Preserved Sheet ۩ Eldradon Deredda

[Ewdrawings]

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Leader | Charismatic​

Spoiler: Character Art by Ethan

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➥Full Name: Eldradon Earynspieyr Deredda

➦Chosen Names: Don D. Dredd
➦Nicknames: Don
➦Aliases: Donraki Deldrach Dreddarius, Elandrus Silevon, Allevo​

➥Chronological Age: 87

➦ Physical Age: 25
➦ Birthday: June 11th​

➥Gender: Male
➥Race: Altalar

➦Subrace: Fin'ullen​

➥Infection Status: Infected (Dorkarth Vampire)
➥Religion(s):

Void Worship = 9/10​

Spoiler: ɃȺsɨȼ ƗnføɍmȺŧɨøn ɆxᵽȺnsɨøn

➥Position In Regalia: Don has lived in Regalia since 296AC, however, he spent this entire time infected and living amongst the shadows of the city. His occupation if it can be called that, is acting Desprince of "The Hierarchy".
➥Upbringing: Don was born within one such marble city (Lusits), to his mother without any such father to support them. This said, like most all Altalar, he did not grow up impoverished.
➥Secondary Ambitions: He was obsessed for the longest time in finding a way to live forever, and in accruing wealth - power - essentially anything he could amass. He'd seen Altalar move through the rapid decline that is the end of their lives, and he was determined for this to not happen to him, just as he'd seen others stricken with poverty. This was only amplified by his sanguinity later. However, on being cured this quickly changed to him wanting to do anything to right his wrongs, and save as many people as possible. ​

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[ Blood Moon Rising in a Sky of Black Dust ]​

➥Proficiency Points: 50 Proficiency Points, 10 Talent Points, 10 Hobby Points

➦Core:

➦+20 Sword Combat
➦+18 Fist Combat​

➦Knowledge:

➦+12 Ritualism (-9 Proficiency Points)​

➦Talent:

➦+10 Strength Training (-5 Talent Points, +5 Racial Boost)
➦+5 Frontline Command (-5 Talent Points)​

➦Hobby:

➦+5 Drawing Art (-5 Hobby Points)
➦+5 Body Art (-5 Hobby Points)​

➥Body Shape:

➦ Physical Stat: 25 (Physical Stat Limit of 25 due to Dorkarth Bloodline)
➦ Body Shape: Muscular Body Shape
➦ Body Fat: Low Body Fat​

➥Languages:

➦Common​

➥Special Traits and Mutations:

➦Ritualism (Ritualist Monster Warp)
➦Ritualism (Ritualist Weapon-Spite)
➦Ritualism (Ritualist Blood-Mend)
➦Ritualism (Ritualist Brightflash)
➦Ritualism Aesthetic (Ritualist Phaseblade)
➦Ritualism Aesthetic (Ritualist Phasewings)
➦Ritualism Aesthetic (Ritualist Corruption)
➦Ritualism Aesthetic (Ritualist Predation)
➦Auld Embrace
➦Auld Sensing
➦Auld Bloodcry
➦Auld Bloodwar
➦Auld Flocking
➦Auld Form: Description; Jet-black horns adorning his head, skin around hands and feet becomes inky black, black lines/veins appear around the eyes. Eyes become solid black with a thin halo of bright red where the irises would be. Scrawling black tattoo's ink their way up across the majority of his body.

Altalar Ability: Morrlond's Font
Altalar Patron Ability (Inactive whilst infected): Talsieth's Watch​

Spoiler: Inventory

1x Leather Armour (Full body)
1x Cloth Tabard
1x Steel Helm
1x Old Reforged Viridian Kite Shield (strapped to his back)
1x Mundane Steel Arming Sword with Silvered Tip (32 inches)
50r
1x Black iron Dagger

Spoiler: WɇȺꝁnɇssɇs

➥Don is a strong critical thinker. He often can see through propaganda and recognise when an argument doesn't hold up or he's being lied to. However, he may be too critical and negative, over analyzing everything.
➥Don has a very strong sense of morality (albeit grey in areas). As such he's rather conscientious- and may punish others for otherwise harmless infractions, or enforce rules that may make no sense.
➥Don is an idealist, incredibly ambitious, and a humanitarian (of sorts), he works and campaigns to make the world around him a better place (arguably) for himself and those he believes deserve it. However, this means there is no middle ground for him. He won't settle for anything less than his vision, even if he has to employ methods of considerable distaste or manipulation.
➥Delusions (Minor):

