Preserved Sheet Hallcón Jöbllé, The Valorous Ranger

This sheet was missing a prefix or has not been edited for a long period of time. Please create a ticket including a linkif your sheet was moved in error.
Eternal_Wrath

Eternal_Wrath

Skagger Dad
Joined
Jul 14, 2015
Messages
152
Reaction score
415
Points
0
Location
The Abyss
Tattoo.webp
"Hallcón, if you save everyone...who's left to save you?"​

Basic Information

Name: Hallcón Jöbllé, born Hallcónæ Cojjacäjo Cië'fȗegoa Jöbllé Cojæssóanië
  • Nicknames: Nhobo'Dae, Lucas Vito, Dasofýlakas
Age: 112 years old.

Gender: Male

Race: Medlo-Altalar
Vecror-page-decor-and-text-deviders_08.png
Skill Information

  • 60 Total Points
    • +10 Light Bow (+10 From Points)
    • +10 Blades (+10 From Points)
    • +10 Staves (+10 From Race)
    • +10 Historical (+10 From Race)
    • +5 Nature Care (+5 From Points)
    • +5 Athletics (+5 From Points)
    • +5 Rouge (+5 From Points)
    • +5 Perception (+5 From Points)
    • +5 Hunting (+5 From Points)
    • +5 Religious (+5 From Points)
  • Body Build
    • 10 Light Bow + 10 Blades + 5x2 Acrobatics = 30
    • Athletic
    • Extreme low fat
  • Languages:
    • Modern Elven (Native)
    • Imperial Elven (Time in Grae Rie)
    • Daendroquin (Time in Daen)
    • Estonian (Time in Pylos)
    • Common (Time in Regalia)
Vecror-page-decor-and-text-deviders_08.png
​
Visual Information
Body Description

Eyes: Bright Icey Blue

Hair: Dark Oaken Brown

Skin: Tan

Clothing: Clad in leather armor or a green shirt

Height: 6'7

Build: Athletic

Gasjjá'sallvajëia, the Talon of the Wild in common, is the longsword of Hallcón Jöbllé. The blade is forged of green dyed crysteel in the shape of the Tellä'e Shortsword, merely scaled up in size. The guard is made up of steel and has been forged into the shape of a Nimbinoldor out-stretching its wings, bearing the Ranger's Symbol between the two wings. The handle is made of the rounded out sabretooth of a Great Jungle Cat. Lastly, the pommel is made of steel, carved into the shape of a Nimbinoldor's head. Attached to the top of the pommel's "head" are two small tassels, one being beaded with different colored woods, ending in a copper Ceá'llë's herb leaf. The second tassel is beaded similarly to the other, though with seven beads, each possessing a single arrow; this second tassel ending in a copper coin depicting a crossed sword and bow, representing both Hallcón's loyalties to his God and Country. Over all the sword is 44 inches, weighing roughly 1lbs 12oz.



Hallcón has trained to be swift, his back arm and leg muscles having been worked thoroughly, making them powerful. He is able to pull back his sixty pound bow with minimal effort and has high stamina, able to move through the jungles of Daendroc with relative ease. Hallcón is highly dexterous and graceful. Although he is ambidextrous, he prefers his right arm over his left. On his back he has a massive tattoo of a Great Jungle Cat, its upper paws resting on his right shoulder and its feet and tail running parallel to his belt line. Over his heart is his tattoo of the Ranger's Insignia he received during his training in the school.


Hallcón's head is fairly angular shaped with large almond shaped eyes. Over his left eye he has a large scar running from the top of his head and barely stopping above his lips. He received this scar in a fight against a half-drunken Ailor who slapped a woman, when asked to apologize by Hallcón, the Ailor promptly tried to cut the Nelfin's head open with a dagger. Hallcón has long, shoulder length oaken brown hair which he partial keeps pulled back into a ponytail.

