Estalas Genician

Discussion in 'Character Sheets' started by Emperor_E, Jan 2, 2017.

  1. Emperor_E

    Emperor_E Smite-er

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    Basic Information
    • Full Name: Estalas Genician “Esta, Esty, E.”
    • Age: 121
    • Gender: Male
    • Race: Shendar
    • Main Ambition: To learn everything possible about the world and to become the smartest person in the world.
    • Special Permission: N/A
    [​IMG]
    Art by Faunfire
    • Describe your character’s position in Regalia. Why are they there? How long have they been there? What is their occupation and living situation? For now, Estalas remains in Regalia to keep learning as much as he can, for a capital must have the most knowledge, right? Having been there for over Thirty years, he currently works in his clinic in the sewers, patching up all those who’re willing to pay.
    • Describe your character’s upbringing. Where were they born, to whom? How many siblings do they have? What about their extended family/noble family? Estalas was born as any other Shendar was in the Shadow Isles with a Mage father and Shaman mother, nothing special about him. He had no siblings and thus was protected(too much so) and sheltered as a result. Estalas’ extended family is quite a mystery to him, and he’d prefer to keep it that way, as his paranoia would either make him weary of them or for them.

    • Describe any secondary ambitions your character may have. Short term ambitions, or ambitions that may not be related to your character’s main goal in life. Estalas really doesn’t have any other ulterior goals to himself that people know of, other than a natural greed for power and money. He does however have a slight goal of being able to have a clinic on the surface, or to somehow gain legal access to using blood magic as HIGHLY unlikely this may be, it couldn’t hurt to try.

    • School: Blood Magic/Slither Magic/Threlwar Blood/School of Alchemy
    • Level:
      • School of Alchemy, Discipline of Magicamy: Scholar
      • Blood Magic, Hemocurse: Caster
      • Blood Magic, Touch of the Void: Mage
      • Blood Magic, Sanguine Thirst: Caster
      • Slither Magic, Toxic Alteration: Mage
      • Slither Magic, Toxic Expansion: Caster
      • Threlwar Mending: 40 years.
      • Threlwar Bonding: 60 years.
    • Source:
      • Threlwar Blood: Mentored by his mother in the Shadow Isles.
      • Slither Magic:Taught by his father in the Shadow Isles.
      • School of Alchemy: Attended an Academy in Ithania.
      • Blood Magic: Learned from a blood cult in the Regalian sewers.


    Visual Information
    • Eye Color: Pastel-Green
    • Hair Color: Ashen-White
    • Hair Style: Long, loosely gathered and tied at the back.
    • Clothing Style: A large padded coat (roughly the strength of gambeson) with with a mail shirt, sabatons, pauldrons and plate gauntlets overtop a normal cotton shirt.
    • Height: 6' 6" or 1.98m
    • Body Build: Lanky
    • Weapon of choice: If Estalas truly has to fight, with no one to help him, he’ll use a large dagger combined with his Slither Magic and Alchemy to hopefully give him just enough of an edge to get away safely.
    • Void Mutations: Dark-Grey sclera(eye-whites), enlarged double canines that resemble two fangs/tusks, black scales scattered about his body, a vestigial tail roughly the length of his arm, dulled talon-like nails in place of his normal ones, ram-like horns growing from the side of his head and a forked tongue.
    • Describe the Character’s facial features, like the shapes of their eyes, mouth, ears, the size of their forehead, what kind of expression they usually carry, any freckles, scars etc, hair color, hair style and more. This description is purely for the head (and by extension neck) alone. Estalas’ face consists of sharp features similar to that of an Altalar, an upward pointing nose that is normally seen among Shendar, various tyrian purple tattoos all other his body either being reminiscent of dagger-like patterns or tendrils and numerous scars spread out across his face. His Ashen-White hair is long and loosely gathered at the back, some of it on the lower end simply hanging free while above that is tied into a ponytail.
    • Describe the Character’s body. Go into detail about height, body shape, the color of their skin, the size of their bones and muscles, their amount of fat, any physical disabilities they may have, their amount of body hair if applicable and more. This description is purely for the body. Estalas has a lithe and spindly frame, standing at Six-Foot-Six-Inches tall(1.98m) and weighing at One-Hundred and Thirteen pounds(51.23kg), with very little visible bodily fat. Although he is thin he does have more muscle than he does fat, and as such small amounts are noticeable from a resting position. Any body hair Estalas would even have is either nonexistent or thin and light.

