Preserved Sheet Victoria Valeur

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Satisarah

Prince
Joined
Jan 9, 2013
Messages
110
Reaction score
1,196
Points
0
Age
32
Location
Hyrule
Faction
Valorian
Kingdom
Valoria

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Basic Information
  • Full Name: Victoria Valeur
  • Age: 31 years of age, born the 26th. of January 275 AC.
  • Gender: Female
  • Race: Ailor, Ithanian
  • Main Ambition: Climbing the noble ladder, excelling the family business, and assisting in any way she can to better Regalia and its interests. She also wishes to start a charter, in that regard.

Basic Information (Expansion)
  • Character Position in Regalia
    After several discussions, and because of constant turbulence and instability in Hadar, Victoria decided to leave those primitive lands and return to Regalia where she could pursue her dream of becoming a well-known designer without as much conflict involved. The customer pool in Regalia was tremendous compared to anywhere else she'd been in the last ten years, so it seemed like a natural choice coming back to the Holy City. Her skill in design was quickly recognized, and her furniture company would soon bloom, she hoped. Currently, Victoria is searching for an Estate in the Ithanian District, only having recently returned to Regalia. Design aside, she wishes to influence the governing powers and excell her family name and business.

  • Family Relations and Upbringing
    Victoria was born to Julienne Flore and Hadrien Valeur in their Ithanian Baronial household. Two years earlier, her two older twin brothers Stéphan and Sébastien Édouard were born, while after, her younger sister Clarisse and two younger twin brothers Mathieux and François were born. In other words, she's number three in a flock of six siblings, though Clarisse has passed away. This makes her the only female in the sibling flock. Her brother Mathieux was married to Adira Valeur, though she passed away and left behind two children, Gabrielle Évelyne Valeur and Gabriel Louie Valeur. Her brother François is married to Melodie du Vent, though they have no children. Victoria recently widowed. When Clarisse passed away, she left behind a daughter; Claudine Valeur.

    Victoria also has an uncle, Nicodéme Valeur. He is married to Celéstin Valeur, and they have three children; Christophe, Rodrigue and Elénoir Colette Valeur. Neither of them are married, and neither have any children.

    From Victoria was born, she was given a lot of supervision, spending very little time on her own. Both her parents were thrilled to finally have a little baby girl, and she was bathed in attention and happiness on a daily basis. They did, however, spend most of Victoria's first years absent from home, and it was only during her sixth year and up they were finally able to spend quality time with her. When her parents were busy tending to the business and other affairs, Victoria would spend most of her time with maids, rather than her brothers who were both quite eccentric and too violent for her taste. As she grew older and learned how to read and write, she'd start schooling with great interests, and sending ravens to friends. She'd also start taking drawing lessons at the age of six, sketching fluently and enthusiastically, though that hobby halted eventually due to work. Her studies would then revolve around economics, business affairs and diplomacy together with her mother, but eventually she had a private tutor for that as well. At the age of sixteen, she'd start doing her own sketching for her mother's branching business, crafting furniture. Taking after her mother, she adored drawing blueprints and watching them come to life at the hands of the craftsmen.

  • Secondary Ambitions
    Once Victoria settles in Regalia anew, she wishes to resume her previous activities, such as hosting events and involving herself in Regalian politics. Lately, she's wanted to start a charter, as well as open a furniture boutique. This will all have to wait though, till she's settled and gained some stability in the Regalian Society and other nobles. Involving her family members is a goal as well.


