Shelved Character Allisa Gilphyra

This character has been shelved and is no longer played.
I am claiming this character application for staff review!
Expect a response within the next 24 hours.
 
Hi there! Sorry for the wait.
✪ Staff Review! ✪​
  • First off, eye color cannot look distinct to Cahal if they are not Cahal. So, you can keep your eyes grey, just not insinuate they look as if Silver is afflicted with Cahalism if they are not!
  • Please try to make your points look a bit more accolated and organized! There's nothing much to change here, really, just the format. Also, remember to list your abilities you gain from a category as well - along with letting me know where you use your 10 hobby points, if you did. Like this:
    • +4 Light Ranged Combat
    • +12 Exist Sorcery
      • Lightmend I
      • Lightmend 2
      • etc, etc.
    • +10 Husbandry [Hobby Points]
  • On top of this, your points seem a bit off for the age your character is listed at. A child, whom had their parents killed at age 14, couldn't have learn how to fight, cook, medical training, and magic being alone. Try to trim down on some things and flesh out something more light!
  • Please list Linguistics on your spreadsheet with your points, as you've listed it on your languages but it doesn't look like you've bought it.
  • Include how to devoted your character is to their religion. Please also specify if they are Isldar variant Frisit Worship, instead of regular Dragon Worship. Regular Dragon Worship isn't really fine with sorcery, so this would conflict with your characters magical learnings.
  • Your Life-Story is a bit short, I'd love to hear what Silver would have been doing a bit more! There were a few years that you didn't flesh out. After their parents died, what was their living situation? How did they learn to fend for themselves if they were alone? Was there a mentor of some kind? Did they travel away from home? Try to define these key parts of their development, and connect them to your points. They couldn't have learned magic or medical knowledge on their own. Try to get at least four or more sentences in.
Please make these changes in another color and tag me once done!
 
@Volaie I made some of the changes i am working on the others though some of the skills she learned were from ingame stuff which is why they are not in the back story
 
That's fine, but you still need to include it! My input of detailing your Life-Story still applies, because it is too short and blunt. Have some fun with it! Along with, I would still like for you to organize your points how I recommended. It makes them a bit easier to read. Explain the Proficiency in recent times in the Life-Story section so I can understand why Silver would have these abilities. Your religion is also still regular Dragon Worship. Since they are completely devoted, it would not make sense for Silver to have magical abilities such as Sorcery. Please mark it down as an Isldar Variant, or edit among your points.
 
@Volaie I re-did more of silver's backstory and made the changes you wanted and some other things hope they are good


also i may have miss understood something as that is somewhat common for me

and just changed as i just realised you were refering to points not group

Oh also did something at the skill points area that would give you more information on how she got that
 
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So, instead of grouping your points in how she learned them, just group them in what points they are in. For instance,
  • 5 points into basic Medical Training (Learned early in her life taught by Ana Cervantez)
Instead, do this.
  • +5 Points into Medical Training (Core Points)
Again, please specify the worship. I would put 'Dragon Worship (Isldar Belief)' for understanding of this. Regular Dragon Worship is not alright with sorcerers.

I'm really happy with your Life-Story, I just ask for a few more things. You say her adoptive parents taught her Sorcery, please include that there in the Life-Story. Instead of saying she ran around clueless, she can still do so, just provide that she is sheltered and living with this new family, and how they educated her. And, instead of marking them down in your points, give me a few sentences at the end of your Life-Story of her learning in Regalia.

Please tag me when you've made these few changes, and feel free to ask more questions.
 
I ask one final thing of you that I noted in the first review. Please add three points to Linguistics as a Point-Buy. Other than that, you've edited your application quite well.
 
Looks good.
RE-APRROVED.​
 
@Volaie ie Hi i updated Silver's app tp the new format and also aged her up to 18

PS: I am working on trying to mark the expanded back story as Spoilers which i forgot how to do. So um if you see it thats why

Update on that: I have finally marked that down as spoilers
 
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Approved.
 
@Volaie Hello made some minor changes as I realized I should have had something in there a long time ago. I also added the progression talents just in case. Also i am not sure if this will require me tagging it for review. though if it does let me know
 
APPROVED
 
Approved.
 
@Volaie Hi I have updated Allisa's surname do to IC event but that should be it for the time being

Also I have updated the title aswell according to the change
 
@Volaie Hey updated the app do to Allisa do to the new packs for Archons. I aged her up to 21 and add more things to archon form which will be retconned of course. I also grabbed some other mundane stuff
 
@Caelamus Hi just changed height a tad and added something that straight up says she is an archon and from which throne.
But nothing else really has changed ability wise
 
Clone_Fives said:
Proficiencies 13/14
  • Strength: 2
    • Blades Pack
    • Unarmed Pack
  • Constitution: 1
  • Wisdom: 1
    • Healing Alchemy Pack
  • Dexterity: 2
    • Pinning Pack
    • Knocking Pack
  • Magic: 3
    • Draconic Healing Mythic pack (Primal)
    • Draconic Shielding Mythic pack
    • Draconic Custodian Mythic pack
  • Charisma: 4
    • Advanced Mount (Wyvern)
    • West Linguistics
    • Dragonkin pack
    • Dragonsoul pack

Ability Information

Ice magic: 1
Pinning Pack: 1
Knocking Pack: 1
Blade Pack: 1
Draconic Healing Pack: 1
Draconic Shielding Pack: 1
Draconic Custodian Pack: 1
Dragonkin Pack: 1
Dragonsoul Pack: 1
Healing Alchemy Pack: 1
Languages
  • Sulvaley: Native
  • Common: Free
  • West Linguistics
  • Racial Special: Dragonspeach
Click to expand...
Click to shrink...
You have points that you aren't using and should double check your math and you haven't updated the ability information.
 
@Caelamus I double checked and that number is for the points I can put into each category. Also my bad Updated ability
 
@Caelamus Hi updated the app do to Alchemy no long existing. I just removed healing alchemy because I couldn't think of anything I would want to replace it
 
@Caelamus Hey Archon Update lot of things changed. Retconned her being turned by out side sources is one of the most major ones character story



Side note: I forgot to retcon magic
 
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