Vecror-page-decor-and-text-deviders_08.png
​
Personality and Abilities

  • As seen by strangers: Hallcón is generally stoic and taciturn in his actions, preferring to say little and let his actions show who he is. This is not to say he won't strike up a conversation, but he will only do so if it interests him or if it conflicts with his ideals and beleifs. He acts with honor and determination, help those in need and not to quit until the job is done. To those who don't know him, he tends to give a cold shoulder, preferring not to get close to them as he tries to help. Strangers may often take him for being cold and calculating due to his prudent nature, always weighing his words and actions beforehand, preparing for different responses.

  • As seen by self: Hallcón tends to see himself as something that needs work and should strive to overcome his downfalls, this leading to a strong confidence in himself. He is scared of failure and crowds, having had traumatic events with the latter and always worrying about what would happen if her were to falter and fail those he cares for. He tries to keep his problems to himself, not wanting to worry anyone else, while seemingly never stopping in his efforts to help other with their problems, all of this leading to more stress upon the Ranger.

  • Towards friends and family: Towards those he cares for Hallcón tends to make no difference, once you've become close enough to the Ranger, you are family to him. They tend to see the lighter side of him, expressing his kindness and other traits more openly, as well as his protective nature, always seeming to fear losing those he cares for again. To those who would harm Hallcón's friends and family, they would be met with a vengeful rage, quite out of character for the normally introverted Ranger.

  • Morality: Towards other Rangers and Nelfin, Hallcón could be called Lawful Good, sticking to the three disciplines of the Code of the Nenya Oak and laws of Grae Rie while still working for the good of the people. Unlike most Rangers however, Hallcón does not view all religions equal. He holds the Worship of Estel and her pantheon, though all forms, higher then other religions. To all others, he seems more Chaotic Good, not much caring for the laws and rules of Regalia and other places as he still wants to help the people. This over all leaves the Ranger in an odd light, shifting with each person.


Vecror-page-decor-and-text-deviders_08.png


Likes

Nature: As most Rangers, do, Hallcón has a strong affinty for the natural world, he is mesmerized by its beauty and grace. He actively seeks to protect it from all harm and he even wants to find a quiet corner in Daendroc's beautiful landscape to claim and call "home".

Solace: Hallcón enjoys being alone, he always has and his bad history only amplifying it. He strives to be left alone, or at least only have a few people around him. He would be much happier in nature than stuck in a tavern full of strangers.



Dislikes

Bullies: Hallcón can't stand excessively cruel people, although he does understand there are times when a bit of cruelty is required. He will often confront some one he sees bullying, cowing, or other wise being cruel to anyone.

Beheasal: Hallcón hates Beheasal and the Void, viewing it as the leading cause of destruction in this world and of Estale. He would attack someone upon learning of their worship of the Archdemon or the Void in general.

Relationships:

TBA

Vecror-page-decor-and-text-deviders_08.png
​

Life Story

Birth | 193 A.C.

  • Born on August 23, 193 A.C. to Llhae'gann'ia and Nhaujj'ana in Grae Rie, of the Holy State of Ríë Rivaëlla.

Childhood | 1 - 10

  • 7 - Wandered away from the outer walls of the city while playing and exploring, finding his way into an Ailor camp where he was beaten by the Ailor settlers
    • Saved by Ranger Sael'dinia Dae'djjoloni
  • 9 - Often plays army with the other young boys, always playing the part of the Ranger when he could
Early Teenage Years | 11 - 15

  • 12- Begins worship of Täl'siéthö
  • 15 - Begins training with his father to join the military
Later Teenage Years | 16 - 19

  • 16 - Family begins earning money as military smiths
  • 19 - Learns to use the Longsword
Young Adult | 20 - 40

  • 24 - Travels to a Cielothar Village to aid in defense of their village from a near by Wolond Hive
    • Remains in the village, learning more about the Cielothar and aiding them
  • 26 - Gifted a copper forged Ceá'llë's herb leaf necklace from a Cielothar girl as a thank you
  • 30 - Begins developing a deeper love for nature as he studies the Flora and Fauna of the Jungles
  • 38 - Returns to Grae Rie
Recent Times | 41 - present

