Approved Sheet Mila Braunbecker

Discussion in 'Character Applications' started by Arcanus01134, Feb 11, 2019.

  1. Arcanus01134

    Arcanus01134
    1. House von Drachenburg

    Joined:
    Mar 13, 2018
    Messages:
    55
    Likes Received:
    7
    [​IMG]


    Mila Braunbecker was born in Büchner on the border of Osteiermark and present-day Waldmark in what was once Calemberg. Her parents, Kraus and Johanna Braunbecker, were well-renowned Croisse-Bakers, owning a quaint store that catered to the upper-middle class. Being their only child, she was brought into baking from an early age as they prepared her to take on the family profession. This came to an end one night when their home was attacked by a von Kërle who intended to burgle the establishment. Though it was eventually driven off, Kraus lost his arm in the process. Fearing they'd no longer be able to provide care for Mila if something happened again in the future, she was taken by carriage to Castle Virgadulvlas in Tirgunn.

    In 288, Mila walked the moonless path to the Castle in the dead of night. Terrified, every errant rustle of underbrush or mysterious raven's warble led to a menagerie of unseen nightmares. Most horrifying was when she heard the soft wailing of a child in the distance. Despite her fears, Mila followed the voice. She called out and, to her relief, the child responded. Annie, like her, had been following the path to Castle Virgadulvlas when a bat had scared her off. Together, they eventually reached the castle and became Pages of the Darkwald Order.

    Through the years, the two grew to rely on each other as allies. Though she hadn't been born with a sister, Annie was one in everything but blood. Known for her quick thinking and unconventional tactics, while Annie showed deadly prowess with the crossbow and blade, the two became an inseparable duo. During their time as Squires, Mila and Annie tailed their mentors investigating the reports of a Sanguine terrorizing a rural village. After a week of investigation, they had found their suspect who was promptly burned at the stake. Despite the heat of the flame, she couldn't help but feel a cold chill as the man screamed out. It was almost worse when he eventually stopped.

    More time passed, and her skills expanded. She grew as a warrior, but her previously unbreakable bond with Annie began to weaken. While Annie had begun to grow defiant and reckless, Mila had grown overconfident and controlling, and the two blamed their failings on the other. This cumulated in a tragedy after their graduation, when they'd both become Dames-At-Arms. Returning to the village, they found they'd never truly discovered the true Sanguine, only that it had framed an innocent man years prior. After a verbal conflict, Annie was abducted with only a note leading Mila to an abandoned farmhouse.

    She returned to Castle Virgadulvlas victorious, the farmhouse nothing more than a charred ruin, and the Sanguine's blood upon her blade. In her hand was a broken Raven pin, the only thing she brought back of Annie. With the mixed results of her mission, Mila took up a new one, leaving to become a Houseguard for one of the few remaining Purist Houses; the von Drachenburgs, continuing her mission to defend the realm against those who would see it destroyed.

     
    • Immersive Immersive x 3
    • Cuddles! Cuddles! x 2
    • Winner Winner x 1
    #1 Arcanus01134, Feb 11, 2019
    Last edited: May 4, 2021
  2. Percuriam

    Percuriam The Storyteller

    Joined:
    Sep 8, 2013
    Messages:
    913
    Likes Received:
    726
    I'll snag this! Expect something in 48ish hours!
     
  3. Percuriam

    Percuriam The Storyteller

    Joined:
    Sep 8, 2013
    Messages:
    913
    Likes Received:
    726
    Hey there buddy! Let's get down to business:

    This application looks completely solid to me. Approved.
     
  4. Arcanus01134

    Arcanus01134
    1. House von Drachenburg

    Joined:
    Mar 13, 2018
    Messages:
    55
    Likes Received:
    7
    Thanks Percuriam!
     
  5. Arcanus01134

    Arcanus01134
    1. House von Drachenburg

    Joined:
    Mar 13, 2018
    Messages:
    55
    Likes Received:
    7
    Er, why was my Application changed to "Rejected"?
     