    • Describe the Character’s fashion appearance and accessories. Talk about what kind of clothes they usually wear, preferred colors, what jewelry they have, weapons they carry on them or any item of note that they may always have on them. Estalas’ clothing can usually be summed up with the phrase “function over fashion”. Sporting a large coat that has padding equivalent to a gambeson coat, along with a mail shirt overtop it, steel sabatons, steel pauldrons and steel gauntlets that have claws extending out from them. His paranoia has convinced him into wearing as much armor as he can while remaining mobile. As for accessories, Estalas is adorned with gold piercings all over his body. Sporting longer ear piercings that droop down slightly, with a few more on his left(lateral right) eyebrow. Estalas’ jewelry consists of a numerous bracelets on his left arm that house small compartments for holding objects, such as a thin key and a necklace(for references see the shaman on the Shendar wiki page here .

    • Describe the character’s voice. How do they speak? What is their typical tone and speed? Do they have an accent or a tendency to stutter? Any quirks about their voice listed here. Maybe also add a list of the languages they can speak. Estalas’ voice was normally a soft yet louder spoken than one that would normally go with the voice, however due to recent mutations as a result of Touch of the Void it has become noticeably rougher than before. Estalas’ accent is normally well hidden from his attempt at proper manners but can still surface when panicked or nervous, this accent being a Daendroquian one. As for Languages, Estalas knows quite a few, simply because he wanted to learn them and they were available at the time, the list goes Elvish(Modern<ME.> and Shendriq<Shen.> dialects), Daendroquian<Daen.>, D'Ithanine<D'I.> and of course, Common<C.>, all of which he acquired from his time studying.


    Personality and Abilities



    First Paragraph, As Perceived by Others
    Although one might think of Estalas as a cold and uncaring, stereotypical Shendar. Though as if to go against this, he frequently works to care for and to heal others, even becoming a little self-destructive in his attempts to do so. He’s often perceived as being overly paranoid, often exhibiting nervous behavior round the clock when in foreign situations or places. Although one might become annoyed by his frequent puns and jokes, being the jokester that he is.


    Second Paragraph, Internally
    Estalas’ personal opinion of himself isn’t really a good one, a constant drive to be better than everyone rhythmically driven into his psyche by the teachings in the Shadow Isles. Numerous failures and screw-ups have left Estalas despising himself to a large degree with him constantly trying to prove himself. His paranoia has led him to worry about everything possible, from his own failures and mistakes to outside occurrences he has no control over.


    Third Paragraph, Towards Friends and Family
    Around friends, Estalas can be quite the opposite of what one would expect. Well, for one the man is practically spineless when around friends and loved ones. Easily caving under pressure but still sticking to his self-destructive desire to prove himself and help them. He often can be described as having no sense of self-worth. He even goes to extents of being slightly possessive in his own right due to his paranoia and anxiety constantly making him worry about them. Attempting to keep tabs on them to make sure they remain safe and sound. When it comes to family, he treats them with a sort of rivalry healing and helping them in order to prove himself both useful and possibly better than them, due to his growing up in the Shadow Isles. This differs from his friends, which he only desires to help, sporting no rivalry in general to them,

    Fourth Paragraph, Morals
    Estalas’ morality can best be summed up as Chaotic Neutral. He completes acts of both wrong and right morality in order to benefit and prove himself. One would often see these acts as either complete selfishness that would be normal for a stereotypical Shendar, or acts of selflessness that are entirely the opposite of the common stereotype, it really all depends on who the act is for or who is seeing him commit it.


