Preserved Sheet Zazar'nham Cri'th

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PresidentePeron

Refugee
Joined
May 8, 2018
Messages
5
Reaction score
2
Points
163
Basic Information

Full Name: Zazar'Nham "Zaz" Cri'th

Alias: Zzalar'Za Seris'tras

Age: 65

Gender: Male

Race: Al-Allar

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Skill Information


Proficiency - 60 (-10 from School of Alchemy) = 50 Proficiency points

+40 Alchemy (+10 from Al-Allar, +10 from School of Alchemy, +20 from Proficiency, )

+20 Medicine (+10 from Al-Allar, +10 from Proficiency)

+10 Quick fingers (+10 from School of Alchemy)

+15 Surgery (+15 from Proficiency)

+5 Black Powder (+5 from Proficiency)

Culture - 60

+30 Stage Performance

+30 Clockwork Engineering

+10 Horticulture (+10 School of Alchemy)

Languages

Zasta (Fluent)

Common (Fluent)

Modern Elven (Fluent)

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Visual Information

Eye Color: Bright yellow

Hair Color: N/A

Hair Style: N/A

Skin Color: Dark Green

Clothing: Dark brown leathery coat, with straps to hold alchemical potions.

Height: 5'5

Body Build: Skinny

Languages

Zasta (Fluent)

Common (Fluent)

Modern Elven (Fluent)

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Personality and Abilities

First Paragraph: The first time one looks at Zazar'Nham the can immediately notice something is off about him. He is always carrying around a wide, unnatural grin on his face, while he is either mumbling to himself or talking very loudly to others and being an overall nuisance. In the first meeting, he's always rude, annoying and just an overall pain to deal with. He takes quite the amusement in deceiving people, which can lead him to put quite a show for anyone new. These can extend from simple, sleight of hand tricks to shows of fake public suicides. Zazar deep down craves attention, this leads him to be constantly shocking others with strange spectacles, which is what can make him loud, bothersome and just a constant nuisance.

Second Paragraph:
Zazar is someone who is greatly cocky, thinking himself to be the genius in almost all situations. He trusts completely in all of his creations, whether in alchemy or in clockwork machinery. He sees himself as one of the greatest minds in Aloria right now. In his failures, he does not see them as his own fault, or a reason to question his ability, but instead minor setbacks or plain bad luck. This shows him as an irresponsible and apathetic character when it comes to his accepting or admitting his short-comings. Despite this, deep inside him there still remains part of that young, hopeful medic.

Third Paragraph: Zazar has very few people he can even be close to consider friends, he doesn't trust anyone, which normally keeps him from forming any actual relationships. He does form business partnerships, and in these he tends to be loyal if the cash is good enough. He may act more serious when it's needed with these partnerships, but he tends to act like he does with strangers, like an overall nuisance, just that with business partners and bosses, he is more opening to listening to what they will say.

Fourth Paragraph: Zaz is someone who's moral compass is pretty much broken. He is fundamentally evil, seeking to cause pain to those that had hurt him, while also making a huge profit to which to indulge himself with. He likes to get in people's nerves, and tends to not discriminate with people for when he should be an asshole or not. Zazar is a corrupt being, tortured and broken by years of suffering. He views misery and destruction as an enjoyable thing, sending him in a laughing fit when it's of his own creation. He tends to not care who is being tortured, even if it's himself, as deep down he believes he deserves that kind of treatment due to all the terrible events he suffered during the Chrysant War.

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Life Story

Zazar'Nham Cri'th wasborn in 241 C, to an unknown female Allar, his egg in the batch was lost due to certain misunderstandings and was found by an Ailorian family. Taken in by two human parents named John and Marie Shepard. The family lived mostly far from any actual civilization, and so Zaz spent much of his early days alone with his family, learning about crops and herbs, and their different uses. His adoptive mother was an alchemist, while his father was a talented Allar Historian, who was also quite eccentric in his ways. They lived a simple farming life, where in their free time, they would spend studying and learning new things.

