Preserved Sheet Zhou Tang

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Vivo_Et_Vincam

The Walking Spreadsheet
Joined
Jan 11, 2018
Messages
162
Reaction score
319
Points
0
Age
21
Location
North Carolina
Faction
Nada
Kingdom
Reeeeee
Roleplay Guilds
The LCC, The Fourth Company
Basic Information
  • Full Name: Zhou Tang
  • Age: 23
  • Gender: Male
  • Race: Ch'ien-ji
  • Main Ambition: Knowledge. Zhou Tang wants to both spread and relearn the knowledge of his Order, the Order of Glee, and then spread the knowledge back across the world.
  • Special Permission: Ability (being a Chi) to not use magic, but sense the magical aura of another. Aka the ability to sense magic in people.
Basic Information (Expansion)

  • Currently, this is being expanded through roleplay, Zhou Tang is both the Gleemaster (unofficial lore) and a guard in House D'Ortonnaise's military.
  • Zhou was an only child, brought up by The Order of Glee after his parents sent him for adoption, his parents were very wealthy traders. He got none of this wealth.
  • Short Term ambitions: To prove himself, and fix the "system" that Regalia is governed in. Wants to fix the problems of the government of Regalia, by nudging those he follows in the right direction and hoping they fix the problems for him.
Skill Information

  • School: Self Taught in duel-wielding Regalian swords or scimitars. Taught by The Order of Glee to play the Flute in Gleeman style.
  • Level: Average to slightly below average fighter. Gleeman level; master. Self taught fighting, gleeman level taught by the order before "The Drowning." (apart of Order of Glee lore https://forums.massivecraft.com/threads/the-order-of-glee.62590/)
Visual Information

  • Eye Color: Golden
  • Hair Color: Black
  • Hair Style: Almost sports cut, slightly longer in the back however.
  • Skin Color: Pale tan
  • Clothing: Chi silk robes with intricate weird patterns
  • Height: 5 foot 7
  • Body Build: Skinny arms, a "two pack" chest and strong (for a Chi) legs.
  • Weapon of Choice: Regalian Sword (duel wielding)
Visual Information (Expansion)
  • Has two large scars on the left side of his face, given to him by a feral vampire, one just an inch under his left eye going down to the left way far side of his chin, and one going from an inch from his left eye all the way across the left side of his head just going under his ear and stopping. Always grinning, unless he is really fricking mad.
  • Not much body description, typical Chi man.
  • Always carried his two Regalian swords (guard so he can) and his silver flute. He carries a Starry Glass Loong Dragon with him. His favorite silk colors would be golden, purple, and green. Occasional lapiz blue and red.
  • Can speak Tatsugo, and Common.
Personality and Abilities

