Preserved Sheet (--) Theo Lièvremont (--)

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dboy_101

Matthias Heinrich - The Old Man
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Name: Theo Lièvremont
Age: 28
Gender: Male
Race: Ailor (Champagnard Ithanian)
Main Ambition: To live out a happy life, protecting his beliefs.
Special Permissions: Warrior-School of Turall
Theo has been living in regalia for 4 years, mostly working as a hired mercenary. He currently does not own a house, normally seeking refuge in the base of his mercenary group until recently when he left his mercenary life behind to pursue his newfound faith in Unionism.
He was born on a small vineyard in central Ithania to the two owners of the establishment. Theo was (and still is) an only child due his mother dying while pregnant with another litter of children. Not much is known about Theo's extended family apart from his uncle being in close contact with his father.
School: School of Turall
Level: Warrior
Source:
Theo was trained for a young age to fight by a private tutor, hired by his father during a spell of many years of plentiful harvests in which his father gained a small fortune. This training went on for 5 years until the mentor had nothing left to teach the boy, who was now 15.
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Visual Information:
Eye Colour: Emerald Green
Hair Colour: Jet Black
Hair Style: Combed over to the left with a slight parting in the centre.
Skin Colour: Fair

Clothing: His left arm is heavily armoured, essentially serving as a shield when in combat. Meanwhile his right arm only has a single pauldron protecting his shoulder. A blue cloth drapes down from his left shoulder simply for aesthetic effect. He wears a white cloth shirt under all of this. His legs are exposed to hits due to the lack of protection on them, only wearing trousers and an ornate belt. A dagger given to him by his tutor is sheathed to his lower right leg, with a single small pouch attatched to the belt.
Height: 5 foot 10 inches
Body Build: Toned
Weapon of choice: A shortsword crafted by his uncle, the hilt is complicated and ornate with a pommel stone Theo himself picked up while adventuring as a child. The blade has a grape vine engraved into it to remind him of his father's vineyard.
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Personality and Abilities:
Personality Traits:
(+) Honest - Theo considers himelf truthful, however sometimes he is too honest.He would only be dishonest to protect those he loves and cares about, and those worthy of protection. The death of his mother reinforced his honesty, it caused him to vow to be virtuous and genuine out of respect for his mother's principal belief, that honesty is the best policy. His honest etiquette and approach makes him easy to talk to about problems as he will rarely lie to someone, just to make them feel better. Therefore, despite his honesty sometimes being viewed as offensive and critical, it is more often viewed in a good aspect, being one of his more defining traits. It also enhances the effect that his morals and beliefs have on his everyday life and other people.
(+) Loyal - Theo is considered as the most loyal person they know by the majority of his friends. His loyalty is extremely important to him in that it defines him as a person. His father taught him to be loyal from a young age, constantly reminding of Theo of his success due to his loyalty to his friend, Ronaldo, who paid for the vineyard. His loyalty makes him a good friend to all who are repay the loyalty, and hell to anyone who doesn't. His recent interest in Unionism has enhanced his loyalty due to him now being loyal to the religion and anyone who believes in it.
(=)Adventurous - Theo showed interest in the unknown from a young age, frequently adventuring and finding new areas in and around the vineyard. This is a trait that still sticks with him now, constantly wanting something new. He gets a thrill out of adventuring that no other activity can provide. No one knows from whom he inherits this trait from but it plays an important part in the structure of his personality, acting as a foundation for everything else.
(=)Polite - Theo refuses to look down on anyone, no matter their race or gender. This doesn't mean he believes in equality for all, however. Due to his unionist beliefs he believes in the superiority of the Ailor race. Though, on the contrary, he does not believe in expressing racist beliefs in public just to cause trouble. Although this trait takes a back seat in his personality, it is still there and shows it's face every so often.
(-) Perfectionist - Theo is renowned within his friend groups for being a perfectionist. This is, quite frankly, the most annoying and aggravating trait that Theo allows to surface, only on occasion. Although it doesn't show very often, when it does it aggravates many people. This comes from his mother when he was young, she had to have everything in the right place and so drilled this into him to try to stop him from misplacing items.
(-)Impulsive - Theo tends to jump into fights when pressure is put on him. If he is stuck in a corner, he will get out of it as soon as he can, even if it means doing something stupid without thinking. No one knows where he inherits this from however it is suspected that it is from a childhood experience.

