(Copies of this multi-page letter were left on a few notice boards in the city, as well as on the door of the All Beacon.)
Fellow citizens of the Empire, I, Celate Myka stand before you a person humbled by my failings.
It is one of my duties as Celate to communicate clearly and effectively with those under my wing, and in this regard, I admit that I have failed you. I am an intellectual sort, and fall often into the trap of not communicating my intentions clear. The trap that all those of the clergy and the nobility may fall into: being so used to how we speak to each other, that we assume all people might speak in the same way. This drives a wedge between us, where in reality we need to be closer. And so, in the interest of this closeness, I am going to make my hubris and fears known to you all.
Early this month, I managed to make the worst choices I reasonably could have made. And I did so one after another after another. Each mistake declined my mental state, and as a result led to further mistakes, and even lead to loss of life.
The first mistake of mine in a series was the doubt in my fellow citizens. A dear friend of mine was brought to me, injured by a sanguine and bitten. I was callous towards her saviors, insinuated that she was not properly given first aid, and spoke with harshness in my haste to see to her and heal her myself. This was undoubtedly an error on my part, as indeed her saviors had been so thorough in giving her first aid that all I really needed to do was cleanse the curse. The mark was all but gone, blood nearly all cleaned, and she was unconscious but quite stable. For this, her saviors have my deepest thanks, but will go unnamed. After all, I do have one critique.
They presumed my callousness came from a place of bigotry. You see, all of them were of a common demographic. Again, I will not specify any further, as I am not here to drag their good graces through the mud. They will remain anonymous, and if any of them wish to speak to me in private in regards to what happened, I am more than willing to give them personal apology, and hear their grievances with open ears.
Why do I mention this at all? Because it will become quite relevant to the next failing of mine. Something that can't be so easily marked off as a misunderstanding.
The next day, I watched people engage in an archaeological dig. I was there to give medical support, perhaps give out water to those who worked. A gathering of people were close to me, and my partner who was with me decided to strike up conversation with those people. I decided to join that conversation, starting with asking about a quirk in the speech of two of them which I found interesting.
The pair responded to the question by calling the Celacy a vile office, and that I ought to be silent.
I think I need to emphasize this. I just met these people, and their first words directed towards me were to call this venerable position I hold something evil. All because I asked them why the two, a pair of twins, seemed to echo each other when they spoke.
I felt a fury well up within me. I called them weak for it. I said they amounted to nothing. And most importantly, I said a word to them which I knew stung. It was a word that I endured myself for a large portion of my life. I called the pair, twin Abyssal Arkenborn they were, "voidlings".
This was a mistake.
There are plenty of ways I could have told them what I meant. That I worked my hands down to the bone to get where I am now. That I came from next to nothing; a mutt of two undesirable kinds, and made something of it. And these two making a judgment on me, who they did not know, purely because of that work I did? My work that I had to do to get my position as Celate in the first place? The sheer amount of work I've done since coming here? The lives I've saved from plague in Amontaar?
This is the work they chose to call vile. This is the person they were passing judgment on. And the word "voidling" dropped out of my mouth from the gall of it.
This angered the other Arkenborn, three or four of them, immediately, and rightfully so.
But then, something fascinating happened. Not one thing I said to the twins mattered after that point. No, in my quest to put a pair of twins in their place, I was now speaking to Arkenborn as a whole. One of the Arkenborn made my insults about all of them. Claimed to speak for all of them. Acted with the righteous fury that only a leader could have. Every insult I managed to the twins, whether a slur or not, no matter how direct and personalized was directed at all of them. And all of this, if you'll recall, was because of my haste and temper to use a word that I myself as a half-Kathar have heard for most of my life, and I knew hurt to use.
For using that word, I am sorry. For debasing myself and my fellow Unionists by attacking those people for the circumstances of their birth, I am sorry. I am in the wrong for doing this. What I am not sorry for is what I am going to be saying next.
Using bigotry as a shield to hide from your own corrupt behavior is pathetic, it's wrong, it's vile. It spits on the suffering of anyone who endured it, all for your own benefit in a moment. What is so fascinating to me is that in that moment, those Arkenborn became a monolith. They leapt upon me, criticized me, and let me have the verbal lashing which followed my choice. However, one of them outright made the entire issue about all Arkenborn despite my addressing two of them and continues to spread lies about what was said and what I've done.