  • First Paragraph: Zhou is thought to be Cheery, always with a smile. Off duty, he is never not grinning, and always plays his flute. But on duty, people know him to be thoughtful, stubborn and impatient. He only brings the latter of the three up when he is stressed, however.
  • Second Paragraph: Zhou is confident on the inside when it comes to his music and his job. He has no true fears of much, and does not show fear. But on the inside, he is broken. After the Drownage, he lost much of those he thought as family. On the inside, he boils up his rage against Wulong for the crime they did to him. He views himself as fragile as the Loong Dragon he carries. If dropped, he could shatter into a thousand pieces.
  • Third Paragraph: To lovers, his is a gentleman and a flirter. He definelty does not hide his emotions. To those he trusts closely, he brings everything good out from inside of him. These few people are those that he trusts to talk to about his past, and his rage. Around those he counts as his family, he usually lets go of his emotions, and commonly cries.
  • Fourth Paragraph: Zhou thinks himself as good, but in reality he can be quite cruel. He is (secretly, ooc info) a Chart Martel of House D'Ortonnaise, and goes into the underground of the city quite often. He knows many things people have done and covered up. He tries to fix these things. Before he became a gleeman, the six years of loniness, he killed people he thought were not "good." He was known as "Golden Duel." and killed two to three dozen men and women. He thinks their deaths justice, however.
  • Fifth Paragraph (OPTIONAL): Shortly, he is very strong in his religion of The Loong Dragons. He is often heard saying "May the stars watch us." He wishes the commoners were treated better, but respects the stations in "the system."
Talents
  • "Tongue Twister." he has the strong ability to get people to trust him and speak just about anything. He has once had a drink with a man, gotten him to both admit he committed homicide, and plans to commit it again. He is easily able to get under the cracks of a person.
  • Musician: He learned under the last High Gleemaster under than himself, so he has a large musical talent.
  • Quick: he is speedy, making his combat talents quite offensive and agility based. He can outrun almost all of his race, and the occasional Ailor man.
  • Determined: If he thinks something needs to get done, he will do it to the ends of the world needed. He will not stop working until it is finished, which often gets him in trouble, he does more than he needs, going further into a plot than he needs too, ect. (Same as stubborn but different version)
Weaknesses (OPTIONAL)
  • Stubborn: If he thinks something needs to get done, he will do it to the ends of the world needed. He will not stop working until it is finished, which often gets him in trouble, he does more than he needs, going further into a plot than he needs too, ect. (Same as determined but different version)
  • Secretive of emotions: He does not share his inner emotions, thus making himself sometimes a bottle of rage or sadness, which is not good for anyone's health.
  • Trusting: If you become his friend, he will follow you to the ends of the world. He also wont know if you betray him, making that not so good for politics, his main weakness there. Trust is something he might give out to willingly.
  • Drinking; Due to a traumatic event that happened between Eske Ulfmaerr and his now dead friend, Nick Verrus, who was drunk when he died, and burned alive using Alcohol, he does not drink. Not one drop.
Personality and Abilities (Expansion)
The following is not required when filling out your character application. You may use bullet points or paragraphs, and are welcome to add more or less information as you see fit. The information in this section will not be reviewed. Want to be extra helpful to your reviewer? Use the Spoiler feature to make the content hidden so readers can read it when they want to, or skip it!
  • When nervous or stressed, says "stars watch us." as it is asking the Loong Dragons, to him, to watch over him.
  • Talented Leader, but not in the position to lead anything but The Order of Glee. Also talented strategist, but these 2 talents are not being used due to him being non noble.
Likes
  • Loves to play his flute. Its a talent he learned as a child, and he loves to look at peoples faces light up as they hear his tunes.
  • Likes to do economic "stuffs." being a Chi, he loves mathematical "stuffs" and thus is a good treasurer, and loves to do it.
  • Likes to teach his music to others, hoping that the talents of the Gleemen will be widespread like they once were.
Dislikes
  • Hates to fight, he does it anyways, but he wishes to not have to fight, due to Nick Verrus dieing fighting, his great friend, and first ever Glee apprentice.
  • Hates to drink, or converse with drunks. It reminds him of what happened to Nick.
  • Hates to stand around doing nothing. He has an active mind and body, and standing around for five hours as politicians discuss stuff in an assembly is not his thing.

  • Relationships (Optional)
  • @Bipolar_Disorder Courting= Character= Grace Nadeau
  • @Cipherition Close friend whom flirts with= Character Amaru Sieki
  • @Miss_Ortonnaise Guard and Chart Martel apprentice= Character Audrey Ortonnaise
  • @Mr_Ortonnaise Guard= Character Alexander Ortonnaise
  • @celticwitch Close friend= Character Cerridynn Ulfmaerr
  • @NathanPlayzMC_14 (This is Oskar right?) friend= Character Oskar Ulfmaerr
  • @JarrettdaCarrot Friend= Character Benjamin (last name forgot)
  • @KingdomKnightz Friend= Character Zelgius
  • @Banagher_ Friend= Character Val' Varius
  • Myself: Nick Verrus; Dead.
  • Myself: Eragon Zalzar

Life Story (Required)
3-4 paragraphs, 800-900 words

At the age of Two, his two rich trader parents, both by the last name of Tang, decided they did not want a child. They donated him to The Order of Glee, to raise him into a gleeman. For five years he was raised normally, not much gleeman education, raised like a normal child. But, at the age of five, The Drowning (Glee Lore) happened. Only nine of the almost five hundred of the Order survived. After that, his training was quickly taken up on the island the nine were stranded upon. He was taught my the High Glee-master herself, and learned by the age of twelve all a typical gleeman knew. He was trained for another five years until he reached the title gleemaster. He learned in these twelve years of constant training to be diligent, and never give up. It sadly taught him to be stubborn, if he didn't get it as well. Due to his early life, everyone trusted everyone, the nine of them at least, he learned to give his full trust to people, a good and, bad trait. At the age of seventeen he was sent off on a raft with the one Ailor in the group to Regalia, to rebirth the order.

