Basic Information Full Name: Bjarke Egilsson Hadraga Age: 23 Gender: Male Race: Velheim Ailor Sexuality: Bisexual Skill Information Total Proficiency Points: 23, School of Skagger - Skagnek Discipline Combat +15 Axe Combat Skill ( +10 Velheim. +5 Points ) Knowledge +5 Sailing ( +5 Points ) +7 Marshal Knowledge ( +7 Points ) Body +5 Athletic Training ( +5 Points ) Body Shape 10 (from Axe, and Sailing Skills) + 5 (from Athletic Training) * 2 = 20 Physical Stat Athletic Body Shape Extreme Low Fat Languages Skodje Common Visual Information Eye Color: Brown Hair Color: Black Hair Style: Long, straight towards top to middle with some waviness by the bottom. Skin Color: Pale Clothing: Basic Velheimer clothes. Height: 6’4 Personality and Abilities First Paragraph: Bjarke is often seen as an emotionless, cold person. He is isn’t very kind to people, but never due to his skagger training, will pick fights out of anger. Bjarke is not a very openly emotional and/or caring person. Bjake might even come off as intimidating, as his stare is almost cold, emotionless, and seemingly shooting right through people. He appears eerily calm in front of people, even during chaotic times as he's naturally level-headed. His appearance might creep people out, with Dire Wolf pelt and facial scarring from past raids. Second Paragraph: Bjarke is often a confident, brave person, however he does have his anxieties. He’s scared that the enemy Velheim group in Ellador might try to hunt him down, so he feels like he needs to be constantly ready for a fight. However, he is rather brave and confident of his own abilities, and feels he can definitely do well in a fight. Bjarke has other anxieties, such as a fear of losing what little he has again, due to the Velheim group that destroyed his tribe and broke his family up, causing them to flee throughout the Northern Belt. He's rather confident with social situations, as he naturally had to do a lot of socializing with the fellow tribe members, seeing what they need in particular before off to raid. Third Paragraph: Bjarke is more open with his emotions and more kind hearted and caring to his close friends and family, even when he doesn’t show it. There’s certain things, like showing his rather surprisingly soft side. Bjarke, does act somewhat different to his friends compared to family, as he's caring, but in a rude and not very clear manner. He'll stick his neck out for friends, but not as commonly as family. Fourth Paragraph: Bjarke is neutral, leaning to chaotic, he'll try and talk before resorting to a fight. Bjarke can talk his way around situations, but he is ruthless, and unforgiving in a fight. He isn't very charitable, but he'll still offer some sort of donation just to be nice as an example. If Bjarke is wronged, he's ruthless, and if the wrong doing of another gives him reason, he will have no issue beating them. If Bjarke is given kindness, he'll probably, in his own way, return the favor somehow. Life Story ~Born in 282 A.D, on January 29th, in Hadfjordvik, Ellador~ On the day of Bjarke’s birth was on January 29th, 282 A.D, his mother being Avilda, and his father being Egil. Around this time, the Jarldom's Staargir warned the people that the whole village would be destroyed if they did not flee the area. The only people who fled was Freyja and Howel Hadraga, uncle and aunt of Bjarke’s, living a nomadic lifestyle. No one else fled, as they thought if a threat was to come, they would have an upper hand. Bjarke had two siblins, a little sister named Eira, and a big brother named Hvitserk. By the time Bjarke was five, he was already taking interest in axes and was rather adventurous and wondering of the world around him. Born in a considerably small Jarldom that consisted of a small village called, Hadfjordvik Bjarke was around ten when his father, Egil began teaching him how to use a variety of bows meanwhile Avilda, his mother, would begin training him in Skagger. By the time he was twelve, he’d be able to hunt and use bows with some accuracy. Bjarke would've especially enjoyed Short Hunting Bows. Bjarke would’ve taken a joy in hunting and archery, practicing even throwing axes at targets. He'd even ask to a local craftsmen to teach him how to make a bow and arrow. Age seventeen, he would begin helping gather what little in plant life probably was in Ellador, probably mushrooms and fungi in ice caves. Then he’d develop a taste in raiding when his mother took him with during a raiding season along Anglia. Bjarke would learn all about how to sail Long Boats and navigating the seas. He’d continue going with his mother on raiding seasons as he developed the taste to plunder coastline settlements. Turning eighteen, by his luck, he ran into a Dire Wolf who attempted to kill and eat the teen boy. Bjarke, who usually took a buddy with him while hunting, spotted the wolf first. The two shot at it while it approached with arrows before the Dire Wolf was right on