  6. Panda_bear

    Panda_bear

    Joined:
    Aug 4, 2019
    Messages:
    56
    Likes Received:
    4
    Peer help Racial bonuses are no longer a thing
     
    • Informative Informative x 1
  7. Wumpatron

    Wumpatron Dr. House cured my nihilism Staff Member Lore1
    1. House von Drachenburg

    Joined:
    Dec 15, 2015
    Messages:
    2,657
    Likes Received:
    421
    Proficiency update. Just review what the changes are, shouldn't be hard to find, and change your tag to Needs Reviewer
     
    • Informative Informative x 1
  8. YunYun

    YunYun cat girls nya nya nya

    Joined:
    Jan 26, 2019
    Messages:
    301
    Likes Received:
    370
    Racial bonuses were removed from proficiency
     
    • Informative Informative x 1
  9. Follower

    Follower Returned to Monkey Staff Member Roleplay Staff

    Joined:
    May 17, 2019
    Messages:
    482
    Likes Received:
    98
    Claimed for Aspirant review.
     
  10. Follower

    Follower Returned to Monkey Staff Member Roleplay Staff

    Joined:
    May 17, 2019
    Messages:
    482
    Likes Received:
    98
    @Arcanus01134 Hey your app looks pretty good! There are just a few things that require changes:
    • The currently have listed three points invested in Statesman Knowledge, however with the Proficiency update Statesman Knowledge no longer exists. It has been broken up into the Study Proficiency Category, which you can find the details on here.
    • The body stat number is a tad off, With your current proficiency points, you may have simply missed the extra five you invested in Thin blades, which would change your Body Stat.
    • The Personality section is from a previously accepted version of the application. Whilst overall, since you were accepted with the format you presented it is fine, I would recommend updating it to the current standards for personality.
    • The application seems to not have a section for the Ailor Will of Faith ability. If you simply chose to not have said ability, that is quite alright, however if it was simply something that you were not aware of, you can find more information here.
    Outside of that listed, your application looks wonderful. Please tag me once you have completed the requested changes, and mark those changes in Blue.
    Have a wonderful day.
     
  11. Arcanus01134

    Arcanus01134
    1. House von Drachenburg

    Joined:
    Mar 13, 2018
    Messages:
    55
    Likes Received:
    7
    Hello @Follower! I've completed the things you've asked me to do.

    • Statesmen has been removed and changed to Diplomatic Skill. Didn't realize that that had been removed.

    • I also don't know how I'd managed to miss adding the +5 to the Body Stat, but I'm glad to see that it's made Mila just a little bit better with her blade.

    • Personality-wise, I'd like to leave that section because I usually abhor writing those parts. I never like writing down exactly how a character acts because it's always situational, I feel. Whatever works best for the narrative and their current arc.

    • Finally, I was not aware Wills of Faith were a thing, but decided to not include them because unfortunately Mila just isn't religious enough. She's not one to doubt Unionism by any means, but she isn't devout enough to gain tangible benefits.

    I've marked the changes in Dark Blue because I am a rebellious soul who doesn't follow rules. Thanks for the review, and thanks for the compliments!

    EDIT: I shifted an additional 2 points from her long blades skill to her Perception.
     
    • Immersive Immersive x 1
    #11 Arcanus01134, Oct 22, 2019
    Last edited: Oct 22, 2019
  12. Follower

    Follower Returned to Monkey Staff Member Roleplay Staff

    Joined:
    May 17, 2019
    Messages:
    482
    Likes Received:
    98
    @Arcanus01134
    Application seems to be all good now, Approved.
     
  13. Arcanus01134

    Arcanus01134
    1. House von Drachenburg

    Joined:
    Mar 13, 2018
    Messages:
    55
    Likes Received:
    7
    @Follower, updated new Hobby Proficiencies, as well as shifted around a few stats.
     
  14. Follower

    Follower Returned to Monkey Staff Member Roleplay Staff

    Joined:
    May 17, 2019
    Messages:
    482
    Likes Received:
    98
    @Arcanus01134 Your application seems mostly correct, you're just missing the 5 points you get from being a character, as well as up to 5 extra hobby points. If you do not wish to take advantage of these points, then do not worry about it and simply inform me of such.
     
