Character Information Name: Loralai Celaena Spellour Cyradil Ashryver Dessiel Rania Marialeth Rilynnlues Race: Teledden Altalar Age: 18 Eye Color: Light Blue Core Concept: Loralai is a very curious person. She's always trying to solve every little thing she can get her hands on. She loves going to balls, and other events that are similar. She doesn't fight at all, not liking the idea of hurting someone. Proficiencies: Strength: 2 Athletics: Climber Pack Athletics: Shaker Pack Constitution: 0 Wisdom: 1 Soulrend Wisdom Pack Dexterity: 0 Magic (exist): 7 Displacing Materialism Mimicry Blessings Illusionism Enchanting Alteration Casting (Aseia's Will) Charisma: 1 Stupid Luck Pack 3 points left for later. Abilities: Climber Pack: Building Scale Shaker Pack: Building Smash Displacing: Arcane Knockback Materialism: Pocket Dimension Enchanting: Enchanted Well Mimicry: Pain Sharing Blessings: Healing Hands Alteration: Area Wall Illusionism: Altered Self Casting: Magic Throw 7 spell point buy, greater mage abilities: Magic Blink Magic Bolt Area Power Specials: 24 Specials Airwalking Dark Element Dressage Cleanse Decay Element Sanctum Vessel Rune Smithing Health Call Lightning immune Emote Infuse Chain Break Arcane Sight Altered Voice Arcane Wardrobe Water Element Nature Element Flora Element Spark Element Light Element Wind Element Stone Element Time Element Scan Sight Self Control Snow Element Languages: Common Altalar (learned from background) Appearance Information: long, white hair, that goes halfway down her body. Sometimes she puts it into a bun, for special occasions, but generally, it's loose, and just hanging down. Pale skin, nearly flawless, no birthmarks, and not many freckles. 5 ft 3 in. Light Blue eyes, long flowing eyelashes. Generally wears long flowing dresses, usually a mix of purple, pink, and blue. Wears a mix of earrings, usually something with jewels in them. Wears a stone on a necklace. It's an arrowhead-shaped rock, with a hole in it. It's lavender, with dark purple streaks going to the arrow's point. Wears a lot of makeup: lipstick, eyeliner, mascara. Generally wears a hat, usually pink, or white. Generally carries a purple-colored fan. Sometimes wears large, round glasses. Soulrend Form: Name: Moriella. Appearance: Long, shimmering silver hair. Fair skin. Long, black, sharp nails. Golden wings. Glowing, greyed-out eyes. Her magic effects switch between different colors, depending on her mood, including the glow of her eyes. Extra info In this form she becomes blind, but can see through arcane sight. Life Story: Lora was born in the Rilynnlues family, in the Allorn empire. She is a Teledden Altalar, though she is quite short for being one. She spent a lot of her childhood going to school, and learning. When she wasn't at school she went out exploring a lot, finding every little spot she could. One day she was exploring a little too late at night, and someone approached her. It was a vampire, it grabbed her, and Lora froze in fear, and right as the vampire is about to go for her neck, a blast of magic comes from out of nowhere, a mage, and she defeated the vampire, and saved Lora's life. Lora had never met her but knew where she lived, so she started visiting her. Lora spent adolescence learning different kinds of magic from the mage who saved her, and also continuing school. Started her young adulthood by leaving the Allorn Empire. She came to Regalia to be with the rest of her family.
The life story follows a bit too much of cliche trends, being born into nobility without being nobility is also not possible. Learning magic as a Nelfin is also not really that taboo. Witches are more of an anglian thing. It's fine to flavor they had a teledden mother who was more magic leaning and just taught her daughter. Over-all, I think you just need to improve upon their life story and deviate away from common cliche writing tropes. They are so common infact that more often than not playing a character who has a relatively normal background is uncommon.
Thank you so much for your feedback. I'm not a very good writer, I just wanted to quickly make something to RP with because of the event. I didn't know the witch thing, I'm very sorry about that. I'm still reading the lore. I would totally be down to change the "parents killed by vampires" but in rp I've joined the investigator's team for the state metropolitan, and now my characters job is to investigate vampires, which I think adds a bit of RP fun if my character's parents were killed by them. I can still change it though. I'm really not sure what to write, could you dm me on discord and help me with it? I'm really bad at this stuff. I'm also not entirely sure that I even want to be a nelfin, I honestly just chose it because I like magic, it'd be nice to talk with someone about this stuff. I'm sorry to bother you and waste your time. If you are fine with talking on discord, then here is mine Maxine#7965
Ignore my last message, I messaged some people on the discord and got some help with it. I've highlighted all the changes in blue (I think, I'm colorblind) I've also learned how to tag people so they see messages. Thank you so much for your feedback. I changed a bunch of stuff to make it fit into the lore better. @Caelamus
I'm joining a family, so I'm rewriting my character again, sorry. I've made all the new stuff and changes blue @Caelamus
You should go into much more description here and consider writing it as if you were trying to describe the appearance of your character to a writer or perhaps an artist. Use more than just one liners or single sentences here. What kind of clothes do they wear? What hairstyle is their hair? What color is their eyes? Do they have any mutations or physical features unique to them? Clarify here!
@Caelamus Yeah it was totally about time I touched up the application a bit. Changes are once again in blue
