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Needs Help/Review Stéphan Valeur Ιll

This sheet needs additional review by staff or community members. Please respond to the thread with tips!

Bertramqaz

Egads, It's sad this man's Gonads!
Joined
Nov 17, 2013
Messages
182
Reaction score
215
Points
0
Age
26
Location
Copenhagen, Kingdom of Denmark-Norway
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Basic Information
  • Name: Stéphan Valeur III
  • Age: 98
  • Gender: Male
  • Race: Ailor, Ithanian
  • Sexuality: Heterosexual
  • Occult: God Magic
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Core concept

Stéphan is a Reverend of Sancella Unionism in the Regalian Empire. He has served as both, a patriarch of a noble household and later as High Reverend of the church in his life, however nowadays he spends his last time in Aloria spreading the love and embrace of Unionism and not proselytising it as before.

He is a loving father, despite often having been away during his children's childhoods, he has often been seen as a cozy grandfather type who will try to see the good in anyone who will listen to the wisdom he has gathered over a lifetime, and he is in good Ithanian style a lover of good wine, good cheese and good conversations with old friends.
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Visual Information
  • Eye Color: Emerald green
  • Hair Color: Silver-Grey, formerly dark chocolate brown
  • Hair Style: Semi long, hanging loosely to the sides. Will wear it formally for the right occasion.
  • Skin Color: Regalian pale
  • Clothing: Imperial inspired black coat lined in gold and black riding boots, with several jewelries.
  • Height: 185 cm.
  • Weight: 100kg (BMI 29.22, normal for age)
  • Body Build: Formerly athletic, as well kept as a 95-year old can without posing damage. barely visible muscles behind wrinkles. average bodyfat.
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Skill Information
  • Combat Style: Healer
  • Hobbies And Talents:
    • Athletic Hobby
    • Cleric Talent
  • Proficiencies:
    • Strength: 0/7
    • Constitution: 0/7
      • Thick Hide (Free: Racial Trait)
    • Intelligence: 0/7
    • Wisdom: 7/7
      • Medical Stance (Free)
      • Medical Buff
      • Medical Revive
      • Medical Bolster
      • Medical Barrier
      • Medical Canteen
      • Medical Resist
      • Medical Rescue
    • Dexterity: 0/7
    • Faith: 7/7
      • Sacred Healing
      • Sacred Gear
      • Sacred Rebuke
      • Sacred Feather
      • Sacred Revive
      • Sacred Dispel
      • Sacred Circle
    • Magic: 0/7
  • Languages: Common, Ithanian, Anglisch & a little bit of Gallwech
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Personality and Abilities
  • Choose your Character Alignment
    • Stéphan would be defined as a Lawful Neutral character. For him upholding the way of the law (holy law first, secular second) is a way of life that preserves the Empire and his sanity, defining the state of the country not by the amount of wars it engages in, but by how devout it is.
  • Choose your Character Personality Type
    • ENTP: He likes to debate, think of new ways of looking at the religion, but most importantly for his way of life he is convinced to convert through words rather than sword, something he then does possible more than needed.
  • Choose your Character's Religion
    • Unionism 10/10. Being of the clergy, first Curate, then Reverend, then High Reverend, Stéphan is rather unsurprisingly as devout a Unionist as they come in Aloria. While not everything he has done is seen as good by others, everything he has done was done in the hope of furthering the Great Way

Weaknesses
  • Personality Oriented Weakness (Inconsiderate)
Stéphan has a tendency of ignoring, being cold, or disregarding certain people's emotions, simply because he doesn't care, or cares very little. People will feel insignificant or unimportant around him if he is somehow forced to speak with them. Unless he is curious about someone, or doing part of a task, he will seem like a gentleman. Being inconsiderate does not apply to close friends or family members.