Strengths:
(+)Agile - Due to his tutor specialising in quick fighting, Theo is very agile when he is fighting. Although Theo isn't particularly strong, he makes up for it in his speed and agility. Many fights have been won because of people underestimating him as he doesn't look strong yet when it comes down to it, strength isn't everything. The length and weight of his weapons reflect and enhance his agility as they are both light and relatively short. Some compare his speed and agility to a Jungle Stalker, being able to outwit his opponents with swift and powerful movements.
(+)Intelligent - He might not look it but Theo is reasonably smart (for a commoner, that is). He was educated by his father and later tutored by the same man who taught him to fight. He often outwits his opponents with smart footwork and well thought out tactics. His intelligence paired with his agility and speed makes him deadly.
(+)Brave - Theo does not fear anything other than the void, which he believes will lead to the inevitable end of Aloria. This could be seen as both a blessing and a curse, if he underestimates his opponents it could lead to his death. Theo himself, however, sees it as a blessing. If he doesn't fear anything it makes life more pleasing. It opens endless possibilities.
Weaknesses:
(-)Blind in his right eye - On his journey to Regalia, Theo was ambushed by bandits. He managed to fight them off but not without obtaining some injuries. He is blind in his right eye and has a scar both there and on his back from where the bandits injured him. Due to this, his depth perception is completely off, causing him to have a problem with large blades, sometimes underestimating the length or lethality of a weapon. This also causes him to fall short of some attempts at a strike.
(-)Drinking Problem - After the traumatic events of his life, Theo confided in alcohol, specifically ale. Drinking often causes him to do stupid things, causing unnecessary disputes and saying things he does not necessarily mean. This could be lethal as it also causes his ability to fight to decline. Theo tends to be drunk more than he is sober, visiting the tavern at least 2 times per day. He relies on alcohol as a way to escape the stress of his everyday life.
(-)Fear of Magic - Virtually the only fear he has, Theo has a serious phobia of magic. In his mind, it's the only thing that can cause pain, not only for the rest of your life, but in the afterlife too. He tries to stay away from magic because of this. This is due to his aunt using void magic when he was young. She later got possessed and almost killed his uncle. This did happen before Theo was born but he later saw the scars it left on his uncle, both mentally and physically. This paired with his uncle drilling the fear into him caused Theo to have a genuine, life-long, fear of the void.
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Life Story:
Childhood (0-13):
Theo's childhood was full of adventure, excitement, and fun. His parents were the proud owners of a vineyard in central Ithania, far away from any big villages or any civilisation at all.
His parents were a strange case, choosing not to believe in Unionism and instead choosing to not worship any faith. Theo ventured into the mountain range close to the farm frequently and brought back stones (or "trinkets" as he liked to call them) to commemorate his journeys. One day, when he was 10, he brought back a rather unusual gem. It glowed a fierce red colour and he was attracted to it from the moment he saw it. When he came of age, his uncle (who was a blacksmith in the closest village to the family) forged Theo an ornate short sword using that gemstone as a pommel stone. Theo still uses that sword to this day. When Theo turned 10, his father hired a tutor to teach him the art of sword fighting and also to educate him on an intellectual level too. Although the family normally could not afford this, the previous year's harvest was plentiful and the family made a lot of money from it, the same could be said for the following 5 years. When he was 12, Theo found out his mother was pregnant. Theo had always wanted a baby brother and was thrilled about the news. His mother went into labour 2 weeks early and not only did the baby die during the birth but so did Theo's mother. After a year of grievance because of his mother's death, Theo and his father had finally gotten over her death. They also requested that Theo's uncle came and lived with them to pick up the extra work that Theo's mother would have done.

Teenage Years (14-20):
Theo's teenage years were far less eventful than his childhood. To be totally honest, not much happened at all. Theo finished his tutoring at the age of 15 as he had learned all he could and knew how to protect himself. After the training was finished, his tutor gave Theo an ornate iron dagger to protect himself with, he said to treasure it as it might be his last chance one day. Theo and his uncle developed a good relationship during this time due to his father being much more distant after his mother's death. When he was 20, Theo's father was diagnosed with a terminal disease, leaving Theo and his uncle devastated.
Young Adult Years (21-now):
A few weeks after Theo's 21st birthday, his father died, leaving the vineyard in the hand's of Theo's uncle. Theo then fell into a downwards spiral, he had lost all faith in the world, attempting suicide numerous times before deciding to move to regalia. His reason for moving to Regalia was that the vineyard reminded him too much of his father and that he couldn't face living there anymore. He said his (what turned out to be his final) goodbyes to his uncle and set off to Regalia by boat. After a smooth(ish) trip to the coastal regions of Regalia, Theo set off on a horse cart to the city. On his way he was ambushed by a group of bandits asking for a toll so he could pass. As he had only a few regals on him, Theo had to fight his way through them. Using his trusty shortsword and the dagger his tutor had given him, he fought them off. He didn't emerge from the fight unscathed though, one of the bandits had slashed down on his eye, causing him to go blind in that eye. After struggling to get to Regalia, he set off to the infirmary immediate to get his eye looked at. They patched him up but he stayed there for over a week, not having a proper look at the city until he was releases. He was lost in a city with no money and no home until he found exactly what he needed...
Recent History (Played through on the server):
A mercenary group was looking for recruits, it was exactly what he needed, good pay and a roof over his head. He applied and they accepted him, he had all he needed but it wasn't what he wanted. Soon after joining the group, Theo received a letter telling him that his uncle had died and handed down the vineyard to him. Theo then went on to sell the vineyard and buy himself a house in the noble district of Regalia. It was then that he realised that the mercenary life no longer suited him. He quit the mercenary group and went to the tavern in search of work. It was there that he met a man named Havard Nordtviet, a preacher, who convinced him to pursue Unionism and potentially join the Regalian Military. Although Theo decided to put off joining the military, he did find comfort in Unionism. As aforementioned, Theo did not believe in any religion before he met Havard. It served as a ray of light in the dark cavern of Theo's heart, mind and soul. It saved Theo's life.
 
