Character Information Full Name: Evelyn Rys Fjallslatter Race: Qadir - Scripter Age: 20 Sex: Female Sexuality: Gay Eye Color: Yellow / Wolf Eyes Core Concept Evelyn Believes in the Old Gods religion, after being converted from Dragon worship she sits at a 3/10 for belief and following. Evelyn is a spread out individual, having been introduced to quite a few topics and following them to help out others, and make her own life easier to navigate. Proficiency Information 11/14 Points Strength: 0 Constitution: 1 Metallurgy Wisdom: 7 Tech Invocation (free) Tech Suit (free) Tech Ghost (free) Tech Hook Tech Antimagi Tech Armory Tech Barrier Tech Sanction Tech Gravity Tech Stim Dexterity: 1 Hook Shot Pack Magic: 2 Chem Bang Radiant Feather Ability Information Engineering Metallurgy Qadir Racials: 3 Languages Common (Free) Altalar (Taught by Layla Wilson - Childhood) Nytalsk (Taught by Signe Fjallslatter (Pack)) Aontaithe (Pack) Barrudh (Pack) Appearance Information Evelyn has rather poor eyesight, needing thick glasses in order to see clearly. Also, she has the pagan horn mutation upon her head due to Signe giving them to her, and wolf eyes. Evelyn is 5'4, with a toned body and moderate body fat. Her hair color is dyed a purple, compared to the natural crimson red, generally curly and free, down to her knees. Life Story Evelyn was originally born to Anadra and Erik Jonkil in Regalia, where she learnt Common before getting kicked out by her mom Anadra, and picking up some basic light-ranged combat, and beginning to learn about plants. She learned various languages, Altalar from Layla Wilson, and Nytalsk from Signe. She also dove more advanced gardening, and learning how to do various flips and contortism to be physically active, later getting adopted by Signe Fjallslatter around 11 years old, and proceeding to spend these years learning mostly engineering down with the Collective, of course only by sneaking out when her parents were asleep, learning from their maraya member and Ania sagh, and a tutor Signe sought out for her on the surface, and continuing to study them until now, at eighteen. She also learned how to work with the various metals in the world with Uncle Godrun at his forge. As of her more recent years, she's sold many creations to the people and made her own way to riches. She's proven herself to be a more generous person with various donations and healthcare she's provided.
@Jute_Len Pulling this back into review. This character has a bit too many Genetics to be feasible as a living working person. Furthermore the use of Paleblood on a Qadir on its own is not explicitly wrong, but using it in combination with a name that is entirely divorced from Qadir culture and a complete disconnect from everything Qadir aside from the racials raises into question the reasoning for having Palebloodism or being a Qadir at all. Please either remove being a Qadir, or remove being Paleblooded. If you're sticking to being Paleblooded, please remove Olvoism or Sanguiphobia. This raises into question if Evelyn is full Qadir or half Qadir. If she's half it's not mentioned at all. If she is, please rectify this and mention it on the application. I think this core concept is fine as an expression of why Evelyn has her proficiency points, but it doesn't explain what drives her or what she actually does in game. Please rewrite this to be less about what she's capable of and more what she wants to/is doing.
@fantuinn I have to ask, what's wrong with names not lining up when they're born and raised in Regalia, if I need to specify, I could go back in and edit it to say it's a Qadir family that's been in Regalia for several generations, having abandoned their old ways. She was never a half Qadir. I don't understand how too many genetics would make her unable to live/work
A Regalian Qadir with a level of separation from their culture is fine, but when combined with enough genetics to not look like a Qadir at all, it comes off as doing it exclusively for racials. After all, the character was roleplayed as Ailor as a child. I'm sticking on the verdict of either removing Paleblood, swapping to another race, or giving some resemblance of connection to the culture, preferably through name or backstory. Then remove Aontaithe as a language unless you're willing to invest the Linguistics to have it. The assumption here came from the taking of an Ailor language rather than Faraddi with a father who sounded very explicitly Ailor. At a certain point there's such a thing as just having too many genetic conditions, wherein having enough makes the character's very survival feel unrealistic. She can't go outside on account of burning, she's probably got a variety of complications from Olvoism, and the slightest bruise could be deadly from Sanguiphobia. Remove one of the listed genetic conditions.