  15. Arcanus01134

    Arcanus01134
    1. House von Drachenburg

    Joined:
    Mar 13, 2018
    Messages:
    55
    Likes Received:
    7
    Yeah, I've got those currently unused so far, since my character hasnt diversified her interests enough for me to stat out those skills, and I like the level at which her skills currently are. I plan on updating them once it changes ICly.

    @Follower
     
  16. Follower

    Follower Returned to Monkey Staff Member Roleplay Staff

    Joined:
    May 17, 2019
    Messages:
    482
    Likes Received:
    98
  17. Arcanus01134

    Arcanus01134
    1. House von Drachenburg

    Joined:
    Mar 13, 2018
    Messages:
    55
    Likes Received:
    7
    Hello! I've changed several bits of Mila's stats, her birthyear, as well as a bit of her backstory.
    • Birthday changed from February 11th 281 AC to February 11th 282 AC

    • Race changed to Lexxon Lingeage Ailor
    • Changed Total Points from 31 (26P | 5H) to 37 (31P | 6H)

    • Changed 13 Thin Blades Combat Skill to 14 Thin Blades Combat Skill

    • Changed 6 Perception Training to 8 Perception Training

    • Added 4 Light Bow Combat Skill
    • Added 1 Literary Arts (H)

    • Removed Athletics Training
    • Changed minor details in backstory
    • Changed 2 Dancing Arts to 4 Dancing Arts

    • Added 2 Athletics Training

    • Added 2 Unarmed Combat Skill

    • Removed Light Bow Combat Skill

    • Removed Diplomatic Case Skill

    • Changed Total Points from 36 (28P | 8H) to 38 (21P | 10 T | 7 H)

    • Changed 14 Thin Blades Combat Skill to 14 Rapier Combat

    • Changed 8 Perception Training to 5 Perception Training

    • Changed 2 Bodycare Training to 5 Bodycare Training

    • Changed 3 Culinary Arts to 4 Baking Art

    • Changed 2 Unarmed Combat Skill to 3 Fist Combat

    • Changed 4 Dancing Arts to 2 Dancing Art

    • Added 4 Light Bow Combat

    • Removed Athletic Training
    I've marked the changes in Dark Blue because I am a rebellious soul who doesn't follow rules.

    Edit: Re-changed some more stuff again. Changes to the changes marked in Hot Pink, because I am still a rebellious soul who doesn't follow rules.

    Re-Edit: Changed the changes because of the update literally just after this, which have been marked in Lime Green, the same color as Mila's judging eyes for rewriting this for the 3rd time in a single review.
     
    #17 Arcanus01134, Sep 9, 2020
    Last edited: Sep 17, 2020
  18. Wumpatron

    Wumpatron Dr. House cured my nihilism Staff Member Lore1
    1. House von Drachenburg

    Joined:
    Dec 15, 2015
    Messages:
    2,657
    Likes Received:
    421
    I'm be taking over this application, give me a bit and I'll go through with a review. @Arcanus01134
     
  19. Katiesc

    Katiesc the rubberband man. Premium

    Joined:
    May 6, 2013
    Messages:
    2,491
    Likes Received:
    2,813
    Approved.
     
  20. Arcanus01134

    Arcanus01134
    1. House von Drachenburg

    Joined:
    Mar 13, 2018
    Messages:
    55
    Likes Received:
    7
    @Staff Roleplay, I don't know who's my reviewer anymore, but I've done pretty much a full rewrite of the character.
     
  21. Lizmun

    Lizmun yeah Staff Member Lore1

    Joined:
    Nov 6, 2012
    Messages:
    2,560
    Likes Received:
    2,184
    Claimed for aspirant review!
     
  22. Lizmun

    Lizmun yeah Staff Member Lore1

    Joined:
    Nov 6, 2012
    Messages:
    2,560
    Likes Received:
    2,184
    Hello! I am sorry for the delay, I had to get through some homework. Here's my review! And I would like to sytart off with I like how streamlined your application is.

