The day was cold. That was nothing unusual-it had felt cold for some time. She had spent years in Regalia and yet this winter-turned-spring had felt the worst. Harsh, bitter winds brushed past her, causing the blonde to shiver and regret her being outside. She needed the air, though.
Czylle had left her child in the care of her maid, ensuring she had a moments peace. Erwald was likely off at Eleng or, doing something or other. She never truly knew where her husband was most of the time.
But… she was content at that. She did not feel the need to keep tabs on her young son, nor the man she adored. She trusted each were cared for by either family or friends, and such a feeling allowed her to take a moments solace.
Descending the stairs of Milias' gardens to the gazebo which looked out over cliffedge and to sea, Czylle admired her surroundings. Nothing changed at Milias. The structure remained sound. The gardens were… gardens, and only seemed to grow and be tamed but, the choice of flora remained the same. She missed the farms and the ever changing landscape of her home-of Anglia..
"Anglia," she thought to herself, "no. Anglia was a second home. Opper Calem should have been what I considered home. With my siblings, my father and my mother…"
"My mother.."
Cyzs sighed heavily, combing her hand through her hair in that frustrated gesture she had adopted from her husband, and then allowed her hands to fall closed together. She fell into prayer.
"Are You Angry?"
"For what I did. For how our family lost you, and for what came after you died. I was the cause, no matter what our family says. I know I was, and I am burdened with that guilt. It was not in my control, they've said but.. Had I not come along.. You might have been there for them. They might not have been split apart, and our father might never have done what he did."
Opening her eyes briefly, Czylle stared out into the ocean. Everything she knew about her childhood was, in a sense heresay. From her siblings mainly, or those that had raised her. She had been too young to sample what had been her 'family' back then, for what little time she spent with them.
Her eyes closed again, and she fell back into her prayer.
"Are You Proud?"
"For what I have achieved, and for what we as a family have achieved? We have all had our ups and downs, shown our differences, but we have stuck together as strongly as we have and we remain so. Hamelin has settled with his wife who, I am told is much like you. I married.. To the disbelief of my brother.. And had a child. The rest do as they will-they socialize, they war..but they are all family, and they are all here. Solaine and Ida, even our cousins. Are you proud of us?"
The more she spoke the more she failed to keep her composure. Without opening her eyes, she muttered another short question.
"Are You Happy?"
That was when she lost herself to her tears. She couldn't explain it. Sadness and relief flooded through the Ravenstad woman as she posed her questions to the spirit of her mother which might never hear her.
"I never met you-but I love you. I miss you and I need you. I have love and support from my husband, my brother, my kin. I've all the help I could need and yet I yearn for yours."
Admitting such a thing made the young woman feel weak. She rested her face against her hands as she sobbed. And sobbed. And sobbed.
"Are You Even Listening?"
Czylle had left her child in the care of her maid, ensuring she had a moments peace. Erwald was likely off at Eleng or, doing something or other. She never truly knew where her husband was most of the time.
But… she was content at that. She did not feel the need to keep tabs on her young son, nor the man she adored. She trusted each were cared for by either family or friends, and such a feeling allowed her to take a moments solace.
Descending the stairs of Milias' gardens to the gazebo which looked out over cliffedge and to sea, Czylle admired her surroundings. Nothing changed at Milias. The structure remained sound. The gardens were… gardens, and only seemed to grow and be tamed but, the choice of flora remained the same. She missed the farms and the ever changing landscape of her home-of Anglia..
"Anglia," she thought to herself, "no. Anglia was a second home. Opper Calem should have been what I considered home. With my siblings, my father and my mother…"
"My mother.."
Cyzs sighed heavily, combing her hand through her hair in that frustrated gesture she had adopted from her husband, and then allowed her hands to fall closed together. She fell into prayer.
"Are You Angry?"
"For what I did. For how our family lost you, and for what came after you died. I was the cause, no matter what our family says. I know I was, and I am burdened with that guilt. It was not in my control, they've said but.. Had I not come along.. You might have been there for them. They might not have been split apart, and our father might never have done what he did."
Opening her eyes briefly, Czylle stared out into the ocean. Everything she knew about her childhood was, in a sense heresay. From her siblings mainly, or those that had raised her. She had been too young to sample what had been her 'family' back then, for what little time she spent with them.
Her eyes closed again, and she fell back into her prayer.
"Are You Proud?"
"For what I have achieved, and for what we as a family have achieved? We have all had our ups and downs, shown our differences, but we have stuck together as strongly as we have and we remain so. Hamelin has settled with his wife who, I am told is much like you. I married.. To the disbelief of my brother.. And had a child. The rest do as they will-they socialize, they war..but they are all family, and they are all here. Solaine and Ida, even our cousins. Are you proud of us?"
The more she spoke the more she failed to keep her composure. Without opening her eyes, she muttered another short question.
"Are You Happy?"
That was when she lost herself to her tears. She couldn't explain it. Sadness and relief flooded through the Ravenstad woman as she posed her questions to the spirit of her mother which might never hear her.
"I never met you-but I love you. I miss you and I need you. I have love and support from my husband, my brother, my kin. I've all the help I could need and yet I yearn for yours."
Admitting such a thing made the young woman feel weak. She rested her face against her hands as she sobbed. And sobbed. And sobbed.
"Are You Even Listening?"