    Fifth Paragraph (Optional), Worldviews
    Estalas worships the vices, mainly a combination of Dread, Pleasure and Malice. Being quite optimistic for the future of his religion and kind. Believing that even though he will fail, the Allfather won’t. He believes a gap in most nobles and commoners is unfair and unright. After all, no one deserves anything from birth, they have to work for it in his mind. So very few nobles who work for their power he actually likes.​


    (=)Paranoid(=)
    It is not uncommon for Estalas to be up late at night unable to sleep. Trying to prepare for every thinkable outcome. Constantly worrying about things that most likely will never happen to him and always glancing over his shoulder. Estalas developed his paranoia at the young age of 34 and has never really gotten around to controlling or mediating it. And believe it or not this has helped him on some rare occasions. This often conflicts with his attempts to learn more as he's suspicious of everything around him.



    (+)Jokester(+)
    Enjoying and participating in almost all forms of humor, from carefully planned schemes and pranks, anger-filled trash-talking and funny insults, to sarcasm and knock-knock jokes. Finding some form of humor in every situation. Preferring to play out his jokes on just about anyone at any give moment, even some gallows humor if things aren't going too well for him and his friends. He's adopted this sense of humor to help socializing and relaxing himself. Usually when faced with good or bad criticism he'll respond with even more jokes, either to wear down someone's disposition to him, to eventually drive them away, or to keep the good feedback flowing. However, a threat of violence will put a stop to that humor pretty quick.



    (-)Deceptive(-)
    Whether it be out of his paranoia or that he's got some grand joke in the works. Estalas will rarely outright tell you the truth when confronted. Usually giving you the runaround or flat 0ut lying to you. It's a rarity he'll even give you his full name, instead maybe giving you an initial.



    (=)Apathetic(=)
    Most of the time when Estalas isn’t doing something he’s really interested in. He’s not going to bat an eye to any form of injustice or amoral actions around him. More likely to just shrug it off and continue whatever he was originally doing. You’re not likely to get help from him if you don’t have at least something interesting about you. This does however temper his natural curiosity to keep him out of too much trouble.



    (+)Loyal(+)
    Surprisingly, once you can get past his paranoia and slightly annoying jokes. Estalas is extremely loyal to those few friends who put up with his humor and anxiety. Stemming from a constant desire to prove himself to.. Himself, this mentality and his teachings in the shadow isles. Willing to do a great deal for said people, with the exception of his life above all else. He'll gladly take a hit for his friends though, and then joke about it being just a flesh wound or patch up a friend and joke about them being “fragile little things”.



    (-)Possessive(-)
    Although Estalas is fiercely loyal, this also does manifest in an attempt to keep control over those he is loyal to. His paranoia making him increasingly worried that someone would leave or betray him for someone else. Leaving him to be quite possessive in trying to make sure he isn’t left behind. Keeping tabs on other and always wanting to know more about them as a result. And can be aggravated when people turn on him, no matter how much he suspects it.




    (+)Adevnturous(+)
    Estalas’ innate desire to learn everything about the world with a bit of tempering from his paranoia has left him quite the adventurous person. Making always striving to find out more and more about the world. Rarely saying no outright to a task or little escapade. Instead ending up just saying yes and worrying all about it once he’s already agreed.​


    Talents


    Medical Practice and Magicamy
    Perhaps the most useful thing about Estalas is his medical and Alchemy knowledge, being an Scholar in the school of Alchemy and having quite the previous medical experience. This leaves Estalas able to patch others up in a fight but still not able to actively participate in a fight considering his physical weakness. That isn’t a problem for Estalas since he can simply have someone he heals or works for do it for him.


    Magic
    With considerable skill and knowledge in his fields of Blood Magic, Slither Magic and even Threlwar blood. This is by far Estalas’ most useful and power tool (Or tools) at his disposal. With forty years of experience in Threlwar mending, sixty years in Threlwar Bonding, Mage level in Toxic Alteration and Touch of the Void. Along with his caster level Sanguine Thirst and Toxic Expansion Estalas’ magic will always be his go-to, prioritizing Blood Magic or Slither Magic with Threlwar blood as last resort and using Blood Magic to distract and enemy with a boosted Sanguine so he can try to flee.