➦Delusions - Unusual beliefs not based on reality.
➦Muddled thoughts - Based on delusions.
➦Changes in behaviour
➦Don's condition is largely managed. Infact, next to no one if anyone does or will ever know about it (without reading this character sheet). However, it does not change the fact that occasionally his beliefs that someone is lying to him, or that someone else is plotting elsewhere, are attributed to his occasionally muddled thoughts. He is capable of recognising the signs of an acute episode, and although he does not talk to others about the condition, he gets by.​

➥References/Research:

➦NIMH · Schizophrenia. (n.d.). Retrieved 5 3, 2019, from http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/schizophrenia/index.shtml
➦Paranoid Schizophrenia: Causes, Symptoms and Treatments. (n.d.). Retrieved 5 3, 2019, from http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/192621.php
➦Schizophrenia Symptoms. (n.d.). Retrieved 5 3, 2019, from schizophrenia.com: http://www.schizophrenia.com/diag.php#misdiagnosis
➦What Is Schizophrenia? (n.d.). Retrieved 5 3, 2019, from The National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH), U.S. Department of Health and Human Services: http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/schizophrenia/index.shtml​

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[ Everything I've Ever Let go of has Claw Marks on It ]​

➥Eye Color: Red
➥Hair Color: Black
➥Hair Style: Medium Length, Spikey, Swept
➥Skin Color: Pale
➥Clothing: Practical, obscuring but flexible.
➥Height: 6'2​

Spoiler: VɨsᵾȺł ƗnføɍmȺŧɨøn ɆxᵽȺnsɨøn

➥Facial Features: For the most part, Don carries an amused or blank expression. When amused, his gaze tends to be rather villainous, narrowed eyes or a face contorted into a sly smirk. His blank expression is far less so. A simple accepting absorbing gaze as he watches something either irrelevant to him or something he simply doesn't have an opinion on.
➥Body: Don's body is comprised of almost entirely muscle, with no sign of failing anytime soon. The Varlord mutation amplified this to the extreme, past the majority of the Altalar people, at the cost of the glaring red eyes. He has very little fat upon his body and no current physical disabilities due to the healing factors of his mutations. He's not particularly hairy, although does occasionally get a fine line of stubble upon his jaw which could morph longer over time. He's a pale form of tanned skin, once being rather bronze.
➥Apperance and Accessories: Don's fashion is one of a practical nature for the most part. He very rarely dresses up or formally, unless it is absolutely necessary. As such, he normally wears armor or some kind of discrete scale mail. His preferred colors are reddish earthy colors. Or blacks. Don will almost always have a pair of steel knuckles in his cloak, avoid scripted Rosary around his neck or wrist, and night steel scale mail beneath his clothy/leathery exterior layer.
➥Voice: Don's voice as standard is low, calm and calculated. When excited, he becomes much more verbose, a little more straining on the contortion of his words, and more teasing.​

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[ I learned how to be Strong Alone ]​

➥Experiencing Fear:

➦Don is brave by choice, but freezes by nature. Even if he's completely terrified, he attempts to stand up in the face of adversity and overcome the momentary frozen hesitation.​

➥Experiencing Stress:

➦Don is a flexible-minded and versatile man, but sometimes there are situations he cannot prepare for. The stress this can create, can cripple him or cause him to become obsessed until he finds a 'perfect' solution.​

➥Express Feeling Happy:

➦Don expresses feeling happy, by doing what he wants but in a way that also benefits those he cares about. E.g. Going out drinking with his kin, or at least that is the case when there isn't something to gain. Taking a love interest to an Island to stare at the stars, for example, to win them over and thus accrue their attention and affection. Physically though, Don isn't the most readable of people and those that claim he tends to be the butt of a manipulation.​

➥Law and Authorities:

➦Don didn't like law and authority when he was mortal, due to their constant oppression and patterns of abusing their powers. Now that he is sanguine, law and authority is the last thing on his mind when he breaks both.​

➥Other Races:

