Shelved Character Dietrich Von Drachenburg

This character has been shelved and is no longer played.
FireFan96

FireFan96

A miserable little pile of secrets
Staff member
Lore
Joined
Sep 7, 2015
Messages
2,228
Reaction score
6,235
Points
413
Age
28
Location
Michigan
Faction
Drachovia
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Character Information
  • Full Name: Dietrich Günthard Sigismund Leomarich Herzog-Kurfürst von und zu Drachenburg ober-der-Rauschweiger Lödenthal-Dessau
  • Race: Wirtem Ailor
  • Age: 56
  • Gender/Pronouns: Male (He/Him, though the formal address of "my lord" or "your grace" is preferable)
  • Occult: Dietrich is fully mundane
Core Concept
A retired General of the Regalian Army and Noble, Dietrich von Drachenburg was raised through turmoil, rose to great heights, and now takes an observing seat to allow fresh faces to take the helm of leadership, all while serving as an example of the honor-obsessed reputation of his home province and offering advice to those that seek his counsel. Von Drachenburg is a devout Dogmatic Unionist, with God Emperor Theomar as he favored diety. He believes in the Everwatcher and The Creed, though does struggle with balancing his cultural beliefs with the decrees of the Emperor, twice having sought Him out for religious counseling.

Appearance Information
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Dietrich stands around 5'10'' in height, with greying hair and a pinkish skin complexion. He often dresses in either the Wirtem or military styles, preferring the timeless pelts of Calemberg and Nordmark to the modern Regal trappings seen around the Imperial Palace.

Proficiencies
  • Strength 1
  • Constitution 1
  • Wisdom 6
  • Dexterity 0
  • Magic 0
  • Faith 6
Languages
  • Common
  • Calem
  • d'Ithanie
  • Anglisch
Life Story/Plot Hooks
  • Dietrich was born as the first male of his generation, and was raised to eventually become the future head of the house and titleholder. His upbringing was very much about learning how to be a proper old money nobleman of the Wirtem variety.
  • As with many Wirtem nobles, Dietrich pursued an education in military leadership, graduating from the Kalemburg Ordner Akademie to pursue a career as an army general.
  • The Drachenburg Crisis left a lasting impact on Dietrich, as he family was caught right in the middle of the worst of the revolts. The Drachenburgs ultimately sided with the van Sherburnes and Kades (in support of the State; the family does not deny the Sherburnes were tyrants, but destabilizing the economic core of the Archipelago was a step too far for the Barons). His grandfather, Günthard, was one of the nobles captured and beheaded after the Battle of Lausitze, alongside Arch-Chancellor Norn. While Emperor Cedromar ultimately got revenge on the Barons during his reign, Dietrich has remained a cautious individual, as Drachenwald politics during the past 30 years was one of border skirmishes and cold wars between pro-State, pro-Baron, and new-money houses.
  • Dietrich is married as has several children and grandchildren. He tends not to talk about them unless he trusts the people he is speaking with (going back to Drachenwald politics where nobody was safe from rival houses.)
  • Dietrich has a strong resentment to any and all Slizzar, as his father was assassinated by one following the Chrysant War. He knows that outright genocide is impossible due to their shapeshifting, but would not complain if the publicly known Slizzar were thrown into a prison and the key thrown away.
  • After being a prisoner of war during the Second Elven War, Dietrich has grown suspicious of Teledden who are more proud of their Allorn legacy than their Regalian one. Proven loyalty to the Emperor can help remove these initial shortcomings, however.
  • Dietrich is often considered the "Knight who isn't a Knight" as he is not a member of any Knightly Order, but has the respect of them for his general knightly demeanor and dedication to following protocols and keeping a personal code of conduct. A cousin of his is the current Primae of the Viridian Order, though despite their blood relation, doesn't imply that the Viridians march to the Drachenburg drums on a whim.
  • Dietrich was a former Chancellor of the Empire, and previously served as a Proconsul during a previous government model. In both circumstances, Dietrich believes that the noble assembly as a whole was a main reason why most Chancellors were relatively weak, as large risks for the "greater good" would have to be put on hold in order to appease the various factions looking to oust the seated Chancellor. Ultimately, he believes the most effective Chancellors enjoyed the Emperor's vocal support.
  • Dietrich was briefly a Vampire during the insurrection on the Crown Isle. While cured, he is still fully aware of the actions he took when infected, and has grown even more untrusting of any Occult, believing that a lowered guard leaves one vulnerable to their corruption.
 
