To Commit Oneself Often, I have reflected and considered the validity of my life and my past associations, whether I should change my ways in any way others might find meaningful. I have, and likely will continue to do so, but there is a nagging in my mind every time, considerations to be made, the underlying problem of change. Change is natural and let none illude you otherwise, but we civilized peoples are above nature in many ways. While improvements of the mind and adaptation certainly find their origin in the animals around us, they lack the abstract concepts of currency, culture, politics, laws, religion, and effects of more critical thinking; we damn those that reject these as brutes, savages, animals. One might make the argument that these things do change over time; currency changes hands, the political battlefield flows like water, wars are won and lost, people fall in and out of faith, but the concepts remain. In understanding these courses of nature, one should not fall prey to them and, much like all we have created, be a changing and formless thing. Can a person who never makes a promise be trusted? They are bound to nothing, and have sworn no oath or dedication; a person like this lacks foundation. In the most extreme of cases, they would go out of their way to break obligations, simply for their doctrine of change. I do not argue for one to stubbornly resist all innovations, all epiphanies, all ideas and dreams, but there must be something, as a life of pure change is untenable by its very nature. What do you hold that is worth dying for? Is there any cause you would lay down your life for, and what good would that be if it changed later in your life? If it is not an idea you would hold for the rest of your life, why die for it then and there? For the unfortunate who would respond ‘nothing’, then I pose the opposite: what is worth living for? If you truly hold nothing so precious, so dear as to go on day after day, why go on at all? If you hope that some day you will run into something you cherish, who is to say what you find will be something you cherish for the rest of your life? Who’s to say you will find it at all? My advice, then, is to choose. We are creatures of strong minds, capable of creating these ideas, so choose. And beyond choosing, hold yourself to it, because no one else will. Justice, honesty, will, give them your own meaning, something you would live and die for, and with good reason. One’s individual happiness is not a good reason, however. Happiness is derived from no concrete thing, and what one does to make themselves happy will grow boring eventually and need to be changed; there is no dedication there. Instead, one can find longer lasting happiness from their dedication, like a worker to their craft, a musician to their art, a holy man to his faith. There is a deeper happiness to be had in establishing oneself, knowing what they stand for, having a reason and a purpose to live for. Brief happiness achieves none of this. There is no freedom in a life seeking only happiness. When one seeks what makes them happy, they do not lead but are, rather, led. Primitive desires are entirely basic, the same any rat or squirrel or deer could achieve; they desire it, and therefore seek it to sate their lust for contentedness. When one chooses to not commit themselves to anything, they rob themselves of the opportunity to delve deep into greater joys of life, such as marriage, friendships, our work and hobbies. There is no need for thought in seeking happiness; babes seeking comfort amidst their mothers, lovers are often at a loss for words gazing upon their intended. I certainly do not mean these types of happiness are bad, only that they cannot be committed to because they cannot be planned for. If one builds a life for themselves, these moments of happiness will find their way easier. And beyond just happiness, there can be satisfaction in suffering for one’s commitments. People who have made these sacrifices for their commitments are praised as great heroes; fallen guardsmen and generals, holy figures, political minds, explorers, even the great Emperors of the past faced hardships and pushed through. The struggles one faces in their life may not be rewarded while they live but lays an unshakeable foundation for what is to come. Glory in the field paved the way of my own family; through the rain of arrows, stories of his comrades say, my father sang as they marched, all the way to the enemy’s spear wall. They claim to have heard him the entire battle, unknowing he was one of the first to fall. Victory came that day, despite him coming home on his shield. But he knew what he was leaving; his daughters did not sit idle, his lands were safe, his name lived on, and I cannot imagine him any other way than singing before the Gods, regaling them with his saga, soldi unshaken. Or he could be silent, the contrasting alternative, but just as powerful. For a person seeking immediate happiness, silence and idleness is a cancer; reflection does them no good, because they think back to times they were experiencing happiness and have only the immediate moment of idleness to compare it to, or other times in their past that they were happy. Sitting in silence, doing nothing, to someone seeking such base pleasure is uncomfortable to begin with, then depressing, then enraging- this does not affect someone committed and holding themselves to their self-made, ethical choice. Reflection to someone committed is looking back on the person who made choices, who stood for something, leading to them now, and looking forward to the future. What kind of person is someone who only seeks immediate happiness? If that is all they desire, they hold nothing of value for any length of time that could not simply be tempted away for their amusement. They are, in a sense, formless, ever-changing, inconsistent, arbitrary. It is a sign of despair when a person does not know who they are and what do to with themselves, a despair we all feel at times as we try to balance the various aspects of our lives. If everything were to come and go from our lies constantly, we would feel no sense of control or meaning. Nowhere is home, no one is precious, nothing matters; despair thrives in a life that holds on to nothing, but as soon as one begins a commitment, as soon as they lay a foundation, there is comfort, a shelter from despair. If you have someone to cherish, a home to go to, ideas to hold yourself to, then the world has some stability for you, something to stand on while everything else changes. So what do you live for, if the thing you had to ground yourself, your foundation, your commitment, is uprooted, even briefly? Change, like I said, is inevitable, and this has not changed even with all my ramblings. There are things in this world that only you understand, perhaps something you made, the specific relationship you had is unchanged. Your house may burn down, but it will never cease to be a home you had, a war lost is still something you fought, an inner demon is still a battle you waged, and no one will understand the significance and effects it had upon you like you do. This is what makes you a person, holding onto one’s commitments, even as they change, rather than holding on to nothing. Here, then, is my quandary: should I change, or should I stick to my guns? If change is natural, and if I may be wrong, then I should change. If I am committed, then I should remain steadfast. Either or, I feel I’ve betrayed myself; I live with the regret constantly, unable to comprehend where I stand besides the foundation laid. But the question remains: change or not? ~Kaya Akersdottir Sorenvik Jarless of Billund
