. Here are a couple example approved sheets that have Swords as a strength:

https://forums.massivecraft.com/threads/roland-blakely.46934/
https://forums.massivecraft.com/threads/alvaro-de-santigo.46682/

Be a lot more descriptive in this area: how he uses his swords and tie it to instance where he may have upheld the law. As you build the character, you will feel back and forth from the Main Ambitions to the strengths and weaknesses to provide a balance where the center-point of the development. As you flesh out these strengths and weaknesses you can dump anecdotes about how he got this way in the life story area.

Agility is also seemingly very important. Try to flesh those out a bit as well with at least 3 solid sentences that describe the ins and outs of the ability. Right now one sentence on each just states the strength itself, so that doesn't count.

Also bear in mind that being a 16 year old master swordsman is still not feasible. Tame his ability with swords a bit or make him older.
 
TheOverseer__ said:
The strength about swords still needs more meat. Here are a couple example approved sheets that have Swords as a strength:

https://forums.massivecraft.com/threads/roland-blakely.46934/
https://forums.massivecraft.com/threads/alvaro-de-santigo.46682/

Be a lot more descriptive in this area: how he uses his swords and tie it to instance where he may have upheld the law. As you build the character, you will feel back and forth from the Main Ambitions to the strengths and weaknesses to provide a balance where the center-point of the development. As you flesh out these strengths and weaknesses you can dump anecdotes about how he got this way in the life story area.

Agility is also seemingly very important. Try to flesh those out a bit as well with at least 3 solid sentences that describe the ins and outs of the ability. Right now one sentence on each just states the strength itself, so that doesn't count.

Also bear in mind that being a 16 year old master swordsman is still not feasible. Tame his ability with swords a bit or make him older.
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@TheOverseer__ Done. I believe.
 
The blades are still light. First sentence just says he has the skill. To make it easier to read, may format a bit like this:

Agile: Part of it comes from being not-so-strong. It also has to do with the size of his weapons. He uses this to his advantage in trying to find openings to attack his targets quickly, as well as dodge enemy attacks.

This way anybody can come on and get a high level overview of the basic nature of your character.
 
TheOverseer__ said:
The blades are still light. First sentence just says he has the skill. To make it easier to read, may format a bit like this:

Agile: Part of it comes from being not-so-strong. It also has to do with the size of his weapons. He uses this to his advantage in trying to find openings to attack his targets quickly, as well as dodge enemy attacks.

This way anybody can come on and get a high level overview of the basic nature of your character.
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@TheOverseer__ Hope I did it right.
 
Update: Eye Color being changed more than likely, because people literally hate me for it apparently.
 
It is starting to take shape. Really, this is a ton of progress from where you started! Don't get discouraged! Right now, all three of Nathan's strengths are combat oriented. In a real-world scenario, people need a lot more than combat skills to succeed.

Fast and Agile are almost the same thing, so I would say to just move all of the description you have for fast onto agile and replace fast with some sort of trait that is mental/emotional driven.

What sorts of mental/emotional abilities could help somebody uphold the law that you would like Nathan to be particularly talented at?

My character, Grom Facecrusher is probably a good example of a very combat based character, since he was invented to fight in the war. If you want more examples on fully fleshed out combat based characters, you could also check him out: Grom Facecrusher
 
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TheOverseer__ said:
It is starting to take shape. Really, this is a ton of progress from where you started! Don't get discouraged! Right now, all three of Nathan's strengths are combat oriented. In a real-world scenario, people need a lot more than combat skills to succeed.

Fast and Agile are almost the same thing, so I would say to just move all of the description you have for fast onto agile and replace fast with some sort of trait that is mental/emotional driven.

What sorts of mental/emotional abilities could help somebody uphold the law that you would like Nathan to be particularly talented at?

My character, Grom Facecrusher is probably a good example of a very combat based character, since he was invented to fight in the war. If you want more examples on fully fleshed out combat based characters, you could also check him out: Grom Facecrusher
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Facecrusher? That last name tho lol
Done @TheOverseer__
 
You still have to decide if you are going to up his age or drastically reduce his sword skills. If you want him to be a 16 year old survivor of an attack who then wanders the wilderness and eventually comes to Regalia as a Refugee, there is literally a 0% chance that he has more than average skill at swords.