Skill Information
The proficiency points for Victoria totals 21 for both cultural and proficiency points as she gets minus 10 from School of Visuals, giving her a bonus in drawing, sculpting and painting of +10.
  • Proficiency Points:
    • +31 Diplomacy (+31 from proficiency points)
  • Cultural Points:
    • +41 Drawing (+10 from school, +31 from culture points)
    • +10 Painting (+10 from school)
    • +10 Sculpting (+10 from school)
  • Languages known:
    • D'ithanian
    • Common
    • Dressolini
Visual Information
  • Eye Color: Dark emerald green
  • Hair Color: Dark chocolate brown
  • Hair Style: Wavy, hip-long, mostly braided and worn tall with headwear and jewellery.
  • Skin Color: Somewhat pale, typical Ailor Regalian skin color.
  • Clothing: Elaborate "late Victorian" styled gowns in different shades of red.
  • Height: 166 cm.
  • Body Build: Curvaceous
  • Weapon of choice: Traditional recurve bow
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Visual Information (Expansion)
  • Facial Features
    Her mildly square shaped face is somewhat characterized proportionally by her strong angles in both jaw, chin and temple area. Her smaragd green colored eyes are of the deep- set type, and her eyebrows elegantly shape a softly angled curve. Only visible while focusing quite intensely can you notice the little squint wrinkles in the corner of her roundish- almond eyes. Her classically shaped lips are naturally light pink, and her nose is shaped- from top to bottom of her bridge- with a shy curve. Her normal facial expression is quite relaxed, but she's often seen with a faint smile.
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  • Body
    From top to toe, her height reaches about 166 cm., she weighs around 70 kilos, and has a body fat percentage between 25% - 30%. Her general posture and physical attitude is mostly good and strong. Her shoulders are lent back and relaxed with her head held high. What body fat she has is equally distributed around the upper and lower body, making her waist narrow and slim. Being quite fond of both archery and horseback riding, her arms, back and thighs are strong compared to the rest of her body. There is little fat on her arms, neck, or in her face. Little, thin golden/light brown hairs are spread across her forearms and legs, though she shaves the hair on her calves and shins. Though she strives for a good posture, she suffers from mild scoliosis in her lower back. She has difficulties standing for long periods at a time, though wearing a tight corset helps her condition. Once the pain sets in after an hour or two of standing, she'll usually ask if whatever's being discussed can be taken to a location with seating.

    On her left leg is a little scar from an arrow tip entry wound. She also has two pale colored birthmarks on her belly which are only visible when she has a tan, one above and to the right of her belly button, and another to the left. They're no bigger than an inch wide and half an inch long. Unevenly placed around her body are also darker tiny spot birthmarks; one on her back, another on her left rib cage, two on her right leg, and the last one on her right ring finger.
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  • Fashion Appearance and Accessories
    From when Victoria was quite little, her daily attire mostly consisted of dresses. When she finds herself at home in Regalia or in her County, she usually wears long silk fabricated or thicker fabricated gowns, depending on the weather. The bodice of the gown most often has arms, and sits fittingly, making apparent her well- shaped figure from top to waist.. Once the gown attaches to the gown skirt, the fabric amount increases, giving it an elegant and ample look around the flamboyant bustle. Most of her dresses are red with yellow/golden tints and lacings, though her wardrobe also consists of gowns in blue, green, purple and yellow. She typically wears a slim floral/tiara passed down to her from her great grandmother. Since most of it is hidden behind her hair, it's barely visible from any angle than from the sides.
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  • Voice
    Being born and raised in Ithania throughout her life, Victoria harbors a natural Ithanian accent when speaking common. She's proud of her language and doesn't shy away from using small Ithanian words here and there while speaking common. Her language is beautiful, and she wishes to share this with anyone.


Personality and Abilities
Personality Traits

  • First Paragraph:
    Victoria is mostly seen with a relaxed smile, and she's always well dressed and posturally appropriate. Elegance is important to Victoria, and she strives to maintain a healthy image among the people of Regalia, specially the nobility. Her movements are soft and graceful, giving her a gentle aura. Meeting Victoria for the first time, strangers would probably find her to be a curious individual who takes interest in their well being, as well as their family relations and interests. It wouldn't be unheard of for Victoria to invite strangers to a cup of tea at her place, or invite them to a game of cards. She's an inclusive individual who wishes to spread positivity in a city which can often be experienced as a tough and gloomy.

