Vent Thread For Everyone

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by SpoopMelon, Mar 5, 2018.

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  1. SpoopMelon

    SpoopMelon Persephone

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    I remember long ago, maybe two or so years ago there was a thread I found on here. One where people could talk about their problems, both big and small, they ranged from crushes that people were too scared to approach, to the few who stood up and spoke about their depression. I remember making a post on that thread, talking about the difficulties I was going through at the time. And the outpouring of love I got was amazing, especially that from @Miss_Confined. Most of you probably know her, she's one of the nicest people on this server, she helps those in trouble and is a great friend even when you're fine. That one thread, and her reply had a huge hand in changing my life back to the better. I wanted to make that a possibility for others too. So here it is.

    Note: If you don't want everyone to know whatever you want to vent about, tell me who you do want to know and I'll set up a convo where you can tell them more privately, and I promise that I won't look at it unless you want me to.

    I guess the best way to start this thread is by telling my story? Idk, might as well.
    At the age of three I moved from my birthplace in Edinburgh, Scotland, to Amsterdam, the Netherlands. At the age of four I started in the local preschool and I remember being so alone, so scared. I cried coming into school so many days, but I had an amazing teacher, miss Carry. Every time a child would come in sad or scared they were allowed to sit on her lap during the circle time in the beginning of class.
    I don't remember much, but that I didn't have many friends. I was called English so often. But there's one memory I had that I believe is the first memory I had of being bullied. I was in the little kid's playground and an upperclassman (this school was both a preschool and a primary school) and his brother came up to me so like the scared little girl I was I clambered up the tower that was there. The called me little rapunzel stuck in the tower, and one went to the end of the slide and the other to the bottom of the ladder. I was stuck. I don't know how I got out of that, but I did.
    Skip to a few years later, I had two best friends, Fenna and Femke, we were called the three little 'F's (My name is Fiona) and we were inseparable. I was occasionally bullied, but it was never too bad, it was never physical, only words thrown at me. One year I skipped a grade, for purely educational level reasons. Fenna and Femke stopped hanging out with me so much, it was just the two of them.
    I remember being saddened by hearing them joke about something they'd done just the two of them, but I made new friends. But my bullying got worse. So I escaped to Massive. There I met one person, somebody who's username was that of my favorite mythical figure. We quickly became friends and I started learning of her hardships. Her family wasn't all that supportive of her, and she was thinking of suicide.. I remember one specific day where she sent me a goodbye message, my heart sank, and I decided that I was not going let someone slip off this earth without fighting to keep them here. I pleaded for her not to do it, said everything I could and then..
    Silence. Nothing for two minutes. I cried, I thought I'd failed, but then I got a message "I couldn't do it." I was overjoyed, she was alive. After that we grew apart, but sometimes I still see her log on, and every time I don't see for a month I worry that she might've done it this time.. I doubt she remembers me, but she had a huge impact on me.

    Now, about two and a half years ago I started middle school/high school. I was terrified, but on the very first day I met a girl (at the time) in my class who loved all the same things I did, she loved doctor who, she was a geek like me, and I felt like I belonged for once. She even spoke English. But as the year went on she began suffering more and more from depression and anxiety while she tried to figure out her gender identity and sexuality. I supported her, I was there for her the whole time, but I began feeling more and more payed down. It became harder and harder to be truly happy. So one day we were talking in class and I said "I think I might be depressed." You know what the reply I got was? "It's probably just hormones." I believed her and shut up about it until much later. At that point I'd spoken to my parents about it, both of whom suffer from forms of depression and they said that what I was feeling fit the bill of depression almost exactly. So one day I mentioned it again around her to test the waters, she said "If you're so depressed, just get help." in the most nonchalant way I'd ever heart anyone speak. As if seeking help when you don't even believe you deserve the space you take up in the world is so easy, as if it's like breathing, something we do naturally.
    I started distancing myself from her, who had now figured out they identified as a them. I spoke to my parents and started some minor therapy. But I quit it because I didn't feel I really needed it. Then one day on here I was rejected for a character in a family in a way that hurt me severely. I remember that night crying once I got out of the shower and checking all the pills we had in the bathroom to see if anything was there that would kill me if I took enough of them. I didn't do anything, but I kept the answer in the back of my mind. The answer that one kind of pill we had would cause my body to start to shut down. My suicidal thoughts eventually subsided but my depression grew worse.
    When I went to the US that summer to visit family I stayed in my room most of the time, speaking to my friends on here. But I started self-harming and my suicidal thoughts returned. The longer it went on the worse it got. I never attempted suicide, but I thought about it almost every minute of every hour. I cried every day, I thought I was worthless, that I was nothing, that I didn't deserve all I had, and that nobody would miss me if I passed away. But I watched a video from a youtuber who also suffers from depression, and it was a video on how to seek help for depression if you needed it. So I took her advice. I wrote a note to my parents because I knew I couldn't say it myself without breaking out into unstoppable tears. I gave the note to my mother who then gave it to my father and 10 minutes later they came into my room to talk to me about it. They shared that they'd been through the same things. That next week I went to the doctor to get help from the local youth team that does therapy. I continued with my therapy with my American therapist, but things still only got worse for me. To the point where I had to leave school because I was missing more days than I actually attended. I started on medication and my parents locked up all the pills in the house. I spent every day at home, I cried myself to sleep every night, but as the months went on I began to improve. I transferred to an international school to stop the bullying about me being a foreigner, and on October 31st I went to school for the first day in over half a year.