Before they made it, the Ailor died of starvation. Zhou prayed to the Loong every day and night that he would survive another day, and soon make it to Regalia. He had to eat his old friend and mentor to survive. Eventually, he made it to land. He spent two years slowly traveling from land to land until he made it to Regalia. Over this time, he was mentored by Eragon Zalzar to be a warrior, another traveler coming to Regalia. He learned to duel wield swords, and killed his first man at eighteen. He went on to kill another nine in the next year. He and Eragon were split up in Regalia, but he wasn't alone, he met Nick within a week, and they became close friends, Zhou only being three years older than Nick. Zhou apprenticed Nick into becoming a gleeman, and Nick learned quickly. Sadly, Nick died at the age of twenty, by Eske Ulfmaerr, burned alive with alcohol and a match.

Within a week after losing his apprentice, he was drafted into the care of Audrey and Alexander Ortonnaise, and became both their guard and official gleeman. He spends his time there now, working secretly as their Chart Martel, and openly as their guard and gleeman. After roughly a month in their service, he went into the slums, following a "cultist." target, when he was jumped by a feral vampire (@TheDongler , dont tell anybody!!! xD) and gained two scars on his face, a scar on his left arm, and a bite scar, almost like it was from a dog, on his left shoulder. Now we are at the present, where he tries to apprentice more gleemen, and protect House Ortonnaise with utmost Loyalty.
 
Firstly, I advise you relook at the official Wiki: https://wiki.massivecraft.com/Main_Page and https://wiki.massivecraft.com/New_Roleplayers'_Guide
You have a good start, but the app includes a lot of lore-incompliant issues, which I'll go into more detail of below. It would help you to research a bit. This app is going to be rejected, yet here is a review to show you some problems.

Special Permission: Ability (being a Chi) to not use magic, but sense the magical aura of another. Aka the ability to sense magic in people.
This power does not exist. Please remove this.

  • School: Self Taught in duel-wielding Regalian swords or scimitars. Taught by The Order of Glee to play the Flute in Gleeman style.
You can't use skills that you haven't gained from attending, or having a tutor instruct you in, one of the relevant combat schools. If you wish to have a skill in combat, please check the following link. If you don't wish to replace this, please remove it

https://wiki.massivecraft.com/Combat_Schools
The Gleemen is not a recognized or lore compliant organization. As in, sure they can exist in small scale in your backstory as something involved with your character's lore, but they do not have their own combat or bard school, and therefore you cannot claim skills from them in the way you have.

Skin Color: Pale tan
Pale tan? Is he pale or is he tan?

Body Build: Skinny arms, a "two pack" chest and strong (for a Chi) legs.
Two pack? Simply put the body build of your character from this page: https://wiki.massivecraft.com/Character_Body_Build
To help you out, Chi people can only have a body build as high as toned.


Starry Glass Loong Dragon
A small point, and while yes in your expansion which doesn't really get reviewed, I'd like to point out: If by "Starry Glass" you mean "Starris", you'll have to remove this. Commoners, and really even nobles, do not possess Starris unless obtained through some sort of progression.

  • First Paragraph: Zhou is thought to be Cheery, always with a smile. Off duty, he is never not grinning, and always plays his flute. But on duty, people know him to be thoughtful, stubborn and impatient. He only brings the latter of the three up when he is stressed, however.
  • Second Paragraph: Zhou is confident on the inside when it comes to his music and his job. He has no true fears of much, and does not show fear. But on the inside, he is broken. After the Drownage, he lost much of those he thought as family. On the inside, he boils up his rage against Wulong for the crime they did to him. He views himself as fragile as the Loong Dragon he carries. If dropped, he could shatter into a thousand pieces.
  • Third Paragraph: To lovers, his is a gentleman and a flirter. He definelty does not hide his emotions. To those he trusts closely, he brings everything good out from inside of him. These few people are those that he trusts to talk to about his past, and his rage. Around those he counts as his family, he usually lets go of his emotions, and commonly cries.
  • Fourth Paragraph: Zhou thinks himself as good, but in reality he can be quite cruel. He is (secretly, ooc info) a Chart Martel of House D'Ortonnaise, and goes into the underground of the city quite often. He knows many things people have done and covered up. He tries to fix these things. Before he became a gleeman, the six years of loniness, he killed people he thought were not "good." He was known as "Golden Duel." and killed two to three dozen men and women. He thinks their deaths justice, however.
This is all a problem here, and for the reason of consistency. You say he's broken and fragile on the inside, but for a broken and fragile man, I find it surprising he is just so cheery and confident. It doesn't add up. He has all this rage and anger and sadness, yet is a flirt?