➦Don cares very little about other races when it comes to the standard. His arrogance as an Altalar however, and as a sanguine Varlord no less, forces him to see himself above near everyone else (in his opinion).​

➥Relgion and Other Faiths:

➦Don has a devout drawing towards the Void as a result of his infection warping his sense of relgion. He follows it closely, seeking to draw in others to its embrace.​

➥Arcane and Magical:

➦Truthfully he's indifferent. It has it's uses just like a shovel, a pick, or any other tool. With regards to anything void natured, however, he's interested. Looking to it for the potential source of his immortality.
➦That said, the idea of accumulating magical wares and assets does interest him. Having a collection of artifacts is something he'd entertain.​

➥Family:

➦Indifferent, the sanguinism strips all form of attachment to his family. Without it, however, he would never return home, nor would he ever see his mother again.​

➥Biggest Insecurity:

➦Being betrayed. After 301 AC, it's been Don's biggest fear.
➦Being judged, by someone whose opinion matters to him.
➦That he's not as strong as he thinks, or that he doesn't have the strength of will to be his own man regardless of the gift or outside influence.​

➥Most Proud Of:

➦Don's most proud of his individuality. His ability to control who he is and what he stands for regardless of the positions he's put in. He's undoubtedly stubborn and believes he's even overcome the personality changes that Sanguinism brings about. (Although this is largely a delusion).​

➥Motivation:

➦Honestly, he struggles with this more than anything. There isn't much that motivates Don, except hedonism and just moving past everything that comes his way. What drives him forwards then as such, is his want to be motivated, his desire to find purpose.​

➥Biggest Fear:

➦Being stranded in the ocean alone, or underwater near large objects.
➦Being broken mentally; unable to maintain his sense of identity or self. Being unable to keep to his ideals, wants and needs​

Spoiler: ⱣɇɍsønȺłɨŧɏ Ⱥnđ Ⱥƀɨłɨŧɨɇs ɆxᵽȺnsɨøn

➥Quirks: Don either chews the corner of his bottom lip when he's thinking, or his tongue moves up to the top left of his jaw whilst in thought, resting against his canine.
➥Trait: Adaptable:

➦Cause; Don as a mortal, showed great flexibility and versatility in his thinking regardless of the situation. He had a strong inner drive, growing up in an unpredictable environment where life could quickly turn bad and money could even more so dry up, he needed to be. Although he
➦Result; As a result of this adaptability he was quick to think and able to hold down more than one task or responsibility at once. Whilst he didn't like holding the responsibility for something, and he never appeared to be planning anything - he was actually incredibly organized. He had a method to his madness, that involved being sociable, confident and getting something done step by step, even if it seemed disorganised to outside prying eyes.
➦Pro's; Positives of being adaptable, involve being reliable and responsible. Whilst Don hated being responsible, he would do everything he can to maintain his responsibility when it was left with him. He was able to make ends meet out of bad situations and did so with far fewer breakdowns than most. He was able to follow others leads, or lead himself, whichever was needed for the task at hand.
➦Con's; A downside, of being adaptable, was that Don quickly grew restless when not stimulated. He never placed much importance on family and friendship, growing up largely without one, and should he ever get into a relationship that particularly required stability and routine, it will likely suffer.
➦RP Challenges; RP scenarios that would likely have presented a conflict for Don as a mortal, would have been largely ambiguous situations. Those that one cannot prepare for. He would also have struggled to come to terms with being asked to do something that will likely result in injury, suffering or worse. Don experienced conflicts between his moral beliefs and the need to carry out an order, hence his abandoning of the Mercenary group he was apart of. He would likely conflict with particularly Judgemental, Meticulous, Impatient and Compulsive characters.​

➥Before Don became sanguine, he loved bourbon. Even now, he still drinks it as it offers him some semblance of comfort without compromising his appearance as a 'big bad vampire'.
➥Don likes the dark and the wind. A stormy night for him is peaceful and comforting. He was fortunate enough that he never particularly enjoyed basking in the sun, so losing it was far less severe for him during his time as a vampire.
➥Don enjoys games. Of any kind.​

➥Don can't stand people that don't ask for help when they need it. They piss him off and more often than not he'll make them suffer even more like a warped way of getting the idea across to them or punishing them. It's possible this is a form of projection.
➥He hates the smell of rotting flesh just as much as anyone else. But he stomachs it, as it comes with the territory. Over time this has become a little numb.
➥Don hates small talk. It bores the ever living daylights out of him. He'll do almost anything to get away from it, but almost always ends up with him in a sour mood if he can't find something a little more exciting.​

