Basic Information (Required) Full Name: Kort (No middle name.) Crona. Age: 36 Gender: Male Race: Orc Main Ambition: Peace Skill Information (Required) 36 Proficiency Points +20 Unarmed Combat (Racial, 10 Points) +10 Siege Combat (Racial) +10 Mettalurgy (Racial) +26 Athletics (26 Points) Languages: Orc, Dwarven, Common Body Build: Musclegod (Physical stat 62) Body Fat: Low Basic Information (Expansion) Spoiler Kort is in Regalia to try and find a place to belong, and to hide. He takes on any jobs, but tends to fight in arenas with willing opponents for money. He was born in an orcish settlement, more primitive than most, but was cast out due to being falsely accused of assassinating their leader. He wants money, and love. Visual Information (Required) Eye Color: Dull gold Hair Color: Bald Hair Style: Bald Skin Color: Dark green Clothing: He wears thick leather on most occasions, however wherever permitted he will be found shirtless. Height: 7'4 Spoiler Visual Information (Expansion) He has a scar across his forehead, as well as a busted nose. He generally holds a caring expression, and his eyes, while dark and serious, are also thoughtful. Across his forehead is a large brand in Vash He has a decent quantity of body hair, with substantial muscles that come from carrying inordinately heavy armor all day, even though he's not worn such armor in years. He has many scars across his entire body, with thick skin that can take a blow. He wears leather armor as clothing, with no jewelry. He does carry an amulet made from carved stone, and wears a bandanna that covers most of his scar--But some of it is still visible. He has a deep voice, and is slow of speaking, which often gives the illusion that he's stupid. He can speak Common, and knows small amounts of Dwarven Personality and Abilities (Required) First Paragraph: He is often, because of his appearances and way of speaking, seen as slow and stupid, however getting to know him will make you realize just how far from both he is--He's not agile, but he's not slow either. And he often donates money from his arena winnings to charities. Second Paragraph: He feels uneasy. He's confident in his strength, but not confident in his ability to coexist--He's afraid that people will reject him because of his species, backround, and appearance. Basically, he's worried people will turn on him. Third Paragraph: He, around friends, opens up a lot more. He's kind and caring, even though he's still slow of speech. He always does his best to help those in need, working hard for anyone who genuinely needs help. Fourth Paragraph: He strives to do good. He will sometimes do illegal things, if it is for the right cause. He often struggles with morality, having been raised with the idea of "Take what you want through force". He has a bit of a distrust for authority, but also a deeply seated fear of it--He will rarely challenge authority. Fifth Paragraph (OPTIONAL): He doesn't concern himself with nobles or gods--He simply wants to live a peaceful life, perhaps with some fighting, but only consensual fights--He considers it consentual if they come up to him and attack, or if it's prearranged. He will often, however, try to redirect any fights to an arena, as an honorable duel. Personality and Abilities (Expansion) He will often adjust his bandanna when nervous, and can get on edge if someone mentions his brand. He has a high disease resistance, with it being nearly impossible to inflict him with illness. Likes He enjoys a fight, the thrill of an arena is what he desires most--Covered in the blood of him and his foe, fists only, pummeling each other until one falls down. It makes him feel alive, makes him feel stronger, and helps him forget about his pain--However, he will not fight an unwilling opponent. Until they attack, or step into that ring, he refuses to do battle. He enjoys a good drink, too--Relaxing the mind, sometimes a nice brawl too, it makes him feel excited, full of energy. He enjoys teaching children--Talking to them, about anything and everything, showing them how to improve their technique, makes him feel useful. It makes him feel warm inside, a feeling that no amount of battle or ale can bring. Dislikes He hates to see anyone being bullied, and will step in to help, often restraining the aggressor until they calm down. Relationships (Optional) He has a close relationship with a man named Hector, and despite their differences they get along quite well. Life Story (Required) 0-10: Kort was raised as a fighter, and took to it naturally. In his spare time, he took up smithing--He was particularly muscular for his age range, and had an ill temper--Yet, among his tribe, he was still seen as a powerful fighter at a young age, and so he avoided many punishments--Along with being the son of their chieftain, of course. 10-20: Kort went to Graklak, learning the arts of combat more thoroughly. It was there that he rose in the ranks, fighting for glory among their ranks. He had a life set out for him, quite a good one indeed, if his training were to continue and his improvement were to remain the same. 20-30: At twenty... They found that their chieftain was assassinated. They blamed Kort, and immediately his fame turned on him. Assassination was seen as a very cowardly fight, and he was cast out--And branded as a traitor. He wandered in the wilderness for five years, before coming across a monastery... There he stumbled, beaten and bloody after his last encounter with orcs, to find himself welcomed with open arms after he explained his situation to them, in what little Common he knew--Simply the words "No fight". He trained with them for the next five years, learning more Common and more in the arts of combat, but also the arts of stealth. It was here that he changed greatly, becoming more peaceful and reserved. 30-36: He went off exploring, meeting a mage known as Hector Khada. This mage taught him a fair deal more, and it was there that he learned of magic and its powers. He never did see the extent of Hector's powers before he left, headed for Regalia at 36...