    I'm still on medication and still in therapy, but I'm doing so much better. I don't go to school full time, instead I only follow a select few classes and have the goal to go to school 4 days a week instead of all 5. I still have dips in my mood, I still have suicidal thoughts, I still cry, I still have moments where I doubt myself. My anxiety is stronger than ever but I'm surviving. I understand that my depression and anxiety are almost certainly chronic, as they've been going on for over two years, but I can handle that. I know I'll never be the girl I was before depression hit. I feel sorry for the past me, the little girl who went from the most happy and bubbly person in her class to an outcast, eating alone each day and never speaking to anyone. Recently I even cut my hair shorter than my shoulders (It used to be down to my butt) to signify that I'm moving on as a person. That I'm not going back to who I used to be, but that I'm a new person.

    Note: I left a couple things out and a few things I left vague to not give people ideas.

    Thank you @Mayaran for helping inspire me to create this thread. Your speech really hit me right in the f e e l s.
     
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  2. Narrju

    Narrju Nari

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    I don't have much problems in my life now. Everything has gotten better after I've made efforts. If you just sit around and expect someone to pull you out of your own misery, then you're expecting wrong and it's not going to happen. You need to stick up for yourself and try.

    The only problem that I can think of right now is my life at school. My grades are fantastic, but I have this "squish" (it's like a crush, but not) on someone who's just downright stunningly gorgeous and such a nice person. I'm very much a people person IRL, and I love surrounding myself with strangers and friends. I like to imagine myself as down-to-earth, talkative, and full of energy when I'm outside.

    HOWEVER, this person makes me freeze and tense up. They're literally 6'4 tall and I'm 5'2. The height difference is so overwhelming to me. I fumble with my words and try to make up conversation on the spot. I always say hi to them whenever they pass by. Sometimes I get so anxious around them that I just shut up and awkwardly stare somewhere else. I'm working on calming down and being more fluid with my behavior, because there's no fun in being quiet.

    I don't want to date them, but I'd love to know them more and be their friend. So there's that.

    Edit: I also gave them flowers on Valentine's Day. Initially, I was too scared to even come up to them in person, and was going to have my friend Maya give it to them for me instead. But @Annju and @Athelois and others gave me courage to personally hand it to them. I've never felt so courageous, and I wouldn't have ever given them the flowers myself if it weren't for the encouragement and love that my friends poured out for me. Mad respect right there.
     
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    #2 Narrju, Mar 5, 2018
    Last edited: Mar 5, 2018
  3. Miss_Confined

    Miss_Confined ❤ Confy ❤ - Mrs. Massivecraft

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    @SpoopMelon Thanks for the feels trip my gosh. I appreciate the mention, but I'm more so glad you're relatively okay compared to when I met you. That's the biggest gift you gave me.

