Approved Sheet Apsáalooke Ulster The Ebon Ram

Discussion in 'Character Applications' started by Jack_Castle, Aug 1, 2021.

  1. Jack_Castle

    Jack_Castle Rage, RAGE Against the Dying of the Light. Supremium

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    Character Information
    • Full Name: Apsáalooke Ustler the Ebon Ram
    • Race: Baros Eronidas/ Avanthar
    • Age: 47
    • Sex: Intersex
    • Gender: Female
    • Sexuality: Bi-Sexual
    • Eye Color: Blue
    Core Concept
    • "The Call of Vakgar and Makosh" 9/10 "Old Gods" 5/10 "Faith of the Dark Ancients" 5/10
    • Aussie Eronidas who works as a bartender in the Red Crypt, the main bar in Crookback, when they are not serving drinks behind the bar, they are in front of the far stopping fights and protecting the bar from the highly dangerous occupants of Crookback.
    Proficiency Information
    Total Points Spent: 60

    • 15: Fists (10+5 from Racial Boost)
    • 08: GreatAxe
    • 06: Linguistics (3+3 from Honed Skill)
      • Saan
      • Daendroque
    • 09: Alchemy
      • Conning Alchemy
      • Volatile Alchemy
      • Common Alchemy
    • 05: Perception
    • 05: Bola Combat
    • 05: Mixology
    • 05: Horticulture
    • 10: Pathfinding (Hobby Points)
    • 47 Physical Stat
    Ability Information
    Eronidas Racial Abilities

    • Brawn Power 1
    • Brawn Power 2
    • Honed Skill 1
    • Pure Body 2
    • Skin Purge 1
    • Home Upgrade 1
    Alchemy
    • Conning Alchemy
    • Volatile Alchemy
    • Common Alchemy
    Languages
    • Vasar
    • Daendroque
    • Saan
    • Common
    Appearance Information
    • Apsáalooke is six foot three inches tall with black hair that is shaved on one side and braided on the other. Her skin is a light green, a color inherited from her mother. Her build is that of a warriors, muscle but not overly bulky, with little visible body fat as Apsaa's diet was that of primary meat.
    Life Story
    • Apsáa's was born in a roving warband to Baros Eronidas mother and an exiled Avanthar father, exiled for his belief that the Avanthar should mix with Eronidas to gain their strength and use it against them. As a child she had to compete with siblings and rarely had much interaction with her father due to the nature of Baros love lives being short.
    • As a teen Apsáa was taught unarmed fighting, alchemy, and blacksmithing from her mother, while her father, who she often sought out for guidance and who often accepted due to a lingering paternal obligation to pass on what he knew, he taught her how to navigate the land, about plant life, the use of bola's and honed her perception. In his teachings he often preached the Avanthar's belief in self-improvement, teaching Apsaa the language of the plains along the way.
    • As a young adult Apsáa was thrown into the Baros warband lifestyle of raiding, partying and wrestling. Often finding herself being the one to prepare and serve drinks as she utilized her alchemical knowledge to spike the drinks in different ways, a talent most of her fellow raiders found extremely fun. During this time in her life Apsáa's father would die at the hands of his own kind, killing him as a traitor to his race, a death Apsáa's warband would see avenged during the Ranger Crisis.
    • Apsáa eventually grew curious of the outside world following a successful raid on a Cielothar farming village, in which the occupants did not know what Eronidas whereas for centuries the Avanthar had successfully protected them. In this raid Apsáa killed a young woman who, for the first time in Apsáa's life did not regard her as a threat. This event caused her to really think about she was doing and about the outside world. Eventually she would find her way to Regalia, an epicenter of culture and world events.
    • While in Regalia Apsáa would contract vampirism, her already lingering lust for battle and blood being manifested and set loose upon the people of Regalia as she would engage in hit and run attacks on random people, eventually the events of Xilthruum's Occupation would come to pass, in which Apsáa joined the Technocratic Collective taking on the mantle of the Crimson Ram first as a guard before later joining the Dias of Nocturn as a raider and all-around muscle. After the occupation Apsáa was cured of her blood curse by her old friends in the Technocratic Collective. As of now she works as a bartender and bouncer at the Red Crypt in Crookback doing for them what she did for her warband.
    Progression Information
    • Warrior Level 2
    • Support Level 1
     

    Attached Files:

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    #1 Jack_Castle, Aug 1, 2021
    Last edited: Jan 8, 2022
  2. Antimreoir

    Antimreoir Refugee

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    @Jack_Castle I'll be taking this application for review, expect a response shortly.

    Immediately before I start with this review, please remove Heavy Ranged Combat, reduce your investment in Fist Combat, and remove Spear Combat entirely from this application. The abilities gained from von Kerle Vampirism and Eronidas Racials are enough to sustain the character in most if any CRP situation, you do not need to stack Strength, Archery and capped Combat Stats on top of this.
     