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[ I'll Tell you my Sins and You can Sharpen Your Knife ]​

➥Birth to his mother within the Kingdom of Lucits, he never knew his father.
➥Don became an apprentice merchant to an up and coming successful business within Lucits.
➥His Merchants apprenticeship morphed into him owning his own caravan - however, this was short lived upon being raided on his very first trip. Whilst this was never confirmed, he believed he was set up for the fall, so that his boss could claim greater profits and shift all the blame onto him.

Spoiler: Teenage Don Art by Flossyberry

➥Don joined a traveling band of Mercenaries (The Red Suns). He learned as best he could from them, however, often ended up with broken bones and injuries. He had a knack for unarmed combat, even if he was particularly 'squishy'. Seconding in using a sword and shield.
➥The Mercenary Band (The Red Suns), were attacked by a coven of feral sanguine during the night. This was Don's first experience with vampirism, and he helped to quickly dispatch the blood-sucking monsters vowing to never become one of these mindless primal beasts.
➥Don attended an academy within the Archipelago known for its coverage of Command Tactics, intent on eventually leading his own Mercenary Band, inspired by the Red Suns.
➥Don was infected with vampirism. His mutations however only partially set in, not yet becoming the 'King of Sanguine' as some of his devout called him. Whilst he now revealed in his vampiric powers, he still vowed never to become one of the mindless ferals he once saw. Never willing to allow his personality to slip from him. After all, it was perhaps his greatest fear that he was no longer 'himself'.
➥Don arrived within the Regalian city, eighteen years before the slow decay (Regalia Pessimism) due to the various diseases and a halting military and religious momentum.
➥Don sold himself as a mercenary during the Drachenwald Crisis. Which is today known as the culmination point of the Regalian Pessimism. He fought on the side of the Regalian Empire, however, was unfortunately struck down in battle and almost killed within the Drachenwald Forest with a blade piercing his stomach. His vampiric mutations staved off death. Despite his vampirism, he had not succumbed to some of the far more monstrous acts, such as with women, or in baseless murder. In fact, he kept up many of his morals even now, protesting to ever losing his sense of self.
➥The Chrysant War began, which Don was not present for. In fact instead, he used this opportunity of such a distraction to further his claims within the city. Spreading sanguinism and collecting followers for his domain.
➥The Sanguivore Hierarchy was fully formed. Thriving in the shadows of Regalia's underbelly. As Desprince of this new coven, Don made many many many mistakes. His hot head mentality, was a butcher and kill first, and drink after. Many years since his infection, his sense of self had slowly slipped away, and he found himself with no guilt and far more pleasure from breaking the law and his own morals. This led to him signing his own fate away nearly a decade later…
➥301AC - The Sanguivore Hierarchy was butchered, cut apart by Usque, amongst other groups and guards. Don, narrowly surviving himself, demotivated and disheartened fell into a state of disrepair. Only two friends sticking near him during this time, and even those two fading from memory until five years later.
➥305 AC - Don's friend, Thalion, finds him and brings him on back. Feeding him his own blood rather than straight curing him. Why he did this, Don has no clue. Knowing that the man hated sanguinism and everything it entailed. Because of this, however, Don was able to take control of himself once more, forever changed. With his sense of identity… returned.

Spoiler: Adult Don Art by Lord_Immortal

➥306AC - The Sanguivore Hierarchy reforms as 'The Hierarchy'. Now with a new and different approach, Don slowly became the Varlord of Deals, an idea of his own creation whereupon he injects himself into many different circles and makes himself invaluable in any way he can. Don's morals are at the forefront of his mind, every single day. His values, and rules, and deals are what keep him sane, moving forwards and from simply laying down to die. During this time, Don's coven kidnaps or holds many different people. One of which was a member of the Sihai, to which Don found endless pleasure gleaming information and their martial instruction from this man given how frugal their kind is when imparting this knowledge to 'foreigners'. He ended up adapting his prior sword training and unarmed combat to match it.

