Preserved Sheet Elizabeth Von Rahm

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  • Changed "Weight: 98 lbs" to body build "Ectomorph" @LumosJared I looked over the new body builds page and I couldn't find one that fit the description of what she looks like, perhaps you can help?
  • Updated her age to reflect her current: 15
  • Got rid of all relationships except for her parents (NPCs) and for dear Travis Black
 
Lizzy
 
Edit ur relationship
 
I'll be handling this re-review on behalf of Jared.
 
Here's my review -
  • Personality and Abilities
    • The second paragraph states she is both prideful and stubborn, yet at the same time easy to intimidate. This pairing of traits truthfully just doesn't make sense and requires some explanation. The second paragraph also says that she cares and fears a lot for her family, eventually resulting in an emotional meltdown because of the way in which she bottles it up, but fails to actually mention as to why that is the case.
    • The fourth paragraph mentions how she is an optimist, but I think that's probably better fit in the second paragraph. Unless you meant to say that Elizabeth is an idealist, which would make more sense.
Mark these changes in red and tag me when you're done.
 
Valentinian said:
Here's my review -
  • Personality and Abilities
    • The second paragraph states she is both prideful and stubborn, yet at the same time easy to intimidate. This pairing of traits truthfully just doesn't make sense and requires some explanation. The second paragraph also says that she cares and fears a lot for her family, eventually resulting in an emotional meltdown because of the way in which she bottles it up, but fails to actually mention as to why that is the case.
    • The fourth paragraph mentions how she is an optimist, but I think that's probably better fit in the second paragraph. Unless you meant to say that Elizabeth is an idealist, which would make more sense.
Mark these changes in red and tag me when you're done.
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I meant to say idealist!
And I'll get on the personality ASAP (had some troubles my goodness) thank you so much!
 
@Valentinian
I marked all my changes in red! I got rid of the entirety of the prideful, stubborn bit. Kept easy to intimidate.
Added overprotective and possessive to better explain why she worries about her family and close friends!
Added optimism and idealism. Put idealism in 4th paragraph and optimism into second!

If you have any more help you can give me, or any comments where I made some mistakes please let me know!
As far as idealism and optimism go I got a bit confused as I figured she could be both! I've been reading some articles on the two and I got a bit confused on whether or not she can be both.
Thank you so much for your time!
 
To the next reviewer, I have marked All changes in this color.

I have updated:
Her age
Skill info, I would like to apply for a special permission
Minor Appearance things
Her personality
Talents
Weaknesses
And I rewrote her life story
@Lore / Whomever I need to tag for a re-review given that my past reviewer is no longer staff.
(Also @Wumpatron because I'm hopeless at knowing what I'm doing, so maybe you know what @ to do.)
 
Languages:
  • Add common to the list of languages.
  • Please lower the proficiency of Daendroque down to at most 7.
  • An optional edit, though I do suggest you drop Ithanian, you may keep Daendroque up at 8 or 9 if you do this.
Life Story:
  • Having her begin her learning at the age of 15 would result in her being at least 22 to be the expert she is right now. If you wish to keep expert, please up her age, or alternatively, drop from expert to scholar.

Make the above edits in a different colour and tag me afterwards!
@Miss_Confined
 
Vegemiite said:
Languages:
  • Add common to the list of languages.
  • Please lower the proficiency of Daendroque down to at most 7.
  • An optional edit, though I do suggest you drop Ithanian, you may keep Daendroque up at 8 or 9 if you do this.
Life Story:
  • Having her begin her learning at the age of 15 would result in her being at least 22 to be the expert she is right now. If you wish to keep expert, please up her age, or alternatively, drop from expert to scholar.

Make the above edits in a different colour and tag me afterwards!
@Miss_Confined
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Marked all edits in PINK.
Got rid of D'Ithanie
Left Daendroque at 9 (tell me if this is wrong, I will lower it <3)
Upped her age to 22
@Vegemiite Thank you for all your help!
also i somehow messed up the header omg
 
To my reviewer:
I rewrote Elizabeth into the School of Statemanship, Discipline of Diplomacy, in order to achieve this I rewrote her life story, adjusted some talents, and out of preference swapped the language of Daendroque fluency to D'Ithanie as I feel it'd make more sense with the diplomat she was mentored by. All edits are made in this color. Thank you!

Oh and @Staff Roleplay because my past reviewer is no longer staff.
 
Did you mean to keep the School of Music? Make changes to that and tag myself once completed. Either remove the special permission or include it in the Skill Information section. @Miss_Confined
 
Wumpatron said:
Did you mean to keep the School of Music? Make changes to that and tag myself once completed. Either remove the special permission or include it in the Skill Information section. @Miss_Confined
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That was a whoops on my part! I have had the special permissions thread deleted as I rewrote her out of the school of music! I just didn't see that.
@Wumpatron
 
@Wumpatron decided to start playing Elizabeth again, and have now updated her application to fit the template and to fit the updated redesign.
Will probably do aesthetics after the review.
 
Seeing no errors with the application you are reapproved. Welcome back Lady Black
 
Tag fixed. Next time you need a review use the Staff Roleplay tag so a new reviewer can get to it as I am no longer a member of the staff team. Just waiting for the forums to be updated and helping out where my perms work
 
Common now costs ten years to learn, so you are currently one language over your age limit. Please go about removing one and tagging me once done! @Miss_Confined
 
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