Basic Information Full Name: Maddison Effiel Av Corshaal Age: 52, infected at 27 Gender: Female Race: Ailor, Mix of Vladno and Velheim Cultures Sexuality: Yes Preferred Weapon: Axes Skill Information Total Points: 52 Spells - Elemental Sorcery Elemental Branding - 4 Points Elemental Influence - 4 Points 12 Throwing Combat Skill 15 Axes Combat Skill 6 Stealth Rogue Skill 11 Perception Training Body Shape 20 Physical Stat (From Vampirism) Athletic Body Shape, Extreme Low Body Fat Languages Common Mirnoye - Mother Tongue Skodje - Father Tongue Special Traits/Spells/Mutations Vampirism Mutations - Zikiel Bloodline Haunting Lich Haunting Sorcery Haunting Severing Haunting Toxicology Visual Information Eye Color: Iced Blue, Greyed Sclera. Naturally Brown Hair Color: Dark Brown Hair Style: Chopped and Curled Skin Color: Pale and Sickly Clothing: Practical Leather, a vest and pants. Height: 5’9” Personality - The Core List Choose your Character Alignment Neutral Evil - Maddis is a very self-driven person, constantly moving to achieve her own petty goals within the grand scheme of life. She may take directions and align to groups at times, but this is usually fleeting if the groups goals do not align with her own. She’s a very flakey person, usually coasting between allies and friends for long periods of time. Choose your Character Personality Type Commander - Maddis is a natural born leader, albeit at time not a very good one, but a leader nonetheless. She is confident in her skills and actions, and will always attempt to solve a problem on her own before asking for the help of others. Choose your Character's Religion Old Gods 2/10 - Maddis was once a devout Old Gods Worshipper, but now as a vampire she holds little regard for the Religion. While she still may respect Holy Sites, she does not worship or truly believe. Life Story Born in Nordskag, 256 AC, Maddison was sired by her father Espen and his chosen Vladno Bond-Wife, Matresha. While the family could be considered well off, they were not noble, the gained most of their money from the family having a large fishing business. Maddison was born amongst a great number of siblings, all either born to Espen’s bond-wives or his Sol-Kvinne. She was raised not knowing which of her siblings were her full-blooded, and which were half-blooded. Either way, they all lived and dined together as a family unit. By the age of ten, Maddison had been living with her family, learning to read and write in Skodje and Mirnoy; going about her days doing chores around the house and horseplaying with the siblings around the same age as she was. While she considered herself close with most of them, Rurik was probably the one she bonded with the most. Also around the age of ten Maddison began training with axes, and finished her training by age twenty. In her free time, she spent her days running and playing with her other siblings. She spent her pre-teen years working on housework still, feeding the little livestock they had and being the main child manning the small shack of a barn they had in the backyard. During one of her late night chore-runs Maddison ended up dropping the torch she used to illuminate her path. The torch caught on the hay bales, beginning to burn up the shack in mere minutes. In a frantic attempt at escape, Maddison ran through releasing the goats and chickens before heading for the barn doors, which had been latched behind herself in case any animals attempted to escape. In her struggle to pry open the doors, Maddis had been horribly burnt from her fingertips to just below her shoulders, collapsing into the cold once she had freed herself. Her upper thighs have also been charred, but not to her arms’ extent. It took upwards of two years for Maddis to fully feel her arms once more, and a few months for her to regain movement and strength. At the age of fifteen, Maddis also took up dancing. While erratic and cultural, the dancing still helped her overall physique and body movements. Around this age she and her brother Rurik were sparring often, wanting to further each other as much as they physically could. During one day's spar, Maddis found herself struck down by her elder brother, suffering a slash spanning under her left eye and spreading horizontally over her nose and under her right eye. The two attempted to keep her injury hidden as long as possible but ended up being found out within the next week when Maddis ended up with an infection. This lead the wound to scar deeper than normal, and now permanently disfigured the woman. By age twenty one, Maddis and her brother Rurik decided on bigger and better adventures, still studying with her skagger axe as she took her ambitions to Regalia. Upon arrival, the Northfolk were met with little love from the Regalian people and ended up moving to the slums shortly after running out. Their adventures in the slums weren’t forfeit, however, the two made out well working as young mercenaries. They made good money, lived decently and were still training daily to keep up with their skills. Six years of living in the slums began to make Rurik cocky, beginning to show off with his actions as he became less and less aware of the threats of the slums and more invested in making out well. During one bounty, Rurik somehow found himself infected with vampirism and turned soon after. The male Corshaal spent about a week as a vampire before growing angered and attacking his younger sister, infecting her also in the battle between siblings. Maddis, herself, became a vampire within the week, and decided the abilities may be better off for her. Rurik fled from his sister, leaving her to handle bounties on her own from then on, Maddis hasn’t seen her elder sibling since. As her time in the slums continued she ended up joining and leaving many gangs, having a partner, losing said partner to a Kathar and moving on to become a lazy slug just months before the collapse of the original sewers. At the time of the collapse, Maddis has been sitting inside an inlay of a sewer tunnel, drunk as ever when the water began to rise. She barely made it out with her left hand when the rubble crushed it underneath. Her years of vampirism went mostly uneventful, traveling around, hiding about, barely scraping along with her nomadic and isolationist lifestyle. She now simply runs about looking for work, generally joining anyone who will provide her with food.
Here's my review: Personality and Abilities The first paragraph has only four sentences. Please add one more. I suggest adding something about the mental effects of Vampirism. How are they displayed in her? Maybe she wants to constantly display her superiority over the non-sanguine? You've misspelled "her" as "hear" in the second sentence of the second paragraph. Lifestory You've mentioned that she was scarred and burned, much to her chagrin, but there's very little mention of the ridicule she suffered. It seems to have been so prolific that her insecurities have lasted despite her vampirism - an affliction that makes the individual feel superior in regards to non-sanguine. Put a bit of detail as to what made her embarassment last so long! Make these changes in this orange, this brown, OR this red. Tag me when you've done so!
I've given this a read-over, and you've satisfied all that I asked for! Happy roleplaying! To that end, Approved! Tiny note, you've misspelled "celebration" as "celebation" in the second paragraph. Please edit this. hehe.
hello i am back 2 years later to humbly request another re-review, basically the whole app was updated @apath
