Preserved Sheet Ayumi Xie

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The people who have commented on this negatively are implying that there's something wrong with femininity. Yes, she is a very feminine character, I won't disagree with that. She was made to be feminine. I am a feminine person myself. I don't see anything wrong with it, and I don't view it as a valid reason to derail a character application. The quality of a character application should be based off of how well written it is, how logical it is, and how it complies to the lore. Not just because you oppose femininity, what type of pictures are used, or because you don't like the colors. A character is still a character, no matter how much you might dislike their personality or the colors or pictures used in the formatting of the application(which do not effect the character or writing in the application in the slightest).

Just as any other character, Ayumi has the ability to influence others' characters, as well as create a good roleplaying experience for the players of this server. Just because she isn't a noble or a physically strong, brave warrior doesn't mean anything. She is strong in her own ways, strong in her own specialities and professions.

I am personally not seeing any valid things that are wrong with Ayumi at this moment. So until it is properly reviewed by roleplay staff, I would appreciate if people would stop derailing my application for nothing more than their own personal reasons. This is not how we are supposed to treat people on Massivecraft. I worked very hard on my application, and I am proud of my character and the experiences that I've had while roleplaying with her. It hurts my feelings when people say these kinds of things.

Thank you to all who take this into consideration.
 
Princess Vyi said:
The people who have commented on this negatively are implying that there's something wrong with femininity. Yes, she is a very feminine character, I won't disagree with that. She was made to be feminine. I am a feminine person myself. I don't see anything wrong with it, and I don't view it as a valid reason to derail a character application. The quality of a character application should be based off of how well written it is, how logical it is, and how it complies to the lore. Not just because you oppose femininity, what type of pictures are used, or because you don't like the colors. A character is still a character, no matter how much you might dislike their personality or the colors or pictures used in the formatting of the application(which do not effect the character or writing in the application in the slightest).

Just as any other character, Ayumi has the ability to influence others' characters, as well as create a good roleplaying experience for the players of this server. Just because she isn't a noble or a physically strong, brave warrior doesn't mean anything. She is strong in her own ways, strong in her own specialities and professions.

I am personally not seeing any valid things that are wrong with Ayumi at this moment. So until it is properly reviewed by roleplay staff, I would appreciate if people would stop derailing my application for nothing more than their own personal reasons. This is not how we are supposed to treat people on Massivecraft. I worked very hard on my application, and I am proud of my character and the experiences that I've had while roleplaying with her. It hurts my feelings when people say these kinds of things.

Thank you to all who take this into consideration.
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Firstly, allow me to address the rather aggressive response to what should have been taken as mere critiques. What @MonMarty and I have pointed out was simply what was (and still is) considered to be a cliche, especially among the community here, and as such, would hardly derail the application itself. I have absolutely no doubt in your writing ability, roleplay skill, character development/creation or anything of the sort, as your writing in the application itself would prove such, however, as I've just stated, everything merely seemed like a cliche. Also, allow me to say though a character may be a character, the defined personality and other traits/character details make the character, so I find the statement regarding such rather redundant.

Keep in mind, dearest, that our posts are not meant for you to defeminize your character or to rip the basis of her apart. It seems like a rather grand leap to assume such. If anything, the posts created were to point out the rather extreme femininity. I mean, there is a plethora of characters and personalities Massive, and some tend to be quite outlandish and extravagant, which usually makes for a rather bland character. Our personal preference for one's personality has absolutely nothing to do with our critiques of the character. If it did, more than half of the character's in Massive would be rejected just because of bias.

To continue off of that minor derailment of my paragraph(s) above, I take high offense that you'd suggest that I have some sort of grudge against femininity. Such suggests ignorance and a general involvement of a patriarch-culture I happen to find displeasurable. As the person I am, I find that femininity is perhaps the best identification of my own personality and to assume that I apparently hold a stance that you claimed wounds me deeply.