    • Informative Informative x 1
  3. Jack_Castle

    Jack_Castle Rage, RAGE Against the Dying of the Light. Supremium

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    @Antimreoir If you want to take another look I pulled 2 points from fists, removed Heavy Ranged and Spears and invested the points in Light Ranged instead lowering her physical stat as well.
     
  4. Antimreoir

    Antimreoir Refugee

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    @Jack_Castle Remove Light Ranged, I don't want Ranged Combat at all in this application, the mixture of von Kerle and Eronidas is enough.
     
  5. Jack_Castle

    Jack_Castle Rage, RAGE Against the Dying of the Light. Supremium

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    @Antimreoir Replaced it with Shields, updated Phys and abilities.
     
  6. Antimreoir

    Antimreoir Refugee

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    @Jack_Castle Remove Shielding, I don't want those points reinvested into combat Proficiencies, also, limit your Fist Combat to 15 Points. Also, add in your personality section, your application completely lacks one, using the Core List is fine, Religion, Morality and Personality Type.
     
  7. Jack_Castle

    Jack_Castle Rage, RAGE Against the Dying of the Light. Supremium

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  8. Antimreoir

    Antimreoir Refugee

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  9. Jack_Castle

    Jack_Castle Rage, RAGE Against the Dying of the Light. Supremium

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    I dunno who to tag... but I wanted to respec slightly as well as I noticed that I had spent too many skill points...
    Changes include:
    • -1 points from Writing
    • -2 points from Hunting
    • -10 points from Medical
    • +3 points into Roguery
    • +3 points into Healing Alchemy
    • +5 points into Perception
    I was two points over in my previous sheet.

    The intent behind this is to better specialize into being a scout as well as provide more utility toward Apsaa's Coven.
     
    #9 Jack_Castle, Aug 12, 2021
    Last edited: Aug 18, 2021
  10. KrakenLord01

    KrakenLord01 That Guy

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    Taking this app for review!
     
  11. Jack_Castle

    Jack_Castle Rage, RAGE Against the Dying of the Light. Supremium

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    @KrakenLord01 Sorry to ping you... just making sure this app wasn't forgotten.
     
  12. KrakenLord01

    KrakenLord01 That Guy

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    To be reviewed tomorrow!
     
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  13. KrakenLord01

    KrakenLord01 That Guy

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    Re-approved!
     
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  14. Jack_Castle

    Jack_Castle Rage, RAGE Against the Dying of the Light. Supremium

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    @KrakenLord01 Hello!

    Made adjustments, trying to fill a more stealth oriented niche (weary of getting detected constantly)

    Point adjustments are as follows.

    -10: Husbandry (never used it anyway)
    +3: Conning Alchemy
    +3: Rogue Gift 5
    +4: Warlash

    Physical Stat went down by 2 points to a total of 51.

    Gender was adjusted to be more in line with Eronidas gender norms
     
  15. KrakenLord01

    KrakenLord01 That Guy

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    • Looking back through your spread, I ask that you please cut back some on both Alchemy and Roguery, having a warrior-brute with stealth and healing alchemy is excessive.
    Make changes in a different color of choice and tag me when finished.
     
  16. Jack_Castle

    Jack_Castle Rage, RAGE Against the Dying of the Light. Supremium

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    Changes made in Red
    Removed Healing Alchemy, Rogue Gift 5, and Burglary Pack
    Added 4 Shielding, 2 Writting Hobby, and left 3 points in limbo for some IC learning potential
    @KrakenLord01
     
    #16 Jack_Castle, Sep 4, 2021
    Last edited: Sep 5, 2021
  17. Jack_Castle

    Jack_Castle Rage, RAGE Against the Dying of the Light. Supremium

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    @KrakenLord01
    Wan_Xia says hi, he wanted me to let you know that.
     
  18. Jack_Castle

    Jack_Castle Rage, RAGE Against the Dying of the Light. Supremium

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    @KrakenLord01 felt I was pushing in the wrong direction so I've made removed some changes and added another...

    Removed Warlash and Shielding
    Removed Writing
    Added 10 points into Sculpting.
     
  19. KrakenLord01

    KrakenLord01 That Guy

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  20. Jack_Castle

    Jack_Castle Rage, RAGE Against the Dying of the Light. Supremium

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    @KrakenLord01 Took the Bronze Family Metallurgy Pack so that I can make Bronze Sculptures

    other minor changes
    added full first name and title
    corrected backstory
     
  21. KrakenLord01

    KrakenLord01 That Guy

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  22. Jack_Castle

    Jack_Castle Rage, RAGE Against the Dying of the Light. Supremium

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    @KrakenLord01 Sorry to bother you, I know it happens often, I felt that Strength Training and Stealth did not make much sense since the character would be reasonably too bulky to be stealthy, additionally, Bardiche has an aesthetic that I absolutely love as such I have replaced Strength Training with Bardiche.
     