  • Second Paragraph
    Victoria has always been a little anxious. Anxious about how others view her, anxious if what she's doing is right, if her decision yesterday will negatively impact something today or tomorrow... She bares a lot of responsibility for her family and business, and she often ponders about something related to her fears. Anxiety looms over her as a reminder of the alternative. Failing her family name and legacy is one of her greatest fears, and she will work hard to prevent that. That's not to say she isn't confident in her choices. She believes strongly in her ability to inspire people to do their best, and she uses this trait to move her family forward.

  • Third Paragraph
    Family is Victoria's first priority, both consciously and subconsciously. She will actively, gladly engage in check-up conversations with her relatives to make sure they're doing alright, both as a natural urge, and for the sake of the broader picture. She understands it's difficult to progress much in life if you're down, so she does her best to help family members get back on their feet should they need it. This applies to friends as well, naturally, though perhaps not as insistingly. Around family, Victoria will be more relaxed and less talkative, unless they're interested in delving into a debate or gossip. When everything is alright and jolly, Victoria will step back and enjoy the view of happiness. She will behave this way with her closest friends too, but with her regular friends, she'll be much like normal, but not as formal. Remaining gentle, inclusive and friendly will always be apparent.

  • Fourth Paragraph
    Victoria understands the necessity of having both good and evil in the world. She tends to stick to good morals, though, as that floats more naturally with her. Every now and then, sacrifices must be made to preserve an interest of hers, and it may entail delving into 'evil' waters- although it's something she seldomly does, but will do if absolutely necessary. Victoria has experienced enough evil to have become somewhat desensitized to it, and won't pompously react to good vs. evil incidents. Instead, she will analyze the situation from both perspectives without naively reacting too soon. Patience is key. Victoria is good, in her own opinion, and urges other to be the same.


Personality and Abilities (Expansion)
Character Quirks

  • Biting her lip
    When Victoria feels anxious and stressed, or when she's working at full capacity, she'll bite her lip. She'll also start biting if she's thinking really hard on something. This mostly occurs when she's pressed into a situation she didn't intend on ending up in, or when she feels somewhat threatened.
  • Fiddling
    Thinking, accompanied with fiddling with something small in between her fingers, like a coin, quill nib, or torn piece of little parchment, makes the thinking process easier to handle. She will rarely fiddle with anything if she's in a conversation with anyone else. It'll mostly happen when she's alone.

  • Need for symmetry
    Imagine three pencils laying next to each other, and one of them in inparallel to the others. This might not bother most, but it certainly bothers Victoria. If she's able to, she'll correct the crooked pencil so they all align properly. Why this bothers her is a mystery. It might be related to her wanting everything in her life to be neat und tidy.

  • Makes too much food
    Every once in awhile when Victoria feels like it, she'll make her own meal. That mostly occurs when she's really hungry, and wants food now. Although when she's hungry and makes food, she always makes way too much food. Making food for herself basically means half the family is fed.

  • Loves warmth
    Victoria despises the cold. She'd rather be warm, and she always dresses for any occasion with the weather in mind, knowing she has to stay warm. Also, her ankles and knees ache if they're exposed to cold for too long. She'd rather avoid the unpleasantries by investing just a little more time and attention to her staying comfortable.
Likes
  • Designing
    One of her hobbies she enjoys most is drawing, sketching and designing; generally being creative in the field of drawn art. Being the head of the family business, including the head of the branch company which designs and crafts furniture, it's more or less implied that she needs to be creative. Because this occurs more or less naturally to her, being head of design suits her well. Sitting in front of a large piece of parchment with her coal and ink eases her mind, as she's able to disconnect from other responsibilities and devote herself to something she truly enjoys doing. Knowing it's also business makes it better, which is sort of like killing two birds with one stone.
  • Playing Cards
    Victoria absolutely loves playing cards. As far as she's concerned, she knows just about all card games in Regalia. Grouping up with other noble women and playing with them, preferably with a glass of wine, is one of her favourite activities. It's a good way of taking a break from a usually busy day and enjoying some gossip or otherwise good stories from those around her. It also blends well with being sociable. Victoria has played cards from when she was quite young, and it was something her and her father used to do when they
    spent time together, which she loved.

