Maxwell Edward Ta’ren Age: 32 Gender: Male Race: Ailor Main Ambition: Having his company the Ta’ren Traders, (T.T.) be as popular as FongCo. and to fix his broken family line. He’s always wanted to be an Inquisitor. Maxwell's body build Eye Color: Brown Hair Color: Black Hair Style: Parted to the side Clothing choice: Black coat with golden epaulettes and a Crimson sash Height: 5 Ft. 11 In. Weight: 250 Body description: His body looks muscular,but his legs are very weak, if he lands incorrectly (on a jump) he can’t move them till he goes to resituate them besides that they look fine. Weapon choice: He likes to use a Sword and Shield. He believes that a sword and shield is an appropriate weapon selection. Personality traits Maxwell is very Stern, he doesn't like jokers. Which is the result of being bullied all of the time when he was younger. He never was a big joker whatsoever,Even though, he wasn't very talkative. He can be a hypocrite, He will tend to do that to snotty common folk. He never really liked to be bossed around by common folk. Maxwell was bossed around a lot when he had amnesia. He then wanted to let them know how he felt. That is how he started to become a hypocrite. Maxwell can be very sarcastic, He sometimes would tend to do that to women attempting to flirt with them. He has never been able to learn how to properly flirt with a girl. This is what he thinks flirting is... He is very Proper. He tries his best to be polite and with the rules with everything! Even though he is a hypocrite at times, he just wants to play by the rules. Maxwell is very organized with his things (heck, my inventory is organised!). He tries his best to stay on top of things by being organized. He tries his best to keep his house clean. He has always struggled with having guests over at his house. They would get the house messed up. Maxwell is Persuasive, he can ask anybody to help him, at the right price of course! He always has been persuasive, he has tired his best to get things going back on track when something goes wrong. He does everything he gives mentally a scarring picture to the person, He gives a person regals, and he'll ask them if they wanna get a drink. Maxwell is pure in the mind, He isn't a perverted man. He looks for what a girl is, not one's looks! He has always been having problems with that sort of thing. He never was into sex and smoking tobacco. He just wants to live his life, find a wife, and start a family. Maxwell is racist. He is like every Ailor out there! He can be calm, then he can be the most racist man ever. Well, heck he can be a great guy, but it all depends on his day. It is strange that he acts on certain days but, it’s how he rolls. Maxwell's Strengths He is an expert swordsman. Maxwell was trained by fellow Ailor in the art of sword fighting. He paid the Ailor well. Maxwell is very forceful with his combat. He has very good timing on his defensive maneuvers. Maxwell is persuasive, as you know but, he uses that in his combat training he tries to persuade the attacker to stop and just have a drink! He is determined, he will fight till it's over! He is a very quick learner he can learn things easily ones fighting style (so he may mimic it) or to just watch others that fight along side him! Maxwell's Weaknesses Maxwell's legs are the place to hit! Maxwell's legs look normal but really they are frail! You can hit it with a club and seriously harm his legs! He sometimes would have trouble standing up or getting up because of his legs. Maxwell's only woman in his life, and his friends. Maxwell is extremely protective over all of his friends. He tries his best to keep them happy. Maxwell doesn't have many friends but, he wants to keep the friends he has. Maxwell can't handle Dirtiness. He is a clean freak which this ties in with his order problem. He tries to stay away from dirt and mud but, he is always attracting more and more mud and grime on him. Maxwell struggles with socializing. He is usually inside his office doing paperwork for the T.T. Maxwell is extremely busy. He tries to be free with his time and spend it with friends. Maxwell Ta’ren’s Story When Maxwell was as your average child. He was very creative. Maxwell was kind and he was very respectful. He was born into a noble family. Maxwell was good in school he was very intelligent. Maxwell always got himself into trouble from bullies in his class (probably because the kids were jealous that he was of a noble family). He didn't really have any friends when he was in school. Maxwell didn’t know how to fight at all. Moving Day. Max's parents were very organized which led to disasters at times. They would freak out if something was out of place. Maxwell and his parents we're moving out of Regalia. Maxwell and his parents were wanting to leave for a while. they just wanted to save up the Regals to rent a stagecoach and move to Ithania. They were tired of regalia. Well, Maxwell wasn't tired of regalia, he still wanted to explore the town for himself. His parents wouldn't let him leave their side. They