Thursday, April 1st, 309 AC
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Broke my moxie?
Yet I'm still writing.
I'm starting my own journal mocking.
I won't go down in shame,
I'll set you dear life to flame.
Undercity is what to blame,
Noble men brought to slay.
Don't really care much for what the Emperor has to say,
For whatever, they want to maim.
Noble men think their so smart,
But when is that gonna start?
Ancestors aren't killed with grace,
So I smashed a man with a mace.
Hard to hear for old peerage ears,
Let's get one thing clear.
The Peerage has been around for too many years,
Let them taste their own tears.
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The Noble Truth!-------------------------
Broke my moxie?
Yet I'm still writing.
I'm starting my own journal mocking.
I won't go down in shame,
I'll set you dear life to flame.
Undercity is what to blame,
Noble men brought to slay.
Don't really care much for what the Emperor has to say,
For whatever, they want to maim.
Noble men think their so smart,
But when is that gonna start?
Ancestors aren't killed with grace,
So I smashed a man with a mace.
Hard to hear for old peerage ears,
Let's get one thing clear.
The Peerage has been around for too many years,
Let them taste their own tears.
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Lets talk about a certain noble family, if I am correct, many others dont like them as well. From other noble families to those within the undercity. House Mac Conall.
It's heard that Alastair is the sleeze of his family, though is that really such a surprise for noble heads? I didn't think so. Apparently he likes all types of women, and even said- Men. It's disgusting for a man of such.. 'high standing' to be such. Not only that but also an ungrateful brat. Honestly if you asked me to point out the difference of a highlander Duke and an Eruniun spoiled baby I couldn't tell you the difference! The Tenth Penny the family owns is barely ever manned and he flaunts and flaunts about how his drinks are the best within Regalia. Oh shut up already people are tired of hearing you speak with empty promises already can you learn to just not speak for a singular second? He boasts about everything yet it never comes to be.
Though let's all brush up on his horrid campaign for Lord Chancellor. That was- pitiful to say the least. Empty and broken promises along with so many mistakes within his campaign. Does he not know how to take interviews? Clearly he can take private ones but I guess if it involves any press of any kind he falls flat. Let's be glad he isn't our Lord Chancellor everyone!
Let's also remember his family members die off so easily. His family is weak, he just doesn't know how to say it. What has his family really done for the empire? Anything that truly comes to mind instead of trying to be the laughing stock of nobility? Weak, fragile, it's no wonder most people don't like him.
Let's not be too hasty to finally jump off the man now, at the very least I should grace him with some amount of critique. Where would I even start with this ugly man? First off, ditch that ugly thing you call a circlet, its horrid. Second, I don't care if your mother or worthless dead father told you how to dress, it needs to be fixed. Less red, you look like you're wanting to stand out, there's already too much on that mop on your head that you call hair. And for fucks sake shave that damn thing. What are you, a woman? Third, maybe try not to lie so much now, it's really bad for your family's name and image. Four, ditch that Peirgarten woman if you're just going to chase, and fail to, after another woman. She must be so embarrassed..
The only reason he dropped out of the race wasn't to secure Reinard the win but because he doesn't know when to shut his mouth. Maybe start sucking on Howlester's tit once more to refrain from making another fool of yourself once more
Has no one thought about how sketchy it is for Keillian Mac Conall to really be a title? Isn't he some lowly Eruniun man? Adopted into the family isnt he? He was so poor but was there any real reason he became a noble? I mean other people have done way more than Keillian here and yet they aren't noble.
Don't you all also think it's a bit weird how he is the only blond member of the family? Adopted or bastard child, you take your pick. He is also Alastair's lap dog if you can tell. Running around, campaigning, running his meetings? Clearly the man can't do anything for himself or his knees wobble and fall to the floor. I can see now why he is courting an Ithanian woman rather than one from his own culture. A real disgrace if you ask me.
I think it's also weird for the man that he is diverting the foreign ministry funds into helping his own lands. Though, he's helping himself instead of the Empire. It's so sad to see unfit men who get the titles of nobility.
Keillian also not only was a lowly commoner but obviously he dresses like such as well. To think some man might as well say a harlot could dress better than him! Its also said the man wears hand me downs from his Master Alastair. Really, you think such an egotistical noble man would wear his own rags. Though I guess I can't complain Keillian for such horrid rags but instead of Alastairs.
There's a few kin from House Mac Conall that I don't recognize. A wanna be Lionpelt, a true failure to her family name. A woman who cant even fight and puts a sin stain onto her family name and a man with too much of a thick accent to even be heard by anyone. Then, there's the Mac Conall no one even knows about, Daleth. It's surprising these good for nothing people even stay in the house honestly they aren't even dragging their own weight, though is that so unusual for a noble house?
Most of the kin here have a taint in their blood, either eruniun or highlander. They themselves shouldn't even be recognized as nobility as they are just a sin to such. Only the head of the house is a sleeze though and the other title holder sleeps with a woman who so openly cheats on him. Really, they are the stain on the bottom of the peerages shoes.
Really, House Mac Conall needs to get their act together if they truly want to be a noble house. So far they act like circus monkeys. They don't even understand their people they seem, they didn't like the little game one if the Dukes brought in.
House Mac Conall is just a silly little house that talks big shit for such a girly man they call a patriarch. There's much more I wish to go on about the family but I guess I will save the paper.
