Character Information Full Name: Haoyin Dailang Wu Race: Huo-Chang Sihai Age: 31 Gender: Male Eye Color: Hazel Brown (Indigo) Core Concept Spoiler: Core Concept Dailang is a roguish warrior that continuously seeks power and control to protect those they care for. Caught between serving their Draconist-aligned homeland and Estelley-faithful found family, they try walk a delicate line between serving both and maintaining their loyalty to them. The rogue often offers their services to contractor and kin alike, all in pursuit of some grander aim. Proficiencies 0 STR: Building Scale (Free Pack Sihai) 7 DEX: Cutthroat Target Cutthroat Dodge Cutthroat Backstab Cutthroat Reversal Cutthroat Evasion Escape Artist Soft Landing 2 WIS: Technique Parry (Chem) Chem Purge 5 MAG: Magic Smog Magic Snare Magic Resist Adept Wardrobe (Magical Variant) Adept Shapeshifting (Magical Variant) 0 FAI: Sacred Martyr (Free Pack Sihai) Stats Used: Attack - Dexterity | Defense - Magic Hobbies and Talents: Alchemy Hobby Technology Hobby Medical Hobby Affinity: Phantom Archon Magic (Primal): Smog Shapeshifting Wardrobe Languages Common (Free) Wai-lang: Mother Tongue, native language. Agasi: Learned through translating Suvial scriptures on Avinla, primarily reading and writing. Altalar: Learnt through translating general Estellon scriptures, primarily reading and writing. Natl: Learnt by picking up from comrades and friends, primarily conversational Katharic: Intensively studied, intermediate all around. Appearance Information Dailang is 6 feet, 1 inch tall, and has a lean athletic build with average fat. Their hair is typically dark black, dirtied by soot. Their hairstyle is usually wild and messy, kept contained with a headband. They have a variety of scars from their many scuffles and conflicts, in particular, a large diagonal one across their chest, a circular, irregular one on their neck, and a small vertical one on their back. Finally, their left arm was amputated after a run-in with the law and is replaced with a prosthetic. Life Story Spoiler: Life Story Dailang was adopted by a family of mercenaries in the Southern Kingdom of Huo-Chang, for their original parents died in a bandit raid soon after they were born. Dailang was raised by mercenaries who were passing at the time, given a simple education, and trained in hunting, scouting, and pathfinding. One skill that Dailang lacked was combat, being unable to properly overpower and even take on stronger opponents in fair duels. Thus, Dailang opted to provide support for the company instead, beginning to learn jade tech engineering so that they may craft and upkeep handy appliances. Dailing had a sense of wanderlust that motivated him to explore outside of the Zhong Kingdoms. An opportunity would soon arrive when the mercenaries made plans to immigrate to Regalia and find more opportunities there. As the group landed, they continued their journey onwards by caravan, where Dailang continued to have his skills trained and honed. Unfortunately, as they were traveling, they were beset by a coven of vampires, Dailang was captured along with what mercenary companions remained alive after the attack. Undergoing great hardships during their imprisonment, they eventually found a fellow captive in the form of an Exist Apparition. After convincing Dailang, part through actual reasoning and part through deception, they proceeded to host the Apparition, using its powers to break free. Dailang having barely escaped with his life was now stranded in the middle of nowhere. Forming a contract with the Apparition before bidding them farewell (or at least supposedly), Dailang continued to roam the wilderness, trying to find the promised city. Upon finally finding Regalia, they were fully consumed with grief and unaware of both, the wild chaos of Regalia, and the hidden squatter within their mind. Both would define and influence their attempts to find new kin and create a new life. Dissatisfied and disillusioned, Dailang would have started to train themselves in the more devious arts, using the city as a training ground to hone their skills in roguery and knavery, attempting to further make up for their lack of power. Now craving more power, Dailang would have started to seek more heretical means of strength, pursuing leads and snippets of information to find what they sought. Egged on by the Apparation within, they would have continued their pursuit till they met a cahal. Forming a contract with a Cahal and agreeing to their sanction, they would have taken on their curse, becoming afflicted with cahalism. With renewed strength and zeal, they would have more eagerly begun to take the fight to those that wronged him long ago, all the while seeking more kin. Raid Proficiencies Spoiler: Raid Proficiencies Steady Body (Free Pack Sihai) 6 DEX: Cutthroat Target Cutthroat Dodge Cutthroat Reversal Cutthroat Evasion Cutthroat Flank Escape Artist 5 WIS: Technique Parry (Chem) Chem Mend Chem Cleanse Chem Purge Chem Hyperfocus 3 MAG: Magic Smog Magic Summon Adept Shapeshifting (Magical Variant) 0 FAI: Sacred Martyr (Free Pack Sihai)
I really apologize if there are any cliches or pretty bad detail. This is the first time I have done something like this. I am readily take any criticism
Small thing here. I'd ask that you state that this is Magical Knowledge, with the packs cited alongside, just to keep everything a bit more coherent. Optional information, in general, should be kept in a spoiler to keep the app easier to navigate for others. You can create a spoiler through hitting that plus button on the toolbar! Please include a value out of 10 for how religious the character it. The Life Story here feels ever-so-slightly too short. Please expand upon it some more. Consider elaborating more on why the Sihai left Dexai for Regalia, and where they acquired their other proficiencies. Make these edits in Purple @BluKnight10 and tag me when complete!
@Mollymock I have made the changes you've asked for and added abit more content. Hope this is what you were looking for.