In your fourth paragraph, you spend a lot of time discussing his story and that he's murdered people. Understand this section is detailing his morality, and we're looking for his views on morals, right and wrong, justice, corruption, etc. Also for the record, it's incredibly edgy and slightly outlandish to be assigning 20-30+ murders to your character. I mean, sure you can write that in I suppose, but it seems unbelievable almost.

Talents
  • "Tongue Twister." he has the strong ability to get people to trust him and speak just about anything. He has once had a drink with a man, gotten him to both admit he committed homicide, and plans to commit it again. He is easily able to get under the cracks of a person.
  • Musician: He learned under the last High Gleemaster under than himself, so he has a large musical talent.
  • Quick: he is speedy, making his combat talents quite offensive and agility based. He can outrun almost all of his race, and the occasional Ailor man.
  • Determined: If he thinks something needs to get done, he will do it to the ends of the world needed. He will not stop working until it is finished, which often gets him in trouble, he does more than he needs, going further into a plot than he needs too, ect. (Same as stubborn but different version)
Tongue twister and quick, as you describe, are played off as very powergamey. As in, saying he's able to get anyone to trust him and tell him everything, is a bit out there. The same applies to Quick. As you describe it, he's made out to be literally the fastest Chi in the world, which is god roleplaying. Saying he is quick and agile is one thing, but you can't outright assign your character being the fastest Chi out there inside the talent.

To claim "Musician" as a talent, you'd need to have your character attend the School of Music (https://wiki.massivecraft.com/School_of_Music). Likewise, if you also want Zhou to have attended a combat school as we discussed earlier, he won't be able to ever be above Scholar in the School of Music. I think you're beginning to see a trendline here in that you just can't assign a bunch of talents to your character carte blanche. You can be a bard with combat skill, but you'll never be as good as a full combat character or a full bard character. This is to prevent your character from being overpowered.

As a side note, you need to write at least four or five sentences for each talent.

Weaknesses (OPTIONAL)
  • Stubborn: If he thinks something needs to get done, he will do it to the ends of the world needed. He will not stop working until it is finished, which often gets him in trouble, he does more than he needs, going further into a plot than he needs too, ect. (Same as determined but different version)
  • Secretive of emotions: He does not share his inner emotions, thus making himself sometimes a bottle of rage or sadness, which is not good for anyone's health.
  • Trusting: If you become his friend, he will follow you to the ends of the world. He also wont know if you betray him, making that not so good for politics, his main weakness there. Trust is something he might give out to willingly.
  • Drinking; Due to a traumatic event that happened between Eske Ulfmaerr and his now dead friend, Nick Verrus, who was drunk when he died, and burned alive using Alcohol, he does not drink. Not one drop.
You describe Stubborn as if it's a good thing, which makes the weakness invalid. I'd recommend rewording it so it's described as something more different than being dedicated. Stubborn implies your character doesn't budge on his opinions, he doesn't listen to reason, and doesn't admit he's wrong. Determined means you never stop until you reach your goal, and nothing can shake your path. These two are wildly different, but you describe them as the same.

Secretive of emotions and drinking are all cop out weaknesses. Which means, they aren't really weaknesses. Not drinking alcohol isn't a weakness. An inconvenience sometimes, sure, but not a weakness. Being secretive of your emotions is generally human nature, and not really a valid weakness.

Talented Leader, but not in the position to lead anything but The Order of Glee. Also talented strategist, but these 2 talents are not being used due to him being non noble.
Normally we don't review expansions, but there are inherent issues and compliance problems I have to point out.

You can not give him a talented leader quality in this section, and not in the talents. Furthermore, you cannot make him a talented leader by him not attending any kind of leadership school on the Wiki. And again, if were assigning schools to each talents, you'd be at around 3 or 4, and only being a 23 year old character.

The Order of Glee, to raise him into a gleeman. For five years he was raised normally, not much gleeman education, raised like a normal child. But, at the age of five, The Drowning (Glee Lore) happened. Only nine of the almost five hundred of the Order survived. After that, his training was quickly taken up on the island the nine were stranded upon. He was taught my the High Glee-master herself, and learned by the age of twelve all a typical gleeman knew. He was trained for another five years until he reached the title gleemaster. He learned in these twelve years of constant training to be diligent, and never give up. It sadly taught him to be stubborn, if he didn't get it as well. Due to his early life, everyone trusted everyone, the nine of them at least, he learned to give his full trust to people, a good and, bad trait. At the age of seventeen he was sent off on a raft with the one Ailor in the group to Regalia, to rebirth the order.
What is this Order of Glee? It doesn't exist on the Wiki, and while it's okay to design things like this into a backstory, you are assigning a LOT of fame and power to a guild not recognized by the official lore. This Order of Glee having 500 members is outlandish, and you should probably lower it to somewhere closer to under 50.