You've got to either replace the swords strength with something else or make him at least about 25 years old.
 
TheOverseer__ said:
You still have to decide if you are going to up his age or drastically reduce his sword skills. If you want him to be a 16 year old survivor of an attack who then wanders the wilderness and eventually comes to Regalia as a Refugee, there is literally a 0% chance that he has more than average skill at swords.

You've got to either replace the swords strength with something else or make him at least about 25 years old.
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Then I guess higher skill for his age? I re-worded it @TheOverseer__
 
Okay I can concede on that. He could theoretically be better than the average 16 year old swordsman. Just understand that even as an Exceptional 16 year old, even a slightly above average 20-25 year old would probably easily best him. Certainly folks like Javier and Roland linked in the above applications would best him in 10 out of 10 duels

Give each of your strengths a name preceding the description. Your strengths will have the exact same format as your personality traits

Name of trait: Description of trait. Use at least three sentences. Don't just restate the treat.

Two of the sentences in your sword strength just restate that he has strength. Use the description to describe his sword style and exactly what his skill level is. Within your sword strength you will want to be specific that the strength is specifically that he is much better at swords than other people his age but that he still has a lot of learning to do to become a master swordsman but that he practices daily.

I encourage you to review the linked applications for examples because you will notice how brief yours is, but how descriptive theirs is. Expand, really paint the picture of the skill for us.
 
TheOverseer__ said:
Okay I can concede on that. He could theoretically be better than the average 16 year old swordsman. Just understand that even as an Exceptional 16 year old, even a slightly above average 20-25 year old would probably easily best him. Certainly folks like Javier and Roland linked in the above applications would best him in 10 out of 10 duels

Give each of your strengths a name preceding the description. Your strengths will have the exact same format as your personality traits

Name of trait: Description of trait. Use at least three sentences. Don't just restate the treat.

Two of the sentences in your sword strength just restate that he has strength. Use the description to describe his sword style and exactly what his skill level is. Within your sword strength you will want to be specific that the strength is specifically that he is much better at swords than other people his age but that he still has a lot of learning to do to become a master swordsman but that he practices daily.

I encourage you to review the linked applications for examples because you will notice how brief yours is, but how descriptive theirs is. Expand, really paint the picture of the skill for us.
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@TheOverseer__ Done.
 
You will still probably have to revisit the strengths and describe them better. They still have the same descriptions that don't really describe it so much as just say what it is. The basic concept is there though, so let's think about weaknesses. Weaknesses are probably one of the hardest parts of character creation.

A weakness is something that will set the character apart from the average of whatever he is. In his case, he is a 16 year old refugee. Any weakness will have to be something to sets him apart as weaker in that area than the average 16 year old refugee. Any weakness he has must make it more difficult for him to achieve his main ambition.

To put this simply, right now- All your weakness are junk and need to be completely re-worked.
  • Getting hurt when he doesn't dodge isn't a weakness because any average person will get hurt if they are hit by something. This could be turned into a real weakness such as Low Pain Tolerance if you would like to make it so that any sort pain he is in is much more likely to completely stop his ability to continue to work.
  • Not strong is not valid because as it is described, he is not set apart as weaker than the average 16 year old Refugee. This could be a weakness if you set him apart as so weak that he cannot really lift heavy things nor can he overpower an average 16 year old refugee.
  • Questionable mental state is not valid simply because it is not specific enough. If you want this to be a valid weakness define exactly what the disorder is, how it effects him, and how it is triggered
Try to flesh out some good weaknesses with these things in mind.
 
TheOverseer__ said:
You will still probably have to revisit the strengths and describe them better. They still have the same descriptions that don't really describe it so much as just say what it is. The basic concept is there though, so let's think about weaknesses. Weaknesses are probably one of the hardest parts of character creation.

A weakness is something that will set the character apart from the average of whatever he is. In his case, he is a 16 year old refugee. Any weakness will have to be something to sets him apart as weaker in that area than the average 16 year old refugee. Any weakness he has must make it more difficult for him to achieve his main ambition.