I am not Lore Staff, so nothing of what I say necessarily needs to be done since I cannot approve or reject your application. It helps, though. Orcs cannot have red eyes. The only eye color available for Orcs is a dull gold. People do not wear armor as clothing for a reason. Such clothing would be hot, heavy, disgustingly smelly, and worst of all, would rub the skin off of your character. If you have no intention of allowing your character constant pain (which pretty much negates the armor), you shouldn't wear armor as clothing. A school is a bit like a refinery. You put 10 points into the school and that school turns it into 30 points, and those points are put into the school specified proficiency. So, if you went to a school of Graklak, you have 15 points left to put wherever you please, not a full 25. Anything that says (expansion) should be put into a spoiler. To create a spoiler you write [$poiler] in front of it, and put [/$poiler] at the end of it, but with an S rather than a $. This is to keep unnecessary or messy text off of your application. Below, I've made everything you either don't need or want to separate a little from your own words. You don't need to do anything, but I suggest you do. Everything I'm talking about looks like this. Spoiler: As a happy coincidence, this is a spoiler. Basic Information (Required) The following is required when filling out your character application. Please use a Bullet Point list.Try to keep the information here as simple and confined as possible, it's supposed to be a short list. Full Name: Kort (No middle name.) Crona. Age: Twenty five years. Gender: Male Race: Orc Main Ambition: Peace Skill Information (Required) The following is required when filling out your character application. Please use a Bullet Point list.Try to keep the information here as simple and confined as possible, it's supposed to be a short list. Also be sure to use a bolded header to separate Culture Points from Proficiency Points and languages. Proficiency points: 25 +20 unarmed fighting(10 from points, 10 from Graklak) +20 unarmed boxing (10 from points, 10 from Graklak) (Did I do it right? I'm so confused) Basic Information (Expansion) The following is not required when filling out your character application. You may use bullet points or paragraphs, and are welcome to add more or less information as you see fit. The information in this section will not be reviewed. Want to be extra helpful to your reviewer? Use the Spoiler feature to make the content hidden so readers can read it when they want to, or skip it! Kort is in Regalia to try and find a place to belong, and to hide. He takes on any jobs, but tends to fight in arenas with willing opponents for money. He was born in an orcish settlement, more primitive than most, but was cast out due to being falsely accused of assassinating their leader. He wants money, and love. Visual Information (Required) The following is required when filling out your character application. Please use a Bullet Point list. Try to keep the information here as simple and confined as possible, it's supposed to be a short list. Eye Color: Deep red Hair Color: Bald Hair Style: Bald Skin Color: Dark green Clothing: He wears armor Height: 6'5 Body Build: Muscular Weapon of Choice: Unarmed/Brass knuckles Visual Information (Expansion) The following is not required when filling out your character application. You may use bullet points or paragraphs, and are welcome to add more or less information as you see fit. The information in this section will not be reviewed. Want to be extra helpful to your reviewer? Use the Spoiler feature to make the content hidden so readers can read it when they want to, or skip it! Describe the Character’s facial features, like the shapes of their eyes, mouth, ears, the size of their forehead, what kind of expression they usually carry, any freckles, scars etc, hair color, hair style and more. This description is purely for the head (and by extension neck) alone. He has a scar across his forehead, as well as a busted nose. He generally holds a caring expression, and his eyes, while dark and serious, are also thoughtful. Across his forehead is a large brand in the dwarven tongue (Spoiler: It says "Unwelcome") Describe the Character’s body. Go into detail about height, body shape, the color of their skin, the size of their bones and muscles, their amount of fat, any physical disabilities they may have, their amount of body hair if applicable and more. This description is purely for the body. He has a decent quantity of body hair, with substantial muscles that come from carrying inordinately heavy armor all day, even though he's not worn such armor in years. He has many scars across his entire body, with thick skin that can take a blow. Describe the Character’s fashion appearance and accessories. Talk about what kind of clothes they usually wear, preferred colors, what jewelry they have, weapons they carry on them or any item of note that they may always have on them. He wears leather armor as clothing, with no jewelry. He does carry an amulet made from carved stone, and wears a bandanna that covers most of his scar--But some of it is still visible. Describe the character’s voice. How do they speak? What is their typical tone and speed? Do they have an accent or a tendency to stutter? Any quirks about their voice listed here. Maybe also add a list of the languages they can speak. He has a deep voice, and is slow of speaking, which often gives the illusion that he's stupid. He can speak Common, and knows small amounts of Dwarven (Can I do that--Know a little bit of a language? Be able to pick up words here and there, but not