top of Bjarke's hunting partner, mauling his head. Bjarke took this crucial moment to swing his axes at the Dire Wolf's head repeatedly until it was for sure it was dead. He'd wear it's pelt as a trophy for himself for being able to kill such a beast, Bjarke's partner obviously did not survive the attack. Bjarke would complete his skagger training to Warrior level by the time he was twenty, turning into a fierce warrior of the seas and being known among the villages raiders. However, the Staargir would begin to speak of a potential threat incoming once more, taking himself and his caretakers due to his blindness of being a staargir away from the vicinity. Some others of the Jarldom fled as well who remember of these ramblings of his, the rest stayed to try and weather through the danger coming. Turning twenty two, Bjarke’s tribe would be attacked by a much bigger Jarldom of Velheim that was a long time rival. Bjarke, while in the initial chaos of battle, he fled to the Kingdom of Nordskag. Here, he'd travel around the Three Skag. Only to stay in a small fishing village called, Fisksundvik, for a small bit. However, the Jarl was power hungry, and the locals hated the Jarl, Hemming Bjornsundvik. Jarl Hemming would treat Bjarke like an outsider, and overall poorly upon his arrival. Then finally, the Jarl challenged Bjarke to Hjemgang to hopefully win and gain power over his family. Bjarke accepted the challenge, and after a long, bloody, and exhausting fight, Jarl Hemming was struck down. Bjarke thus, was given the old Jarls property, slaves, and Hemming's title of Jarl over Fisksundvik. Of course, and the other benefits of winning a Hjemgang. Eventually, Bjarke would head over to Regalia to build a new life. Every now and then, heading back and forth from the Regalian Holy City, and Fisksundvik to do his job as Jarl. Within the Regalian Holy City, he is now working for the betterment of the Hadraga's, and looking for well paying jobs to put his skills to more use. Soon, he'd become 23, and hear news of the war breaking out in Drixagh. His main thought, his fellow Velheimer being in the right in the war.
Hey! How are you today! I'll be tossing in my two cents as a Peer Review! Firstly, Skaggers are not typically the body type of Sinewy, consider upping this to Muscular, or Ripped at least. This body type is required to get through the rigorous physical training a Skagger will often be put through, as well as these builds having the physical power to do what the best of Skaggers can. Secondly, I suggest making these edits to your personality and traits section; Your first paragraph accurately labels how one would see him acting from a close distance, through his actions and such. However, I suggest you consider how his appearance will make others think of him. In doing this, add 2-3 more sentences to your first paragraph. Might I also point out a slight grammatical error at the end of the sentence, "All in all, Bjarke is not very apparently emotional or kind hearted, caring person." I suggest you read over this and fix it. Possibly changing it to; "All in all, Bjarke isn't openly emotional towards others, he is calm and collected, and not particularly kind." Your second paragraph labels accurately only a single anxiety, whilst also stating that he is confident. Please expand on his anxieties a little further, by again, adding 2-3 more sentences. If I were to suggest and addition, consider what he's like in social scenarios, does he lack confidence romantically? Is he confident about where his friendships lie? Your third paragraph put it clearly across that Bjarke is a family man, however, how is he with his friends? Does he treat those he holds closest with different regard compared to that one neighbor that he borrow sugar from? Expand this section with once again, 2-3 more sentences. Your fourth paragraph describes that Bjarke can be seen as a chaotic neutral character, however. You describe him as someone who would beat those who stand in his way, typically a trait of someone who is evil or ruthless. Please expand on this information, to clear up misconceptions about your character's intentions. Another 2 sentences should do the trick. This goes doubly for the fact that Bjarke is a Skagger, they don't fight if it isn't needed. Phew, moving swiftly onward to your Skill section! On your strengths of his Skagger training; You make a contradiction about effective use of his Berserking Fury, and his inability to control himself. Please reword this to state that whilst he can use it, he lacks control of himself. You state that he's 'effective' in battle as a Skagger warrior, well. Someone standing by, watching the fight could be an 'effective skagger' because they left the fight uninjured. I suggest rewording this by using an additional two sentences, detailing general fighting style, pain tolerances and the like. For example, state that he's ruthless when in a fight, or that he prefers