@fantuinn updated name (not too great with them, so I used a name generator for Arabic names), skillset explanation,
Howdy! First off, thank you for your patience. However, before approving this application we'll need to overhaul several aspects of the character that are currently outside the limits of lore-compliance or what we deem acceptable on server. Your character is currently over a foot under the racial limit for height, and has far too many genetic dysfunctions. Generally speaking, we find the practice of taking Albinism on dark-skinned races to be uncomfortable and in poor taste, and would recommend you select a more appropriate race for the aesthetic you're going for to avoid whitewashing the character. The timeline in your character's backstory is extremely odd. The way it is written now, your character would have been traversing the most dangerous parts the sewers unsupervised to learn advanced, alien Engineering techniques from vampires whilst also practicing shooting and learning new languages all before the age of 11. This seems completely unfeasible, especially considering her multitude of genetic defects, and I would advise completely reevaluating her skillset and backstory. Please include calculations for your Phys Stat in the future. Additionally, Phys Stat always rounds up, so you would have 10 instead of 9.5. Please go ahead and tag me once you've made the necessary changes, or feel free to make a Ticket using the Discord Ticket Bot if you have any questions. Thank you for your patience!
Much better! There are some small issues that still need to be fixed, but otherwise the improvements are great and I appreciate it a lot. Please include your Physical Stat calculation. This is for ease of review, otherwise Staff have to crunch numbers every time to ensure it is accurate. The point of the extremely dangerous backstory still stands. A child should not have feasibly been able to do this, and if it did occur IC, it occurred outside the scope of lore and what is possible to represent on the server. Please age up the character in the backstory to ensure they were not being endangered at such a young age, or picked these skills up later in life. Your appearance section mentions that their hair was "naturally crimson". What causes this? Go ahead and tag me once you've made these edits, thank you!
@Yurs Crimson is a natural color. Phys Stat has always been there - You commented on it last time. Changed order of the story.
Looks good! As for the Phys Stat Calculation, I primarily mean including what specifically is contributing. For example: "3 from Horticulture + 3 from Circus Art + 3 from Gardening Art + 2 from Light Ranged = 11 Phys Stat". Each Stat point rounds up individually, so breaking it down like that makes it clear that the value is correct. You can go ahead and edit it in after, for now I'll approve it. APPROVED
@Yurs That makes no sense to round up each category individually, rather than find the original unrounded total of everything first. That just seems like a cheap way to scrape out more phys Stat than a normal calculation.
Howdy! I've reviewed your app and have a response below. Before that, however, I'll address your ping form December since I'm only now seeing it: You're entirely correct. We don't want to be stingy with physical stat and feel it's fine for characters to get an extra point or two from rounding up per prof investment, rather than missing out some. Having more physical stat is exclusively a good thing, so I don't think there's really a problem with it. Onto the app review! Unfortunately, I'm going to be rejecting this update for the following reasons: Evelyn's proposed point spread is far too skilled for someone her age. Currently, at age 18, she is a master of engineering in its every form and can work every kind of metal from every culture, outperforming craftsmen and engineers who dedicate their lives to this craft. Please tone down those investments or age her up several years. If you believe this rejection is made in error or would like to discuss potential solutions, feel free to reach out via the Discord Ticket Bot or Forum DMs. I'd be happy to help sort out something that works for you! Please go ahead and tag me once the necessary changes have been made. Thank you.
Looks good! In the future, if your app hasn't been reviewed within 48 hours feel free to bump it. Usually means that a ping was either lost or a staff member was busy; in this case the former. APPROVED