Anywho, I won't burden you with my words anymore, but what I've stated was something of a necessity. For you to have such views of what we've interpreted as general critiques discontents me, and I feel as though you deserve to know that what've you pointed at isn't the case whatsoever. I wish you a good review, and a lovely time with your character. <33
 
BabaManga said:
Firstly, allow me to address the rather aggressive response to what should have been taken as mere critiques. What @MonMarty and I have pointed out was simply what was (and still is) considered to be a cliche, especially among the community here, and as such, would hardly derail the application itself. I have absolutely no doubt in your writing ability, roleplay skill, character development/creation or anything of the sort, as your writing in the application itself would prove such, however, as I've just stated, everything merely seemed like a cliche. Also, allow me to say though a character may be a character, the defined personality and other traits/character details make the character, so I find the statement regarding such rather redundant.

Keep in mind, dearest, that our posts are not meant for you to defeminize your character or to rip the basis of her apart. It seems like a rather grand leap to assume such. If anything, the posts created were to point out the rather extreme femininity. I mean, there is a plethora of characters and personalities Massive, and some tend to be quite outlandish and extravagant, which usually makes for a rather bland character. Our personal preference for one's personality has absolutely nothing to do with our critiques of the character. If it did, more than half of the character's in Massive would be rejected just because of bias.

To continue off of that minor derailment of my paragraph(s) above, I take high offense that you'd suggest that I have some sort of grudge against femininity. Such suggests ignorance and a general involvement of a patriarch-culture I happen to find displeasurable. As the person I am, I find that femininity is perhaps the best identification of my own personality and to assume that I apparently hold a stance that you claimed wounds me deeply.

Anywho, I won't burden you with my words anymore, but what I've stated was something of a necessity. For you to have such views of what we've interpreted as general critiques discontents me, and I feel as though you deserve to know that what've you pointed at isn't the case whatsoever. I wish you a good review, and a lovely time with your character. <33
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Thank you Baba. I apologize if I offended you with my statement, it wasn't particularly directed at you since you did point out that it was more so the "anime-esque" style of the character. I felt as though Marty and the other person(I forgot what his name was, his posts were deleted) were attacking based solely off of opposition to femininity, but that is just how I am perceiving it. Marty seemed to put a lot of emphasis on the femininity and also addressed it as an "issue" in his previous post. To refer to it with a typically negative word makes me feel as though it is also an insult to myself, considering I also identify as a very feminine person.

I am always looking to improve my character and my way of writing. I do not wish to her to come off as the 'weeaboo' type, but I honestly feel that the only reason she has been labelled as this is because of the images I used in the application, and that they happen to use an art style specific to the anime genre, which in a way seems rather.. irrelevant to the application.

Basically, I suppose I just took offense to the way the critiques were worded. They seemed to come off as more of a personal issue rather than constructive criticism. I can agree that she applies to common feminine stereotypes, but it isn't my intention to make her stereotypical. As I said before, both gender stereotypes/expected roles and sexism are things that I oppose greatly, and I hate to be associated with such, especially in regards to something so mundane.

So, again, my apologies if I hurt your feelings in any way, it was not my intention. I appreciate that you took the time to clear a few things up for me.
 
Deleted most negativity on this post, as it seems to be causing an argument and possible flame. If any more continues after this post warnings will be issued.

People need to understand that there is actually a person behind those words with features known as feelings. So let's not make fun of how this person has made their character and leave it to be reviewed by the Role-play Staff who has claimed it.
 
Princess Vyi said:
Thank you Baba. I apologize if I offended you with my statement, it wasn't particularly directed at you since you did point out that it was more so the "anime-esque" style of the character. I felt as though Marty and the other person(I forgot what his name was, his posts were deleted) were attacking based solely off of opposition to femininity, but that is just how I am perceiving it. Marty seemed to put a lot of emphasis on the femininity and also addressed it as an "issue" in his previous post. To refer to it with a typically negative word makes me feel as though it is also an insult to myself, considering I also identify as a very feminine person.

I am always looking to improve my character and my way of writing. I do not wish to her to come off as the 'weeaboo' type, but I honestly feel that the only reason she has been labelled as this is because of the images I used in the application, and that they happen to use an art style specific to the anime genre, which in a way seems rather.. irrelevant to the application.

Basically, I suppose I just took offense to the way the critiques were worded. They seemed to come off as more of a personal issue rather than constructive criticism. I can agree that she applies to common feminine stereotypes, but it isn't my intention to make her stereotypical. As I said before, both gender stereotypes/expected roles and sexism are things that I oppose greatly, and I hate to be associated with such, especially in regards to something so mundane.