    Knowledge of Psychology
    Years of telling jokes and simply standing by watching other socialize has given Estalas insight to how to interact with others and improve situations. Ranging from trying to appeal to someone to pry information from them, to attempting to turn enemies against each other. And even using this to confuse or play tricks on his friends. Estalas at least will have a good idea of what he should say during most situations.


    Endurance
    Although this is more of a psychological factor than a physical factor, Estalas isn't really inhibited by pain. Sure, he still feels it, but he's still able to continue doing what he previously was despite this. This has become quite a boon for him, so that despite his horrible stamina and strength, at least he can take a beating and not be too screwed over by it. This of course also comes with denser bones from repeated impacts, plus the man doesn’t bruise easy.


    Weaknesses (Optional)


    Arrhythmia
    Stemming from his father’s side. Estalas is stuck with a dangerous case of Cardiac Arrhythmia. Which puts a major damper on his physical abilities and even his physical stamina to the point where any amount of heavy exertion over 20 minutes can send him into cardiac arrest. Symptoms of his arrhythmia are as follows:
    • Fatigue​
    • Dizziness​
    • Lightheadedness​
    • Fainting or Near-Fainting spells​
    • Rapid heartbeat or pounding​
    • Chest pain​
    Merinthophobia
    Estalas has a case of Merinthophobia, which gives him a debilitating fear of chains, bindings and nearly any form of restraint. He fears them to the extent that he once had a mental breakdown from being locked in a cage. When trapped or bound, Estalas is willing to do whatever it takes in order to get free from his restraints, or will he will simply break down into a fit of fear-induced crying. Estalas gained this fear from the numerous times he has been bound or restrained by others against his will.


    Blind Eye(Left eye)
    Around the time that Estalas was still experimenting with his Touch of the Void. He was unable to properly control his new magic and thus resulted in a large backlash to the left side of his body. Giving him this blind eye which appears to be completely black and never able to be fully open.



    Insomnia
    From the all of the sleepless nights, Estalas has developed a bit of insomnia. This often leaves him increasingly tired and hampering his concentration. And when you have insomnia, you take whatever sleep you can get. Estalas usually end up falling asleep anywhere but his bed. Whether it be with his face in a book or at a bar table.


    Introvert
    Due to a sheltered upbringing and a few self-esteem issues. Estalas has become quite the introvert, usually preferring to stick with well-known friends rather than new people. This is especially true when in an area he is unfamiliar with or one that is heavily occupied by those who wish to harm him, leaving him often nervous, jumpy and even scared. The surface is often always one of those places.


    Damaged Ribs (Right Side)
    When Estalas was initially was supposed to be training to fight. He sustained a bad injury to his ribcage which wasn't noticed in time and mistook for him just being a weak individual. As a result it healed improperly, meaning any decent hit to his right side could put him on the floor in pain. This has even left him with a bit of a hunch in his back and the occasional moderate rib-pain on a day-to-day basis.



    • Describe any number of Character Quirks your character has, strange behavior that they exhibit in certain situations. For example, a character rubbing a beard when nervous is a quirk, or a character biting their lips when doing math is a quirk, or a character shuffling their feet when talking to someone is a quirk. Quirks are not mandatory and may be left out if the writer doesn’t want to include them or can’t think of any. Estalas usually doesn’t exhibit and quirks as his own knowledge of psychology helps him find them and eliminate them. However he does tend to stutter when nervous or embarrassed, with pauses in his speaking. He sadly has yet to be able to control that part of himself.​
    • Describe your character’s skills; abilities they’ve developed, but not necessarily put at the forefront of their lives. For example, if your character is a good cook, but not a chef, or if they are a good horse rider but not necessarily a competition racer, you would mention them here. Feel free to mention multiple skills but try to keep your character from becoming over skilled. A few of Estalas’ skills come in the form of some sort of knowledge. As such, Estalas has quite the knowledge on anything void-related, whether it be Vampirism, Possession or anything similar. Along with his, he has very very basic knowledge on alchemy, being only able to make a slim few concoctions(which includes Obscura, Melodin and Avetyaben’s Grace. That’s it.) and finally, he has some knowledge in cooking, being better than some commoner but certainly no chef.​