    Since Nari already posted I'll just highlight them here @Narrju is a total sweetheart. I've had the honor and pleasure of being in some form of contact with her for the past 4 years, even if it's just the occasional skype message. When I took a hiatus and was going through a rough time, Nari actually emailed me. We were like penpals, largely because I didn't want anyone to have to see me when I was so sad. I did not cope with the loss of multiple loved ones well.
    Needless to say, Nari has always gone above and beyond in their help to others through every means possible and I am so glad that she was there for me then. I really needed her.

    I know this is a vent thread, but I will just mention. If you have an opportunity to be kind, be kind. Not only will it pay itself back tenfold if you need incentive-- but that other person may remember it forever. If you have a moment to give, or if you have a chance to either give salt or sugar, always choose sugar. It will pay off in the end.
     
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  4. Monteverdi

    Monteverdi no

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    It finally seems I have escaped my past. I was tired of being so ill all the time and my health was deteriorating, so I decided it was time for me to get help. I tried to hide it from my friends, and the people around me. Only ever having told one or two people.
    I sought help, and when it was all said and done I was left scooping up the broken relationships and actions of the past. Nothing quite jarred me worse than speaking to someone I barely spoke to, and he told me how I used to treat him.
    I have done well so far, but my past is still looking over me, and somedays I feel like I have to go back.
     
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  5. HoshiWomp

    HoshiWomp The Wind-Reader

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    I'm just sitting here. A genderless blob in a religious household. I know that my main problems with that whole situation stemmed from keeping it secret from everyone, so just an FYI: Please don't do that. Keeping your sexuality, health problems, eating disorders, and whatever else may be supposedly "wrong" with you, is simply not a good idea. I spent years breaking the gender mold and people just assuming things about me as a person because I could never straight (hah) out tell them the truth about myself. It's the worst feeling when even your close friends and family don't know who you are, so tell them. If they don't try to understand and throw you out like garbage, don't dwell on that. Leave the situation peacefully, find new friends, find people who try to understand you for you. Massive is a pretty great place to start <3

    That aside, hello, I'm Hoshi. I like hedgehogs and my dog. I've struggled for years with my sexuality, heriditary mental health probs, and what not, but I think most recent problem, problem, was when my dad was going through surgery to get a tumor out of his inner ear. It was benign, but if it was left growing it could've snapped his facial, hearing, and balance nerves. So now he's deaf in one ear, which is fine because he already was practically deaf in the other ear. I actually didn't have a rough time with this all after the actual procedure, which was eleven hours of dealing with my grandparents, who hate everything and everyone, while I'm trying to care about my dad and how he's doing. That's probably the worst part about the situation. My grandparents on my dad's side have always been a really nice couple to family and friends, but they're the type of people that could just turn on you at any moment. Almost forcing my brother to get married at like 17? Check. Claiming they had all the knowledge about the surgery and that my dad should've gotten it taken care of when they supposedly said? Check. Are homophobic? Quadruple check. So these guys aren't the nicest folk, but they pay for things sometimes so they use that as a get out of jail free card, I guess. Yeah, I just don't know what to do about them. They're obviously my family, so I'm trying not to flat out hate them. They're not malicious or anything, they just like it their way. They're basically just a cranky old couple. So that's what I needed to get off of my chest. My grandparents are rough? Woo, plot. Thanks for reading my little story. Have a nice day.
     
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  6. Enkiduu

    Enkiduu Looming

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    I'm not good at venting even though sometimes I do so need it. I always felt like I have to be positive all the time and put on a brave face. This is especially more true now as a Staff member where one must uphold an image of positivity and confidence.

    I'll just say that I wish certain people could've been more honest. I wish people could've been more cautious. So much misunderstanding could've been avoided, so much trouble didn't have to have happened.
     
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  7. Heaven_of_ash

    Heaven_of_ash Mouldy Mint

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    I've noticed that people say 'They laugh at everything' and it's received as a insult? I don't understand why that's insulting but I have been called that before. As a child people would say that to me ALL the time and I'd listen, now I'm just bitter all the time and it's irritating.
    Why is laughing at everything a bad thing?
     
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  8. InDogsWeTrust

    InDogsWeTrust sleeping bees Aspirant

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    Often upset
     
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  9. Monteverdi

    Monteverdi no

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    ive been played so many times i can barely count em on my fingers and toes, and a lot of the time, from boys on this server. Shout out to all of you, you know who you are. Wink wonk
     
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  10. Chalapas

    Chalapas I think you look rather, scrumptious.