Spoiler: More Detail

• Don kills an enormous 80ft long talking Sea Serpant worshipped by cultists and rips from its head, its eye;
  
• The Hierarchy claims the Hospital (In Old Town); [May 8, 2019]
  • https://forums.massivecraft.com/threads/old-town-declaration-hierarchy.75357/#post-909780
• The Hierarchy claims the Old Gods Temple (In Old Town); [May 27, 2019]
  • https://forums.massivecraft.com/threads/minor-hierarchy-declaration.75806/
• The Hierarchy undergoes a diplomatic mission in Old Town Emporium with limited success for manpower/support; [09/06/2019]
  • https://forums.massivecraft.com/threads/the-way-to-a-mans-heart.76155/
• Caught, Don was cured. His formerly religious nature and his moral anguish forcing him to resist the urge to become taken by vampirism once again. However, realising that his faith in Estel did not protect him from vampirism almost a century ago, his slow but steady transition towards Unionism began.
• Don takes the Sacrament of Rejection. The Sacrament of Rejection is a Unionist practice that ensures (from the Sancella's perspective) the loyalty of the individual by forcing them in an act of grand heresy that would condemn them in their native religion. For most converters (such as Old Gods or Old Fayth) this includes performing sacrilege on holy offerings and idols, for Songaskians this involves turning away from the sun with head cover, and for most other religions, loud and vocal rejection of old beliefs. The Sacrament of Rejection must be performed by each convert.
• Don takes the Sacrament of Solution. The Sacrament of Solution exists between the Sacrament of Union and Sacrament of Entry, for those who converted to Unionism at a later date than birth or early childhood. The Sacrament of Solution is done by combining both the Sacrament of Union and Entry into one, while also requiring the individual to already be engaged in, or start working in service to the Regalian State. Additionally, unless the person was Agnostic or Atheist, they will be required to engage in the Sacrament of Rejection.

Spoiler: Don Cured

• Gruelling daily training, trying desperate times, and an eagerness to better himself so that he can correct the wrongs he once made. Don does everything he can now, to protect those he cares about.
• The Spriggan's Heart expands, and he gains the money required to hire a much larger band of Mercenaries.

Spoiler: Don's Appearance 307AC

"They say a hero can save us. But I'm not gonna stand here and wait for one."

➥307AC - Promoted to Mercenary Commander of the city of Reglaia, Don participates in the war with the Dread empire: https://forums.massivecraft.com/threads/and-cull'd-these-fiery-spirits-from-the-world.79416/#post-935948 Eldradon fought alongside Lau'rella, a Manathar, that had also found themselves caught up and surrounded by a flurry of ambushing Wolond from the nearby treeline. Eldradon fought hard, but ultimately Lau'rella's efforts were what prevented the ambush attempt from succeeding, in their bludgeoning of numerous Wolond to death with their staves. Numerous Dwarven soldiers were saved as a result. His participation however, was to spite common superstition of Silven being inherently evil/immoral. With a recent surge in sorceror's Don attempted to learn and was successful in following the Sorcery school of Light, learning a healing spell to its full capacity. At this time he intends to show the population that at the very least he can be be trusted without a doubt. He attempts to reconnect with other Silven, and form some semblence of relationship with them without falling into the pitfall of complete isolation with them.

Leading as a Field Commander; Eldradon was cut down in the heat of battle protecting one of the Typhonus bannermen: https://forums.massivecraft.com/threads/finale-grim-visag'd-war-hath-smoothed-his-wrinkled-front-part-5.79996/ With the Typhonus column in tatters, and hope of victory dwindling, the Imperial Marshal William Howlester issued the official order for all Generals to stand their ground for a last ditch attempt defence. In attempting to bunker down against the odds, Vivana Avalorn took multiple arrows to her abdomen in the defence of Gwenyth Zylmoira, who had been attempting to aid others in pulling back. The Isldar looked on in horror, just long enough to be struck by an arrow in the side herself. Both had to be dragged back to Merkars'arh and out of further harm's way. Field Commander Eldradon Deredda flung himself into the terror with the single dim hope of earning some morale back for the troops, but his ambitions were soon depleted. While making his attempt to save what lives he could, Eldradon became the body shield for another, a random Typhonus soldier, and took a gaping slash to his side which sent him to his knees immediately. Nayasol Iraluv was one of the swiftest responders who entered the field upon witnessing Eldradon's fall. He wove through soldiers, Regalian and Kathar alike, to gather the brutally injured Eldradon and tugged him back out to safety. There he treated the Silven's wounds expertly, definitely saving him from graver harm or death itself.

