- Joined
- Mar 11, 2014
- Messages
- 114
- Reaction score
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Hello People,
You have no idea how hard it is for me to write this words and how embaressed I am to find myself in such a situation, but without any further ado, let's start. Some of you may know me from the nick Cyliah, some may not know me at all, which is totally fine, I haven't really been such a great pillar of the community.
I've been playing here for years, although not constantly. I've spent so many beautiful moments here, bonded great friendships, learned a new language that was unknown to me before (english) but mostly I believe this place really helped me out growing. My personality, my identity, everything: what I am today, all of this is thanks to this place. Believe me, I'm not kidding.
Through the years here, I've always had this "something" in my mind. Each year I used to think "this year i will free myself from this weight" although never actually doing it. It was too hard, to confusing: it felt too wrong. Each time I felt like this weight was overtaking me I used to take a pause from Massivecraft as I couldn't bear the sense of guilt towards you all.
Pardon for the lenght of this message, do understand that this is coming from the bottom of my heart, and as such I can't really help myself.
When I signed up here, at the time I was having really really really bad issues with my identity, first of all in terms of gender and sexuality. Everything felt wrong with me and I couldn't find anyplace other than this to feel myself. I created this account and started playing. You treated me so well, I actually felt at home and accepted but even so, I kept lying. I wished I could go back and fix it all, but I'm afraid there's no else thing but taking my responsabilities. I've lied, many times to all of you, and I sincerely apologize.
I'm not making up excuses for myself, I'd only wish to say I didn't mean to hurt anybody or to offend anyone, I just did what I thought was right for me. I felt female and I acted female and didn't find it as a lie. It was just me doing me, but it wasn't. I know this isn't the first time a such thing happens, and for that I feel even more stupid and guilty.
I'm not demanding anything. You don't owe me nothing, yet I can't avoid saying I wish with all my heart your forgiveness and acceptance. Some of you may think I'm a freak who thought it would be cool to be a fake, that I could perhaps find joy in this but the truth, as I've said, is much much different.
Now that I'm done I think it would be appropriate of me to introduce myself.
I'm Julian, I'm 17 and as of now I only wanna sink into the ground.
Thanks for reading and have a Nice Day <3
You have no idea how hard it is for me to write this words and how embaressed I am to find myself in such a situation, but without any further ado, let's start. Some of you may know me from the nick Cyliah, some may not know me at all, which is totally fine, I haven't really been such a great pillar of the community.
I've been playing here for years, although not constantly. I've spent so many beautiful moments here, bonded great friendships, learned a new language that was unknown to me before (english) but mostly I believe this place really helped me out growing. My personality, my identity, everything: what I am today, all of this is thanks to this place. Believe me, I'm not kidding.
Through the years here, I've always had this "something" in my mind. Each year I used to think "this year i will free myself from this weight" although never actually doing it. It was too hard, to confusing: it felt too wrong. Each time I felt like this weight was overtaking me I used to take a pause from Massivecraft as I couldn't bear the sense of guilt towards you all.
Pardon for the lenght of this message, do understand that this is coming from the bottom of my heart, and as such I can't really help myself.
When I signed up here, at the time I was having really really really bad issues with my identity, first of all in terms of gender and sexuality. Everything felt wrong with me and I couldn't find anyplace other than this to feel myself. I created this account and started playing. You treated me so well, I actually felt at home and accepted but even so, I kept lying. I wished I could go back and fix it all, but I'm afraid there's no else thing but taking my responsabilities. I've lied, many times to all of you, and I sincerely apologize.
I'm not making up excuses for myself, I'd only wish to say I didn't mean to hurt anybody or to offend anyone, I just did what I thought was right for me. I felt female and I acted female and didn't find it as a lie. It was just me doing me, but it wasn't. I know this isn't the first time a such thing happens, and for that I feel even more stupid and guilty.
I'm not demanding anything. You don't owe me nothing, yet I can't avoid saying I wish with all my heart your forgiveness and acceptance. Some of you may think I'm a freak who thought it would be cool to be a fake, that I could perhaps find joy in this but the truth, as I've said, is much much different.
Now that I'm done I think it would be appropriate of me to introduce myself.
I'm Julian, I'm 17 and as of now I only wanna sink into the ground.
Thanks for reading and have a Nice Day <3