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    Reserve bc stress stress stress anxiety stress procrastination stress
     
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  11. Heaven_of_ash

    Heaven_of_ash Mouldy Mint

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    OH MY GOD I RELATE SO MUCH TO THIS POST
    Dunno what it is but people think 'Yo I only talk to them over the internet LEMME PLAY THIS PERSON'
     
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  12. MrSpideyPool

    MrSpideyPool cool cat
    1. The Insani Inquisition

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    i just want to sleep all day and idk why
     
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  13. Buckwheat2003

    Buckwheat2003 Plotting Somthing Sinister

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    Because sleep is fun
     
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  14. Heaven_of_ash

    Heaven_of_ash Mouldy Mint

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    I'm like that too, I was especially like that when I first started my Antidepressants.
    Is it because you're tired or because you just don't want to see people?
    Don't have to answer btw, just asking :>
     
  15. MrSpideyPool

    MrSpideyPool cool cat
    1. The Insani Inquisition

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    I'm always tired as fuc, but I also don't like talking to people so both lol.
     
  16. Heaven_of_ash

    Heaven_of_ash Mouldy Mint

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    Do you eat much red meats?
     
  17. MrSpideyPool

    MrSpideyPool cool cat
    1. The Insani Inquisition

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    nope. i dont eat much meat at all tbh. i kinda think i know why i sleep all day but it still fgucking annoys me >:(
     
  18. Heaven_of_ash

    Heaven_of_ash Mouldy Mint

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    That might be why
    Iron and Zinc deficiencies can result in lower energy levels
     
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  19. Nitesho

    Nitesho Ecclesiastes 3:1-14

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    tl;dr
     
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  20. Monteverdi

    Monteverdi no

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    Far be it for me to think some don't have souls. Then again, im sure atleast three were sociopaths.
     
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  21. NoRezForYou

    NoRezForYou The Roll God Prophet

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    Here I will share the events of a year. My story has no inspirational ending. It has no amazing finally. It's merely a factor of my life that has made me the person I am. I may dabble in other things depending on my rant.

    I've never done something like this but it's going to be filled with utter honesty so I would hope that if you are to read this you accept the fact that there is mature content involved.
    Read at your own discretion.

    (After 'finnishing the 'vent')

    The 'vent' is unfinished simply because I feel there's no point giving off every issue I had-- And I spent a lot of time in the start putting in way to much detail but I just thought I might as well post it since I've spent all this time writing it.

    So if you wanna read the broken--Rambly completely useless block of information-- Feel free to. If anyone wants to know every little detail-- Idk what to tell you.

    Sorry that my rant sucks and makes little sense. I don't do this often.

    I'm Ryan though most call me either Rez or roll. A few weeks ago was the anniversary of when my entire life got tipped upside down and I became the self-loathing, self-destructive individual I am today.
    Last year was the year I left school and came to the heavy realization that life is hard and I am an extremely incapable individual.

    I went from school to Tafe (Collage) and I no longer had anyone to hold my hand. At the time my mother and I were extremely volatile to each other... I have my mothers short fuse and level of stubbornness so we were and sometimes still can be two bulls in a pit. And due to my father's job, ever since I was little he'd be gone two weeks and only home for one... So with no middle ground as I developed as a person... Things got icky.

    February was a breaking point for me. The moment I confessed that I was never coming back to school I really got to see who my real friends were. There was three of them, me, my self and I. None of my 'friends' would ever make an effort to contact me and that hit me hard. My only venting sauce was my aunt who I till this day refuse to talk to.

    This woman was having a fight that I was unaware of with my mother and so I was being played a pawn by her because she only listened to me because she knew it hurt my mum when I'd leave the house to stay with her after a fight.

    Turns out that woman spun lies on how I raped her 8-year-old girl to everyone who'd lend an ear... But did her behavior change with me? No. her and I still got along even after accusing me of such a disgusting, vile act behind my back... But I fall off my topic.