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Hey dboy, just a quick peer review!

The concept of this character is great. However there are a few tweaks that will need to be made in order to get this approved.
  • Firstly, you have said he is a warrior by a personal tutor. As far as I know this isn't a special permission, unless you are a warrior at one of the schools. From reading your app and rping with you I would say you are from the School of Turall, and would recommend stating that in the special permission section.
  • Secondly, I would recommend expanding on your personality traits a bit. It is recommended to have around 4-5 lines describing each trait, however you have only done 1-2. This is extremely important when getting to know your character as we get a real gist for what they are about and how these personality traits effect them in day-to-day life. While on this topic this one isn't required but I would add another negative and positive trait just so there is more depth, as it's rare to find someone with a 2-2-2 structure, it usually tends to be something more like 3-1-3
  • Thirdly, I feel the way you have written "Fearless" makes it sound much more like a neutral personality trait and not a strength, and to be honest I personally think it is. Fearless is a nice concept to have, but I would recommend making it a personality trait and shifting it to either being negative or positive. If you choose to keep it as a strength, you need to expand on it's benefits not it's costs.
  • Next, from the looks of it all 3 of your weaknesses are combat related. This isn't good. The fact that he has a weak leg, is generally weak and blind in one eye, makes it unlikely for him to be agile, as he wont be able to move around very quickly if one of his legs is injured. Your official reviewer will not approve this character sheet if this is the case, as it means there is no weakness in your characters perception emotionally or socially. I would recommend replacing 2 of these with a couple of emotional/social weakness's to really enhance your characters depth, however should you want to keep 2 that's fine, just make sure to add 2 new ones.
  • Finally if your going to include my character in this sheet...at least spell his last name correctly. "Havard Nordtvi" it's Havard Nordtviet if you need to know xD
Apart from that I can't find anything else wrong with your character. Tag me once you've made these changes and I'll take another look to see if everything is ok.
 
Hey mate; taking a quick look at your strengths and weaknesses like you asked.
I'm not a real reviewer or anything, so most of what I say is simple opinion. Hope it's at least a little helpful regardless.
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(+)Agile -
Due to his tutor specialising in quick fighting, Theo is very agile when he is fighting. Although Theo isn't particularly strong, he makes up for it in his speed and agility. Many fights have been won because of people underestimating him as he doesn't look strong yet when it comes down to it, strength isn't everything.

I'd likely mention more about why his speed out-plays strength in greater detail. What is his speed comparable to?
Does the reach and weight of his weapon(s) of choice effect his speed for better or for worse?
Also, as the guy above me said, this character is quite fitting for a Turall Bladesman, so I'd recommend looking into that.

(+)Intelligent - He might not look it but Theo is incredibly smart. He was educated by his father and later tutored by the same man who taught him to fight. His intelligence paired with his agility and speed makes him deadly.

Perhaps stating "incredibly smart" is a little much. Being home-taught by your dad and then taught by a fighting trainer doesn't tend to breed the same level of incredible intelligence found amongst the likes of Qadir locksmiths, Dwarven metalworkers, Regalian Scholars and Tacticians.
Feel free to make the guy intelligent, but maybe play more into the fact that he was lucky enough to even have a father who could teach him anything to begin with. I'd say this one's more your call; I'd also expand on how exactly he out-smarts his opponents. Perhaps he's got an eye for feints and his foot-work is so well thought-out he moves akin to the likes of a dancer?

