Rejected Sheet Hadrian Grey

Discussion in 'Character Applications' started by Dardy, Mar 17, 2017.

  1. Dardy

    Dardy Mildly Thotistic

    Joined:
    Sep 17, 2016
    Messages:
    167
    Likes Received:
    375
    [​IMG]
    @MonMarty
    [​IMG]
    @Runshin
    (Special thanks to @Narrju and @Lumiess)

    [​IMG]

    Basic Information

    • Name: Hadrian "Rainy" Grey.
    • Age: Ninety-seven (Appearing in his mid-twenties).
    • Gender: Male.
    • Race: Velheimer Ailor.
    • Sexuality: Bisexual.
    [​IMG]
    Skill Information

    Proficiency Pool: 60 points [Capped at 36].

    • Combat Proficiency:
      • +10 Axes Combat Skill (+10 from Velheimer proficiency Boost)
      • +10 Blades Combat (+10 from points)
      • +6 Unarmed Combat (+6 from points)
    • Body Proficiency
      • +24 Rogue Training (+24 from Vampirism)
      • +10 Athletic Training (+10 from points)
      • +10 Perception Training (+10 from points)
    • Body Shape
      • Physical: 36.
      • Shape: Muscular.
      • Body Fat: Average.
    • Languages
      • Common (Fluent)
      • Skodje (Native)
    • Mutations (Survival tree)
      • Vampiric Healing
      • Adaptability
      • Blood Frenzy
      • Claw Lust
      • Blood Rush
      • Internal Steeling
      • Bloodboil Skin
    [​IMG]
    Visual Information

    • Eye Color: Ocean Blue.
    • Hair Color: Blonde.
    • Hair Style: Slicked-back undercut.
    • Skin Color: Lightly tanned.
    • Clothing: Imperial themed clothes, or either his house armour.
    • Height: 6’0.
    • Body Build: Muscular.
    • Weapon of Choice: Longsword.
    [​IMG]
    Personality and Abilities

    • Despite being of an imposing build, Hadrian appears calm and friendly. This stance and disposition is certainly not always the case, however, as appearances are often deceiving. The Velheimer may look frightening during certain occurrences, especially in situations involving his occupation. He takes his jobs serious, and strives for perfection in a workplace environment. All in all, Hadrian is a pleasant individual to be in the company of.
    • Hadrian is generally indifferent. He used to of a calm and shy disposition during his times in Nordskag, though his time in Regalia changed that. Hadrian’s personality took a fortunate turn, and his confidence grew by a large amount, primarily due to the praise he often received by people he looked up to. He now is proud of who he became, and would by no mean give that away. Though nonetheless, if he was to face rejection or failure, he'd show parts of his old side again. His ever so confident attitude would simply disappear. He's afraid of failing, especially when it matters.
    • Hadrian never became acquainted with his father and he scarcely knows his own particular mother as he left his parents when he was younger. But despite everything, he still cherishes his own mother, even though he wouldn’t want to see her again for personal reasons. In the presence of friends, Hadrian shows his better side and usually acts like a harmonious and cheerful individual. He’ll be full of joy and not be afraid to show those emotions.
    • Hadrian doesn’t wish to harm people, though during certain instance there’s no way he is able to mitigate inflicting harm upon another due to his work. If he wants something achieved, his inherent ambition mitigates most moral hindrances. Even so, he’d rather chose a peaceful way over a harsh approach. The Velheimer usually only does what’s best for him and those close to him, even if such a thing results in trouble later on.
    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]