So, again, my apologies if I hurt your feelings in any way, it was not my intention. I appreciate that you took the time to clear a few things up for me.
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I think the situation kindof derailed because the dumb way I opened my first post, for which I apologize, and the things that are happening outside of this thread, with regards to things which you and half the posters are aware of.

In the general lines, nobody critized your writing quality and effort in the application, those are very good, this thread happened to gather more attention than others, because one RP staff in particular was bothered by the overuse of pink, and decided to link it to every other RP staff at the time. Another thread was linked, I requested she changed her colour formatting (that was quite a lot more radical) but that was a fairly limited intervention.

Our critiques which were perhaps, or probably, incorrectly worded due to the enrivonment, are not assertions to attempt to put you down. They are comments on what bothers us as RP staff, giving you some grip on what will most likely be adressed in your actual review by a staff member. The RP staff is usually very unanimous on things like these, and amending any issues brought up early, will increase the chances of you getting accepted straight off the bat when Rayne comes around to the the review.

Now as for my personal stake on the matter: From what limited communication occured between us, It might be a correct assumption that I am an anti feminist and thus attack anything with a female overtone, and while that is correct outside of MassiveCraft due to my distaste for gender stereotyping, it plays no role in MassiveCraft itself. After all, 25% of the RP staff is female, all personally recruited by myself. While this might seem like a low number of the bat, in the context that Minecraft is a very male dominated game, in a very male dominated internet culture alltogether, this number is extremely high.

The point with being anti gender stereotype towards this character in particular, as BabaManga already said, relates to cliche characters. Cliche characters aren't necessarily as much as a problem, whereas derived problems thereof are. The foremost problem with a cliche character is that I personally feel character development is a long way, in order for the character to change in any way, it seems like a really traumatic event is necessary. Another problem with playing the archetype is that the characters become predictable. Having an arbitrary character is seen as a bad thing ofcourse, but a routinely set character that always follows the same behavior pattern, is simply not compelling, in my eyes.

The reason why Mary Sue comes to mind, is because I personally feel that the weaknesses mentioned on the application, some of which aren't weaknesses at all, seem very shallow and none are specifically related to her personality. I will apologize again for being unconstructive on my past posts. In the spirit of not being an asshole, I'll attempt to give you some constructive feedback now. Feel free to take this with you, or ignore it and wait for the application review. I am not claiming this, so it shouldn't be seen as an actual review, but just as a suggestion from a second opinion RP staff.
_______________________________________________

In line with believing that this character's weaknesses are superficial, but to retain the overtone that you wish to play a girly submissive character, I suggest amending the weaknesses as followed:
  • Remove all weaknesses except for timid. Besides physical weaknesses, the blunt weakness contradicts with the timid and "let others speak first" understanding I get from the character.
  • Inspired by the character's personality, I would add the following: Dependant, Indecisive, Naive
  • Dependant because I believe this character attaches much value to others, and as such relies on others to determine things for her. This might lead to complications where people make decisions for her that may not benefit her in the long run.
  • Indecisive because I believe if the character is dependant, they may not be able to make large life decisions for themselves, resulting in anxiety from big changes, uncomfortableness from unknown situations and inviduals etc.
  • Naive because I believe such a trustable and kind character can, and will be lied to and abused by bad individuals, and she might not even notice it when it happens.
If you get a grasp on the negative aspects of the personality, I think it would be possible to look forward to an ambition, or an actual vantage point for character development. Perhaps if you additionally lay on more thickly that the character is fairly uneducated, it gives you an easy to jump into and readily available life goal of learning and advancing her knowledge. This is a very inclusive ambition, because it relies on cooperating with others to learn things, think of people teaching her how to write and read, or taking her on expeditions to historical sites to teach her about the world.
_______________________________________________

Apologies again for non constructive badly worded asshattery comments.

I let the situations away from this thread get too much in the way of my actual helpfulness.
 
.. Pink text Problems.
 
MonMarty said:
I think the situation kindof derailed because the dumb way I opened my first post, for which I apologize, and the things that are happening outside of this thread, with regards to things which you and half the posters are aware of.