(+)Fearless - Theo does not fear anything other than the void, which he believes will lead to the inevitable end of Aloria. This could be seen as both a blessing and a curse, if he underestimates his opponents it could lead to his death. Theo himself, however, sees it as a blessing. If he doesn't fear anything it makes life more pleasing. It opens endless possibilities.

Props for not making his fearlessness into a cop-out weakness. With enough skill, bravery aids a warrior so good job with that. The expansions I could think of is including reasoning as to why he is so fearless? He's an intelligent and smart man, yet lacks the incredibly useful natural ability which results in so many people saving their lives (through running away, or avoiding death). Really just more reason as to why he's fearless, and why the void frightens him.
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Weaknesses:
(-)Blind in his right eye -
On his journey to Regalia, Theo was ambushed by bandits. He managed to fight them off but not without obtaining some injuries. He is blind in his right eye and has a scar both there and on his back from where the bandits injured him.

I'd recommend going into more detail as to what this weakness means for him. Huge right-side blind spot inside and out of combat. Lack of depth perception so weapons with long reach become a very large problem for him? Perhaps he misjudges distance and some thrusts fall short? He'll need all his training and wits about him to overcome this injury in the face of life threatening danger.

(-)Drinking Problem - After the traumatic events of his life, Theo confided in alcohol, specifically ale. Drinking often causes him to do stupid things, causing unnecessary disputes and saying things he does not necessarily mean. This could be lethal as it also causes his ability to fight to decline.

This one seems quite good, though I'd like to know how often you'd find him drinking. Is it such a problem he does it when just simply walking around? Is he drunk more than he is sober? How does it effect his social life and family where applicable? Does it have an effect on his money? Does this ever lead to him gambling?

(-)Fear of the Void - Virtually the only fear he has, Theo has a serious phobia of the void. In his mind, it's the only thing that can cause pain, not only for the rest of your life, but in the afterlife too. He tries to stay away from magic because of this.

What caused this? Was the idea drilled into him as a child so strongly that a genuine life-long fear developed? Does this cause him to fear all void-based magic to the extend where he flees non-exist mages by default? How does he react when faced with the most horrible the void has to offer, such as the horned beasts of Corruption Magic, or the mutated members of the possessed?
 
Alright review time:

Just a minor note, but the last name does not sound very French. The Ithanian culture is based off of real life French culture, so I just wanted to bring that to your attention. If you desired a more English culture, that would be the Ceardians.

Just a suggestion, but I would recommend looking into the https://wiki.massivecraft.com/School_of_Turall for a fighting style for your Skills portion. From what you say throughout your app, it sounds like it matches the style he normally fights with. He'd potentially even reach up to Warrior, due to being trained by a tutor.

What is his new found religion? You mention Unionism in one part of the intro (which had its start in Regalia), but elven cities in another (which would indicate Faith of Estel). Please make it clear which one you are talking about.

Just a heads up, but wearing armor in Regalia is generally frowned upon. You do not need to change it, but do keep this in mind.

In the clothing description, please replace Jeans with Pants. Denim (as far as I am aware) has not been invented, so neither has jeans.

As it shows here https://wiki.massivecraft.com/Racial_Heights the max height for a Chamagnard Ithanian is 6'. Please lower the height to match this.

Change Humble to Polite. Humility is more so not thinking you are above others, while Polite is not talking bad of others to their face (which is what you describe.)

I'd also change Finicky to Perfectionist. You use the word in the description, and it more aptly describes the trait.

I feel like changing Fearless to Brave would do better. You mention right away that he has a fear, which completely contradicts what Fearless means (without fear). Brave means that he has few fears, so it would work.

With the Blind in the Right Eye weakness, your character would have No depth perception, since depth perception comes from having two different angles when you look at things (both eyes are at different points on your face.) Please change the weakness to reflect this.

I feel like the 'fear of the void' weakness is more a 'fear of magic'. No one really experiences the void, but they can experience magic easily. I believe it would also make it a much better weakness if you went with Fear of Magic, since it more aptly describes both the source of the fear, as well as makes it tangible and roleplayable.

Change the dagger the tutor gave him from Gold to Iron/Steel. A) because that's a lot of gold and no one would willingly give up several years of pay to a student, and B) gold does not make good weapons, it is a soft metal and would bend or break easily.

What religion was Theo prior to talking to Havard? Most, if not all Ithanians are raised Unionist, so what was he raised as? And where is he going to take a pilgrimage to? The main Holy Site for Unionism is Regalia (which he is currently living in).

Make the above changes in Red and tag me when you're done to continue.
@dboy_101
 
Thanks for the advice, I made some changes in Red.
Go check them out, @Doc_Cantank
(Also the
blue are changes made from peer reviews).