Good day @Mollymock or whoever may review this profile. I've made a couple of small changes after a couple of events that occurred. These changes include proficiency point re arrangement and the addition of magic Thank you for taking the time
The changes have been finalized with my character having 3 magic spells, medical sciences proficiency, a combat buff, a magical knowledge de buff all with an updated story explaining the changes. All changes have been highlighted with purple
Small edit needed here. Please make it cler whether you've invested 12 or 10 in this proficiency. Please state the proficiency cost of these spells with the rest of your proficiencies. Listing it at +10 Sorcery Points should be fine enough. Make these edits in Purple and tag me when complete.
Hello @Mollymock . The major changes I've made include the character's turning into a werebeast and proficiency point allocations. I've also added a few medical tools to my inventory.
You've not answered some of these questions, and some responses are a little short. Please try keep each answer to a minimum of two sentences. Make this edit in Purple and tag me when complete!
@Mollymock , I made the requested edits in Purple. Also, I aged my character 2 points and added those points to the Eastern Unarmed Combat proficiency. I also changed Squad Tactics to Magical Knowledge. I also added more content to the character's questions. Thank you for reviewing application.
@Mollymock , Hello! Added abit more detail to my inventory, aged my character a year, rearranged my profs around, switched out a mutation and added a relationship subsection. Made all changes in Purple.
@Mollymock , Hello! Hou was kidnapped and infected with vampirism. All changes have been made in PURPLE.
@Athelois , changed horticulture profs to ritualism and added a little to fist combat. All changes made in PURPLE
@Athelois , made significant changes which includes prof shuffling, the updating of Hou's werebeastism, the addition of Ritualism, the changing of format for basic alignment information, making Hou a bloodcast and changing as well as adding onto his life story. All changes made in PURPLE
Made minor changes to proficiencies and phys stat, as well as adding fluff to backstory. All changes made in PURPLE. Added additional new language after making necessary changes to backstory to reflect this.
@HydraLana , my apologies for the ping but I was told to bump it up after like- a week or so had passed? So yeah, made some edits and additions to prof points and added some fluff to backstory, all of which are made in PURPLE
Made some aesthetic changes and added a change log to my app to make record of every prof shift that was under 10 points. Hope this makes things easier for y'all in the future!
@HydraLana Massively reworked my character application and it's aesthetics. I decided to soft retcon the taking of Hou's hand because the maim had occured during the 2nd day of me being on massive and me not fully understanding how maim permissions worked and I decided to reverse it. IC reasoning is that it was healed by an Altalar with Ammu Loa's Savings. The rest of the changes are in the changelog found at the bottom of the page, hope it aids you.
Did you speak with the people, individual, or organization behind the loss of the hand before doing this?
I'm going to Re-Approve this but your application has a huge spacing problem I would suggest you try and fix since it makes reading it extremely hard.
@HydraLana , updated my character's profs and swapped out old profs for new. The changes are detailed in the change log at the bottom of the page but to summarize, it was a swapping around of profs and physical stat. All changes made in PURPLE
My Review: I only notice this now, but your three different sets of inventory are unacceptable. While it should just be an aesthetic addition for a character, you have three completely different item arrangements, with some of those items being not at all minor or subtle to possess. You need to remove them from a spoiler, and set out at most, 8 things the character has on their person at a time. They cannot just constantly walk around with everything and the kitchen sink. Unless I'm mistaken, Body Mend I is a power only accessible by the Wyrden Bloodline, and the limb they form for someone is twisted, and Void/natural-inclined. Please update the writing here. If I'm wrong, please point out to me where it is present, but these are the only things that come up when on searches for it on the Wiki: https://wiki.massivecraft.com/index...tle=Special:Search&profile=default&fulltext=1 Why exactly did his bloodcast mentor teach him this specific language when their travels took them across Daen, a region which mainly speaks the Altalar-based language dialects. Kathar-Altalar is used by, well, the Kathar, and there's no mention in the LS of Kathar being a major impact on him, or his Sihai mentor. It's been two months, any updates to the end of his Life Story on where he's been, what he's done? Finally, I'm now making it mandatory: fix the spacing issues of your application. It practically doubles the length. Tag me once you've done all of the needed changes @BluKnight10
@HydraLana All changes have been made and clarified! They have been detailed below and marked in PURPLE on the app Fixed the spacing issue and traded in the image spacers for text ones. Clarified on how Hou regained his left hand. Finished up the Chronicles and listed down the most notable changes in his life. Made it so he had one brief, typical inventory. Swapped out bola combat for metallurgy. I decided against adding a new combat prof and moved to weapon and utility metallurgy instead. Added new blurbs or made small adjustments in back story making the changes make sense.
@HydraLana , updated my character to be inline with the new profs system, as well as making the spacing changes, clarified on how they gained their left hand back, added a chronicle section, made one inventory for him, adjusted backstory, aged him down slightly and made language changes. All in PURPLE and detailed in changelog.
Once again: You have not explained why he knows a Kathar language. You mention no impactful encounters with Kathar in his life story, simply having traveled to Daen and learned about Nelfin Races isn't cause to learn the knowledge of one of the more complicated Races. Either state a proper reason why he knows the Language through the Life Story, or remove it and save yourself the Proficiency points. https://wiki.massivecraft.com/Altalar#Talea.E2.80.99s_Blessings "Talea's Blessings however, only apply to Characters who follow a very strict code of conduct as described below." His left hand being regained still isn't valid. Your character doesn't fulfill two of these three rules just from a cursory examination of the application. You need to either change it so that he never lost the hand, or makes use of Body Mend I as the explanation if you want to keep him symmetrical. We don't allow for grappling onto roofs and running around on them, please remove this from his inventory. Tag me once you have made these edits @BluKnight10