Your character is also a commoner, and understand it's a bit out there to say he is learning all of these new talents and skills by a guild that isn't recognized by the canon. I'd strongly advise toning this down.

Over this time, he was mentored by Eragon Zalzar to be a warrior, another traveler coming to Regalia. He learned to duel wield swords, and killed his first man at eighteen. He went on to kill another nine in the next year.
Understand here you are assigning a lot of skill from a tutor without claiming a school. Having very basic knowledge of swinging a sword around is fine, but giving your character high skill with a blade without him having to had conformed to a lore compliant combat school, is not going to fly. You either need to have Zhou be trained in a combat school, or have a tutor from a combat school. Futhermore, Chi are not able to surpass toned body builds, so understand that when selecting a school, if you even do.


I think there a few things you need to take into account when you rewrite this application:

  • You will need to select a relevant school to most talents. Musicians need to go the School of Music if you want that in your talents. Fighters need to go to one of the many combat schools if you want a fighting skill. Leaders need to go to the School of Leadership and learn how to lead. Spies go to the School of Statesmenship and take on the Discipline of Subterfuge. All of these are examples. For Zhou, if you want him to have talents, you need him to have the proper upbringing.
  • As a building-off point, the Order of Glee can't teach him all of this. It's not a recognized organization by lore, and while it's fine to say the small order taught him some lessons in reading and writing, they can't teach him all manners of modern schooling, how to use instruments, and how to fight, all in one.
  • Your character is also very young, and please be aware you will not be able to have him attend multiple schools and graduate from them all by this point. It's also worth nothing many schools bar you from learning other things, such as the School of Leadership barring students from learning Combat Styles, for example.
  • You should strive to be more consistent in Zhou's design. If he's broken on the inside, you need to actually emulate that. Saying he is broken, but yet cheery and flirty, just honestly doesn't make sense.
  • I'd also advise you to tone down the murder. Saying he's killed someone is one thing, but you're repeating it so often and specifying how many people he's killed in his life story. This is very excessive, and quite edgy. While not a contextual issue, I'd recommend just toning it down a bit.
Like I said. This app is going to be rejected. I advise you research up the pages I linked, take a look at some popular character apps, get a better feel for how you want to write this out. When you do, make a new post just like you did for this one. Best of luck!
 
Firstly, I advise you relook at the official Wiki: https://wiki.massivecraft.com/Main_Page and https://wiki.massivecraft.com/New_Roleplayers'_Guide
You have a good start, but the app includes a lot of lore-incompliant issues, which I'll go into more detail of below. It would help you to research a bit. This app is going to be rejected, yet here is a review to show you some problems.


This power does not exist. Please remove this.


You can't use skills that you haven't gained from attending, or having a tutor instruct you in, one of the relevant combat schools. If you wish to have a skill in combat, please check the following link. If you don't wish to replace this, please remove it

https://wiki.massivecraft.com/Combat_Schools
The Gleemen is not a recognized or lore compliant organization. As in, sure they can exist in small scale in your backstory as something involved with your character's lore, but they do not have their own combat or bard school, and therefore you cannot claim skills from them in the way you have.


Pale tan? Is he pale or is he tan?


Two pack? Simply put the body build of your character from this page: https://wiki.massivecraft.com/Character_Body_Build
To help you out, Chi people can only have a body build as high as toned.



A small point, and while yes in your expansion which doesn't really get reviewed, I'd like to point out: If by "Starry Glass" you mean "Starris", you'll have to remove this. Commoners, and really even nobles, do not possess Starris unless obtained through some sort of progression.


This is all a problem here, and for the reason of consistency. You say he's broken and fragile on the inside, but for a broken and fragile man, I find it surprising he is just so cheery and confident. It doesn't add up. He has all this rage and anger and sadness, yet is a flirt?

In your fourth paragraph, you spend a lot of time discussing his story and that he's murdered people. Understand this section is detailing his morality, and we're looking for his views on morals, right and wrong, justice, corruption, etc. Also for the record, it's incredibly edgy and slightly outlandish to be assigning 20-30+ murders to your character. I mean, sure you can write that in I suppose, but it seems unbelievable almost.