In the general lines, nobody critized your writing quality and effort in the application, those are very good, this thread happened to gather more attention than others, because one RP staff in particular was bothered by the overuse of pink, and decided to link it to every other RP staff at the time. Another thread was linked, I requested she changed her colour formatting (that was quite a lot more radical) but that was a fairly limited intervention.

Our critiques which were perhaps, or probably, incorrectly worded due to the enrivonment, are not assertions to attempt to put you down. They are comments on what bothers us as RP staff, giving you some grip on what will most likely be adressed in your actual review by a staff member. The RP staff is usually very unanimous on things like these, and amending any issues brought up early, will increase the chances of you getting accepted straight off the bat when Rayne comes around to the the review.

Now as for my personal stake on the matter: From what limited communication occured between us, It might be a correct assumption that I am an anti feminist and thus attack anything with a female overtone, and while that is correct outside of MassiveCraft due to my distaste for gender stereotyping, it plays no role in MassiveCraft itself. After all, 25% of the RP staff is female, all personally recruited by myself. While this might seem like a low number of the bat, in the context that Minecraft is a very male dominated game, in a very male dominated internet culture alltogether, this number is extremely high.

The point with being anti gender stereotype towards this character in particular, as BabaManga already said, relates to cliche characters. Cliche characters aren't necessarily as much as a problem, whereas derived problems thereof are. The foremost problem with a cliche character is that I personally feel character development is a long way, in order for the character to change in any way, it seems like a really traumatic event is necessary. Another problem with playing the archetype is that the characters become predictable. Having an arbitrary character is seen as a bad thing ofcourse, but a routinely set character that always follows the same behavior pattern, is simply not compelling, in my eyes.

The reason why Mary Sue comes to mind, is because I personally feel that the weaknesses mentioned on the application, some of which aren't weaknesses at all, seem very shallow and none are specifically related to her personality. I will apologize again for being unconstructive on my past posts. In the spirit of not being an asshole, I'll attempt to give you some constructive feedback now. Feel free to take this with you, or ignore it and wait for the application review. I am not claiming this, so it shouldn't be seen as an actual review, but just as a suggestion from a second opinion RP staff.
_______________________________________________

In line with believing that this character's weaknesses are superficial, but to retain the overtone that you wish to play a girly submissive character, I suggest amending the weaknesses as followed:
  • Remove all weaknesses except for timid. Besides physical weaknesses, the blunt weakness contradicts with the timid and "let others speak first" understanding I get from the character.
  • Inspired by the character's personality, I would add the following: Dependant, Indecisive, Naive
  • Dependant because I believe this character attaches much value to others, and as such relies on others to determine things for her. This might lead to complications where people make decisions for her that may not benefit her in the long run.
  • Indecisive because I believe if the character is dependant, they may not be able to make large life decisions for themselves, resulting in anxiety from big changes, uncomfortableness from unknown situations and inviduals etc.
  • Naive because I believe such a trustable and kind character can, and will be lied to and abused by bad individuals, and she might not even notice it when it happens.
If you get a grasp on the negative aspects of the personality, I think it would be possible to look forward to an ambition, or an actual vantage point for character development. Perhaps if you additionally lay on more thickly that the character is fairly uneducated, it gives you an easy to jump into and readily available life goal of learning and advancing her knowledge. This is a very inclusive ambition, because it relies on cooperating with others to learn things, think of people teaching her how to write and read, or taking her on expeditions to historical sites to teach her about the world.
_______________________________________________

Apologies again for non constructive badly worded asshattery comments.

I let the situations away from this thread get too much in the way of my actual helpfulness.
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I will work on adding the weaknesses that were suggested, however I will not be removing any of the ones I currently have unless specifically asked to by roleplay staff. I do not want her to come off as a Mary Sue, and therefore would prefer that she has many flaws.

Thank you for helping and clearing things up.
 
This app is just yeeees. I have no idea why my character hasn't even spoken to yours, probably because he tries not to talk to new people without a reason. In fact, I think the closest they got to interacting was that OOC romp through the park about a month ago (Remember Rory-kun? X3) Still, I admire the amount of effort put into this.