  • Socializing
    Being social is in many ways essential for the preservation of her family status and their lives. Creating connections and acquaintances all falls under one's ability to socialize and present a case for which both parts benefit or come to some sort of agreement. This falls under the types of friends she has as well. Yes, she enjoys a chat every now and then with her friends, sharing a glass of wine or two, and some gossip, but most of it, if not all, in some way connects to the political play of everyone involved. She enjoys this "game" to some degree, but she also knows it's quite crucial to the family's survival. Socializing, is to Victoria stressful, but can also be exciting and thrilling. It all depends on the topics. But it's rare socializing calms her, since most of the socializing comes down to politics and business. She likes socializing because she knows it keeps her family and their business afloat.
  • Piano
    Though she isn't a very talented player herself, she enjoys listening to others play. This instrument in particular is her favourite, and sounds a lot more pleasant than other instruments (with the exception of the violin). Her niece, Gabriélle Évelyne, plays skillfully, and she loves listening to her. The sounds a piano makes relaxes Victoria, and she can more easily enjoy the moment rather than stress while thinking about the next one. Her mother used to play to her before she passed away, and she enjoyed watching how playing the piano affected her mother in all sorts of positive ways. She was happy, relaxed, and all her worries seemed to melt away with every stroke of the keys.
Dislikes
  • Unnecessary evil
    Victoria understands there's a balance between good and evil, and that there can't be one without the other, and that's ok. She's even fine with a 'reasonable' amount of evil, but when it gets exaggerated is when she'll get angry. When people heartlessly harm anything, or act without any conscience is when she gets triggered. Not only does it cause unnecessary harm, but it's also a waste of breath. Too much evil is destructive, and Victoria doesn't stand for that. She'd rather keep the balance, or have it shift more over to the good side. She's witnessed a lot of evil in her time, and she wouldn't wish it on anyone.
  • Peas
    Normally Victoria likes just about anything she eats, but peas are not welcome in her diet. There really isn't any particular reason why she doesn't like them. It's probably a combination of the consistency and taste. Some things you just don't like, and peas are one of them. Her dislike of peas stems all the way back from when she was little. Never liked them, never will.

  • Orcs
    When Victoria was young, Orcs attacked the town she lived in at the time, killing several people. She lost both friends and some close relatives. Ever since then, she's had a hard time looking at Orcs any differently from how she viewed them back then; brutal, savage, and thirsty for senseless fighting. Sure, there are Orcs she's met in recent times that have acted differently, and there are even humans who act worse, but she still views them the same. They at least have prone potential to act the same. When around an Orc, she'll act a little weary, and not as relaxed as usual. She'll never engage in conversation with an Orc unless circumstances forces her to. Naturally she's both traumatized and heavily opinionated on Orcs. Rumors today concerning Orcs support her beliefs and judgemental attitude towards Orcs, so she'll stick to her feelings.
  • Breakers of etiquette
    There are a few things that "trigger", og otherwise skip the length of Victoria's temper and go straight to her annoyed self. Especially women who break etiquette may provoke a pair of raised eyebrows, and maybe even a frown, if she notices. She feels etiquette is important, and that is should be followed to everyone's best ability. She finds people who break it irresponsible, lazy and sloppy. Women, especially noble women, must stick together and make a team effort into keeping their gracious and noble features. Filthying them with improper behavior only degrades their efforts.


Relationships (Optional)
Will be added eventually

Life Story

Victoria was born the 26th. of January 275 AC. to Julienne Flore and Hadrien Valeur. During her early years, both her parents gave much of parenting responsibilities to maids due to amounts of work and absence from home. Until the business was more stable, Victoria wouldn't see her parents much, although when she did, she was showered in love. Parental love aside, she was surrounded by her brothers and maids. At the time, Victoria would be the only girl in her family, so much of her time spent playing was with her brothers, Sébastien Édouard and Mathieux-Dureau. Friends of the family would bring their children over every now and then. It wasn't until four years later her sister Clarisse was born, which changed her behaviour drastically. Being around her brothers wasn't as interesting anymore, and whatever time was left during the day when playing with her brothers was over, would be spent curiously spending time with her sister. It was also at around this time Victoria's parents would more frequently be home for longer durations of the day.

