Theme Torlian Krakaine - The Gutter Runner Character Information Name: Torlian Krakaine Moon Race: Half-Fin’ullen (Half-Velheim Ailor) Age: 40 Born Sex: Male Gender: Male (He/Him) Sexuality: Bicurious Eye Colour: Light Blue Core Concept Idea: Torlian isn’t the smartest man ever, but he is a survivalist. Ever since youth he has done what he needed to in order to survive, no matter how wicked, and nowadays he is not so different, always working to that same goal of survival, but now also to thrive, no matter who he has to beat down to get what he can. But the main problem with this is that he is a very easily riled and emotional man, not taking shit about him or his. But, in some ways that makes him a better person, as when he aligns with one goal, one group or person he will go out of his way to defend and fight for them most of the time. Faith: Torlian is mainly agnostic, letting Gods and Priests be themselves as long as they aren’t trying to force their religions onto others, or going on rampant crusades against anyone that isn’t like them. Even still he has respect for Nÿalu, due to his and his mothers Ngāti-Moana lineage, as well as to Estelley and Baskaar due to his lost fiance's Sihndar lineage and pact. Also he shows some respect to the Fornoss pantheon as well, despite his fathers cruelty. At the end of the day though he hopes that, when he does finally kick the bucket, he will see Rena, his mother, and the rest of his lost friends again wherever they are. Appearance Information Mutations, Scars, Tattoos and Unique Features: Likely Torlain’s most notable scar is the one running down his face, leading to his missing eye, taken by the guards of Regalia long ago. This however is covered by an eyepatch at all times. Other than that he has tonnes of scars from all manners of creature, environmental attack and general strikes from people. General Appearance: Torlian has long black hair, tanned skin, dark green eyes and a well muscled, if more athletic, physique, with his 6 foot tall form and broad shoulders making him seem more imposing than he actually is. Torlian is often covered in lots of darker colours like browns, soiled whites, greys and blacks, often wearing lots of leather as well. He often also wears hoods and goggles as well, especially when in the sewers where anything can happen. Sometimes his leather clothes also have studs and spikes applied, as well as being thickened into semi-plates, both to help him punch, kick and stamp holes into those he is fighting, but also to give him armour (most obviously) and help him to climb. When summoning his weapon, it always looks like a Sihndar Khoptar, more specifically the weapon of his fiance. Alternative Forms: When underwater, Torlain’s skin turns a slight purple colour and he gains gills, webbed hands and feet, as well as coral horns that come from his head. His hair also gains a silvery white complexion, and flows around like water. Proficiencies Combat Style - Rogue Languages: - Common - Altalar (from his mother) - Sinnayed (from his wife and wife's family) - Ibeth (from his wife and wife's family) Hobbies and Talents: - Athletic Strength: 3 - Technique Parry Pack - Dismount - Steady Body Pack Constitution: 6 - Shield Block - Thick Hide - Debuff Endurance - Rage Counter - Breather - Bulwark - Rebound Pack (Fin’ullen) Wisdom: 0 Intelligence: 0 - Oceanic Adaptation (Fin’ullen) Dexterity: 5 - Fleet Footed - Hook Shot - Soft Landing - Sharp Reflexes - Escape Artist Faith: 0 Magic: 0 Backstory Birth Years: Torlian was born in Crookback to a butcher and Fin’ullen woman of meagre means and hard life, but they were happy at the time, and happier still to have a child on the way. Torlian’s birth spelled his mothers end however, which broke his father and left him often on his own, when not being scolded by the man who blamed him for his mothers death, even at that young age. He saw him as a leech, and the reason for his worsening financial issues as the years went on. Childhood Years: As the years stretched on, and he became an active child, he already hated his father, often rushing off into the streets to rob and steal, and going below into the sewers to hide away from the guard. Of course, whenever he returned home he received a beating from his father, and was forced to work the butchery the rest of the time. Torlian’s only solace at home was reading his mothers diary, who spoke of Torlian so fondly, despite him not even being born, often calling him “Her Moon”. Teenage Years: In his teenage years however things fell apart after he got caught one to many times, with things coming to a head when he got into a fight with a noble's son, who Torlian beat to a pulp. Torlian was caught and punished by the guards, with his father receiving his hefty fine on top of Torlian’s beating. This fine, the judgement of his peers and his business practically in the grave finally broke Torlian’s fathers mind, who then planned to kill his son. He attacked his son with a butchers knife, but Torlian managed to hold his own, accidentally throwing his father through a window to his death. Early Adult Years: Going into his adulthood, Torlian was forced to beg, steal, burgle and beat to survive and earn any regals he would need to keep going. His luck seemed to be turning around when he briefly was part of a bandit gang on the Archipelago (a group called the Cutters), but, of course, things went bad once again, as he was captured, and forced to give up his fellow bandits location for his own life, being beaten again, losing his eye, and serving long jail time before finally being freed right where he started. Later Adult Years: After this however, he was caught up in the Dragon Crisis, joining the fight against the Arken as a mercenary in some attempt to earn coin, but also to defend the city where his mother had settled. It was during this time he met his fiance, Renalia Sophia, with the two hitting it off and Torlian becoming a step-father to little Lief, which made him want to turn his life around and be a better man. But after Rena’s execution, he reverted back into the cynical, bitter and crime-drawn man once more. Regalia: Going forward he spent the following years in Drowda with his step-son and his fiance’s family. Rena’s family saw him for what he was becoming during this time, and gave him the warning to leave before he got Lief hurt with his recklessness and anger. Understanding what they meant, and not wanting to hurt his step-son like his father had him, he left and returned to Regalia, with nowhere else to go.
Hi, sunshine! Sorry for the wait. I'd suggest plugging in your application to an editing software such as grammarly or something similar. You have a few typos and grammatical errors throughout your app. For sake of ease of reading, break up some of the paragraphs in your life story so it's not quite so wall-of-text. I'd like you to focus more on how he treats his friends and loved ones in the third paragraph of your personality breakdown rather than focusing on his hatred for his step-father or what he would do if someone were to mess with his family. In your fourth paragraph, focus more on his morality. What would he do in a life or death situation, what would he do if he saw someone being mugged in an alleyway, etc. Make these changes in blue and tag me when you're done!
SORRY ABOUT THE GRAMMAR AND SPELLING MISTAKES! Not good at writing haha. Anyway I have made some changes.
Hey there! Quick review. Given its been so long, you probably could've put it up for "Needs Reviewer" as well. What is the other half of Torlian? Regal Ailor? Teledden? Simply add whatever this is next to what you have currently, and indicate that Torlian is Fin'ullen dominant by putting [Half-Fin'ullen] in brackets like this. I might also consider updating the name to fit with Fin'ullen naming customs a bit more, or perhaps with the naming customs of whoever Torlian's father is, but doing so is ultimately up to you. Do you mean the Parkour Pack? The contents of this life story look fine. I'm only going to suggest that you place what you currently have in an [Expanded Life Story] Spoiler, and add a shortened version that falls a little closer in line to the shorter bullet points talked about on the Character Application Template. @Tag me once you've made your changes!
I've shrunk the backstory, added the big about the other half of his ancestry and changed acrobatics to parkour back
