Character Information Full Name: Velkhorr Saar'onhk Raviirn Dar-Kedos Raz-Parthanaar Race: Kathar, Cult of Power Age: 25 Gender: Male Eye Color: Gold (Mutation) or Red Core Concept Velkhorr is an egotistical, wild-at-heart vampire Kathar who wants to be admired and adored by all. He believes a rule of life; To excel and be bigger, faster, and stronger. His beliefs tightly binds with Void Worship. Proficiency Strength (Melee 5 - Atheletic 2) Duelist Pack Warrior Pack Unyielding Pack Frenzy Pack Fisticuffs Pack Shaker Pack Warden Pack Constitution (Defensive 3 - Training 1) Block Pack Bastion Pack Counterplay Pack Bruteforce Pack Magic (Void - Spell 1) Casting Breaking (Vampire) Charisma (Presence 1) Pet Husbandry Pack Afflicted (Vampire 4) Afflicted Predator Pack (Vampire) Afflicted Heartbeat Pack (Vampire) Afflicted Evasion Pack (Vampire) Abilities Melee Technique Parry Battle Flurry Steady Body Berserker Fury Unarmed Expert Athletic Building Smash Bouncer Throw Defensive Shield Block Shield Wall Rage Counter Spell Magic Throw Break Enchant Specials Self Control Blood Crafter Health Call Dueling Brand Heat Immune Fire Element Languages Common (Free) Pannarokh (Katharic) Appearance Information Velkhorr's dark eyes are mutated to golden irises. His skin lacks any scars despite his cutthroat lifestyle. His feet are clawed and a pair of smooth horns points backwards. Velkhorr stands tall and musclebound with a wide brick-shaped body. His black hair is kept short yet still looks somewhat unkempt while his many-pierced face sprouts a rugged beard. Intricate, geometric and maze-like tattoos dye black ink into his neck, chest, shoulders and arms. Velkhorr's vampire form warps him into a grotesque version of himself with bone, flesh and blood. His face sinks into a smooth, long fanged skull while his rib-cages protrudes out more prominently. The bulk and brawn on his body is coated in thick red leathery skin. Spikes lines down his spine and his blood-caked hands and feet are clawed. Red void flames shroud around the skull like a mane. Life Story Velkorr was born in the vast sprawling and cruel slums of Parthanaar, the Dread Empire's capital. Like most Kathar, his parents left him at a Future House. He was eventually adopted into a Kaahl to become a gladiator champion. His teenage years were consumed with fighting for his life. Rushed to emotionally mature faster to survive, Velkhorr is pitted against vicious fighters. His taste for money, admiration and violence grows from blood. He later joins the Cult of Power. After suffering through the humiliation of an unlucky losing streak, Velkhorr parted from his Kaahl and leaves his home. He explored parts of the world with the desire to experience a richer life with little to no consequence. Velkhorr traveled on impulse whenever he grew bored. His path led him to Regalia where he met Kelvenne Raviirn. Finding friends, battles, and comfort in the Kaahl, the Power Kathar grew attached and strongly holds a fierce loyalty. Recent History: Velkhorr came across Raoul and accepted a challenge with risky bets. He lost. Despite his hopes, the vampire returned to collect the debt, luring Velkhorr into the affliction with the charming promises of power and enhancement.
@Messtro gave him a few more sorcery spells changed his religion edited his backstory a bit let me know if these changes are alright
Edits: Changed all of his sorcery spells. I don't want him to have an animal aesthetic anymore and want to go for earth/metal. super self also got annoying because I forget about it in crp Changed hunting art to body art Changed leatherworking to perception Changed up his religion a little @Messtro
wahoo its re-review time @Messtro changed a lot of his proficiencies and added burglary pack changed his life story a bit changed his age
Hey haha please don't kill me! @Messtro Added Marken affliction Added in Marken mandatory visual description Added in Marken infection to lifestory Changed mixology to sculpting art Changes are highlighted in orange, thank you
@Messtro hello I made edits: swapped out elemental control 7 for cursing light 1 swapped out dagger prof for sword prof swapped out leatherworking to get husbandry. woof woof tweaked his lifestory changes marked in orange
Spend your last commutable point. Make sure to specify your vampiric form. I am not sure if that was what you were trying to convey with "Altered form". Change the wording if so.
"Vampires do not have any Abilities in their Base Kit. Instead, Vampires gain 4 commutable Point-Buy Points that can be spent in specific Categories." I'm not going to add the last commutable point, well it's more like I just wouldn't know what to pick. I don't feel like there's anything else to buy and also he's too stacked up with abilities. "If your Character can shapeshift (Vampire Form, Cahal Form, Slizzar), describe their alternate form(s)." It's made clear on the app he's a vampire, so naturally this would be his vampire form which looks similar to him but with fiery aesthetics. I changed the word "altered" to "vampire" to make sure there isn't any confusion anymore
We are starting to mandate all available points be spent where applicable. This is why I explicitly asked you to do so. Please keep that in mind. Approved.
Edits made in red: Removed dexterity entirely Swapped out ironheart for bruteforce Added Metallurgy Changed Flesh Element special to Rune Smithing
Couple edits: Add your spell point buy specials. Something I missed before, but the Disguise Pack cannot be combined with any other disguise ability or special. Additionally, abilities (not specials) used from commutable points break glamor form and disguise pack cannot conceal affliction. Replace this point buy back with another option from the commutable point buy categories.
Hello again! You've currently got 8 Points invested in Strength, but you can only have 7. It's possible I'm missing something that is letting you do this, though if that's the case, you should specify what it is in parentheses just for the sake of clearness. I would specify the dimension which Velkhorr draws his magic from (Void, in parentheses). He's a Kathar, so it should be pretty obvious, though with Exist Kathar I think it's a little bit more important just to be entirely clear. Besides that, everything looks good. Mark your changes in blue just so I can see them easily, and @tag me when you're all set!