just couldn't wait. When they were preparing to leave and packing up Maxwell's mother was packing a ton of stuff and let's just say most of what they're packing is Maxwell's mothers dresses! Maxwell's mother had a ton of dresses because she was a dye trader. so when the time came for Maxwell to move the craziest thing happened his mother locked the front door (the only way out of the house) when she opened it for the last time Maxwell was all packed up.Maxwell was ready to go. then a man of the Violet Order came up to the parents and was asking them questions the questions were about some crime that some man committed in regalia and Maxwell swears he heard the guard asked if the man at the tavern was a vampire. The two parents have their stuff in their hands ready to go. the mother always had this thing to flirt with men randomly so if she was flirting with the violet guard. she shut the door with Maxwell still in the house. Maxwell pounded on the door and pounded on the door. They were not listening. The parents could only hear the fountain close to the house plus the parents are getting old (they had Maxwell at an old age). The parents were becoming deaf. The parents didn't hear Maxwell's pounding. They left Maxwell in the house with no food or water they gave the key to the violet guard and left. The violet guard inspected the house believing that the Ta'ren family had something to do with hiding the vampire. His parents didn't notice that he was gone. Reasons why they thought he was there. Maxwell isn't very talkative this thought he was there the whole time when they got to the destination and found the new house. they they notice he was not in the stagecoach and they asked the stagecoach to take them back.on the guard came back into the house well, house became his. He found Maxwell crying in his room the guard asked what is he doing it in this house Maxwell replied that his parents forgot about him. He was put into an orphanage. Teenage years Maxwell was doing fine and his school work in his teenage years. He didn't have any problems whatsoever. I will be skipping this chapter in his story because nothing really interesting happens... Adulthood When Maxwell became an adult he started a large dye trading and tailor empire called the Ta'ren Traders (Details will be put into a separate thread giving details of the company). Maxwell's parents were murdered. He had a ton of business and gained respect from his customers. He was friendly to everybody which probably helped him with getting more customers. Then one day he got amnesia. Someone accepted to take care of him in his house. He never got the man's name, but the man tried to help cure him and make him remember everything. It succeeded and he was cured. After the amnesia, he chose a different path in his life he chose to practice combat more than ever before. Still keeping the Ta'ren Traders in business, Maxwell tries to spend as much time as possible with his friends and most of all, his wife. That is his story so far. In the Future Maxwell hopes to become an Inquisitor for the Crimson Inquisition, everyone hates guards, but hey that's what he hears. He wants to be the guy that everyone likes Maxwell would love to become an Inquisitor someday.
Yo Matey! Heres some advice. Don't start every sentence with Maxwell. You might also want to throw in some more detail for Maxwell's friends. Otherwise It's pretty good keep up the good work.
You should totally throw in Nathaniel MacIntosh under friends. I guarantee that as long as you roleplay as him the Iron Lady will do all of their trade business with him and his company.
I'd recommend not having so many sentences ending in exclamation marks, you could swap them with full stops.
@Biggums9001 have you updated to the new template yet? This is still in the waiting line for a review.
@MonMarty I can't seem to see the difference between the new template and the old one... Mind if you can assist me on that?
They are structurally different. It may seem little of a change, but splitting the various sections into the new categories gives us a whole lot easier of a time to review it, while also stripping down the amount of writing you have to do. I would suggest simply grabbing a google document, and copy pasting over parts where they should be according to the new template. You may find that you don't even have to add anything anymore.
Reduce the amount of personality traits to 6, and try and make 3 of them positive inclined, and 3 negative inclined. Bump him down from expert in hand to hand to a more average level. Being expert in 2 totally different fighting styles is a bit much. Try and fix some of the grammatical and spelling errors in your life story, and overall application. Exclamation marks where they're not necessary, using full sentences, avoiding run ons, etc. Add one more weakness of any sort. Colour all changes in blue and tag me when you're done
@Jared4242 I've finished, if there are any other errors please say so! (I'm wanting for this application is pitch-perfect).