    Likes
    • Fruits: Estalas always enjoyed fruit from Daendroque as he was growing up, and so this has basically become a staple for him. He almost always has some on hand. Mangos in particular are his favorite, savoring them the most.​
    • Humor: This might as well be a given, but Estalas thoroughly enjoys humor of almost any kind, so long as the circumstance is right. It’s rare that he won’t laugh at a well-timed pun or joke.​
    • Magic: Another given, though it is still true, Estalas is quite fond of almost all magic. Even some exist forms, especially in a place like regalia, it’s comforting for him to see mages still living on and continuing to practice magic.​

    Dislikes
    • The Cold: Growing up in the warm and humid climate that is Daendroque, Estalas has been left with little tolerance or like for the cold, much rather preferring a warm room to a cold one. This isn’t too much of a damper on himself since he basically wears his gambeson wherever he goes, keeping him warm.​
    • Alcohol: Estalas has quite the dislike for alcohol or drinking as he sees it as nothing more than a way to dull one’s mind. As such, he often refuses to drink unless it's specifically for taste, such as wine.​
    • Storms: When you live in a dead and moldy jungle you grow to hate storms as they can very easily break down the deadened limbs of decaying trees. As such, Estalas has a unique distaste for bad weathers like storms, much rather preferring to stay inside where it's nice and warm.​

    Life Story

    Early Childhood/Early Teenage Years
    • Estalas was born May 13, 192 AC to a Mage Father and Shaman Mother in the Shadow Isles.​
    • Even at this young age of 7, Estalas was always increasingly curious about the world around him constantly asking questions to adults and trying to learn all he could.​
    • Although he was curious, Estalas didn't enjoy socializing as much as other children his age, much rather wanting to talk with his mother and do what she was doing.​
    • Estalas spent most of his early childhood, that being somewhere between the ages of 13 and 17. Playing with insects and other creatures he could come across in the Isles, not really socializing with the other children.​
    Late Teenage Years/Early Adulthood
    • Around the age of 18 time Estalas attempted the normal combat and warfare for the other children. However he was never able to complete it because he was already physically weak.​
    • Around the age of 20, Estalas had take a strong hit from a corruption mage, and unluckily due to his endurance he severely underestimated the damage that had been done, and although the wound healed in time, it left a lasting scar and wound on his body.​
    • Around the age of 32, Estalas was faced with the realization that he simply couldn't do physical combat, unless he found some magical work around, so he began the short studies in Slither Magic, deciding to just be a kind of doctor to the real fighters.​
    • Luckily for Estalas, he took to the magic quite well, certainly progressing better than he was with his combat training. As such, he enjoyed it quite a lot.​
    • Around this time his paranoia began to surface, making him very weary of anyone not in his immediate family. Causing him to be even more introverted than before.​
    Later Adulthood
    • At this period, start around 35, Estalas was simply just taking small ventures out to Daendroque to try and learn more than the Shadow Isles could, becoming a little more adjusted to social interaction as a result from this.​
    • At around the age of 74, Estalas' adventurous nature and desire to learn got the better of him, even though he only had his Slither Magic and Threlwar Blood, he set out to discover more about the world, Regalia particularly peaking his interest.​
    • At roughly the age of 76, Ithania was the first destination for Estalas, attending an Academy for Magicamy in order to further his knowledge. Finally mastering and completing his studies in Magicamy at the age of 86. Setting his sights now for the capital city, Regalia.
    • When Estalas finally arrived at Regalia, he quickly set himself up in the sewers, joining up with a blood cult around the age of 88. Which he quickly began to learn this new form of magic that they practiced, the act of forcing void essence into someone through Touch of the Void intrigued him so.​
    • Around the age of 118, Estalas was experimenting with touch of the void (which he was mage-level in), when his focus was interrupted, sending all that volatile void essence into his left side, resulting in the mutations he now has. And although the new lack of vision and usefulness of his left arm was jarring, he wasn't too affected by the actual mutations as he stayed true to his beliefs.​
    Present Date
    • Three years later, at the age of 121, Estalas still lives in the sewers. Still trying to cope with his paranoia.​
    • Estalas is also attempting to gain a healthy relationship with all the sewer gangs and groups in the underground. Now no longer really able to venture out onto the surface.​
     