  • 41 - Joins the Grae Rie Military as a scout
  • 58 - Father gifts a green dyed crysteel Tellä'e styled long sword; Gasjjá'sallvajëia
    • Places the Cielothar neckalce and a new one he had made on the pommel
  • 74 - Begins learning Imperial Elvish from an Alta-Altalar tutor
  • 95 - Buys a young Nimbinoldor caught in Daen, naming him Cáio'gä'allacañio
  • 101 - Travels to Plytos
    • Begins Ranger training
  • 102 - Sent out into Etosil to shadow a theif
  • 103 - Sent into the Daen Jungles to hunt a Daendroque Jungle Cat
    • Returns, receiving his back tattoo of the beast
  • 115 - Graduates School of Rangers
    • Receives his tattoo of the Ranger's Insignia over his heart
  • 112 - Joins with a small party of other Rangers in Regalia
    • The party is routed by vampiric coven
 
Last edited:
Review!

Nice to see a 'to the roots' ranger character after a fairly long time. In any case, onto the review.

I'd like to start off with the bow. You mention the bow to be ninety pounds in weight, which seems a little heavy, especially for carrying around in the forest. Why does he prefer a heavier bow to a lighter longbow, or a more portable bow altogether? Is it an emotional attachment, or simply how he was trained? After all, longbowmen are typically stationed in a particular spot so to be snipers, whereas shortbows were employed by moving scouts.

Moving onto his personality traits, I'd like to see some more distinction between negative and positive traits. For instance, mark out the positive traits in green, and the negative ones in red. Any neutral emotional traits I'd suggest you leave in yellow. Overall however, I didn't feel like Faervel has much of a negative personality at all, aside from his gruff attitude. He is an overall very composed ranger. I'd like you to challenge that with at least two traits that might challenge his calm nature. Perhaps he is bigoted against certain kinds of people and acts especially coldly against them. The choice is yours.

Atop all that, I'd like to see more detail in all of your traits across the board. For instance, you mention how exactly the trait affects Faervel, but you make no mention of how outwardly, a trait may affect those around him - be they strangers or close friends. For instance, does his stoic personality put people off? How does he feel about people misunderstanding his true intentions due to his cold exterior?

For a combat character with a exceptionally well toned body and combat experience, Faervel has no combat injuries that hinder his overall impeccable combat condition. Perhaps try to consider combat injuries he may have sustained that, though they are healed, do hinder him in some instance. Like an Achilles Heel.

Tag me once the necessary edits have been made in a different colour, and feel free to ask me any questions pertaining to the review here, @Eternal_Wrath !~
 
@TheBioverse I have made the edits you requested, the new stuff is in Blue. Positive traits are in Green, negative in Red, and neutral in this orange.
 
Review!

Looking over the app in closer detail, I notice that for a mercenary and a combat mage, Faervel is woefully devoid of any combat hindering scars or soft spots. Consider adding in some recently acquired scar along some part of his body from mercenary work - something that he strives to overcome through tactfully guarding it whilst shooting or casting.

Tag me once the necessary edits have been made in a different colour, and feel free to ask me any questions pertaining to the review here, @Eternal_Wrath !~
 
TheBioverse said:
Review!

Looking over the app in closer detail, I notice that for a mercenary and a combat mage, Faervel is woefully devoid of any combat hindering scars or soft spots. Consider adding in some recently acquired scar along some part of his body from mercenary work - something that he strives to overcome through tactfully guarding it whilst shooting or casting.

Tag me once the necessary edits have been made in a different colour, and feel free to ask me any questions pertaining to the review here, @Eternal_Wrath !~
Click to expand...
Click to shrink...


Added a recent wound he acquired ic actually, it in this brown.
 
