Shelved Character Eric Daevaar

This character has been shelved and is no longer played.
My Re-Review:
  • Weight is no longer required in the Visual Information section, please remove it so as to conform to application consistency.
  • His weapon is choice is either lore incompliant or very odd. Where did he acquire the Metalitra?
  • Life Story:
    • The Chrysant War began in the spring of 286 AC, not 285 AC, please correct this error however you see fit
    • The death of his brother is unnecessarily morbid and disturbing. I would ask that you consider altering it.
    • I would ask that you re-examine the end of his life story, it's a bit odd in what it is describing. Why did the person who took his hand then help train him? At what age did he loose this hand? In addition, please remember that "Members of any Alchemical discipline are unable to attend a Combat School at the same time, but may be tutored up to Fighter level in a combat school if an Alchemist has not yet reached Scholar level." Be sure that this is still retained and that your character has had two years of education in the School at least.
Please tag me once the edit is done in green @Ghirko
 
HydraLana said:
His weapon is choice is either lore incompliant or very odd. Where did he acquire the Metalitra?
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Eric was trained by my character Veridan in the school of Esa-Ajo, he would've been granted a Khoptar that's the same as any Drow upon Drowda. The description of it is meant to reflect what it says on the wiki, which means it's lore-compliant.

"The metal used to create the Drowdar Khopeshes is imported from the Dwarven holds of Ellador. Most of these weapons contain a small percentage of Metalitra to strengthen the blades and make them durable."

HydraLana said:
Why did the person who took his hand then help train him?
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Great question, considering it's my character, I would be the best to answer that question. What my character does or doesn't do is entirely guided by how I choose to act towards a certain situation in combination with his morality and personality. Eric may have broken the law several times and had a hand chopped off, but we all know that Veridan has been in the same place. Eric improved over time and as such redeemed himself in the eyes of my character. To help him get away from his past misdeeds, he was then taught by Veridan to fight what he sees as evil within Aloria. I don't know about you, but that seems like a good way to atone even further.
 
Deadfoe51 said:
Eric was trained by my character Veridan in the school of Esa-Ajo, he would've been granted a Khoptar that's the same as any Drow upon Drowda. The description of it is meant to reflect what it says on the wiki, which means it's lore-compliant.

"The metal used to create the Drowdar Khopeshes is imported from the Dwarven holds of Ellador. Most of these weapons contain a small percentage of Metalitra to strengthen the blades and make them durable."


Great question, considering it's my character, I would be the best to answer that question. What my character does or doesn't do is entirely guided by how I choose to act towards a certain situation in combination with his morality and personality. Eric may have broken the law several times and had a hand chopped off, but we all know that Veridan has been in the same place. Eric improved over time and as such redeemed himself in the eyes of my character. To help him get away from his past misdeeds, he was then taught by Veridan to fight what he sees as evil within Aloria. I don't know about you, but that seems like a good way to atone even further.
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The Drowdar lore is incredibly old and the trivia point was not supported on the more recent Khoptar page. It has now been deleted. I request that @Ghirko and @Deadfoe51 make the necessary adjustments to their mutual applications if the metal is still mentioned to be in their Khoptars.

As for the rest of what you say: I mean no offense but I didn't ask you. I was asking Ghirko to explain in the Life Story so that the sudden logic jumps could be substantiated through IC explanations about the characters.
 
@HydraLana Changed metalitra/steel to pure steel. Explanation to relationships already changed in lifestory.
 
@HydraLana
Added in the proficiencies and altered life story detailing (last 2 paragraphs) to match.
 
My Review:
  • Why do his Cultural Proficiencies have +10 and +5, which is correct? Please edit to correct for this discrepancy.
  • Which variation of "Elvish" does he know as a Language? There are at least three.
  • If he is 30 years old, why was he born in 285 AC? Your entire life story needs a proper time adjustment for his new age, his schooling, etc.
Please tag me once the edits are done in green @Ghirko
 
@HydraLana Changes made. The life story had already been edited as mentioned before but I overlooked the start. Hopefully all in line now.
 
Ghirko said:
@HydraLana Changes made. The life story had already been edited as mentioned before but I overlooked the start. Hopefully all in line now.
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"They used the commotion from the war to hide in the undercity where their mother, Ssylvania, was able to teach them Zasta and Common tongue, though they were naturally illiterate."

Second sentence in, mentions of a war despite there being none at the time and could only be a reference back to the Chrysant War. I ask that you please, re-read the entire Life Story and make the needed changed to account for the character's age up, their schooling etcetera in the color red. Tag me only after you have done this, do not speed through it. Stop, re-read the Life Story, and then then tag me when you are sure you are done.
 
@HydraLana I took more time and all marked in red. The large amount in the fourth paragraph wasn't added but moved to help with continuity. I understand it's not perfect, but seeing as it never will be in a timeline sense, this should at least make it less like trying to cram twenty years into the past year alone. (Also changed 275 t o 276. Forgot I made the last changes last year).
 