At the age of five, the family would have moved to Regalia from Ithania, and Victoria would officially start etiquette and mannerism courses at the local "Beduique's Etiquette." Her mother was present and tutored other children too, eventually. Her twin brothers also attended courses, though they weren't as interested. They didn't attend the same courses, seeing girls and boys were separated, so Victoria wouldn't spend as much time with them as she used to. Once her younger sister Clarisse was able to attend the courses some years later, she'd spend much of her time helping her, and she felt a strong sense of responsibility for her sister, and later her brothers too. When Victoria spent time home, she'd mostly spend it with her mother and Clarisse. Julienne was the co-manager of the family's business, Valeur Arts and Crafts, which entailed designing furniture and creating blueprints.

At the age of twelve, Victoria's mother, Julienne, passed away due to an acute case of Arnoks fever. Luckily, no one else was infected. Victoria had already begun studying economics, history and literature years before, but after her mother's death, it all halted for about half a year, during which, Victoria would begin a lot more devotedly attend Unionist gatherings and religious activities. Out of everyone in the family, Victoria would be the most active religious member, and strived for the family members to do the same. Once her grieving period faded, she'd continue with her studies.

When Victoria was sixteen, she decided to pick up the family business and lift it into new heights. Although her father would still be the business owner, Victoria took much of the essential responsibilities onto herself. Of course, it helped being creative and artistic by nature, no doubt a trait inherited by her mother. She worked hard, engaged in many tasks and created opportunities, some of which were a failure, and some of which were a successes. The learning curve was steady and apparent. It was also around this time she'd start being more sociable, and spent more time outside the family household with friends. Being quite sociable, she gained many friends over a short amount of time, and she would typically include her friends in projects and tasks, if they were interested. Both for her sake, and the family's sake. Luckily though, her father, Hadrien, was always there to keep a watchful eye over the business progress and direction.

One of the family's traditions is hunting, and during the hunt of 281 AC., her sister Clarisse would be involved in a fatal accident with a large boar. Again, Victoria would be swallowed in a period of depression and inactivity. Now that she was older and had the social freedom to do just about whatever she liked, she was easily drawn to the destined drinking habit. During this period she'd also tend to be more anxious and careful, and also not as happy and energetic as usual. Two years after Clarisse's death, her father Hadrien was murdered; killed by poison. Victoria was now the Matriarch of House Valeur.

Around a year later, though, she'd start reverting back to her old self, digging out of her dark hole. She found love in a Baron named Vincent von der Specht and married him at the age of twenty three. With his help and support, she was able to get back on her feet, stronger and more experienced. With a deep love for her family, she decided to pick up the company matters once again, and for the last six years, it's been flourishing and expanding.

During fall of 306 AC., an opportunity presented itself in Hadar. After having established a steady foundation in Regalia, Victoria and her family left Regalia grasping this opportunity. Once control was steadily maintained in Hadar, despite countless opposing Houses and battles, Victoria would offer their claims by swearing fealty to the Emperor, in hopes of continuing rule of the Regalian Colony in Hadar. However, after many months, the lands were deemed unfit, and the Valeur family traveled back to Regalia, despite their victories in the battlefield and claims to the lands. It was during the final weeks prior to their departure Victoria's husband fell in combat. Wanting nothing more to do with Hadar, leaving couldn't have been better timed.

Now back in Regalia, Victoria aims to re-establish herself among the nobility and climb the noble ladder once more.
 
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This beautifully done, some things you can do that i have done in mine is maybe add a little multimedia like pictures of some things like her face, clothes, the bow. These can help people picture her in more detail.
 
I suppose I could just make a summary xD
 
I like it. I find it quite interesting as well, the combination of: "unforgiving", "Optimistic", "Caring", and "just" is quite unique.. I like it a lot.
 
