"I just need something to happen. I need a sign that things are gonna change. I need a reason to go on, I need some hope." -Grey's Anatomy
The house sat empty then, after the visitors had all left. Only the injured Claith remained with her dear feline, one named for her beloved sister. The woman peered around the empty bottom floor- the apartment room so small that she didn't have to move from her spot to see the whole area. Until she got the nerve to limp up the stairs with her broken ankle, she'd just stay in there, the woman had decided long before her guests had departed.
A long sigh dragged from the woman and slowly she lowered her head to rested on her arms which were folded on the table. Her whole self felt tired, like she'd been asleep for more hours then she could handle- like she had sloshed through miles of quicksand, still sinking deeper and deeper despite her urgent need to grasp onto something solid. The Claith sucked in another breath of air which was released shakily, tears on the verge of being spilled down her cheeks.
Her only company was the slumbering cat besides her and the throbbing pain in her head and ankle, keeping her awake despite her desperate want to sleep away that returning awful feeling of loneliness. Everyone else had someone, everyone it felt like. Even if they didn't truly have someone yet, they were at least looking for someone that wasn't her. No one wanted to love her despite her want to be loved by anyone at all, anyone that would return the feeling of affection she desperately wished to share like her friends had towards each other.
Everyone had someone, but she had nothing. The Claith rubbed at her eye, giving another shaken breath as she tried to force back her tears- if anyone came to visit, she didn't want them asking her that awful question; "What's wrong?"
She didn't want to be asked a question she didn't know the answer to, what was wrong? Did she wish to feel that feeling that she had never once felt? The feeling of love that others showcase, expression, and speak nothing other about. The feeling that had yet been given to her despite the fact she'd thrown her heart away more times than she can count to those that never wished to return that feeling of love to her. Why was it that the only time someone had returned that feeling to her it had been false? Why was it that she missed that fake affection from the man that only showed it to use her?
A sob bubbled up from the Claith and she pressed her face to her scratched up palms, shaking her head as she tried to hide those tears- those blasted tears that would make her look weaker than she already was. There she sat, the Claith who could not even draw memory of how she'd broken her ankle other than she'd woken up in the snow covered in blood. There she sat, fighting back the watergates of her heart in an attempt to make herself still seem fine with being so alone- to accept that never would she find herself receiving love back, not even from her own mother.
Merina had never felt more alone.