Final Score
One out of One <3
 
Overviewing...
@Princess Vyi
This is the longest introduction I've gone over in awhile, and I'm running short on time. However, I've gotten through everything but the life story. I'll continue going over the rest sometime in the next few days, but I thought it'd be a good idea to post this for now.

This is what I gleaned from everything but the life story.
Good Things:
  • Lovely formatting! I'm a sucker for good formatting (and I have a soft spot for the color pink).
  • I appreciate when people add extra sections to their biography, such as birthday, posture, et cetera. With my first character I ended up doing the same (but now I've gotten a bit busy/lazy :P).
  • Your writing style is very fluid and easy to read, and you have a naturally appealing voice that can be difficult for many to attain.
  • You provide healthy amount of detail in a very well-done way, giving me a clear idea of what you're describing with tasteful language and tactful grammar.
  • I can tell you have a lot of understanding of the lore. I appreciate it when people have done their research!
  • I love how in-depth you went with her magic. Most people simply leave it at "It heals the wound," and while that's acceptable, it's really need to see what kinds of sensations will occur from healing. I, personally, never considered that before (though I've never been too involved with light magic, either).
  • It's good that a lot of your biography ties together. It demonstrates good characterization.
Things to Improve:
  • Tigran: She doesn't seem... tigran enough, if that makes sense. She appears to be more of a Chi'i with ears, tail, and claws. We typically don't encourage this kind of appearance, which was exactly why acclimated tigrans were removed. Plans to remove that sub-race had been in progress for awhile, and the final push to actually do it happened a few days ago, as you saw. So my recommendation to you would be to either:
    • Make her more of a tigran (i.e. more fur along her body, more of a cat-like physique, give her a snout or paws, or difficulty standing straight because of a curved cat spine, whiskers, etc.).
    • Remove the tigran traits entirely (as, while they do impact her backstory, I don't feel they actually contribute much to her as a whole. I think she'd be very similar in characterization and social status without her tigran traits -- potentially even better off).
  • I thought I would also mention her claws. That would be... if you can show me a picture that looks like it could be anatomically correct, of someone having claws instead of nails, then I'll be more keen to accept it. However, since claws and fingernails are shaped differently, it's very difficult to imagine her having claw-tipped fingers.
  • I typically discourage people from describing their character's breast sizes in their apps -- not because I have personal concerns with it, but because as a whole the server generally tries to keep things somewhat appropriate for children middle school and younger. I'm going to request you remove that in case a little one happens to read it and ask their parents about it.
  • Being a tigran likely wouldn't affect her skin color. That said, I'd encourage you to darken it to something more olive-colored -- something a bit more oriental in appearance.
  • Does she perfume herself daily? If so, will you clarify that under the 'Scent' section?
  • You mention that she enjoys cats, and that cats similarly enjoy her for the connection to their species. However, cats typically don't enjoy the company of other cats. Territorial and lonesome in nature, while they are social animals, they're not known for being comfortable very easily around other cats. I'd encourage you to change this, or attribute cats enjoying her to her gentle nature instead of her cat-like traits.
  • How do her claw-tipped fingers affect her herbalism skills?
  • Her strengths and weaknesses are very unbalanced. There are twice the amount of weaknesses than strengths. I'd combine a few weaknesses that you feel could be, and add a few more strengths.
  • Typically, the glyphs drawn need to be visible. What might be interesting is if she cut a glyph into it. A song I really enjoy quotes, "In ancient times, if you were sick, they made you bleed." Which I find really fascinating. It's a neat exchange -- making someone bleed a little to heal them more in the long run.
The impression I get is that, while this isn't a bad character, I feel like you took her from another roleplay or universe in which you participated and tried to tailor her to our lore. This is perfectly acceptable -- I've done it, too. However, it seems (and I definitely could be wrong) you did it in a bit of a superficial way -- in that you could go deeper to really immerse her into the lore.

I see a lot of potential for this character. However, I want you to take my edits into account so we can turn a great character into a fantastic one. Please @tag me or reply to this post when you've made the edits. I'll probably go over the life story tomorrow, but I'm a bit swamped right now.
 