    We reach a certain day where I am at my lowest. My friends hate me, my mother and I had a spit. My closest relative and friend betrayed me and I felt I had nothing. That day I left my house, bought 100 pills of panadol and hid them in my bag, coming home and trapping my self in my room.

    Conveniently enough, my mother had a meeting the same night and left me alone to watch my siblings. So I watched them, played with them looked after them etc and enjoyed the moments I thought to be my last with them. When I put them to bed, I wrote up a note saying "Do not enter." And stuck it to my door.

    I took a couple dozen tablets of panadol and sleeping pills. The plan would be should the Sleeping pills not kill me the panadol would destroy my liver and that'll kill me eventually in a horribly painful fashion.

    I had time to kill so I sat on my phone, laying in bed and I talked to a friend. We talked for a while-- Eventually, I confess what I did and she instantly called me and she screamed at me begging me to help my self etc both of us in tears.

    Moments later my mother came home-- A bunch of dramatic moments of me holding a door shut but eventually, I let her in. I've never wailed and cried so much and so loud in my life. An ambulance was called and obviously, I'm here today.

    To time skip forward, I lightly reconnected my self with some of my friends and life was running smoothly... Until me and my mother spat at each other again and I ended up leaving/getting kicked out of home. I had no place to go so I couch hopped for a month between friends until one of those friends said I could probs live with his girlfriend... And that's exactly what ended up doing. I was going to tafe, living with this Asian family being the only white boy in the house-- And everything was great! I was having the time of my life.

    Well, so I thought. The family was into heavy substance abuse and over time that rubbed off on me. I eventually became this self-destructive ball, pushing away my closest friends and mixing with the wrong crowd. I hated reality and this was my escape.

    This is getting a little to colorful so I'm just going to end it with-- I did things I shouldn't of. I got in fights, a mentally abusive relationship that was completely sex orientated, I did constant substance abuse but stopped when I relised that it could get my adopted brother taken away from us and-- I just had one cluster of a year. Sorry to cut it off short but I feel that there's no real reason to go into more detail about stuff people don't wanna read-- Anyway.

    I'm someone who has little to no reason to be depressed and yet I am. Whoop.
    I fucked up an entire year of my life..
    Right now I'm going sober and trying to recollect my life where I left off!
    And I'm just trying to be a better person. Yeah.

    Mum always wanted me to go to an anonymous meeting thing so I guess this is at least something close to it.
    Thanks for reading I guess?

    Uh.. Little shout out to
    @LlamaDelBae @Ruby_Raptor @BirthFather @Miss_Confined @Eronoc @PrettyMuchAllMyMassiveFriends
    For just being people who have helped me a lot-- I don't express it enough to some of them that they've done a lot much for me that means more than some will ever know... And yeah.. They're great people. And Uh... Without some of them, who knows how I'd be right now?​
     
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    #21 NoRezForYou, Mar 9, 2018
    Last edited: Mar 9, 2018
  22. Erzly

    Erzly Artsonist
    1. º • Ann's Secret Base • º

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    I too find this annoying. I laugh at everything because i’m an idiot, my sense of humour is everyone’s sense of humour, but being told i laugh so much is really discouraging. why am i being discouraged for laughing? don’t you want to feel like a comedian? don’t understand it and don’t like it.
     
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  23. Heaven_of_ash

    Heaven_of_ash Mouldy Mint

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    It's incredibly irritating. Why is it bad that I laugh? Why is it bad that I'm amused by most things? I do not understandddd
    And now I'm so scared to laugh because what if someone says that to me? What if it's weird?
     
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  24. openpit

    openpit Not moving, definitely not a corpse

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    1. Street power comes back, generator shuts off. Somehow, we lose power.
    2. Street power goes off, the generator comes back. We get power and internet back.
    3. Internet goes out.
    4. Street power goes out.

    Fuck you National Grid
     
  25. openpit

    openpit Not moving, definitely not a corpse

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    There are even worse stories on dating websites where there are throwaway accounts.
     
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  26. Monteverdi

    Monteverdi no

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    Imagine defending someone, and trying your best to help them improve, only to be manipulated when you're at your lowest point and treated like a fool. Investing all my time into a friendship, only to be used and discarded.
     
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  27. Jalapeno690

    Jalapeno690 Any vodka??

