You, tony, you better concentrate on your training. You will have more then enough wifes, when you are in paradise. For now, even thinking of women is not allowed for the Rafiq and Fidai. You got to be free of this. Think of what your wife would feel, if you sacrifice your life for Alamut.
Would she understand it? She doesn't know, what we know. Aslong, as she is no member of Alamut and gets the same training and education as you get, you will only hurt here. She will be sad about your death and not happy, that she is the wife of a martyr.