to evade, and strike from behind. Overall, expand with 2 more sentences. On his strength of Hunting and Gathering; You state he has lethal accuracy with a bow, please dull this strength down, as not even those who have trained extensively with a bow can do this, even a Nelfin, who has affinity for bows, cannot do this at such an age. Whilst it's alright to have him be able to use them, to this extent is too much. His knowledge of plantlife is perfectly fine, as is the ability to throw axes. But once again, state that his axe throwing abilites are slightly less than pin-point lethal, since the Skagger training does not support the use of throwing axes. On your strength of Sailing; Whilst this is fairly expanded upon, and it is understandable that he would have these navigational capabilities, I suggest taking a look at this page; https://wiki.massivecraft.com/School_of_Astronomy. For more information on navigators. By proxy, I'd suggest adding Student of Celestial bodies into his skill list. On your Weakness of Overconfidence; Expand on another sentence, possibly a social application of his overconfidence is due, as you've only stated this as a weakness in combat. Whilst this is fine, it doesn't provide much insight into the character other than 'he's cocky in a fight.' Ah, almost done here! Onto the life story! Firstly, as a ten year old, Bjarke wouldn't be able to take many shots with a shortbow, unless the wood used was very supple. This is a menial nitpick, just something I wanted to throw out there. A 'matter of luck' wouldn't permit one man to kill a Dire Wolf, a beast that can kill a man in a single bite. Especially when Bjarke was as young as he was, as well as his training in a close quarters school. Please expand into detail of this or remove it. Other than that, I see little issue with your story as a whole. Now, it's down to you whether you make these changes, but guidelines are good, no? Happy Editing!
Your numbers a bit incorrect: To enter a school, someone needs to spend 10 points which in this case, would leave him with 11 points to spend in terms of Proficiency Points. Please make this edits and then to the life story accordingly and in green @xXKingDraugarXx
Total Proficiency Points: 21 + 22 Skagger Axes ( +10 School of Skagger, +10 Velheim Culture, +2 Proficiency Points ) + 10 Tracking ( +10 School of Skagger ) + 10 Battle Command ( +10 School of Skagger ) + 8 Astronomy ( +8 Proficiency Points ) + 6 Short Bow ( +6 Proficiency Points ) Above is your proficiency points. You spent ten points on the School of Skagger. You had 11 left. And yet somehow, you put 8 into astronomy, 6 into Short Bow and 2 into Skagger Axes. I request that you please edit to correct for this error.
@HydraLana Not sure if I needed to edit anything for Culture Points, since (not 100% sure of it) culture points is dealt with separately I think, and you didn't say anything of it. However, I think I got it fixed, let me know if there's still issues.
@HydraLana Changes made are in Green. Changed stuff for proficiency issues re-reading this and removal of main ambition and weapon of choice, and added sexuality.
Should've noted, but didn't in my tired state earlier. -Removed the Basic Information expansion -Removed Likes and Dislikes. -Used up Culture points
My Review: Please state and show the Body Build calculations as it is indicated to do so on the Character Application format. Please remove the second Body Build statement from the Visual Information section as it is no longer part of the Character Application format. As for my final comment, please state what he is doing now in the Capital City at the end of the Life Story. Tag me once the edits have been done in green @xXKingDraugarXx
@HydraLana Fixed hopefully! I added in the language list too, since I checked the template and saw it was necessary.
To quote the Wiki: "Total Combat Points + (Total Athletic Points x 2) = Physical Stat. Remember that Racial or Cultural Bonuses do NOT calculate into the Physical Stat. Physical Stat is purely determined by the Proficiency Points SPENT." Please calculate his Physical Stat based on the equation and information presented. Tag me once this has been done in green @xXKingDraugarXx
While I did only ask you to update the Stat, the result should also have been an update to the whole area as the new number of 20 would mean he can only be of the Athletic build. Please make all of the needed corrections prompted by the recalculation and then tag me.
@HydraLana I think I go all the changes needed, if not, let me know. If I misses anything, let me know, I'm like half asleep so I might've missed stuff.
My Review: Please correct the Physical Proficiency Stat calculation as it doesn't include all of the Proficiency Points that it should. "Soon he'd be 23" isn't the best end to the Life Story, any information on what he thinks about the current war breaking out in Drixagh? Or what he has recently been doing?