To put this simply, right now- All your weakness are junk and need to be completely re-worked.
  • Getting hurt when he doesn't dodge isn't a weakness because any average person will get hurt if they are hit by something. This could be turned into a real weakness such as Low Pain Tolerance if you would like to make it so that any sort pain he is in is much more likely to completely stop his ability to continue to work.
  • Not strong is not valid because as it is described, he is not set apart as weaker than the average 16 year old Refugee. This could be a weakness if you set him apart as so weak that he cannot really lift heavy things nor can he overpower an average 16 year old refugee.
  • Questionable mental state is not valid simply because it is not specific enough. If you want this to be a valid weakness define exactly what the disorder is, how it effects him, and how it is triggered
Try to flesh out some good weaknesses with these things in mind.
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@TheOverseer__
Done...I'm just glad it was you who found me, because I'm sure anyone else would have just told me to find a different server...
 
Occasional Mental Issues still needs to be more specific. "When his friends die" is so rare it will hardly ever play out. He needs a few clearly defined triggers that could come up on a fairly regular basis. It also needs to be specifically defined the kind of things that will happen when he is triggered? Does he start hysterically crying? Does he faint? Like what exactly is the issue?
 
@TheOverseer__
How's that? Sorry if I'm still not doing it right...and I'm sorry for screwing up my character so bad in the first place.
 
Getting closer every time. It is truly no bother.
  • Add another sentence to Weak. There are 3 sentences, but the first sentence just restates what the weakness is without actually describing it at all.
  • Since you are getting the hang of describing things, revisit his Small Arms Skill again. Two of the three sentences simply state what the strength is without describing it at all. Describe his sword skill. What style is it? Is it aggressive? Defensive? Is it a lot of stabs like fencing, or another style? Does he have any signature moves? Maybe the stuff in battle stance and combat style up top belong here instead? Just something to have 3-4 real descriptive sentences here.
  • Once those two things are done, spend some work on the life story. Look up at your sheet and find everything that is currently bold. Use at least a couple of sentences on each one in the life story describing how and why his personality is that way and he has those weaknesses and strengths.
 
TheOverseer__ said:
Getting closer every time. It is truly no bother.
  • Add another sentence to Weak. There are 3 sentences, but the first sentence just restates what the weakness is without actually describing it at all.
  • Since you are getting the hang of describing things, revisit his Small Arms Skill again. Two of the three sentences simply state what the strength is without describing it at all. Describe his sword skill. What style is it? Is it aggressive? Defensive? Is it a lot of stabs like fencing, or another style? Does he have any signature moves? Maybe the stuff in battle stance and combat style up top belong here instead? Just something to have 3-4 real descriptive sentences here.
  • Once those two things are done, spend some work on the life story. Look up at your sheet and find everything that is currently bold. Use at least a couple of sentences on each one in the life story describing how and why his personality is that way and he has those weaknesses and strengths.
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Tbh Its tiring to do all this work XD
@TheOverseer__ Done.
 
Alright.
You know what?
The system is kind of flawed because it makes no one play teenagers, but I'm changing Nathan to my IRL age of 19.
RIP the Teenage Population, because I don't really give enough of a damn to challenge it.
 
FlugalMC said:
Alright.
You know what?
The system is kind of flawed because it makes no one play teenagers, but I'm changing Nathan to my IRL age of 19.
RIP the Teenage Population, because I don't really give enough of a damn to challenge it.
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The system makes sense, Teens are not skilled mages or master fighters. That is left up to the old people XD
 
Kidspair said:
The system makes sense, Teens are not skilled mages or master fighters. That is left up to the old people XD
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It does make sense, but it still has unintended side effects.
And before someone says, "Just deal with the lower combat skill and stay at my age" I RP how I want to. Its not power I want, its simply the character type I want.
I plan to delegate the "Helpless" act to my next OC, who will likely be a female noble. I like defenseless characters. Its more dangerous to play.
 
If you want a young looking, more skilled character, then I suggest going for an elf (don't one of the subtypes have a buff elf?) character.
 
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