  • Personality Oriented Weakness (Argumentative)
If there's anything Stéphan enjoys, it's the mental exercise of debating an idea. Especially when he feels his argument is strong, he won't think twice about tearing down others' beliefs and methods, which may lead to a great deal of tension. Note that this rarely happens among Nobility or people with power, but is more common when arguing with certain family members such as his uncle and cousins. Also, if he should be in a debate with common or poor folk, he'll more eagerly debate them if he has to.
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Life Story

Stéphan was born in the summer of 213 AC. As Stéphan grew to the age of four it was quite evident that he was a quiet child. While his twin, Sébastien, was out playing he was inside studying and beginning his training. He kept mostly to himself, speaking only when spoken to and to his mother's distress he showed little emotion to anyone. This changed however with the birth of Victoria. When he held his sister for the first time his heart warmed and a connection to her was made. As time progressed Stéphan clung to Victoria, going wherever she went. Her laughter brought him great amounts of joy and her tears brought upon his rage. This started when an abusive maid who was watching the two hit Victoria across the back with a rolling pin for misbehaving. Stéphan made an oath to himself that day that none would harm his beloved sister. This started an obsession with getting stronger, constantly telling himself that he was not yet strong enough. The pious and studying side of him still kept growing however, and he hoped that with the physical training and being a holy man he could achieve this.

Soon after is where his training in the Priscelle school began. Him being a man, forced him to move far away to the school in Collège des Prêtres in the city of La Portée du Paradis, which at first struck with with awe as he entered the much grander city of Calemberg than any other city he had ever visited before. His initial years of training was hard for him, feeling he was being treated like a servant, but he kept being tenacious to keep his vow to his sister. The later years, when actual Sancella was read and studied to no end, Stéphan stayed up late, reading, theorising and self-debating over the different kinds of Unionism, and the details of the established creeds within these interpretations. After ten years were gone Stéphan was a man at the age of 22 and ready to act as a priest in his homelands.

When he came home, it was three years after his father had died. His brother, who should have inherited, ruled for a few weeks before decided to abdicate the family to a sibling. Stéphan being the next in line was summoned from the Dom, but he declined stating that he would focus on his studies rather than keep a business and lineage alive, and thusly his sister Victoria gained the control of the family.

His sister ruled fairly and even made the family move to Regalia for a few years before trying to venture for a colony in Hadar. Stéphan seeing it as an opportunity to convert pagans of the archipelago journeyed with the family and they stayed there for a year before his sister fell ill and decided to abandon the colony because of the harsh work without support from outside sources. She decided to move the family back to Regalia and work to establish the Valeur name like in years gone by.

Soon after their arrival, Victoria declared herself retired as the family matriarch and handed over the control to Stéphan who had now experience in the noble scene as well as the pious ways of the faith. Stéphan quickly made deals with the Angle Veer houses, in common fear of the grander house Harhold, these deals were proposed by Stéphan's good friend Theodore Artiemus, but the control and credit of which were given to Gallus Tyrannian, who maneuvered rebel troops to retaliate and strike back Harhold forces. Artiemus soon merged with house Valeur as old family ties were revealed and Artiemus had a courtship with house Peirgarten, Stéphan allowed Theodore to adopt the Valeur name.

Months later, Stéphan had further dealing with Tyrannian, and after long discussions they decided to merge the two family businesses under the Tyrannian name, despite the Valeur trade being the bigger company; Stéphan was more focused on trade and piety than prestige and thusly it was established that all Valeurs should take on the name Tyrannian. This was triggered after Stéphan became a reverend and had to focus on his diocese as a holy man.

As he gained ardor within the chambers of the Synod, he was in 306 elected as High Reverend of the Sancella Church, a title which lasted shortly due to complications between being a Reverend and a landed noble from inheriting old family lands. Thus he removed himself completely from both scenes until the last creed was revealed in the winter of 307, prompting him to create his own church based on compassion and cooperation.

From 307 and towards present time he has continued his proselytizing in the Empire, mostly focusing on the Priscelle Regions, teaching about the safety and security in a church based around neighbourly help and compassion for the fellow man and community. He has recently returned to the Holy City, looking to find some time to spend with family.
 