    Life Story

    Birth & Childhood
    • He was born on the 22th February, 280 AC in Nordskag.
    • Hadrian is a bastard - he doesn’t really know who his father is, as he left him when he was young. His parents were never married. Therefore he now goes by the surname “Grey”.
    • He left his mother when he was fairly young, due to his mother not being able to take care of him. Early on he learned to be responsible on his own.
    • Hadrian took the first chance to sail off elsewhere as he wasn’t as much of a Velheimer as his peers, and feel like he didn’t fit in. He wasn’t alone in this endeavor, and was accompanied by his older brother.
    • Hadrian had heard of a School who specialized in the use of longswords, and since being a youngling he was interested in such weapons. Therefore, he made his way over to the city Magnamere.
    • He joined the school with ten, and graduated ten years later.
    Adolescence
    • In the meantime, Hadrian worked on a farm to make some money and to have a shelter to sleep in. This work lasted for the duration of his schooling.
    • After the many years passed, Hadrian made enough money to sail off to the Crown Isle. At this time he was no longer dependant on his brother. His brother sailed back to Nordskag while Hadrian continued his journey.
    Adulthood
    • Hadrian arrived in Regalia, and began looking for an occupation.
    • The Velheimer had a lot of occupations within the city, which ranged from being a guard, to being a mercenary and eventually becoming a guard in the Arcane Office. These jobs ended up being transient professions.
    • Hadrian managed to climb up all the ranks in every order he was in, leaving him satisfied. Once the Arcane Office was disbanded, he took a while off to enjoy his life, and he eventually met Ardige Viduggla who later on employed him in his house as the Kaptalon of the Antikk Talons Guard.
    • Shortly after that, Hadrian was infected with Vampirism by a man named Philippe. This happened around the age of twenty-five, where he got infected with Vampirism - and since then remained a Vampire.
    • At the same time he began leading the Devout Few alongside of the Horatio for a few months. A crime organization known to most citizen in the city, that evaded justice by the hands of lawmen. He was bored of the usual city life, and chose to take a different approach. This life as a criminal was enjoyable to him as it meant recognition, power and wealth to his name.
    • Hadrian became invested in the criminal lifestyle, and to this day he remains invested in the profession without an end in sight.
    [​IMG]
     
    • Like Like x 1
    • Cuddles! Cuddles! x 1
    • Powerful Powerful x 1
    • Winner Winner x 1
    #1 Dardy, Mar 17, 2017
    Last edited: Sep 19, 2018
  2. Dardy

    Dardy Mildly Thotistic

    Joined:
    Sep 17, 2016
    Messages:
    167
    Likes Received:
    375
    [​IMG]
    • Art: Link.
    • Changelog:
      • March 17th, 2017 - Character sheet done.
      • August 8th, 2017 - Updated to the new template, complete overhaul.
      • March 5th, 2018 - Character received another rewrite, and the template has been updated.
      • July 20th, 2018 - Rewritten to fit the new Vampire lore.
      • September 19th, 2018 - Overhauled for the new proficiency update.
     
    #2 Dardy, Mar 17, 2017
    Last edited: Sep 19, 2018
  3. TheOverseer__

    TheOverseer__ Captain of Laveer

    Joined:
    Nov 23, 2015
    Messages:
    1,065
    Likes Received:
    106
  4. Valentinian

    Valentinian Have a little faith.

    Joined:
    Jul 3, 2014
    Messages:
    629
    Likes Received:
    38
    Here's my review -
    • I'd like for you to rework your main ambition to be a bit more specific, especially in regards to the second part.
    • It would be beneficial if you went ahead and detailed your clothing more closely.
    • Not all of your personality traits meet the 4-5 sentence requirement. Make sure to elaborate and give examples when relevant.
    • Given that you're a commoner, it's not exactly a weakness to be uneducated. Please replace this weakness with something more suitable. Remember that it's important that it needs to actually affect your roleplay and hopefully make it a bit more interesting.
    • The transition from working on a farm to studying at the School of Mariposa is not very smooth. Look to adjust that by adding another bullet about what happened between the two.
     
  5. Dardy

    Dardy Mildly Thotistic

    Joined:
    Sep 17, 2016
    Messages:
    167
    Likes Received:
    375
  6. Valentinian

    Valentinian Have a little faith.