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I will be doing a Peer Review! (staff are peers too)
  • There is a mild discrepancy between your height, weight, and body shape. First, At your height of 6'6", and 230 lbs, his BMI would be a 27. This is overweight, however, the body shape you choose was a muscular one. I would recommend dialing his weight back to at MOST 210 lbs, the upper limit of a healthy BMI.
  • The Personality traits of Distant and Outgoing are actually opposites, and I do not think they are actually the words that you want. Instead of Outgoing, which means socially confident and personable, the trait Adventurous may be more accurate. In the same attitude, Reserved may be more appropriate of a word than Distant, which tends to mean he is more detached from society.
  • It may be better to expand more on your personality traits. Although you meet the sentence requirement in the technical sense, many of them are redundant and do not offer more insight and information on the character. It may help to explain how they will effect him in character!
  • The strength "Bilingual" seems like a waste of a strength to me. Or, at least, it seems wasted in the way it is being used. It is a unwritten expectation that all Ailor characters speak common, so if they hail from a foreign land, it is expected they would be bilingual. You may want to switch that out with a new strength that will make the character more interesting.
  • This may just be a personal thing, but I think the strength "Good Negotiator" may be hard to roleplay. This is because it is not easy to manipulate other players from an OOC perspective. This trait also depends on your OOC skills of negotiating, because you need to be able to roleplay it out. This could probably altered slightly to make it more practical in roleplay.
  • I just want to say, the weak stomach idea is very original, and if roleplayed correctly, will lead to great roleplay!
  • In your life story, I want to clarify that one does not actually create a barony from a IC perspective. One must acquire it from some other means, like politics. You may want to change that to make sense
  • You can add more words, you should use those to expand on his life after the war. After the war, he goes kind of dry
@FireFan96
 
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Edited everything to make everything nicer to read and make sense. Also decided to make fast problem solver a strength instead of an addition. Also changed the parts for the story that needed a little more oomph to it.
@OldManJ98
 
@FireFan96 Review complete!

1. Elaborate on how Dietrich wishes to further himself and his family through trade and politics. Does he want a greater title from the Emperor? Does he want to establish some sort of trading circle with his father's company? Tell me what, and tell me how.

2. The personality traits "Blunt" and "Respectful" seem to be direct contradictions of one-another. Perhaps you could edit his personality so that he puts on a sort of facade in front of those whom he'd like to please or kiss up to, and more blunt with those who he is closer to. Or you could edit it to something else entirely.

3. Dedicated sounds to me like more of a personality traits. I highly recommend that you find another strength of his.

Other than the points above, there seem to be no other glaring lore inconsistencies or other such errors. Tag me when you have completed the edits! Pending!
 
1. Changed some details in the app and life story in order to give a better idea of how he wants to further himself. He wants to make his company better known, and by doing so hopefully make a name by that, and use that larger influence to get acquainted with the politics of the Empire, hopefully resulting in a greater title.

2. Got rid of Blunt with Arrogant, and Replaced Respectful with Dedicated, as dogmatic can cover that hierarchy and etiquette.

3. Dedicated moved and replaced with Rational Thinker

If I missed anything or need some more tweaks, just let me know @TyrolleanEagle
 
FireFan96 said:
1. Changed some details in the app and life story in order to give a better idea of how he wants to further himself. He wants to make his company better known, and by doing so hopefully make a name by that, and use that larger influence to get acquainted with the politics of the Empire, hopefully resulting in a greater title.