    Basic Information
    - no issues here​
    Personality
    - no issues here​
    Visual Information
    - no issues here​
    Skill Information
    - You are actually able to allot a total of 56 points, not just 51. You get age + 5 for core points, this isn't enough for me to warrant keeping you in review, I just thought I'd let you know.​
    Life Story
    - no issues here and a very pleasant read​

    Overall, I can mark you as approved!

    @Arcanus01134
     
  23. Arcanus01134

    Arcanus01134
    1. House von Drachenburg

    Joined:
    Mar 13, 2018
    Messages:
    55
    Likes Received:
    7
    Oh. I keep forgetting that detail. I'll just leave them as blank for IC learning for now then. Might shuffle points around later on, since she'll be aging up in a month anyways. 6+ whatever else can be used for a lot.

    Thanks Liz!
     
  24. Arcanus01134

    Arcanus01134
    1. House von Drachenburg

    Joined:
    Mar 13, 2018
    Messages:
    55
    Likes Received:
    7
    Hi, @Lizmun, I finally got around to updating the Proficiencies with the removal of Fortification Arts, as well as doing a few changes to better reflect what I'd like to do in roleplay with the character. Details below, marked in Dull Orange.
    • Aged up Mila by 1 year to 27

    • Weapon changed from Arming Sword & Crossbow to Falchion & Crossbow

    • Changed 10 Alchemy Science to 5 Alchemy Science

    • Changed 8 Sword Combat to 10 Sword Combat

    • Changed 8 Crossbow Combat to 4 Crossbow Combat

    • Changed 6 Perception Training to 5 Perception Training

    • Changed 2 Baking Art to 1 Baking Art

    • Added 10 Pathfinding Art

    • Added 5 Stealth Training

    • Added 3 Affliction Knowledge

    • Added Category for Knighthood

    • Removed Fortification Art
     
  25. Lizmun

    Lizmun yeah Staff Member Lore1

    Joined:
    Nov 6, 2012
    Messages:
    2,560
    Likes Received:
    2,184
  26. Arcanus01134

    Arcanus01134
    1. House von Drachenburg

    Joined:
    Mar 13, 2018
    Messages:
    55
    Likes Received:
    7
    Hi @Lizmun, updates have been made to reflect the new Age-Proficiency Update. Changes have been marked in Putrid Peas.

    • Changed Date of Birth back to February 11th, 281 AC

    • Changed Unionism (7/10) to Unionism (8/10)

    • Changed 22 Physical Stat to 24 Physical Stat

    • Changed 4 Crossbow Combat to 4 Heavy Ranged Combat

    • Changed 3 Affliction Knowledge to 3 Arcanology: Affliction

    • Changed 2 Burgling Rogue to 3 Roguery: Burglary

    • Changed 2 Dextrous Rogue to 3 Roguery: Sleight of Hand

    • Added 3 Arcanology: Essence

    • Added 3 Schooling: Riding

    • Added Category for Racial Abilities
     
  27. Lizmun

    Lizmun yeah Staff Member Lore1

    Joined:
    Nov 6, 2012
    Messages:
    2,560
    Likes Received:
    2,184
  28. Arcanus01134

    Arcanus01134
    1. House von Drachenburg

    Joined:
    Mar 13, 2018
    Messages:
    55
    Likes Received:
    7
    Hi @Lizmun, sorry about so quick of a change, but I realized that I forgot a few more changes I wanted to do to reflect the new direction the Darkwald Order was taking. Changes have been marked in Calemberger Cilantro.

    • Changed 24 Physical Stat to 19 Physical Stat

    • Added 10 Husbandry Art

    • Added 3 Arcanology: Ward

    • Added Category for Husbandry

    • Removed Schooling: Riding

    • Removed Theatre Art
     
    #28 Arcanus01134, May 4, 2021
    Last edited: May 4, 2021
  29. Lizmun

    Lizmun yeah Staff Member Lore1

    Joined:
    Nov 6, 2012
    Messages:
    2,560
    Likes Received:
    2,184

Share This Page