Preserved Sheet Valbrand Haagenvig

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'ello, I'll be putting this through a Staff Review!
 
Staff Review!

- Put all expansions in spoilers.
- Add learning ages and times for the discipline of carving in Val's life story.
- Add one more weakness of any sort to balance out Val's new skill.

Make all changes in my oh so loved shade of pink!
 
Belgrade said:
Staff Review!

- Put all expansions in spoilers.
- Add learning ages and times for the discipline of carving in Val's life story.
- Add one more weakness of any sort to balance out Val's new skill.

Make all changes in my oh so loved shade of pink!
Click to expand...
Click to shrink...
- Do you think I could keep the Expansion sections out of the spoiler? I feel as if it'd ruin the look of the app, and it isn't that hard to manually scroll past. Regardless, I would much prefer if I could keep the Expansions in the app without any spoilers.
- I've indirectly mentioned learning times in the life story already (The raid on his tribe in 295 A.C, which Valbrand took on his first serious lessons on woodcarving two months after as mentioned. He graduates both the School of Skagger and woodcarving around the same time, which is mentioned to be 301 A.C).
- I've added the weakness sardonic. I feel like two physical impediments are good enough as is, so here's a mental/personality-based one instead.
 
Jouster said:
- Do you think I could keep the Expansion sections out of the spoiler? I feel as if it'd ruin the look of the app, and it isn't that hard to manually scroll past. Regardless, I would much prefer if I could keep the Expansions in the app without any spoilers.
- I've indirectly mentioned learning times in the life story already (The raid on his tribe in 295 A.C, which Valbrand took on his first serious lessons on woodcarving two months after as mentioned. He graduates both the School of Skagger and woodcarving around the same time, which is mentioned to be 301 A.C).
- I've added the weakness sardonic. I feel like two physical impediments are good enough as is, so here's a mental/personality-based one instead.
Click to expand...
Click to shrink...

Approved!
 
The character application has been updated to fit the new proficiency system. In need for a re-review.
 
  • I'd like you to declare your proficiency total under skill.
  • Condense your life story into bullet notes outlying the important events. You can just spoiler what you have currently as chronicles but its a little too long in its current state.

Mark the edits in red and tag me when you have made the appropriate changes. @Jouster
 
AptlyRatley said:
  • I'd like you to declare your proficiency total under skill.
  • Condense your life story into bullet notes outlying the important events. You can just spoiler what you have currently as chronicles but its a little too long in its current state.
Mark the edits in red and tag me when you have made the appropriate changes. @Jouster
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The edits have been made. I talked to you in PM about the life story.
 
@AptlyRatley
I've rounded up the numbers in the Proficiency section to the closest fifth, and added "+5 Common Shortbow (+5 from Points)." Oh, and I just added the leftover 1 point to Battle Command to add up to 16.
 
I forgot to use my new 10 points for my Cultural Proficiency. I've added "+5 Cuisine Cooking (+5 from Points)" and "+6 Husbandry (+6 from Points)".
 
Modified his proficiency list again. Now, he has "+6 Commanding Speech (+6 from Points)."
 
Make these changes in blue and tag me when you're done!

Personality and Abilities (Required)
  • Please add another sentence to your second and fourth paragraph, seeing as each paragraph need to be between four to five sentences long.
Weaknesses (Optional)
  • I suggest bolding your weakness headings.
  • When it comes to your character's Scarred Midsection weakness, I would like you to add another sentence or two expanding on how this is actually a weakness that affects him in roleplay, much like how you did in the other.
 
JennaLikesCoffee said:
Make these changes in blue and tag me when you're done!

Personality and Abilities (Required)
  • Please add another sentence to your second and fourth paragraph, seeing as each paragraph need to be between four to five sentences long.
Weaknesses (Optional)
  • I suggest bolding your weakness headings.
  • When it comes to your character's Scarred Midsection weakness, I would like you to add another sentence or two expanding on how this is actually a weakness that affects him in roleplay, much like how you did in the other.
Click to expand...
Click to shrink...
  • I have added a sentence to my second paragraph in the Personality and Abilities section. My fourth bullet already had four sentences, so. I'd expand it a bit regardless, but I'm exhausted from schoolwork right now.
  • I don't know what you mean by headings, but if it's the "✧ x:" areas, I prefer to keep them unbolded like in the other sections.
  • I've added a sentence to the Scarred Midsection weakness as you requested.
@JennaLikesCoffee
This should cover all of the mandatory points. Thank you for reviewing his app and checking it for any mistakes!
 
@JennaLikesCoffee
I've aged Valbrand up to 38 and did a proficiency revamp. His proficiency points check in at a total of 28 points, and so does his cultural points at a total of 38 points.
 
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