Preserved Sheet Nevakko Talafi - Beast Of The West

This sheet was missing a prefix or has not been edited for a long period of time. Please create a ticket including a linkif your sheet was moved in error.
In response to recent changes -
  • I would like you to expand on the main ambition as I do not believe it lends much direction, if any at all, to your character.
  • Given he is expert in Lecgaen, I don't think it is appropriate to have competency in use of a bow. The entire idea of Lecgaen is that you're spending so much time working on your body and hand-to-hand combat that you wouldn't be able to mix with other weapons.
  • The third paragraph should more clearly delineate between friends and family. Right now, it only really speaks on friends and romance.
Mark these changes in red and tag me when you're done.
 
Lets get straight into this review!
  • Your special permission registry only needs to include the Expert Ularren. Please remove the Avant from this.
  • Your personality section needs a bit more information in each paragraph. Please make sure that there are four sentences minimum in each.
  • Your talent section is good though it does need some working. You still have the School of Lecgaen as a talent. Please remove this and add the Ularren and Avant schools. While Ularren and Avant are sister schools, they are still different talents. So you will need to remove one other talent or add on a weakness to be able to have four talents.
  • The life story doesn't need any fixing up, good job with that!
Make these edits in red and tag me afterwards!
@LumosJared
@Tracenator1
 
Heavy amounts of reworking through app, including:
-Name Change
-Life story changes
-Visual changes
-Personality Changes
-etc.

NEEDS RE-REVIEW.
 
*Marked as needs reviewer since previous reviewer is no longer active*
 
Scary lookin
 
-Small Update: Proficiency points system, and recent changes to accompany them, along with recent changes in Ambition.

@Rochelle_
 
  • You are no longer required to list expert as a special permission.
  • Change Ularcia Axe to Avanthar Axe under weapon of choice.
  • Remove mention of the School of Ularenn as it is no longer pertinent.
Mark your edits in red and tag me when you have made the appropriate changes. @Tracenator1
 
@Bagley_ Reworking this char with a complete overhaul for Silvenism and to account for the proficiency update.
 
Rejecting as I am giving up the Silvenism perm on an inactive char and shelving the character.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top Bottom