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    #1 Emperor_E, Jan 2, 2017
    Last edited: May 18, 2017
  2. Emperor_E

    Emperor_E Smite-er

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  3. 174192873891

    174192873891 Refugee

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    I'll be assigning this sheet to @MantaRey
     
  4. Emperor_E

    Emperor_E Smite-er

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    Thank you!!!
     
  5. MantaRey

    MantaRey repairing the gens Staff Member Lore2

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    I will be reviewing this character sheet.


    I feel this trait isn't truly expanded upon with sufficient detail and is very short overall. How is he a jester? What kind of people does he like to toss jokes to? How does it feel for him when he receives either good or bad feedback? Does he do it for a certain reason or is he simply so social it's a part of his behavior? Think about things such as these questions and re-write the explanation for this trait.

    How does he present his loyalty? What sorts of things encourage him to make stronger bonds to/with people? To what extent will he be loyal? Re-write this trait's details considering these sorts of questions.

    These are very similar to each other in regards to their descriptions. Summarize these two into one major Strength point, then come up with a new trait.

    Replace this with a Combat-based Weakness.

    The descriptions you have for your Life Story are far too short. Surely there's a bit more to tell for his story than what you have. If you'd like, you could use a bullet point format for each section in the life story. I'd consider adding no more than two sentences per bullet point, and use a few bullet points per section.

    Make any changes in blue, then tag me when you're done. @Emperor_E
     
  6. Emperor_E

    Emperor_E Smite-er

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  7. Emperor_E

    Emperor_E Smite-er

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  8. MantaRey

    MantaRey repairing the gens Staff Member Lore2

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    I still feel this section is lacking, as you've used mostly phrases to talk about his life. Make sure you make these bullet points complete sentences. Really consider the detail, otherwise there's very little to say about the character and this could make him dull.

    Make your changes in blue once more, then tag me when you've completed them. @Emperor_E
     
  9. Emperor_E

    Emperor_E Smite-er

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    @MantaRey Done!

    All changes were made in a different blue.
     
  10. MantaRey

    MantaRey repairing the gens Staff Member Lore2

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    Great work. Approved!
     
  11. Emperor_E

    Emperor_E Smite-er

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    In leu of recent changes to shendar I decided to edit him slightly.

    List of changes.
    • Added corruption magic because it seemed more commonplace and it's easy to learn with no upkeep.
    • Made him taller as I kept having him act like taller than her was.
    • Put all of the previous edits back to black so you're not bombarded by a rainbow when you open the page.
    • Made him older as an excuse for him to be more experienced in threlwar blood.
    All changes (Other than the text colors.) were made in purple.

    Am I still good? @MantaRey
     
  12. MantaRey

    MantaRey repairing the gens Staff Member Lore2

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    I see no mention(s) of Corruption Magic being added into your sheet. If you're going to add it in, please remove Expert Lightning Magic from the sheet and your special permissions.


    This is fine.

    I see no mention(s) of his skill nor years learning the skills of Threlwar Blood. Please put these details in the appropriate sections of your sheet, as you need to with Corruption Magic.

    Include the Optional Skill Section that's found in the updated Sheet Template to list his Corruption Magic details.