Approved.
 
@HydraLana Mentioned and specified Eric's change in religion in Basic information, highlighted in green.
 
Ghirko said:
@HydraLana Mentioned and specified Eric's change in religion in Basic information, highlighted in green.
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Given that Veridan is now dead, I would like that to be mentioned in the Life Story since the end of that story the tense of the statement would suggest he is still alive. I would also ask that you explain why he has converted from Slizzar to Drowdar to Imperial now with a mention of what made him so wholly devote himself to Unionism. Your word count is at 855 as well, so be careful as to what you add and feel free to streamline the story more to grant yourself more room at the end.

Tag me once the edits are done in orange.
 

@HydraLana
Updated the story for both detail on the death and how Eric's view on Unionism changed over time. I'm aware the fifth paragraph is optional but I wasn't sure where else to put the information in it other than the explanation in the life story. All changes marked in orange.​
 
Re-approve.
 
@HydraLana Updated Eric to the new system and his life story to fit. Cut out some of the less relevant info to save space. All changes in Green.
 
Ghirko said:
@HydraLana Updated Eric to the new system and his life story to fit. Cut out some of the less relevant info to save space. All changes in Green.
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My sole point of review is that the Slizzar can only reach the maximum physical stat of Toned, but we can appear as virtually any other. Please make sure you clarify this point as right now, Eric is listed as being "Athletic". I personally in my app make a difference between how he actually is as a Slizzar vs how he appears in a Shift. Tag me once the edit is done in red @Ghirko
 
HydraLana said:
My sole point of review is that the Slizzar can only reach the maximum physical stat of Toned, but we can appear as virtually any other. Please make sure you clarify this point as right now, Eric is listed as being "Athletic". I personally in my app make a difference between how he actually is as a Slizzar vs how he appears in a Shift. Tag me once the edit is done in red @Ghirko
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Over sight on my part and changed! He doesn't stick to one specific template enough for me to specify so I'll leave it as it is otherwise or add it to the optional section at a later date. @HydraLana
 
@HydraLana I changed Eric back to Athletic to fit the wiki alteration. Didn't bother changing tag for this detail but letting you know.
 
@HydraLana Added images to my app which lost the approved tag. No content was changed (other than colour)
 
@HydraLana Added Eric's bonded stats to his prof points, marked in red
 
HydraLana said:
I think you need to review your Points here, tag me once it is complete.
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Sorry, I think I may be reading it wrong. As I read it, Eric would get half the amount of Ztril's highest proficiency to add to his own, which in this case would be 15, added to his 10 from the point pool when relevant.
 
Ghirko said:
Sorry, I think I may be reading it wrong. As I read it, Eric would get half the amount of Ztril's highest proficiency to add to his own, which in this case would be 15, added to his 10 from the point pool when relevant.
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I still don't understand, does he have 10 Points total in Alchemy? 35? 25? I don't understand the format you're using.
Ghirko said:
  • +23 Statesman (+20 Race, +3 Points)
  • +10 Alchemy Science (+10 Points)
    • +25 Alchemy (+10 Points, +15 Slizzar Bond (Ztril)
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Compare these. He has 23 Statesmen Knowledge because of 20 from his Race and 3 added. But then in Alchemy Science, I don't understand how many, you put 10 down as an investment but you claim it's 25 immediately afterward.

Please clear up this issue.
 
Ah! Sorry about that. I tried to lay it out to show his base, 'unbonded' stat is just +10 alchemy, then the +25 is only applicable when close to Ztril. If it's clearer, I can just put "+25 (+10 from Points, +15 from bonding)" @HydraLana
 
Ghirko said:
Ah! Sorry about that. I tried to lay it out to show his base, 'unbonded' stat is just +10 alchemy, then the +25 is only applicable when close to Ztril. If it's clearer, I can just put "+25 (+10 from Points, +15 from bonding)" @HydraLana
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It would be clearer yes.
 
Approved.
 
Hello there. I'll be picking this up for staff review!
 
My Review

Proficiency Points
  • Slizzar Colluding: Slizzar Colluding can only work on one person at one time. Please adjust your points to reflect only one +10 boost.
Please tag me when you're done! @Ghirko
 
Katiesc said:
My Review

Proficiency Points
  • Slizzar Colluding: Slizzar Colluding can only work on one person at one time. Please adjust your points to reflect only one +10 boost.
Please tag me when you're done! @Ghirko
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Might want to have that emphasised in the wiki, I've had other staff argue otherwise. Still, I've made the change. @Katiesc
 
Hello! It looks like I overlooked that you're exactly five points over the 55 (for age) + 5 prof point boost. Please remove five points. @Ghirko
 
@Katiesc I've updated his app to include the 10 hobby points (Titled as such)
 
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