@TheBioverse Due to the removal of Spirit Magic, I've decided to replace it with no magic at all, goingwith Nicoloan fighting. Requesting a re-review please
 
Last edited:
Review!

Looked over the application again, and the only inconsistency I could find was the fact that Persivael has obtained both mage level Etheral Magic alongside Warrior level Turall-like training. Though I do understand that Etheral magic is combat magic that would come with combat experience or training with some kind, I'd ask that you lowered the Etheral magic to caster level all around, just to maintain the Turall combat. I say this only because, with the quality of the application, I can trust you to rp that much without needing to bunk he character to caster level magic and fighter level turall bladesman like any other mage.

Tag me once the necessary edits have been made in a different colour, and feel free to ask me any questions pertaining to the review here, @Eternal_Wrath !~
 
I am claiming this for staff re-review!
Expect a response within 24 hours.
 
@Eternal_Wrath
☼ Staff Review! ☼
Hello, my name is Eccetra and I'll be reviewing your app today.​
  • Character apps no longer list weights! Please remove this section and change the body build to one of the ones listed here.
    -
  • I'm afraid that I'm going to have to ask you remove one of your character's skills. Archery, Longswords and Ethereal magic is just far too much for one character-- and he would not be able to upkeep his magic during Ranger training, so this would have to be learned after if kept. I'd recommend removing either the magic or bow, as they are not intended to be used together. Two forms of Ranger combat is the equivalent to two forms of magic.
    -
  • Eternal_Wrath said:
    Magic: As a Mage level Ethereal Weapon and warrior level Allë-Hathel bladesman,
    Click to expand...
    Click to shrink...
    You mention that he is warrior and mage level here, yet under the skills section he is described to be fighter and caster level. Be sure this is consistent.
    -
  • While you have gone into adequate description in how Persivael gained his Enchlophobia weakness, you have not described how it effects him. In order for this to be viable, please go on to describe his limits-- and just what exactly he will avoid, and how it effects him when he is in a crowd.
    -
  • Slow to trust is not a viable weakness, and could even wind up being helpful in some situations. Please remove and replace.
    -
  • Eternal_Wrath said:
    this was the first time since his birth he had met his father. A year later even being sent to his father, Rhaegar, for three years, learning much from him, like Avanthar horseback riding and archery.
    Click to expand...
    Click to shrink...
    How did being attacked by Orcs lead him to meet his father? Was he sent there for safety? I think this area of the life story might need a quick read-over and amendment, grammar-wise.
  • Eternal_Wrath said:
    in which he suffered a spinal injury that miraculously didn't paralyze him. Though its healed the pain flares up when ever Persiväel puts to much strain on his lower back,
    Click to expand...
    Click to shrink...
    It says here that he had an almost mortal injury in his lower back. This may be good to add as an additional weakness alongside his ribs, considering how brutal this is said to have been.
  • Eternal_Wrath said:
    at the age of 16, he set off into the jungles,
    Click to expand...
    Click to shrink...
    Bare in mind all of this is incredibly young for a Nelfin; he is in fact still a child at 16. Nelfin mature a little older than Ailor, reaching puberty at around 17-18 years old. You might wish to change this and when he began his archery training in the life-story (If you are keeping archery of course).
  • Eternal_Wrath said:
    taught him Middle Elvish as well as Common, and even training the young elf in Ethereal Magic,
    Click to expand...
    Click to shrink...
    Does this 10 years also encompass the time in which he went to the School of Rangers? There would be no time for him to learn Imperial Elvish and magic at the same time; and his Ethereal magic would not be able to be upkept whilst he was training in the school. If you intend to keep his magic, please change this around so that he learned it after he visited the school, and bare in mind that he would have to spend even more time in learning if he was being taught Imperial Elvish.
  • Eternal_Wrath said:
    Evlen district close to the temple of Estale
    Click to expand...
    Click to shrink...
    Just a picky little thing, but since that district has been destroyed you may wish to change this! Also as a quick aside: Estel is written Estel- with the Elvish version being Estalë. Not something you need to change, but something to bare in mind as this lore has been changed a couple of times.
Please mark your changes in green and tag me when you're finished!
 