Tongue twister and quick, as you describe, are played off as very powergamey. As in, saying he's able to get anyone to trust him and tell him everything, is a bit out there. The same applies to Quick. As you describe it, he's made out to be literally the fastest Chi in the world, which is god roleplaying. Saying he is quick and agile is one thing, but you can't outright assign your character being the fastest Chi out there inside the talent.

To claim "Musician" as a talent, you'd need to have your character attend the School of Music (https://wiki.massivecraft.com/School_of_Music). Likewise, if you also want Zhou to have attended a combat school as we discussed earlier, he won't be able to ever be above Scholar in the School of Music. I think you're beginning to see a trendline here in that you just can't assign a bunch of talents to your character carte blanche. You can be a bard with combat skill, but you'll never be as good as a full combat character or a full bard character. This is to prevent your character from being overpowered.

As a side note, you need to write at least four or five sentences for each talent.


You describe Stubborn as if it's a good thing, which makes the weakness invalid. I'd recommend rewording it so it's described as something more different than being dedicated. Stubborn implies your character doesn't budge on his opinions, he doesn't listen to reason, and doesn't admit he's wrong. Determined means you never stop until you reach your goal, and nothing can shake your path. These two are wildly different, but you describe them as the same.

Secretive of emotions and drinking are all cop out weaknesses. Which means, they aren't really weaknesses. Not drinking alcohol isn't a weakness. An inconvenience sometimes, sure, but not a weakness. Being secretive of your emotions is generally human nature, and not really a valid weakness.


Normally we don't review expansions, but there are inherent issues and compliance problems I have to point out.

You can not give him a talented leader quality in this section, and not in the talents. Furthermore, you cannot make him a talented leader by him not attending any kind of leadership school on the Wiki. And again, if were assigning schools to each talents, you'd be at around 3 or 4, and only being a 23 year old character.


What is this Order of Glee? It doesn't exist on the Wiki, and while it's okay to design things like this into a backstory, you are assigning a LOT of fame and power to a guild not recognized by the official lore. This Order of Glee having 500 members is outlandish, and you should probably lower it to somewhere closer to under 50.

Your character is also a commoner, and understand it's a bit out there to say he is learning all of these new talents and skills by a guild that isn't recognized by the canon. I'd strongly advise toning this down.


Understand here you are assigning a lot of skill from a tutor without claiming a school. Having very basic knowledge of swinging a sword around is fine, but giving your character high skill with a blade without him having to had conformed to a lore compliant combat school, is not going to fly. You either need to have Zhou be trained in a combat school, or have a tutor from a combat school. Futhermore, Chi are not able to surpass toned body builds, so understand that when selecting a school, if you even do.


I think there a few things you need to take into account when you rewrite this application:




    • You will need to select a relevant school to most talents. Musicians need to go the School of Music if you want that in your talents. Fighters need to go to one of the many combat schools if you want a fighting skill. Leaders need to go to the School of Leadership and learn how to lead. Spies go to the School of Statesmenship and take on the Discipline of Subterfuge. All of these are examples. For Zhou, if you want him to have talents, you need him to have the proper upbringing.
    • As a building-off point, the Order of Glee can't teach him all of this. It's not a recognized organization by lore, and while it's fine to say the small order taught him some lessons in reading and writing, they can't teach him all manners of modern schooling, how to use instruments, and how to fight, all in one.
    • Your character is also very young, and please be aware you will not be able to have him attend multiple schools and graduate from them all by this point. It's also worth nothing many schools bar you from learning other things, such as the School of Leadership barring students from learning Combat Styles, for example.
    • You should strive to be more consistent in Zhou's design. If he's broken on the inside, you need to actually emulate that. Saying he is broken, but yet cheery and flirty, just honestly doesn't make sense.
    • I'd also advise you to tone down the murder. Saying he's killed someone is one thing, but you're repeating it so often and specifying how many people he's killed in his life story. This is very excessive, and quite edgy. While not a contextual issue, I'd recommend just toning it down a bit.
Like I said. This app is going to be rejected. I advise you research up the pages I linked, take a look at some popular character apps, get a better feel for how you want to write this out. When you do, make a new post just like you did for this one. Best of luck!
Thanks for the feedback, first character app and wanted to get the feel of the requirements. When I make the next version do I post anew thread or edit this one?