Billy's Peer Review
I do this because I love you @Satisarah

Basic Information
  • You did not mention that your character was a female.
Visual Information
  • This is a grammar error "hair on her calf's and shin's." The ' implies owner ship, you just want an s to imply plural.
Behaviour Information
  • "Orks" Do you mean Orcs?
Abilities and Disabilities
  • I don't think striving towards perfection is a strength. Perhaps change it to dedicated and state how she is willing to spend hours on a project.
  • I think you should name the strength and weakness in this ability, it just makes it easier.
  • Maybe for your physical weakness talk about how it would affect archery, since archery does use muscles in your back.
  • The retrieve needs a capital. "target. retrieve"
Life Story

  • Babies are born with steel blue or grey eyes, only in the right light can you see a hint of their true colour. So when the brother would look at his sister's eye he would not see eyes like his own.
  • In the part where you wrote "his voice uttered with a little sigh. "- and good night Victoria!"" This contradicts itself. You say he near whispered the goodbye, but you added a !.
  • While I personally don't have a problem with this, I have been told to shorten life stories. And I think your's would need to be as well.
  • I think this is a typo. "Her eyes and cheeks were drained in tears" Do you mean drenched?
  • The boar in the life story seems extremely large, maybe too large.
  • Also, boar hunting was normally done with around a dozen men. With a mixture of spears and bows. Dangerous work and not something that lone hunters could likely pull off.
  • I highly doubt that there would be enough room to draw a bow when hiding in the roots of a tree.
 
Billy's Peer Review
I do this because I love you @Satisarah

Basic Information
  • You did not mention that your character was a female.
Visual Information
  • This is a grammar error "hair on her calf's and shin's." The ' implies owner ship, you just want an s to imply plural.
Behaviour Information
  • "Orks" Do you mean Orcs?
Abilities and Disabilities
  • I don't think striving towards perfection is a strength. Perhaps change it to dedicated and state how she is willing to spend hours on a project.
  • I think you should name the strength and weakness in this ability, it just makes it easier.
  • Maybe for your physical weakness talk about how it would affect archery, since archery does use muscles in your back.
  • The retrieve needs a capital. "target. retrieve"
Life Story

  • Babies are born with steel blue or grey eyes, only in the right light can you see a hint of their true colour. So when the brother would look at his sister's eye he would not see eyes like his own.
  • In the part where you wrote "his voice uttered with a little sigh. "- and good night Victoria!"" This contradicts itself. You say he near whispered the goodbye, but you added a !.
  • While I personally don't have a problem with this, I have been told to shorten life stories. And I think your's would need to be as well.
  • I think this is a typo. "Her eyes and cheeks were drained in tears" Do you mean drenched?
  • The boar in the life story seems extremely large, maybe too large.
  • Also, boar hunting was normally done with around a dozen men. With a mixture of spears and bows. Dangerous work and not something that lone hunters could likely pull off.
  • I highly doubt that there would be enough room to draw a bow when hiding in the roots of a tree.

Thank you sooo much! Very much appreciated ^^
 
I will do another review when I get home.
 
Amazingly done character! You should post it to see if it gets approved right away xD Im pretty sure it will make it
 
While you didn't fix the boar size, the drawing the bow beneath a tree and the single boar hunting completion, I still think this is ready for staff review. This is slightly fantasy so the boar can be believable, the roots could be more spread out and it would be quite a feat taking down a boar by yourself, something worth the glory that you would win.
 
Something else I noticed, the colony on Fendarfell is spelled Valaen, not Valorian
 
Very well done! Overall I was very impressed. My only note would be how long your life story is. But it was actually very enjoyable to read. I am happy to say....

APPROVED!
 
Oh my gosh! Wow, thank you so much, @JakkDhread! And many thanks to the people who gave me advice :3 Eee, so happy c:
 
Hey, @JakkDhread ! So I've made quite a few changes to my character, and I wondered if you could give it a re-review?
 
@Satisarah I will do a re-review for you. There is a lot of content in this sheet so give me at least a week.
 
Why is her name Valeur and not Valor? Did I miss something?
 