And by some miracle, they're not a monolith anymore when asked about this. The same one who made personal insults monolithic doesn't speak for all of them anymore. In fact, according to this one and others I was personally insulting each of them, individually, using words like "spawn" when I never did, and in fact I personally despise every individual Arkenborn despite never saying so. The story, despite apparently not being "something on their minds" is one that is twisted and altered to no end, getting more disgusting with each time it's told.
Indeed, it's so far from their minds, and something which bothers them so little that the following night, four people were murdered. Colleagues of mine. My name spelled in their blood. This was without any reasonable doubt done with the goal of getting my attention. And now, you have it. This was done to intimidate me. You succeeded. This was done to terrify me. You succeeded. This was done to silence me. And in this, you failed.
To the "monolith" of Abyssal Arkenborn who had so much to say to me before but have suspiciously grown silent, I have some questions. Questions which nobody seemed to want to answer. Questions that now, you have forced me to instead get the opinion of the public, since none of you want to hear what I am telling you, and only what it is you want to hear.
Am I right for showing each of you individual attention and presuming you might be something great, as I do with all of those in my flock? Or am I wasting my time?
Are you individuals, each as complex and nuanced and varied as any other citizen of the Empire? Or are you one group that sticks together and coordinates, acting in your people's best interest and no other?
Is a slight against one of you a slight against all of you, or just a slight against one of you?
If you are individuals, will you bother with trying to listen to what it is I am actually saying, and not what you think you hear? Or does every condemnation I've made describe you and you feel personally attacked? How do you feel about one of you using your lineage as a shield? Does it make you as angry as it makes me?
And finally, if you are actually a collective (which I do not currently think you are), do you all, each and every one of you disavow the murders which took place hours after my slight against you? Or am I wrong, and each and every one of you have that blood on your hands?
I know my assumptions to these questions, and I want to think the best cases for each. You refuse to answer me in good faith. And so I leave it in the hands of the citizenry to speak for you.
Glory to the Empire.
"The Mad" Celate Myka
Fellow citizens of the Empire, I, Celate Myka stand before you a person humbled by my failings.
It is one of my duties as Celate to communicate clearly and effectively with those under my wing, and in this regard, I admit that I have failed you. I am an intellectual sort, and fall often into the trap of not communicating my intentions clear. The trap that all those of the clergy and the nobility may fall into: being so used to how we speak to each other, that we assume all people might speak in the same way. This drives a wedge between us, where in reality we need to be closer. And so, in the interest of this closeness, I am going to make my hubris and fears known to you all.
Early this month, I managed to make the worst choices I reasonably could have made. And I did so one after another after another. Each mistake declined my mental state, and as a result led to further mistakes, and even lead to loss of life.
The first mistake of mine in a series was the doubt in my fellow citizens. A dear friend of mine was brought to me, injured by a sanguine and bitten. I was callous towards her saviors, insinuated that she was not properly given first aid, and spoke with harshness in my haste to see to her and heal her myself. This was undoubtedly an error on my part, as indeed her saviors had been so thorough in giving her first aid that all I really needed to do was cleanse the curse. The mark was all but gone, blood nearly all cleaned, and she was unconscious but quite stable. For this, her saviors have my deepest thanks, but will go unnamed. After all, I do have one critique.
They presumed my callousness came from a place of bigotry. You see, all of them were of a common demographic. Again, I will not specify any further, as I am not here to drag their good graces through the mud. They will remain anonymous, and if any of them wish to speak to me in private in regards to what happened, I am more than willing to give them personal apology, and hear their grievances with open ears.
Why do I mention this at all? Because it will become quite relevant to the next failing of mine. Something that can't be so easily marked off as a misunderstanding.
The next day, I watched people engage in an archaeological dig. I was there to give medical support, perhaps give out water to those who worked. A gathering of people were close to me, and my partner who was with me decided to strike up conversation with those people. I decided to join that conversation, starting with asking about a quirk in the speech of two of them which I found interesting.
The pair responded to the question by calling the Celacy a vile office, and that I ought to be silent.