    Make your edits in blue. Tag me when you've completed them. @Emperor_E
     
  13. Emperor_E

    Emperor_E Smite-er

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    Done.
    • Removed the corruption magic then as both Est and I would take the expert lightning magic over that.
    • Added threlwar blood skill where applicable.

    Sorry I thought threlwar blood was just kinda passively there like Chrysalis weaving.
    Changes made in a new Purple

    @MantaRey
     
    #13 Emperor_E, Jan 23, 2017
    Last edited: Jan 28, 2017
  14. Emperor_E

    Emperor_E Smite-er

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    Just in case this got lost among notifications.
    @MantaRey
     
  15. Emperor_E

    Emperor_E Smite-er

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    Sorry if I'm being spammy or impatient I'm really tryna get this approved so I can be in the Dulofall cure campaign.
    @MantaRey
     
  16. Emperor_E

    Emperor_E Smite-er

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  17. Jack_Castle

    Jack_Castle Rage, RAGE Against the Dying of the Light. Supremium

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  18. MantaRey

    MantaRey repairing the gens Staff Member Lore2

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    Apologies, I wasn't receiving notifications oddly enough save for the most recent. Approved.
     
  19. Emperor_E

    Emperor_E Smite-er

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    'Twas fine. I understand.

    How do you tell if a skeleton is scared?

    Just see if he looks a little /rattled/.
     
  20. Emperor_E

    Emperor_E Smite-er

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    Big ol' re-write/update/whatever you call this
    • After doing a good bit of reading so I can understand magic better. I did some switching around.
    • New and fancy Magicss
    • Re-wrote a few weaknesses and parts of the story to line up with his new magic.
    • Added 3 new personality traits (Possessive, Pessimistic and Adventurous.)
    • Changed Paranoia to neutral as it has actually helped him in a rare few occasions
    • Added Void mutations as a result of his new magic.
    • Added All the expansions (Except relationships)
    • Added blind eye weakness
    • Made Arrhythmia even more of a weakness now.
    • Replaced Resourceful with Medical knowledge as it never really was ever played out or used properly.
    All Changes or additions done in blue.
    @MantaRey
     
    • Cuddles! Cuddles! x 1
    #20 Emperor_E, Mar 13, 2017
    Last edited: Mar 14, 2017
  21. taintedly

    taintedly juggalo

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    he's twinning with Nes now oml
     
  22. TheOverseer__

    TheOverseer__ Captain of Laveer

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    Full re-review assigned to @Chiruda
     
  23. TheOverseer__

    TheOverseer__ Captain of Laveer

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  24. Chiruda

    Chiruda Mistress of the Beneath

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    @Emperor_E Sorry for the late review. Dealing with some heavy stuff at the moment.
    • How come he's both good at joking but also incredibly pessimistic and easily angry? I feel like you've added so many character traits that some of them are both starting to overlap or contradict each other, or maybe even make the character too broad and unfocused. This means that he doesn't really have a set personality and even though you've done a lot of work on the traits, he's all over the place. Even though there's no real limit to the amount of personality traits you could have, I think you'd find your character both more concise and also easier to play if you maybe merged and edited some stuff to have 7 personality traits instead. Most of your neutral traits right now also aren't that necessary, in my opinion. Try fiddle around a bit here.
    • Please add to your arm injury that being hit on it would also cause extreme pain.
    • You have 5 weaknesses, which is great, but 4 of them are physical and one is mental. I'm not saying you have to remove any of them, but it'd do wonders to balance the character if you could have one social weakness there as well. You could add a fourth strength to balance this out.
    • When did he begin learning his magics? How did he do at them?
    • When did he leave for Regalia? How old was he, what ability level was he?
    • When did he begin learning the Blood magic? It would take him quite a while of study to be this level in the different subcategories.
    • You mention his over-ambition in your life story. This isn't even mentioned as a personality trait. Please do so if it's something that serves as a downfall for him.
    • As a child he had no friends and was very secluded. How has this affected him today? Being a loner at such a young age would definitely result in some sort of social drawback or mental advantage.
    • In general, please add some dates and levels of proficiency to your life story. I'm struggling to make the equations all work out in my head since he has so much magical knowledge, so please, since your character is a heavily magic-oriented person, add some dates and ages.
    EDIT: You have three kinds of magics, one which is a special permission. It seems too overpowered and farfetched to have this amount of knowledge in all of these magics plus a special permission. I'm personally going to say no to this and ask you to remove one of your magics. All this AND Threlwar abilities is simply too much. Please make these edits too and resolve this. Please highlight the specific changes for this point in purple, so I can tell them apart.
    Do these changes in pink and @tag me when you're done. Happy writing!
     
