The azure colored eye would continue to glare outside of the window, slowly closing and getting ready to rest for a while. "How many years has it been by now… 35? Maybe less… maybe more…". She said aloud, though there was no entity close enough to listen to what was uttered, she mumbled from the dry lips. The once so organized mind would finally reach the depths of her own memories, memories which would be hidden away for the year, hidden away in a black colored box; a box created for sadness, madness and for things that should never be remembered.
She drifted off into a long awaited slumber, her body resting in the wooden chair, her breathing turning calmer and her whole body starting to relax. However, the mind found itself filled with the same scenes that had haunted her for the years prior during winter.
The familiar voices flooded through her now vulnerable and unconscious mind, the recurring memories coming back to life: "Sorry, but we have work to do, dear…" and "I can't play with you right now. I need to prepare for the next meeting!". There was not a single year where she wouldn't remember those words, those neglectful, cold and icy words.
"B-But… there is s-snow outside… I want to visit the park wi-" were her words back then, just to be cut off by her father; "I said /No/! Can't you understand that?!". It was still the same memory, for sure, after all she knew what would follow after she said those words. "M-Mommy…", "You have heard your father dear…". Even in her own dream it would feel as if she was back in the cabin, as if she would be young again, hoping for the slightest amount of parental love. Something she could never get, not with money, presents or just by being herself.
Tick, tock, tick, tock. She could remember the clock in her small room, every single ticking sound it made, every single second felt so real in her dream, but she already knew about this. It was like that each time, each time with the same coldness, the same snow falling just by the outside of the windows. It was like the winter itself had decided to return every year, bringing memories back to her which should have been tossed away years ago.
"Why don't they play with me outside… did I do something wrong?" asked her younger self, poking the families owl at the same time, not getting any answer besides from the owls glare. "Young Lady, please, don't poke the owl." were the words which signalled the young girl to turn around, her eyes beaming up to one of the many servants of her family, though his face was not of importance as she was unable to recall it. "...But I am bored… and no one wants to play with me… neither Papa nor Mama….",she was as lonely as ever.
"Young Lady, your parents are really busy. They can't just leave their work undone.", said the servant. "But why not? They will never see the beautiful snow outside… how it shimmers in the sunlight!", was that young girl really so foolish? No, it was the sadness which built up over the years, the sadness to be buried and ignored, even by her own parents. A feeling of being unloved and unwanted.
A hand would be placed on the shoulder of the woman, which would sleep in the chair, her eyes opening after a few tugs. "Eh...mhm...what happened?" were the few word leaving her lips after she was finally awake. "We've been searching for you… and found you asleep in the chair, did something happen?" asked the familiar voice of the man. "O-oh...yes… I just...relaxed a bit…". The woman would straighten up in her seat, just to press herself upwards, asking; "Why were you searching for me?". "It's snowing! So the others want to build a few snowmen… I thought maybe you would like to join us, honey?".
"Of course, I will be outside in a few minutes, you can head out now.". The woman would smile towards the man, following him with her eye as he left the room. She then swivelled around, glancing towards the seat, the warm fire, the shadows at the walls, and the ice roses at the windows. She'd turn towards the exit, walking towards it, just to glance a last time over her shoulder. Her mother and father appearing for the blink of an eye in the empty room, her own widening. A tear built up in her eye, just to splash down onto her hand, her eye following down to inspect the clear drop of liquid, glancing back up after a second. The images of her parents would have been gone, her lips splitting apart; "You've taught me one important thing… to love those dear to someone. Something you two never did.", a smile began to form on her lips once again. "And I am thankful that I learned it… so that I wouldn't fail as you did so often. Auf Nimmerwiedersehen.". The woman stepped outside of the room, joining the other civilians in the Fort to enjoy the fresh snow.