be fluent?) Personality and Abilities (Required) First Paragraph: He is often, because of his appearances and way of speaking, seen as slow and stupid, however getting to know him will make you realize just how far from both he is--He's not agile, but he's not slow either. And he often donates money from his arena winnings to charities. Second Paragraph: He feels uneasy. He's confident in his strength, but not confident in his ability to coexist--He's afraid that people will reject him because of his species, backround, and appearance. Third Paragraph: He, around friends, opens up a lot more. He's kind and caring, even though he's still slow of speech. Fourth Paragraph: He strives to do good. He will sometimes do illegal things, if it is for the right cause. He often struggles with morality, having been raised with the idea of "Take what you want through force" Fifth Paragraph (OPTIONAL): He doesn't concern himself with nobles or gods--He simply wants to live a peaceful life, perhaps with some fighting, but only consensual fights--He considers it consentual if they come up to him and attack, or if it's prearranged. He will often, however, try to redirect any fights to an arena, as an honorable duel. Personality and Abilities (Expansion) He will often adjust his bandanna when nervous, and can get on edge if someone mentions his brand. He has a high disease resistance, with it being nearly impossible to inflict him with illness. Likes He enjoys a fight, the thrill of an arena is what he desires most--Covered in the blood of him and his foe, fists only, pummeling each other until one falls down. It makes him feel alive, makes him feel stronger, and helps him forget about his pain--However, he will not fight an unwilling opponent. Until they attack, or step into that ring, he refuses to do battle. He enjoys a good drink, too--Relaxing the mind, sometimes a nice brawl too, it makes him feel excited, full of energy. He enjoys teaching children--Talking to them, about anything and everything, showing them how to improve their technique, makes him feel useful. It makes him feel warm inside, a feeling that no amount of battle or ale can bring. Dislikes He hates to see anyone being bullied, and will step in to help, often restraining the aggressor until they calm down. Relationships (Optional) He has a close relationship with a man named Hector, and despite their differences they get along quite well. Life Story (Required) Add a summarized plot line of your character's life story. The point of the Life Story is not to give a novella long list of events that happened in the character's life, it's supposed to just create a summary of the person's life, while keeping a keen eye on explaining the previous points. The life story is supposed to tie together and provide background information as to why and how the person became what they are. It is required to limit your Life Story to about 3-4 paragraphs with no more than 800-900 words. If you want to, you can include a full Life Chronicles behind your Life Story where you go deeper into detail, with no upper limit for words, however this will not be reviewed. Keep in mind that all crucial factors should be in the Life Story, as the approval only counts for the information in the Life Story and information in the Life Chronicles may not be lore canon. As a child, Kort went to the School of Graklak. He was an excellent student and a fierce fighter, set for life, really. He was powerful, well-built, and would make a great raider... Until one day, the leader of his tribe was slain... Murdered in his sleep, by an unknown assailant. Among Kort's tribe, the assassination (Note I said assassination, not murder, so walking up to the guy and flat-out killing him would be considered better than assassination) was a horrible sin, with a fate worse than death. They cast him out and Branded him with a magic rod, causing a scar that could not heal (The implication of this brand is that anyone who can read Dwarven, or has seen it before, basically is aware that he's commited a terrible sin. It's considered a fate worse than death, as they consider a lifetime of pain from other orcs worse than death, as death is simply a lack of existence) He has since left the School's teachings behind, chasing his own path. @Lyee is correct. Your life story should likely be about three times as long. Your personality traits also need to be 3-4 sentences each. Before you expand your life story, you need to know a few things beforehand. Firstly, you will want to include dates along the way. To make things easier, the current date is 305 After Cataclysm (or AC). You don't need months or days unless you want them. Secondly, I find your life story confusing. Why was Kort cast out because someone murdered his father? Orcs don't often cast magic, so why do they have a magic rod? Orcs don't often read Dwarven (or at all), so who taught them? These questions will require you to make major edits to your backstory, mostly pertaining to his reasons for expulsion. Otherwise, everything else is an easy fix. Branding makes permanent scars in all playable, not regenerating Races (looking at Allar, here), so a normal, heat-based branding will be more than enough to scar him forever. As for what the brand says, I suggest it just say "Traitor", since that seems like a good choice, most of the time. Maybe the Orcs don't even know what it means, just that it's bad. Up to you. So far, that's all I can find. Kudos to you for making an Orc. They're a really fun race to play! If you complete the edits suggested above, @tag me for another review. It's a bit disorganized since I'm low on time. Sorry about that.