  23. Jack_Castle

    Jack_Castle Rage, RAGE Against the Dying of the Light. Supremium

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    @KrakenLord01 I need some advice, the character build I have been trying for a is unarmed style Ranger type character... In game application however is... It lacks a strong theme which has led me a lot of revisions... I want to just completely overhaul the character and then lock thier stats in ooc to prevent me from fiddling with it... Could we just discuss that here rather then me constantly revising the character every two weeks?
     
  24. KrakenLord01

    KrakenLord01 That Guy

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    I'm able to have it where I insta-reject the app if any further prof changes are made to it, if that is what you're wanting to do. The current point spread looks fine btw, just let me know if you're going to change anything else.
     
  25. Jack_Castle

    Jack_Castle Rage, RAGE Against the Dying of the Light. Supremium

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    I've considered it, and I've settled on the current spread, having cut 5 points from Greataxes for Bola Combat, and dropping phys stat to 47, making her less bulky then before and better at being stealthy at least thematically.
     
  26. Jack_Castle

    Jack_Castle Rage, RAGE Against the Dying of the Light. Supremium

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  27. KrakenLord01

    KrakenLord01 That Guy

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    Apologies, midterms have kept me really busy. Approved!
     
    • Thank You! Thank You! x 1
  28. Jack_Castle

    Jack_Castle Rage, RAGE Against the Dying of the Light. Supremium

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    @KrakenLord01 hello friend, Apsaa was cured from her Von Kerle and then was infected by a milot, these are the only changes, (also I made her shorter)
     
  29. KrakenLord01

    KrakenLord01 That Guy

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    You'll need to tag for a new reviewer, as I'm no longer staff.
     
  30. Yurs

    Yurs real life catgirl Staff Member Lore2

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    Claimed for staff review! Expect a reply shortly
     
  31. Yurs

    Yurs real life catgirl Staff Member Lore2

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    Howdy! Looks good for the most part. However, you currently have Von Kerle abilities listed in the Ability section. Please go ahead and update this to fit the Milot Bloodline, then tag me again. Thank you!
     
  32. Jack_Castle

    Jack_Castle Rage, RAGE Against the Dying of the Light. Supremium

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    Changes made
     
  33. Yurs

    Yurs real life catgirl Staff Member Lore2

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    APPROVED
     
  34. Jack_Castle

    Jack_Castle Rage, RAGE Against the Dying of the Light. Supremium

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    Overhauled the application to be compliant with the new template
     
  35. Jack_Castle

    Jack_Castle Rage, RAGE Against the Dying of the Light. Supremium

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    @Yurs the ping system is weird sorry if this pings you twice, I just wanted to make sure it pinged you at all.
     
  36. Yurs

    Yurs real life catgirl Staff Member Lore2

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    Howdy! I've received this application and will be reviewing it tomorrow due to my work schedule. Apologies for the delay, and thank you so much for your patience.

    For future reference I only receive pings like the latter one you sent, so that's perfect. Don't worry at all about double pings!
     
  37. Yurs

    Yurs real life catgirl Staff Member Lore2

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    Apologies again for the delay and thank you for your patience. My review of this app will be particularly thorough. If you have any questions, comments or concerns I'd be more than happy to explain my reasoning via either a forum conversation or a Discord Ticket. With that in mind, I will be rejecting this update for the following reasons:
    • Put bluntly, I believe the character has been heavily minmaxed to the point of a loss in character identity. They are a Blacksmith Engineer Alchemist Half-Eronidas Warrior who covers far too many bases on their own and dips into nearly every point-buy barring the niche ones. You need to dial back on the multiclassed investments. Focus less on optimizing a build and more picking something that would be appropriate to the character.
    • In particular, I am heavily against this character being a Cratos; both because you already have a character who fills that niche perfectly, and because Apsaa has so much going on outside the affliction that it only further muddles the design. Cratos are intended, primarily, to be scholarly and frail with the potential for some minor investments into combat for self-defense. The exact opposite is true here and would be an example of concept poisoning.
    Take some time to make whatever edits you feel would help alleviate these issues. Personally, I would recommend cutting back on Alchemy, removing Cratos, and either leaving the excess points open for IC learning or invested elsewhere to capitalize on what Apsaa is already good at or something complementary to it.

    Once again, if you feel this rejection is made in error we can discuss further in a forums conversation or Discord Ticket bot. Thank you for your patience and understanding. I'll keep an eye out for a tag in the case of an update.
     
  38. Jack_Castle

    Jack_Castle Rage, RAGE Against the Dying of the Light. Supremium

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    @Yurs Edits made, at least I think so, im kinda drunk, switched Metallurgy out for linguistics, dumped cratos
     
  39. Yurs

    Yurs real life catgirl Staff Member Lore2

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    All good! App looks great, changes are perfect like we'd discussed. There are, however, a few small edits that need to be made before I can approve:
    • In core concepts, backstory and appearances there are still references to Apsaa being a Cratos / having a Cratos form. Please go ahead and remove these.
    Go ahead and tag me once you've made the changes so I can re-review, thank you!
     
  40. Jack_Castle

    Jack_Castle Rage, RAGE Against the Dying of the Light. Supremium

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