The Undercity Bulletin | Issue #2

[Ocularum]

ARE WE UNHAPPY WITH THE WAY THINGS ARE, OR ARE WE MAD IT ISN'T US?

We have been blissfully free of real fires since the last, but the writing on the wall cannot be ignored any longer. People are mad, dissatisfaction is as common as air, and we are so strapped for solutions that the push for Abigail Tucker to be made Undercity Representative is real rather than an elaborate joke. The rhetoric has been the same since day one. The people in power are not people who represent us, but I would argue they have no real power.

The denizens of New Crookback are largely removed from the government, seeing as the Noble Assembly so graciously saddled us with a representative so they would not have to deal with us themselves. That said, it was only a matter of time before people knocked heads and decided to tear things down one more time. When you hear people say they're not represented, what they're really saying is they're mad they aren't in power. No self-respecting person wants to put up with endless complaints from some of the most uneducated people in This Good Empire.

Instead they convince themselves they have what it takes to change things, and in the process fail to realize there is nothing to be changed. The authority to enforce law in Crookback is a joke, as is continually pleading with people without the will or ability to make things stick. What has the Council done except not meet, do nothing, and twiddle their thumbs in their off-white tower? These are questions I have answers to, but not ones I'll readily give. Any complaint and well-founded criticism of the Council has already been made, so what I offer is a winding thought process for people to follow.

Maybe, just maybe, if I put words in the right order and make them big enough it'll jumpstart the workings of the flesh mound in your skull. So, what is it people actually want? Why are they incapable of saying it? Who benefits from the existence of the Council and what do they actually do?

And to one Abigail Tucker, the only council woman whose lack of a spine we find endearing, maybe you can give people the answer to these questions and soon.

ON SUBSCRIPTIONS, OR, AS I'D LIKE TO CALL IT, FREEDOM OF INFORMATION

I've noticed, or rather, I've been told that people are interested in subscriptions. This ratty little trifold publication costs enough of my money and eats up enough of my time as is. The very last thing I wish to do is deal with logistics and addresses and the people who live there. You see those italics? That costs more. Important emphasis for an important point costing important people money, namely ME.

If you've managed to get a copy of this publication once you don't need me to deliver it directly to your door, and I don't care to. Pick it up from the floor of your local bar and wipe your ass with it if it behooves you, but don't ask me to hand it to you.

OPPORTUNITIES FOR THE SNITCHES OF REGALIA

Like most of my kin in the Undercity I am a busy individual, and that means I do not have the time to be everywhere at once and see everything. This an open offering of employment for people who know things. I'm not asking that you snitch on your fellow man, but the word gets your attention, and your attention ensures I get paid. Tell me about the cheating bastard next door and his troubles with his wife. Tell me about how the bar down the road upcharges you for water they mop up from the road. Tell me, and I may write funny words about it, and in turn pay you for your services.

PREPARING FOR THE UPCOMING SEASON

This is no farmer's almanack, and there are no crops to tend to, but if anything concerns me it is the wellbeing of the people I live near. Crookback will, like in years prior, be on its own during the hottest months of the year. For that reason I have decided to supply a short list of things you can do to stay cool. Some of which are legal, some of which are not.

Recent constructions have covered easy access to the canal nearest New Crookback, but the lakes and ponds near the borough's side still remain. While a beach day may be out of the question, taking a dip in the lake isn't. Wearing layers and securing yourself a wide-brimmed hat are also a must if you plan to be working in the sun.

There is ample supply of food in drink in some of the nearer parks if you're fast enough and quick-fingered, but if you plan on ruining someone's picnic do it out of sight. Barring that, a stint behind the counter at any establishment in the Emporium will secure you a drink, and as far as I know theft is not a punishable offense in our beloved neck of the woods.* In short, take what you can, do what you can, and live till winter.

*I am not responsible for any harm or bodily injury suffered when you're attacked by property owners.

BETTING GONE AWRY, UNREST AMONG THE BOOKIES

Most who read this publication should be familiar with betting on the lives of other people among other things. There is no one more dedicated than a bookie, mathematically minded individuals making money off sods placing bets on the slimmest of odds. Unsurprisingly, these people tend to not be very well liked. Failure to pay debts could end in death or worse, so having your ducks in a row and cash flow ready for events you want to stake your life on is incredibly important.

There's a sports festival upcoming, and instead of betting on horses we're betting on people. Except it seems some people aren't happy with the odds this season. Unlike underground wrestling rings or disgusting fight pits sequestered and secluded away from where the common man lays his eye, athletes are public figures difficult to act against. Obviously the best way to handle that is infighting, and that infighting has brought some nasty people into the limelight recently.

Mentions @Lizmun @Athelois
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This publication does not offer delivery of any kind, and I may sporadically decide not to notify people of each post.

What's with the bookie thing? I'm working on some roleplay opportunities for criminals in the coming months. Message me for more details.