➥307AC Continued- With the Lord Commander, in Don's eyes unfairly dissolving mercenary charters across the city, he becomes disillusioned as his efforts to reform and change for the better are halted and stricken harshly, resulting in changes... one of which being a renewed faith in Estel and the Arken, given new information gleaned from the Conduit.

Spoiler: Eldradon Deredda Geared for War

➥308AC - Eldradon sells off his mercenary group, opting to learn how to lead larger numbers of groups. His personal combat is focused on as well, opting to take a stronger stance on his ability to wield fight close quarters. Reaffirming his ability to use a sword, he attempts to take himself to new heights.

➦Present: Disillusioned with Regalia's seemingly corrupt ruling, he is reinfected with Sanuinism, vowing to destroy it all.

Spoiler: Up to date art...

​

 

[TheSilverSpectre]

@Lord_Immortal Good to see you back man, but your proficiencies are wack. For wrestling you'd put +15 Unarmed Wrestling (+5 Racial, +10 Lecgaen). When you put 10 points into a school you get +10 in three different skills, not +30 into one of three skills. So you'd have +10 Unarmed Fighting (+10 Lecgaen) and +10 Acrobatics (+10 Lecgaen). That leaves you with 20 points left because it costs 10 points to go to the school, and Don is 30 which means he'd have 30 - 10 points. That extra 20 could be put into battle command, but if you want to pump unarmed fighting you'd have to forego battle command.

 

[Caelamus]

@Lord_Immortal Hello I'll be claiming this for staff review! Additionally, I'd like to ask that you make the edits and suggestions @TheSilverSpectre suggested.

 

[Ewdrawings]

@TheSilverSpectre Heya man, long time. Thanks for explaining that for me. I kinda knew something was wrong but I had no idea how to fix them.~ Appreciate it!

 

[Ewdrawings]

@Caelamus Hi there, I do think I've made Silvers edits. Although I might still have misinterpreted that. The bonus system is a bit foreign to me. Please be patient with me, and thank you for taking the time to review this! :')

 

[Caelamus]

Skill Information (Required)
30 Proficiency Points.

• +15 Unarmed Wrestling (Highland Ceardian + School of Lecgain)
• +10 Battle Command (Age)
• +20 Unarmed Fighting (School of Lecgain)
  
• +10 Acrobatics (School of Lecgain)

Click to shrink...

When writing the proficiency points keep in mind to add their sources, for an example;
+15 Unarmed Wrestling (+5 Highland Ceardian, +10 School of Lecgaen)
+10 Battle Command (+10 points)
+20 Unarmed Fighting (+10 School of Lecgaen, +10 points)
+10 Acrobatics (+10 School of Lecgaen)

It's important to clarify the source as well, as it makes it easier to read, you can see under +20 Unarmed Fighting it lists only the school as a source, but not the points that were invested. There is also a -5 point loss to those who are not muscular or strongman when investing points into Unarmed Wrestling, I would recommend bumping his bodyshape up to Muscular.

Second Paragraph: Don is confident but also a little easily made jealous or envious. Regardless of this he's fairly sure of his own abilities and only finds himself particularly anxious when regarding nobility and noble born - or other things he's physically unable to change.

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I would recommend adding more negative traits or anxieties to balance out Don's confidence and charisma to give him a bit more of a dynamic, when pursuing negative traits, I would usually recommend adding traits that are key to driving conflict and sparking roleplay.

Third Paragraph: Don often lets his guard down a bit around his friends, being more laid back and more genuinely friendly. However, he's often eager to improve his friend's lives and relationships, getting involved even when it's not wanted. In a way, he's a little controlling.

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How does he behave towards family? How does his family view him? How do those close to him view him as a person? Is his relationship with his lover any different?

Don was born in Ceardia's highland

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I would recommend having a read through the page of where highland Ceardian's hail from, Old Ceardia or atleast Ceardia in general is a dead land at the current. Highland Ceardians as a culture originate from Gallovia.