    • Winner Winner x 1
    #24 Chiruda, Mar 23, 2017
    Last edited: Mar 23, 2017
  25. Emperor_E

    Emperor_E Smite-er

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    I used to have it as a result of deadened nerves, and after looking at the page I realized I removed that part. Can I put that back in or should I still go with the extreme pain? @Chiruda
    The pains of finishing a page at 2 in the morning.
     
  26. Chiruda

    Chiruda Mistress of the Beneath

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    That would also work.
     
  27. Emperor_E

    Emperor_E Smite-er

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    Fiddling has been done!
    @Chiruda
    I hope.

     
    #27 Emperor_E, Mar 24, 2017
    Last edited: Mar 25, 2017
  28. Emperor_E

    Emperor_E Smite-er

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    Bump @Chiruda

    Forgive me I'm an impatient piece of trash.
     
  29. Chiruda

    Chiruda Mistress of the Beneath

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    @Emperor_E Sorry, I already looked over this earlier and forgot to comment. APPROVED.
     
  30. Emperor_E

    Emperor_E Smite-er

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    Update right here! @Chiruda
    • Changed hair style to fit recent events.
    • Changed Clothing to fit recent events.
    • Added Paragraphs to fit new template.
    • Moved personality traits into a spoiler.
    • Void mutations were edited to be more of a hindrance, plus more edge.
    • Arm injury was removed and replaced with Self-Destructive as a result of a personality shift. Meaning a less specific weakness and more all around hampering.
    • Formatting redone, again.
    • Optional and almost all Expansions now properly filled out.
    • Small changes to wording in blue.
     
  31. taintedly

    taintedly juggalo

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    holy bejeebus that is a lot of languages
     
  32. Vegemiite

    Vegemiite monty appreciator Supremium

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    Shendiriq or any other spelling of it is not a language. The only language unique to them which they speak with Modern Elvish is She'llaq
     
  33. natcanino

    natcanino Woefully Lost

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    "Instead, they use Shendriq Elven, a bastardized dialect of Modern Elven, while they also have access to the chanting language of She’llaq" - Wiki
     
    • Agree Agree x 1
  34. Vegemiite

    Vegemiite monty appreciator Supremium

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    That contradicts on both the Shendar page and the Language page. Under languages, Shendriq is not specified on the Shendar page. And on the Language Page, Shendriq hasn't been listed under pages that need to be done, which most if not all other languages are.
     
  35. natcanino

    natcanino Woefully Lost

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    I got the quote from the shendar page tho
     
  36. Vegemiite

    Vegemiite monty appreciator Supremium

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    Yes. But in the specified languages at the top of the page with all the other basic information for a Shendar; Shendriq is not mentioned. Only Modern Elvish and She'llaq. That's why I said contradicted since Shendriq is only mentioned once in all of lore.
     
  37. _Grimmy_

    _Grimmy_ Magic? More Like Mag-ick, am I right, purists.

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  38. Emperor_E

    Emperor_E Smite-er

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    Dear lord I go to bed and wake on up to this.

    Fixed it ya sillies.
     
  39. Valentinian

    Valentinian Have a little faith.

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  40. Chiruda

    Chiruda Mistress of the Beneath

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    Thanks @Valentinian for letting me know. It drowned in a bunch of notifications I got spammed with recently so I didn't see. I'll review when I have time soon @Emperor_E
     

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