Thanks to his parent's interest, Zaz managed to learn his species' language and general backstory, while developing his natural skill as an alchemist with his mother. As he became older, Zaz felt an intense need to return to his own people, and as soon as he came of age, he left to join the Essa Empire. In Hadar, Zaz joined the School of Zzariss, where he continued to develop his ability as an alchemist, becoming an accomplished one by his own right.

Fueled by a desire to help his people, he learned medicine and surgery, taking it in as a craft that would help him aid his people better. As soon as the Chrysant War started, he immediately enlisted at the age of 45, as a Medic. During the war, he refused to harm people, thanks to his teaching in the School of Alchemy and his career as an alright medic. He continued to help despite the Allar's situation becoming more dire by the moment.

Finally, after a hard fought battle, Zazar was captured by the Ailor enemies. Since he didn't put up much of a fight, they easily captured him. His captors bullied and abused him, first beginning with brutish treatment, such as bruising and whipping. He was made to craft alchemical creations for them, until the soldiers remembered about the Allar's ability to regenerate limbs. From then on, Zaz would have his fingers cut at first, just for the cruel amusement of these soldiers. They slowly started to take more of his hand, then the whole hand and finally half of his arm. They would mend him after each time, just so they could see the curious process of regeneration over the month.

When the war was over, Zazar was placed in a jail cell until the Allar were granted First Rank Citizenship, but what was left of him was not what had joined the war. Filled with hatred for what had happened to him, and his mind broken from the long moments of pain and suffering he endured, he rejected all what he had been before. He turned to a life of crime, in an effort to give back the pain the Ailor had caused on him, until he deteriorated further through the years, becoming even crazier and crazier. Soon, he started to sell his dangerous alchemical creation for money, and finally for both being a nuisance and money. He continues to work for the highest bidder, and the one who can hopefully deal the most damage.
 
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Player review!
You have 50 points, not 55! Maximum is 60!
You should edit your Alchemy to be
40 Alchemy (+10 Al-Allar, +10 School of Alchemy, +20 Points)
 
Hey @PresidentePeron, welcome.​

First things first before I read your application I have to ask that you reformat it and make it easier to read. Separate your life story into paragraphs, especially.

Tag me back once you do so.
 
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Pfft I was just memeing
3655096.jpg
 
Hello there, @PresidentePeron

There are a number of things that I believe you'll need to change as they either didn't make much sense or weren't lore compliant to Allar history and culture, especially in your character's early age.

For starters,
  • If he'll know Modern Elven, perhaps explaining how he became fluent in it within his life story.

  • Your Personalities section needs to be re-examined. A lot of his traits don't seem to fit, and I don't believe the character will be applicable to roleplay or fit in many situations as it comes off more so a jumbled mess. You should want to pair personality traits and take into account the detriments of a morally depraved character, being crazy just because is shallow. Next time around when writing this section bold & italic two or three traits which fit the subcategory I.E for example in spoiler below from one of my own applications.

    Internally, Zzuassiell always strives for more. His confidence within his skills and actions speak for itself. He will never take accountability or feel regret for failure, simply believe every mistake to be merely a setback. To try and point out his failings or loss would only be met with denial and anxious muttering, the mask of pride he keeps cracking if proven with true logic. Zzuassiell's hubris glows often when stroked, he takes great satisfaction in his work. Though his arrogance may be his undoing.

  • Finally, the Life Story. There is much that needs to be re-thought up here, firstly. If he's nearly 65 years old and served in the Chyrsant War than he was not anywhere near Ailor or wouldn't have been taken in by Ailor. Let alone, if they were living a simple farming life it is highly unlikely they could afford his schooling. To make a bitter villain-esque war veteran from the Chrysant War is a very unique idea that I haven't seen on the server yet, however I find his early life is weak and makes little sense. Even if you were to roll with it, what about the parents- what happened to them? I'd suggest trashing that and coming up with a new origins. Maybe read some other Allar character applications to get a better idea for their early life.
Tag me back after these changes have been met and color them in Teal.