@Eternal_Wrath Excellent work so far!
  • Warrior level in the School of Rangers is considered a special permission. This is fine, but please add this under the special permission section at the top!
  • This should not effect the character any, but to graduate (at fighter level) with both archery and longsword training it would take a minimum of 6 years; a few weeks for trainee, at least 1 for novice, at least 2 for student, at least 3 for fighter. Warrior is obtained through 5 more years of training in the field. Please amend this in the life story.
Aside from those two points, everything else looks good! Complete these and tag me once more.
 
@Eccetra Upon rereading the School if Rangers page, I realized that reaching warrior level in one skill mean you reach warrior in all skills, I wrote his archery at fighter so I was wondering if its okay that I fix the issue. As well as adding a proper elven name.
 
Last edited:
@Eternal_Wrath
I'm not sure where you got that idea from, but it's fine to be a warrior in one skill and fighter in another. If you're going to change both to be a warrior, then this application will require a full re-review and updating to the new format.

Let me know what you'd prefer to do!
 
@Eccetra on the School of Ranger's page, under Warrior: "This level allows greater focus, speed, and effectiveness of all forms the Ranger is trained in."

I'll Likely need to update this app anyways, so I'll do that if need be.
 
@Eccetra I will update this soonish, for now I will still roleplay out fighter level arcol as I need to study for finals and such. Since my last school day is next Wednesday, expect the update sometime around that.
 
@Eternal_Wrath
You can still be warrior level in one weapon and fighter level in another; that was simply a grammatical oversight. A ranger could choose to halt studies in one weapon after reaching a certain point, or may even find themselves unable to progress.

Regardless, if you wish to update the character app then please update to the new format, then tag me when you're done and I will look over!
 
@Eternal_Wrath

☼ Staff Re-Review! ☼
Hello, my name is Eccetra and I'll be reviewing your app today.​
  • A Cielothar and Avanthar half-breed always creates a pure-blooded Altalar. While little would need to be changed, Llejcie's hair color would be blonde to light brown in tone, and he would possess usual Altalar characteristics. I'm not sure if this was in the application previously, but I just picked up on it.
    -
  • It is impossible to attend both the School of Rangers and the School of Mariposa, due to the conflicting ideologies and styles (as well as expenses). Please pick one of the two, and remove the other from skills and life story.
    -
  • In the second paragraph of the personality traits, you decribe Llejcie as confident-- yet the rest of the description seems to discredit that. Perhaps confident isn't the word you were looking for, but resilient?
Please mark your changes in green and tag me when you're finished!
 
@Eccetra all other edits made;
Eccetra said:
It is impossible to attend both the School of Rangers and the School of Mariposa, due to the conflicting ideologies and styles (as well as expenses). Please pick one of the two, and remove the other from skills and life story.
Click to expand...
Click to shrink...
I would think that these two would combine well, both being blade-dancing longsword using schools. In clarification he hired a tutor to teach him. I'll be more than happy to fix this, can you just explain where the flaw in my thinking is by chance?
 
Eternal_Wrath said:
I would think that these two would combine well, both being blade-dancing longsword using schools. In clarification he hired a tutor to teach him. I'll be more than happy to fix this, can you just explain where the flaw in my thinking is by chance?
Click to expand...
Click to shrink...
The School of Mariposa is a lucrative school meant only for the highest of classes, and run by an extremely racist and hierarchical Ithanian family. Tutors do not come easy, and when they come they are very expensive and would look down upon those with dissimilar expertise. The School of Rangers is a Nelfin organization created to protect the Elven Empire, and has a code of conduct which preaches the Faith of Estel, humility, diplomacy, and doing only what is necessary. They are both extremely conflicting in values. This is also an OOC rule set in place for balance. 3 schools of combat is simply too much for one character.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top Bottom