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+15 Architecture (+20 from Points)
I don't understand. Is it +20 Architecture or +15. Those 5 points seem to be missing for no reason.

Stéphan strives towards being mannered and polite, especially towards upper class and nobility in general. He wishes to give the impression of being proper and appropriate, showing off his social graces. Anything to better the family status and awareness. When among Nobility, Stéphan will always behave in according to the proper mannerisms and be aware of how to address himself. He will rarely ever speak ill of other nobility, though towards commoners, he may not display the same quality of care.
So he's polite to nobles, but not so much to commoners sometimes. What else? His manners in public is appropriate here, but what else is there. Is he an outwardly nice person? Comes off as foolish maybe? Is a jokester? This needs a bit more expanding so I can get a grip on just what Stephan is like.

Only if he feels time isn't spent effectively or without purpose, Stéphan will become reckless and impatient. His temper may also grow short. Stéphan always likes to be ahead of schedule or on time, and if things are to interfere with his plans, he will grow tempered. To him, life is like a game of chess, and if people play differently from his plan, it'll annoy him. He will be patient as long as it serves a greater purpose.
What about his confidence? His anxieties?

ed up to his father, wanting to impress and be 'good enough' for him. Hadrién was always very proud of his family, and he put great amounts of time and effort into its success, which Stéphan now works towards. He will do anything Victoria asks him to do, knowing it's in the family's best interest, and he does it with pleasure. His obedience seemingly knows no end. He understands it's for the best of the family. Being loyal, he's also very protective of all his family members.
What about friends?

Towards certain groups of people, or people he has little interest in, he can seem cold and inconsiderate. If he feels there is little to gain from a person or spending time having a friendship with them, he will put minimal effort engaging them. If he for some reason is forced to, he will do his part only to the degree of what he's been told. However, he would never behave that way openly to nobility, even if they were enemies of the family.
This doesn't have anything to do with the fifth paragraph purpose. This is supposed to be his Worldview. His opinion and relationship with religion, how he views noble privilege, etc. Re-read the template's explanation for the Fifth Paragraph and do this over.

Strengths
  • Ability Oriented Strength (Quick)
Stéphan has excellent reaction time, speed, reflexes and strength, making him a most swift person. Years of training and practice has made him most efficient; he has the ability to change the direction of the body in an effective and efficient manner to achieve his goal. This is something he has learned through his years of training, and he applies it to a great extent during combat. On a day to day matter, he doesn't use it as much aside from when his reflexes kick in during incidents that require speed to for example stop something from falling or breaking.

  • Personality Oriented Strength (Self-Confidence)
Stéphan trusts his own judgement and is confident in his every action. He rarely has second thoughts about anything, and when doing something, he does it one hundred percent. He does not take to heart what negative or insulting comments people may have about him. Little can bring him down.

  • Mental Oriented Strength (Sharp)
All his life, Stéphan has picked up on little details and stayed up to date with everything and everyone. He has an urge of knowing, and will do what he can to learn. When in a conversation with someone, he'll often stay one step ahead of them, trying to figure out what it is they're really after, if anything.
The newest template doesn't have strengths/talents. Remove this.

  • Physical Oriented Weakness (Sprained Leg Bone)
Recently, Stéphan was thrown off a horse, leading to a sprain in the leg bone. This had a large effect on his fighting as before he was extremely proficient in both legs but now one is weaker than the other. This angers him greatly as he is mostly unable to fix this problem.
  • Combat Oriented Weakness (Poor Balance)
Despite training throughout his life, balance was never one of his strong sides, especially during combat. If he's pushed completely off balance, he'll struggle for a moment to regain balance, and during that time, he's vulnerable to any attack. He'll attempt to avoid ending up in close quarter combat because of his slight balance issue. It isn't anything that debilitates him completely on a regular basis, however.
Both of these weaknesses would make him being a Mariposa completely redundant. The Mariposa School is almost like the dancing school, you need excellent footwork above all things. With these two weaknesses, he would completely lack any kind of footwork. I suggest removing these entirely as this is an optional section, and if you truly want more weaknesses, replace it with something that keeps his Mariposa realistically viable.