    Joined:
    Jul 3, 2014
    Messages:
    629
    Likes Received:
    38
    The adjustments are good, just a few more things I picked up on.
    • Having an exact weight doesn't actually abide by current protocol, so you're going to have to remove that. The body build should be sufficient in this case.
    • To be brave is to be able to face up against fear, whereas shy and insecure are both forms of fear. You can fix this just by replacing brave with a new weakness.
     
  7. Dardy

    Dardy Mildly Thotistic

    Joined:
    Sep 17, 2016
    Messages:
    167
    Likes Received:
    375
    @Valentinian

    Made the changes, removed his weight and also switched out the strength brave with creative.
     
    #7 Dardy, Mar 20, 2017
    Last edited: Jun 16, 2018
  8. Valentinian

    Valentinian Have a little faith.

    Joined:
    Jul 3, 2014
    Messages:
    629
    Likes Received:
    38
  9. Dardy

    Dardy Mildly Thotistic

    Joined:
    Sep 17, 2016
    Messages:
    167
    Likes Received:
    375
    Updated the character sheet to the new template, I also gave it a complete overhaul. Requiring someone to re-review it.
     
  10. Valentinian

    Valentinian Have a little faith.

    Joined:
    Jul 3, 2014
    Messages:
    629
    Likes Received:
    38
    Claimed for re-review.
     
  11. Valentinian

    Valentinian Have a little faith.

    Joined:
    Jul 3, 2014
    Messages:
    629
    Likes Received:
    38
    Reapproved.
     
  12. Dardy

    Dardy Mildly Thotistic

    Joined:
    Sep 17, 2016
    Messages:
    167
    Likes Received:
    375
    Character rewritten and updated, requiring a re-review!
     
  13. Mooffins

    Mooffins ghost of christmas past Supremium

    Joined:
    May 26, 2015
    Messages:
    1,564
    Likes Received:
    1,103
    Claimed for review. @Dardy
     
  14. Mooffins

    Mooffins ghost of christmas past Supremium

    Joined:
    May 26, 2015
    Messages:
    1,564
    Likes Received:
    1,103
    Consider editing this to being a whole new ambition. It could open up more potential for RP by reinvigorating the character with new goals.

    You should only have 17 points left to spend, as 10 were invested into the School of Feer-Drakken.

    What about his anxieties? Fears? Try going into more detail regarding how he feels on the inside about situations in this regard.

    Makes changes in purple and @ me when done. @Dardy
     
  15. Dardy

    Dardy Mildly Thotistic

    Joined:
    Sep 17, 2016
    Messages:
    167
    Likes Received:
    375
    Edits made in purple.
     
  16. Mooffins

    Mooffins ghost of christmas past Supremium

    Joined:
    May 26, 2015
    Messages:
    1,564
    Likes Received:
    1,103
  17. Dardy

    Dardy Mildly Thotistic

    Joined:
    Sep 17, 2016
    Messages:
    167
    Likes Received:
    375
    Character sheet adjusted to the new Vampire Lore. Requesting a review.
     
  18. alianon

    alianon .

    Joined:
    Jul 8, 2018
    Messages:
    222
    Likes Received:
    73
    its bad
     
    • Cuddles! Cuddles! x 1
  19. Canaanite

    Canaanite Valentinian Shill

    Joined:
    Jan 31, 2017
    Messages:
    1,238
    Likes Received:
    218
    Claimed for review.
     
    • Cuddles! Cuddles! x 1
  20. Canaanite

    Canaanite Valentinian Shill

    Joined:
    Jan 31, 2017
    Messages:
    1,238
    Likes Received:
    218
    Reapproved.
     
    • Cuddles! Cuddles! x 1
  21. Dardy

    Dardy Mildly Thotistic

    Joined:
    Sep 17, 2016
    Messages:
    167
    Likes Received:
    375
    #21 Dardy, Sep 19, 2018
    Last edited: Sep 22, 2018
  22. Canaanite

    Canaanite Valentinian Shill

    Joined:
    Jan 31, 2017
    Messages:
    1,238
    Likes Received:
    218
    Reapproved.
     
    • Cuddles! Cuddles! x 1

Share This Page