Ah. Thank you very much. It did say summarized, so I figured I'd summarize it as much as possible. Also, I did not know of the allowed orcish eye colors, sorry. Also, orcs do not cast magic--They have a couple magical items. I'm sorry, I was unclear on "Rod". Not rod as in wand, rod as in... Is the term "Branding Iron" Correct? The thing you poke into someone to brand them. And he got in trouble because of it due to the fact that they accused him. He was accused, and found guilty. And the orcs don't read dwarven much, they simply got the branding irons from the dwarves. Also, what I meant by the healing thing was that he could not further disfigure it or magically heal it. And orcs don't know the *word*, but generally the *meaning* of such a brand would be more well known. Anyways, to avoid complications, I'll simply remove that--Going too in-depth about such things with a large community is much, much harder than it is going in-depth in a book. By the way, the armor was because I wasn't thinking at that moment, was trying to multitask, and forgot to expand--He wears LEATHER armor, and often goes shirtless (Where he can).
As a concept, being branded is totally fine. There's no reason your character can't have a Dwarven brand burnt somewhere onto his body. After a few hours to think, I've decided to add another suggestion to my review. I think that a character that has been falsely accused and convicted of a crime they didn't commit would have a deep and lasting distrust of authority. Your character might be different, but I think the event should have at least a little bit of an effect on your character's personality. It'd be nice to see it come up in his Personality Traits. Just as a reminder: Three/four sentences per Personality trait, three paragraphs minimum (or one massive text wall that's as large as three paragraphs) for the Life Story. I'll also drop this here, on the off chance you haven't been informed of the Wiki yet. If you have, it's just another easy link to the Orc page. If you haven't, wonderful! That page will be very helpful in explaining Orcs.
Let's get this review going, eh? Proficiency The school of Graklak would get Kort +10 points in unarmed wrestling, unarmed wrestling and medicine. Taking this school would cost you 10 points, leaving 10 for you to use on other things (or the proficiencies you got from Graklak) Not sure if you forgot or left it out on purpose, but you also have 25 cultural proficiencies points to use. Make your edits in red and tag me when you're finished. Good luck!
Aye, almost there. He gets ten points in all three proficiencies I mentioned, so make sure to mention that. I'll be approving this in the meantime!
Yo, uh, dude. I must ask... What's with the proficiency system? I mean, this isn't a pen-and-paper game. There is no system of dice rolling, or any of that. So, what good does +10 unarmed do?
Although there might not be any dice rolling system the proficiencies are a good indicator of your character's skills and abilities. Sets them in stone, pretty much.
So, basically it's something for people to look at if need be to see a little more about your character?
@Jonificus Needs a re-review. I upped his age a little--Not because of proficiencies or anything, just because he feels older to me.
If Kort is 25 then his proficiency max is 25. He invested into the school of Graklak, which subtracts 10 points from the max. His new max would be 15, but you spent 16 over that. Remove 'unarmed' since it doesn't exist as a proficiency. He gets +10 Unarmed Boxing, +10 Unarmed Fighting, and +10 Medicine for free. The base of his proficiencies should sorta look like this. +10 Unarmed Fighting ( 10 from Graklak ) +10 Unarmed Boxing ( 10 from Graklak ) +10 Medicine ( 10 from Graklak ) You should start off with that, then distribute the 15 points to your liking.
OML I made an age edit... And the one thing I forgot to edit? WAS THE AGE LISTED. Lmfao, sorry bout that!
@Jonificus Calling for a re-review! Added his Racial proficiencies, updated his backstory, changed his body build, and streamlined it just a bit more.
Re-review approved. In the future please make all changes in a different colored font to make them easier to identify.