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    I’m a cow
     
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  28. MokeDuck

    MokeDuck Hail the duckfather!
    1. The Glorious Kingdom of Celetil

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    ok, I need to vent this... 2018-03-10_18.46.59.png
    literally every time I right-click my axe or say any command or chat message it says I need an empty slot... twice
     
  29. InDogsWeTrust

    InDogsWeTrust sleeping bees Aspirant

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    today was the worst day in a long flipping time
     
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  30. lizman1000

    lizman1000 Darkest Dungeon Fanatic

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    I'm sorry ilu
     
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  31. Heaven_of_ash

    Heaven_of_ash Mouldy Mint

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    I don't know how to ask the people I know in person for help and I'm starting to think I need it.
     
  32. InDogsWeTrust

    InDogsWeTrust sleeping bees Aspirant

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    Sometimes it helps to start with a cliché. It just makes things easier to articulate.

    For example:

    “I don’t feel good.”

    ‘What’s wrong?’

    “I’m sad a lot. I’m always tired. I think I need to see a doctor.”

    ‘Okay. You’re sure?’

    “Yeah.”

    Be assertive about what’s wrong. If someone asks you if it might be a passing thing, tell them it’s not. Have a goal in mind when entering the conversation. A good start is getting to your primary care physician. They can recommend specialists and help get you on the path to treatment. I’m speaking personally from experience with depression. This works similarly for other mental health conditions, and even non-medical issues.

    TL;DR

    Go into the conversation with a goal in mind.
     
    • Thank You! Thank You! x 1
  33. SpoopMelon

    SpoopMelon Persephone

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    i revive it
     
    • Friendly Friendly x 1
  34. Buckwheat2003

    Buckwheat2003 Plotting Somthing Sinister

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    Ok
     
  35. Chalapas

    Chalapas I think you look rather, scrumptious.

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    im craving chocolate donuts
    its a real issue
     
  36. SpoopMelon

    SpoopMelon Persephone

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    So. I was in a relationship for like,, nearly a year. He was Irish and I met him at Vidcon EU and it was an ldr. When the relationship first started he constantly asked me for pictures of myself that I am not comfortable with, and I told him that, but he continued asking for them and pressuring me so sometimes I gave in to make him stop. Then we kinda stopped talking all that often for a few months while I was getting back to school and dealing with my last stretch of therapy. We started talking again and I still really liked him, but he was a bit too needy for me, it stressed me out. Then maybe a month ago I relapsed with my selfharm and I texted him telling him. He asked me if I'd told my parents, I had, so I said yes.

    Important thing to mention: I'm atheist. He's christian.

    He sent me a bible verse. HE SENT ME A FRICKIN BIBLE VERSE WHEN I WAS IN A VERY SENSITIVE STATE. I said it didn't help, so he sent me another one. I tried to remind him that IM NOT RELIGIOUS. And he promptly sent me another bible verse and asked 'what do you want god to say to you right now?' I told him I didn't want god to say anything to me and for him to stop or I'd break up with him. He said 'I can't stop being christian' and 'In church we're taught to make disciples of all the nations'. I told him to f*ck off and that we were over and he asked if we could still be friends, I said no. Thankfully I haven't spoken to him since!
     
    #36 SpoopMelon, May 3, 2018
    Last edited: May 3, 2018
  37. Monteverdi

    Monteverdi no

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    i am running low on energy, psychologically. work is getting difficult, and i have very little fuel. im just hoping i dont push myself to depression
     
    • Agree Agree x 1
  38. aprader1

    aprader1 Insert amazing title here

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    This isn’t that big of deal but...
    My freaking sprite bottle won’t open and I really wanted a drink... this sounds minor but it’s really FREAKING ANNOYING
     
  39. Chalapas

    Chalapas I think you look rather, scrumptious.

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    Never feel pressured to do something you don't wanna do. I'll kick his a,ss for you, that disgusting POS. R E S P E C T he needs to learn it.
     
    • Agree Agree x 2
  40. AtticCat

    AtticCat Dolittle's Favorite
    1. The Insani Inquisition

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    I get mad too much, there's a lot of tension in my house.
    I want my brother to move out since he's causing it all.
     
    • Cuddles! Cuddles! x 1
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