2. Got rid of Blunt with Arrogant, and Replaced Respectful with Dedicated, as dogmatic can cover that hierarchy and etiquette.

3. Dedicated moved and replaced with Rational Thinker

If I missed anything or need some more tweaks, just let me know @TyrolleanEagle
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Excellent! Approved!
 
Edit:
I changed one of his negative traits from Arrogant to Prejudice, to better reflect how I've been playing the character in RP. I feel that arrogant wasn't really what I was going for in the end, and prejudice seems to be a better fit.

Also, I decided to age him up a few years to make family members possible to be played. He's being aged from 42 to 46, so that there is a 4 year gap for him to wed and baby make before the Chrysant War.

I don't know if you want to re-review that small part, but I'll tag you anyways @TyrolleanEagle
 
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@TyrolleanEagle I've essentially redid the entire application, with very few things remaining the same. Requesting a re-review to see if I need to change anything or make things better.

Edit: combing through some inconsistences with titles and whatnot, but these are minimal and mostly are from the origin app. Expect those done when I get home today.

Edit: things should be fine now for an official review
 
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@FireFan96 The right eyes weakness isn't a valid weakness due to the fact that with relatively little effort he can negate this weakness. Either strengthen this to the point that it will unavoidably negatively effect your character or replace it. Work in some sort of combat deficiency due to it as well.
 
@TheOverseer__ I've elaborated more on the weakness, adding the few times in RP when he was caught off guard from the right side and got injured as a result. If there's anything else that needs attention, just let me know.
 
I decided to give Dietrich his Expert Field Commander perm since there's no reason to hold off any more. I marked the changes in blue. I'm pretty sure the 20 years for expert was met in the life story, and I marked the promotions in blue.

requesting re-approval, and I will submit the special perm right now since I've noticed that's common to do for the review now.
 
FireFan96 said:
I decided to give Dietrich his Expert Field Commander perm since there's no reason to hold off any more. I marked the changes in blue. I'm pretty sure the 20 years for expert was met in the life story, and I marked the promotions in blue.

requesting re-approval, and I will submit the special perm right now since I've noticed that's common to do for the review now.
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As you are now expert, please add at least one or more weaknesses to him or involve one of your personality traits more. Does he have any weaknesses while commanding, some flaw that can be seen?
 
The_Shadow_King3 said:
As you are now expert, please add at least one or more weaknesses to him or involve one of your personality traits more. Does he have any weaknesses while commanding, some flaw that can be seen?
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I decided to rewrite demanding, making it much more prominent in the character. I've been pretty consistent role playing this trait out via his emphasis on superfluous titles, and previously in his "takes not bs" as a guard captain. Tell me if this is sufficient, or if there's something else I could change.
 
FireFan96 said:
I decided to rewrite demanding, making it much more prominent in the character. I've been pretty consistent role playing this trait out via his emphasis on superfluous titles, and previously in his "takes not bs" as a guard captain. Tell me if this is sufficient, or if there's something else I could change.
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I approve it, please remember to register this special permission.
 
Added which mark Dietrich is assigned to. As he's the Lieutenant General of the Kaisermark, he is assigned to the Archipelago.
 
And less than a week later, I've redone the application to fit with the new template. Requesting a re-review.
 
FireFan96 said:
And less than a week later, I've redone the application to fit with the new template. Requesting a re-review.
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@FireFan96 My sole review point is that I have just noticed: He has the muscular body build type (usually found in the warrior races or warrior characters) despite nearing 50. Please either explain or adjust this.
 
@HydraLana this mostly came from being a Field Commander, as they are essentially fighting with the troops on the front lines as well. He would be maintaining that body build out of experience alone, and there's a part mentioned in the visual description expansion that highlights on this. If there's anything else that needs adjustment, let me know.
 
Alright, I checked it. Approved
 
@HydraLana

Redid the app to meet the new lore changes. all edits made in pink, because I felt like it.