I think I need to emphasize this. I just met these people, and their first words directed towards me were to call this venerable position I hold something evil. All because I asked them why the two, a pair of twins, seemed to echo each other when they spoke.
I felt a fury well up within me. I called them weak for it. I said they amounted to nothing. And most importantly, I said a word to them which I knew stung. It was a word that I endured myself for a large portion of my life. I called the pair, twin Abyssal Arkenborn they were, "voidlings".
This was a mistake.
There are plenty of ways I could have told them what I meant. That I worked my hands down to the bone to get where I am now. That I came from next to nothing; a mutt of two undesirable kinds, and made something of it. And these two making a judgment on me, who they did not know, purely because of that work I did? My work that I had to do to get my position as Celate in the first place? The sheer amount of work I've done since coming here? The lives I've saved from plague in Amontaar?
This is the work they chose to call vile. This is the person they were passing judgment on. And the word "voidling" dropped out of my mouth from the gall of it.
This angered the other Arkenborn, three or four of them, immediately, and rightfully so.
But then, something fascinating happened. Not one thing I said to the twins mattered after that point. No, in my quest to put a pair of twins in their place, I was now speaking to Arkenborn as a whole. One of the Arkenborn made my insults about all of them. Claimed to speak for all of them. Acted with the righteous fury that only a leader could have. Every insult I managed to the twins, whether a slur or not, no matter how direct and personalized was directed at all of them. And all of this, if you'll recall, was because of my haste and temper to use a word that I myself as a half-Kathar have heard for most of my life, and I knew hurt to use.
For using that word, I am sorry. For debasing myself and my fellow Unionists by attacking those people for the circumstances of their birth, I am sorry. I am in the wrong for doing this. What I am not sorry for is what I am going to be saying next.
Using bigotry as a shield to hide from your own corrupt behavior is pathetic, it's wrong, it's vile. It spits on the suffering of anyone who endured it, all for your own benefit in a moment. What is so fascinating to me is that in that moment, those Arkenborn became a monolith. They leapt upon me, criticized me, and let me have the verbal lashing which followed my choice. However, one of them outright made the entire issue about all Arkenborn despite my addressing two of them and continues to spread lies about what was said and what I've done.
And by some miracle, they're not a monolith anymore when asked about this. The same one who made personal insults monolithic doesn't speak for all of them anymore. In fact, according to this one and others I was personally insulting each of them, individually, using words like "spawn" when I never did, and in fact I personally despise every individual Arkenborn despite never saying so. The story, despite apparently not being "something on their minds" is one that is twisted and altered to no end, getting more disgusting with each time it's told.
Indeed, it's so far from their minds, and something which bothers them so little that the following night, four people were murdered. Colleagues of mine. My name spelled in their blood. This was without any reasonable doubt done with the goal of getting my attention. And now, you have it. This was done to intimidate me. You succeeded. This was done to terrify me. You succeeded. This was done to silence me. And in this, you failed.
To the "monolith" of Abyssal Arkenborn who had so much to say to me before but have suspiciously grown silent, I have some questions. Questions which nobody seemed to want to answer. Questions that now, you have forced me to instead get the opinion of the public, since none of you want to hear what I am telling you, and only what it is you want to hear.
Am I right for showing each of you individual attention and presuming you might be something great, as I do with all of those in my flock? Or am I wasting my time?
Are you individuals, each as complex and nuanced and varied as any other citizen of the Empire? Or are you one group that sticks together and coordinates, acting in your people's best interest and no other?
Is a slight against one of you a slight against all of you, or just a slight against one of you?
If you are individuals, will you bother with trying to listen to what it is I am actually saying, and not what you think you hear? Or does every condemnation I've made describe you and you feel personally attacked? How do you feel about one of you using your lineage as a shield? Does it make you as angry as it makes me?
And finally, if you are actually a collective (which I do not currently think you are), do you all, each and every one of you disavow the murders which took place hours after my slight against you? Or am I wrong, and each and every one of you have that blood on your hands?
I know my assumptions to these questions, and I want to think the best cases for each. You refuse to answer me in good faith. And so I leave it in the hands of the citizenry to speak for you.
Glory to the Empire.
"The Mad" Celate Myka