Do you all remember Eddair Mac Conall, I surely don't. Proposed war hero for Regalia. Honestly the man's death might as well have saved Regalia. Though I do find it a little odd, I wonder if both Alastair and Keillian were waiting for Eddie's death. Would they have killed him if he didn't die out at war? Those men really are power hubgry but can never follow up!
Though to finally get off those silly little redhead circus brats that dare call themselves brave- Lions pah- More like frightened kittens. It would be much better to leave them out on the streets of Regalia.
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Honestly I am not even sure why I am wasting paper and even giving an ounce of acknowledgement to these people.
Though dear the man who thinks he's powerful and big and scary. Whatever you think you are. I was asked to make a report given about the Collective. Maybe if you could read properly you would have been able to read such. I can guess you were too poor to afford proper education.
No, I don't speak for the undercity but for me and those who ask me to speak. Though if you wish to see me as such I surely won't complain. Though I will agree that yes, a kathar isn't even low enough for the Cadieux. Maybe look into a mirror, or are you one of those filthy sympathizers?
I wish you luck in coming to find me, for I will not apologize for what I say.
Signed, The Handmaiden.
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I have a few birdies, some in noble house staff, some who are out on the streets. If you think your secret is safe, you cannot keep it from me.
Alleged reports come from one of my most helpful birdies. Victane de Piedmont has been caught sleeping around with a kathar. Quite the show to hear, poor soul sleeping with such a thing. And for that I mean the kathar for once.
Going along with this horrid pattern of peerage sleeping around, one falls back onto Alastair Mac Conall. Apparently, the man has quite the taste for commoners. Is it because they so easily fall to their knees to kiss upon the ground and feet of the Howlesters they would like to feel such of their own? Too bad for them that they are a shoe stain on the peerage, the only people willing to do such is the common folk! Those reading at home today, do not fall for one of Alastair's tricks. At least try to have some self-preservation. That goes for all the nobles out there!
There's a few of my birdies swarming over a singular topic, though none of them could find me evidence for such. Apparently the alleged Aleric Kein who had an affair with his chief, Frank, is also having an affair with a few of the Ladies of house Latimer. Though once again none of these cant be backed up, it makes you start to think. Maybe the Kein isn't as pure as he says he is.
Its also rumored with House Latimer and House Kein that Latimer will be helping the man if he goes into war.
Another rumor has sparked some interest in me to write. A certain noble woman has to stuff her shirt. Clearly seeing as she is the self proposed business woman she is, that surely must be the case right? To get more business? The self-made business woman is more of an entrepreneur in the field of swaying the male gaze towards the imaginary.
And lastly, how could I forget a certain someone in both the sewers and in the lands of Regalia? A small fucker named Abigail Tucker. She is certainly someone, is she not? Being able to commune with both the nobles and undercity alike? Its quite impressive really. But- I refuse to dismiss anything I can get my birdies to pick up. Our lovely Tucker here ran for Lord Chancellor, though now that she hasn't gotten it I hear that she plans on getting revenge among the nobles who didn't vote for her. To the peerage, be careful of any sudden presents you get from the woman, I expect once opened it might leave a nasty glitter surprise. I also heard she's already begun playing nasty, nasty tricks on the peerage as well. Though I think what's least known to tell is that Tucker rhymes with Fucker for a good reason. Going from the kissing booth to beds this woman has slept with many. The purity from this woman is gone but just like the Cadieux she is all about partying.
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There's word of a bastardly white alligator of sorts that's within the sewers and even on the land within Regalia. Snatching and eating people. Proves how good those knights and guards are. Worthless, as if we didn't already know such. Watch out folks, you wouldn't want to be grabbed next.
On another note, let's take a moment for political and government warning for all. If anyone has half the wits of an idiotic elf. The Foreign Minister, Telerel, has been spreading Pro-Allorn propaganda. According to a few nobles who have sent me letters letting me know of such, isn't it odd that they tell me and not inform the Lord Chancellor? Silly me, maybe the Lord Chancellor can't even do his job properly! Though I would rather have him in than the rat who calls himself Alastair Mac Conall.
Though that's getting off topic here. Now those who truly pay attention to Regalia and its problems, I'm surprised we would allow an elf of all things become the foreign minister. A real elf, not one of fake elven noble families. So close yet they won't imperialize, such a shame. We shouldn't allow an elf to be in such a position especially when the Allorn empire can show up to the shores and land at any moment. Though, how are you sure that Teleral wont join them in a heartbeat? Isn't he one of them?
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Do I really have to write this? For poorly dressed and horrid mannered werebeasts of all things? Fine, fine. I will.
Whispers have started to spread that a new pack has been formed within the confines of Crookback, willing to take up jobs and favours from citizenry, whether it be the protection of businesses, headhunting a pesky leech and other such services for a reasonable price! Approach the man with a wolf mask and armour to form a contract!
I refuse to rewrite your own horrid advert for the amusement of my readers. Especially for werebeasts. Take it from me readers, go find a sanguine coven to do your dirty work, at least they get it done.
There's a few Covens of the undercity. Now I won't tell you which ones to join or contact. Though just remember my last issue. No matter what they might say I do not trust those leeches.
To put in my own advert however, there are many shops down in the New Crookback. Ditch those ugly mainstreet shops and take a look at what you can find, you might be surprised by the quality.
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Thank you to all the supporters and readers of this paper. Quote a pleasure it is to know you all take the time out of your day to read such.
Written and Organized by The Handmaiden
Rumors and resources,
Multiple peerage members
Past decrees and interviews involving Alastair Mac Conall
Various members of werebeasts and Sanguine.
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