Also for the special perm, Marty confirmed that the expert in Battle Command and Siegwald count as one perm. would there be any changes needed in the special permission thread(linked in the app), or would it be fine to keep it as only saying "Field Commander" and have the expert Siegwald be implied?
 
This character's really in-depth, especially considering you've made like 10 edits after the first approval. Good job!
 
Spoodercell said:
This character's really in-depth, especially considering you've made like 10 edits after the first approval. Good job!
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The first edit is me bsing the app to begin RPing the character, and then three months after RPing, I go back to see how well I kept to the original concept. More times than not I decide to remove aspects and add in new ones that felt more natural to the character.
 
FireFan96 said:
@HydraLana

Redid the app to meet the new lore changes. all edits made in pink, because I felt like it.

Also for the special perm, Marty confirmed that the expert in Battle Command and Siegwald count as one perm. would there be any changes needed in the special permission thread(linked in the app), or would it be fine to keep it as only saying "Field Commander" and have the expert Siegwald be implied?
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I think for now it is fine. Also, re-approved.
 
@HydraLana updated the app to fit with the new School of Leadership changes. I've also aged him up to 50. There's a lot of minor changes in the app, so I didn't bother to highlight anything.
 
Re-approved.
 
@HydraLana I threw this application back in a re-review to deal with the School of Statesmanship lore.

I'm not 100% sure exactly how this would factor into this character, so I marked all the edits in blue. I dropped two battle command commissions to reflect 4 years of learning, but I don't know for sure if that would need to be done in the first place. I'd rather have him with 6 commissions, but I have no idea what type of skills a 50 year old would reasonably have after years of experience in these two educations.

I also dropped language proficiency of Anglian down to 7 to try and tone down some language learning.

I also have no idea if this counts as a double expert intellect schooling (since I've been told Siegwald/Leadership counts as one)

Let me know if the above changes are gucci, or if I need to make some more adjustments.
 
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Swiped! I will be taking over this review!
Expect a response within 48 hours.
 
Woot! Let's do this!
@FireFan96
Whatcha Gotta Do: ( Required )
  • Skill Information: After some deliberation, I am going to ask you to drop his level in Siegwald from Champion to Warrior, as a fifty-year-old man would likely not be able to keep up champion status. This is also done to make the character more balanced.
  • Talents & Weaknesses: Anything that falls into the Skill Category must also be in the talent category. You may need to add in some weaknesses to balance this out.
  • Life Story: Instruction in the School of Realm Statesmanship takes four years, make sure to change this to reflect that.
Other than that this application is simply fantastic, and I commend you for keeping a character this long. Bravo!
Make the edits in your color of choice, and tag me when you're done.
 
Wiped out the experienced talent as it should be implied with the age. Added Realm statesmanship in its place.

Reduced Champion Siegwald to warrior, but made the note that he was a former champion, and so knows the techniques of a champion, such as leaving the banner on the ground to use both hands on his secondary weapon. It would seem odd that one day you know a technique and the next day don't know how to Siegwald. I mentioned that said skill is less polished as a result, just so it doesn't seem like I'm playing a champion level combat character without the permission.

Also edited life story to fix the learning times as well as recent developments.

The only other question I have is if I should change my special permission to Expert Battle Command and Statesmanship, since Champion Siegwald is gone.
 
So I'm a dunce and have no idea if you have an alert for responding to threads, so here's the tag for ya @Percuriam
 
Made a quick addition under the weapon of choice due to an IC purchase. Description of the product is in a spoiler.
 
@Percuriam redid app for proficiency system, ready for re-review.
 
@Percuriam I changed cultural proficiencies around to add that Drache brewing into the sheet, and added general command since New and Alt Regalian are basically the same thing. I didn't bother sending to re-approved since these changes were minor and don't completely change how things work IRP.
 
With the Regalian Etiquette page, I added Ithanian as a language due to it being a court language which would have been taught as a child.
 
aight, added art. Shoutout to @Flu0rite and @SalsaPotater

also added one line to life story since may as well sum up the last month and a half.
 
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