He was born and raised poor initially, but eventually found himself the apprentice of a Lecgain master, who traveled with a band of mercenaries that frequently staged shows of unarmed fighting for coin.

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What prompted the choice to become an apprentice in the school of lecgaen? Why did they need to stage shows for coin? In what manner was he raised poor? What age did he enroll in learning?

On moving to the Regalian Archipelago, he gained respect amongst the mercenaries but eventually left on his own accord, intending to become a sort of merchant.

Click to shrink...

Was there any reason to prompt the sudden leave? Did he have a falling out? Did they not produce enough coin? What sort of merchant did he want to become?

Things, however, didn't go to plan, and he ended up going broke for one reason and another. He turned around his financial situation, not very long ago, attempting to build up stock and selling it on when it's in prime demand.

Click to shrink...

What did he sell? Was he a general store owner?

Be sure to tag me and highlight edits in blue when you're done! @Lord_Immortal

 

[Ewdrawings]

Hi there @Caelamus ,
I've completed the edits that I've read. I don't think I've missed any, although I may have. With regards to the size of his body build! I've taken the -5 points instead of bumping up his body size to muscular. I don't fancy min-maxing him intentionally, and muscular probably wouldn't suit his image as much Ripped currently does to my imagination and the image above.

Thank you for reviewing this character application so far,
I look forward to your reply / resolution.

 

[Caelamus]

Approved! @Lord_Immortal

 

[Ewdrawings]

@Caelamus
Hi again! Sorry for asking for this to be re-reviewed so soon after having it reviewed in the first place, but on recently learning that the vampire populace has somewhat died off recently, I've taken an interest in starting up some group V-RP. Lore wise I'm fairly well read, however, I'm really struggling with the proficiency points and how many he'd still have after this transformation!

Thanks again for taking the time to read this,

 

[Ewdrawings]

Edits are in green to help make things clearer for reviewer!

 

[Caelamus]

156 (126 years of Vampirism)

Click to shrink...

Please tone down the level of green before I re-review it!

 

[Ewdrawings]

@Caelamus
Hi! Sorry about blinding you with such a luminous green colour. I've toned it down to a darker green.

 

[Caelamus]

Skill Information (Required)
30 Proficiency Points.

• +15 Unarmed Wrestling (+5 Highland Ceardian, +10 School of Lecgaen, Muscular)
  +0 Battle Command (+10 Age points, -10 Vamp Age)
  +10 Unarmed Fighting (+10 School of Lecgaen, +10 Age points, -10 Vamp Age)
  +10 Acrobatics (+10 School of Lecgaen)

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Vampires with all 10 mutations cap at 30 proficiency points, this includes schools but not racial bonuses. This means he will have the +10 Wrestling, Fighting Acrobatics etc but have no other points to spend.

Spells: (27 VP = 27 Years)
-Power Tree (3 VP)
-Blood Feasting (3 VP)
-Blood Senses (3 VP)
-Blood Frenzy (3 VP)
-Claw Lust (3 VP)
-Blood Rush (3VP)
-Internal Steeling (3 VP)
-Blood Barrier (3 VP)
-Varlord (3VP)

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List these as vampire mutations and add on the extra 3 points he'd have, even if they're unusable.

Tag when done, thank you.

 

[Ewdrawings]

@Caelamus Thank you, I believe I've carried out the edits you listed.

 

[Caelamus]

Approved @Lord_Immortal

 

[Ewdrawings]

@Caelamus
Changes made due to the proficiency system edit.

 

[Caelamus]

@Lord_Immortal Re-approved.

 

[Ewdrawings]

Edit: Tatsugo is now Wa'an, due to Tatsugo allegedly being non-compliant and replaced.

 

[Ewdrawings]

Hi there @Caelamus
Sorry about the bothering re-review! I've been writing up some more in-depth personality facts/info that I just wanted to include in there for my own personal benefit. And updated the art for the thread also. Such as adding a chibi representation of Don -->

The changes shouldn't actually require a re-review, but rather just a quick tag reconfirm! However, I'll leave that up to you to decide. Obviously, I can't and shouldn't dictate what is review worthy.

 

[Caelamus]

Mortal Traits: (Past Tense)

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put parts that are not included in the template under a spoiler please!

 

[Ewdrawings]

@Caelamus My bad, I thought I could add shit and change the format after it was approved. It's all in spoilers now.