I also feel it's worth pointing out, you seem to be operating under the very old system of having the specific weaknesses under the old application template. You don't need to do things like this anymore.

He spent several years in Regalia as a vassal of the Empire, but returned in 304 to Hadar to aid in the conflicts that brewed there. Finally after the Hadarian kingdom was established under the Valeur family, with many rebellions and pretenders to the crown going on, many members of the family was sent to Regalia to craft relations between the Empire and the Kingdom, and as good unionists at some point result in kneeling to the Empire to further the Great Way of the Ailors.
Crisis of Kings lore, while compliant, is unethical to include in Regalian Roleplay. Being part of a Kingdom, or even remotely acknowledging the Valeurs have some kind of noble or royal privilege, is strictly not ethical. Please remove all mentions of Valeur nobility, royalty, titles, etc. Stick to ambiguous wealth and vague estates.

Make all changes in purple and @ me when done.
 
  • Courteous (First paragraph 1)
Stéphan strives towards being mannered and polite, especially towards upper class and nobility in general. He wishes to give the impression of being proper and appropriate, showing off his social graces. Anything to better the family status and awareness. When among Nobility, Stéphan will always behave in according to the proper mannerisms and be aware of how to address himself. He will rarely ever speak ill of other nobility, though towards commoners, he may not display the same quality of care. His personality when with other people varies a lot on the person but in general he is a serious person but always ready to come up with a quick joke if he thinks of one and it isn't inappropriate in regards to the situation.

  • Impatient (First Paragraph 2)
Only if he feels time isn't spent effectively or without purpose, Stéphan will become reckless and impatient. His temper may also grow short. Stéphan always likes to be ahead of schedule or on time, and if things are to interfere with his plans, he will grow tempered. To him, life is like a game of chess, and if people play differently from his plan, it'll annoy him. He will be patient as long as it serves a greater purpose. Stéphan is a confident person, he likes to socialise, but sometimes have a hard time finding the right ways to begin a conversation or initiate an acquaintance, which can at times make him feel introverted or unsure about his powers to convey meeting or gain contacts for the betterment of his family.

These also need to be merged into one paragraph, despite the longevity.
 
She is taking a break from lore work, I claim this application.

My sole point of review is he can't have learned Zasta without investing points in the Linguists Proficiency. Please change that section, or remove one of the other Languages he knows, and tag me afterward @Bertramqaz
 
Sorry, was off of Massive for the holidays. :)

Added the last year or so of history to the app, for my own sanity's sake.
Also changed around Zasta and Alt-Anglian as his mother's side is Anglian, could've picked either for the non-linguistics proficiency, but didn't know there was a rule against Zasta.
Anyways, here you go @HydraLana
 
Looking for an updated re-review on this old sheet @HydraLana
@Bertramqaz Lore staff no longer review character applications! While they are not voluntary (you need them to use Proficiencies in Combat RP or other scenarios), broadly speaking so long as you create one and keep it up to date, that is all good.

Broadly speaking, from reviewing the application just to offer some feedback, you might want to remove specifics regarding past events from the character's information, such as being elected as a High Reverend. I am personally unsure if such an event remains canon in the lore, not because of anything regarding yourself, but simply due to how Unionism lore has changed (for instances, Priscelle Unionism as it was once set up likely never existed). Elsewhere, other information simply isn't relevant, or again, focuses on events either decanonized due to lore changes, or are simply in a gray area. You should perhaps make a Discord ticket asking after any specifics you feel strongly about keeping as part of your character's past, but broadly, try and summarize, or refer to something as "rising to a high position in the clergy" versus a solid elected position.

Beyond this, I think you have the new Proficiency system down pat with your point spread from what I saw, and things seem good!