@Ryciera

Things to Improve:
1. Removed. Ayumi is no longer a Tigran, and was changed to Elf/Chi'i.
2. Removed. She no longer possesses claws.
3. Removed, her breast size is no longer mentioned.
4. Her skin will remain pale, a trait of her Elven side, as well as another reason that is specified in her life story.
5. Perfume was specified in both the scent and inventory section.
6. Changed as requested.
7. Removed. She no longer possesses claws.
8. I combined and added a few things, I am unsure if it is sufficient enough but I believe it is fairly balanced and should work.
9. Ayumi now uses honey to trace her glyph. As specified in the inventory section, she believes that honey heals wounds, which I feel makes some sense in regards to the setting of this roleplay universe due to people typically having ridiculous treatment theories during Medieval ages.

Things that were Changed/Added:
1. Ayumi's race has been changed.
2. Ayumi's age has been changed to 20.
3. Minor things with Ayumi's appearance was changed.
4. Added "Inventory" section.
5. Added more detail to explain the way her healing works.
6. Her occupations are now specified.
7. Her goals are now specified.
8. Added another talent - "Ear Wiggling".
9. Some explanations minorly changed.
10. Changed her "Weapon of Choice".
11. Ayumi is now a collared mage.
12. Life story has been changed to fit Ayumi's race. It is ready to be reviewed.
 
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I cannot stress how much I love this app...
You did an absolutely fantastic job with the formatting. I just...wow.
 
Amazing lay out for a profile!
I've always wanted to ask, where did you get that awesome skin? It looks almost exactly like the one I made for my Miko collection- specifically the Ice Temple one- obviously recolored though and added/altered a lot of stuff. ( just the hakama pattern I noticed you kept<3) I love what you did with the pinks here! <3 The double red line on the top of the sleeves! The bow and hair are adorable. ^^ If you're ever curious I'm making more skin in the future for that collection! Be sure to keep an eye out!
http://www.planetminecraft.com/skin/miko-of-the-ice-temple-kukiko/
 
Lithiel said:
Amazing lay out for a profile!
I've always wanted to ask, where did you get that awesome skin? It looks almost exactly like the one I made for my Miko collection- specifically the Ice Temple one- obviously recolored though and added/altered a lot of stuff. ( just the hakama pattern I noticed you kept<3) I love what you did with the pinks here! <3 The double red line on the top of the sleeves! The bow and hair are adorable. ^^ If you're ever curious I'm making more skin in the future for that collection! Be sure to keep an eye out!
http://www.planetminecraft.com/skin/miko-of-the-ice-temple-kukiko/
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Thank you!

And I did actually use it from that skin, I found it very cute and felt that it was fitting to Ayumi's character. I hope you do not mind. ^^

( Also I love your Saya no Uta skins! That visual novel is my favorite thing ever. )
 
Re-Reviewing...
@Princess Vyi
  • Removed breast description. Thank you!
  • Changed tigran to elf. Makes more sense and suits her. That said, I have one more quick note to make:
    • 5"0' is incredibly short. Even with her Chi'i genetics, I want to say that height would be unrealistic.
  • Explained her scent. Thanks!
  • Changed the relationship to cats. Fabulous!
  • I still think you could even out her strengths and weaknesses even more. However, the work you done I do consider acceptable, and appreciate your willingness to tweak that.
  • Honey. I like that a lot, actually. That's something I haven't seen before that'd make a lot of sense. Thanks for making that change!
Going over the life story now, since I never did. Thank you for making the changes from before!

Life story looks acceptable to me! Everything's looking wrapped up. I'd still encourage you to take what I said into account (especially about her height), but otherwise,
Approved!​
 
I wanted to know how you did the font, with the backwards letters and all...Am I just a noob or is it some secret I'm oblivious to? :P
 
Updates:
  • Changed Ayumi's height, as well as her weight.
  • Revised a few things in the "relationships" section. Added more relationships.
 
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Updates:
  • Edited and further explained certain areas of Ayumi's physical description. She now has pierced ears!
  • Updated the skin images displayed.
  • Added a new dislike: 'Opium'.
  • Added 'Important Items' section.
  • Removed weakness: 'Blunt'.
 
Updates:
  • Removed liking for Elves.
  • Removed dislike for vampires.
  • Edited the description of herbalism in the 'healing' section of her strengths.
  • Ayumi's age has been changed to 22.
 
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