 

[Caelamus]

Re-Approved @Lord_Immortal

 

[Ewdrawings]

Hi @Caelamus
I'm in need of a re-review, because I've done a re-jigging of Don's proficiency points, and also his bloodline.
Thank you!

 

[Caelamus]

+30 Altalar Martial Skill (+30 Proficiency Points)

• The Altalar Martial Skill is as such a group skill, meaning that all points invested in this Proficiency give equal skill proficiency in all the weapons and shields specified, even if they defy categorization that is normally applied in other Combat related Proficiencies. The weapons included in Martial Training are: The Altalar Singing Bow, the Altalar Gallop Lance, the Altalar

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Altalar Ring: Outer Court Cae-Maen, Martyr of Respite (When Faithful)

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It's a bit wonky because it's the ring that grants that ability to invest into that proficiency but at the same time, it's considered the ring's power. He's a vampire, technically by what's posted he wouldn't be able to use those points because those points are apart of that ring's power. I would recommend moving those points around into another combat skill or divide them up into two different ones to sort of emulate that theme you want to go for. Since he's a Varlord it's unlikely he'd ever be able to use his ring again. In general I'd just recommend replacing it with something more simple.

 

[Ewdrawings]

Ah I see what you mean. That is a little weird given it's learned skill- but you're right. I'll change that now.

 

[Ewdrawings]

@Caelamus
I've made the edits suggested, I believe.

 

[Ewdrawings]

Although as a side note, do you think you could double check about the Altalar Martial Proficiency points? It's not that I don't trust your judgement, because I know that's what the Wiki basically says, but It doesn't make much sense that you'd suddenly forget how to fight with these pretty basic weapons just because you become a vampire? Regardless, I've made the changes to the app to reflect your decision. @Caelamus

 

[Caelamus]

Although as a side note, do you think you could double check about the Altalar Martial Proficiency points? It's not that I don't trust your judgement, because I know that's what the Wiki basically says, but It doesn't make much sense that you'd suddenly forget how to fight with these pretty basic weapons just because you become a vampire? Regardless, I've made the changes to the app to reflect your decision. @Caelamus

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It is a bit of a strange bit because technically those proficiency points or being able to use them is actually a ring power granted by Tal'Sieth. It's not like learning how to use a normal sword or normal martial proficiencies.

Altalar Ring: Outer Court Cae-Maen, Martyr of Respite (Unusable)

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I mean you've also listed he uses Cae-Maen, only Tal'Sieth can grant use or knowledge of the Altalar martial proficiencies. It's a bit wonky but I'd stick with just normal ones for now. Re-Approved though nevertheless.

 

[Ewdrawings]

Alright thank you! I'll probably raise the whole martial proficiency thing in a ticket at some point or in the feedback discord channel.

 

[Ewdrawings]

Minor Edit: Made Callia's Grace mute, into Ownership Ward.
Reasoning: Never used the mute, now convinced that Ownership Ward would create more roleplay.

 

[Ewdrawings]

Added Lesser Gang Bonus proficiency.

 

[Ewdrawings]

Added a paragraph to the life story detailing IC occurances.

 

[Ewdrawings]

@Caelamus Bloodline mutations changed to reflect the Lore change:
https://wiki.massivecraft.com/Vampirism

 

[Caelamus]

Rogue Training: 10 = 5 points,

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this does not factor into physical stat by the way.

re-approved nevertheless.

 

[Ewdrawings]

Silven and Vampire mutations were approved; however, I changed the app to match the new template, thus with such a large change it requires a new Re-Review sticker, if that's alright. @Caelamus

 

[Caelamus]

approved @Lord_Immortal

 

[Ewdrawings]

@Caelamus Hello, I just wanted to let you know I changed the Aesthetics of the App to things @CRASHIR picked out for Don. She didn't change any of the actual information just added the Aesthetics to the app. I accidentally got rid of the Approved Tag due to editing them in so hopefully you can give it a quick scan over and mark it as approved again.

 

[Ewdrawings]

-Added Mutations document.
-Pre-emptively changed to new proficiency system.

 

[Ewdrawings]

@Caelamus Looking for a re-review please, having transferred across to the new system.

 

[Caelamus]

Approved @Lord_Immortal