Hello! Don't confuse the volume of feedback here as a bad review, this was an amazing application with an astounding level of detail. The large amount of feedback is just due to a lot of content needing review. Here is my review!
  • Everything that is not required on the application, put inside of "Spoiler" Boxes. That is the Likes, Dislikes, Expanded Visual info, Expanded Basic info, Quirks, Skills.
  • Naive as a weakness seems to conflict with her personality. With a Vindictive and Unforgiving nature wouldn't she be more prone to believe somebody didn't intend harm by their actions and maybe not pursue revenge? If she is Naive couldn't others probably convince her to forgive them? If Vindictive and Unforgiving are played out, then I don't see naive really weakening her in any way. This is also referenced a bit in the Exaggerated opportunist weakness Those two traits also conflict a bit there. Would she still be oversold into opportunities where she had been perceived betrayed? . There are two possible routes to correction of conflict, replacing Naive as a weakness and building in exceptions to Vindictive and Unforgiving into the Exaggerated opportunist weakness. Alternatively, it could be reconciled by replacing Vindictive and Unforgiving within the personality to something that still allows her to pursue bad opportunities and be deceived due to naivety.
  • Scoliosis as a weakness is fine and good, but the amount that her corset negates the weakness is too much. There should be some consequences within this that affect her on a fairly regular basis, still. The final results of this weakness which is having less muscle power in her legs and back, but that's also the consequence of the weakness physically weak. The best way to reconcile this would be to alter the end consequences of her scoliosis. There are a lot of possibilities here. Maybe if she jumps, runs, bend over, or performs any other action that requires a lot of back moment, there could be some type of negative consequence? I leave this to your creativity.
  • Physically weak as a weakness conflicts with several references I see in other parts of the application. Inside of physically weak it is suggested that her archery can't really be used for combat, but her skill talented archer and the weakness scoliosis both seem to suggest that she can in fact functionally use archery to defend herself. The best remedy is replacement on this weakness. Other possible remedies would be make her less talented at archery in addition to redefining the consequences of scoliosis to avoid this a lack of physical strength being double dipped in by two different weaknesses.
  • Talented archer as a skill in the ability expansion is strengthening her a bit too much to just be a besides talent in the skill section without being a strength. Previously in the review this was partially addressed, but it is worth noting if you go the route of reworking the weaknesses to keep her same level of talent, then talented archer should actually be one of her strengths. If you go this route, there are already 4 strengths, so you would have to replace one of them with this strength.
  • Breakers of etiquette as a dislike seems to conflict a bit her general acceptance of commoners as well as her patience. Some of what makes commoners common is less adherence to certain kinds of etiquette. This one thing is the only break I found in what was otherwise a high level of benevolence toward commoners. Since the likes/dislikes section is not required, the easiest way to address this is to just remove this dislike.
Make some edits in a different text color and tag me @TheOverseer__ when you are done!
 
Hello, @TheOverseer__ ! Thank you for your review ^^ Below is a list of the changes, and above are the changes marked in blue.
  • Done that, and also noticed that this was said in the character sheet template description "They will not be reviewed and are not necessary to become Approved."
  • Changed "Vindictive" to "Vengeful", which fits better with "Unforgiving". Replaced "Naive" with "Overworker"
  • Elaborated and clarified
  • Replaced "Physically weak" with "Arthritis"
Thanks again!
 
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I've looked over the changes and this fine to approve now. Just a couple quick notes though:
  • I like the nuance you've created between scoliosis and arthritis. Between the two things, she is sufficiently weakened. I would encourage finding reasons for her to sometimes not wear her corset, maybe when it is hot the corset is uncomfortable making the scoliosis a bigger nag and when it is cold the arthritis is a bigger nag. She doesn't have to be in pain 24/7 or anything, but if summer comes and she wears a corset all the time she potentially just loses her weaknesses again.
  • It's true that the the additional expansions are optional and I will approve it despite talented archer. Just understand that this also means that if she participates in a player quest, world progression, or anything else where character sheet information is used, then her archery skill won't be a factor in what happens. She would be viewed as no more skilled than the average person at archery. I find that her current talent in archery as described in that skill is of equal value to any of her current strengths, so you are still free to replace any one of those with the archery thing if you want to make sure her archery talent is recognized.