The Howlester Night
A bitter night outside the Howlester Castle, threatening to snow curiously enough as autumn began to rear its head. However, the inside of the castle was toasty, an illuminating light of a fireplace flickered against the shadows of the poorly lit room, relying on the flame alone. Mordred sat in the lounge hall of the castle, listening to a piece of music from the gramophone while he looked down upon his little cousin (once removed), the infant gurgled and laughed in his arms and he looked down at him and being cast back to his youth, his years as an infant and playing in the fields and marshes of Gallovia. The baby gurgled and babbled out incoherent noises strung out like sentences and Mordred chuckled, nodding his head as if he understood and agreed.
"You are quite right. They don't know what it's like. Each hit takes you down a notch, unable to recover properly from the last. Hit after hit you slowly sink to the bottom and it's a long and grueling process, exhausting."
Mordred let out a long defeated sigh, the child simply gurgled at him "Each life I've taken I feel personally responsible for, each battle I'm responsible for the deaths of my friends and allies too. I am not unfeeling yet I have to be, I'm a blank slate ready for the next fight."
The baby craned it's head back in confusion, it had no idea of what was being said nor even having any idea it was being spoken to at all, the simple change it in tone and speech was enough to baffle it with a sense of curiosity, "I've known I'm not suited for politics or scholarly pursuits my entire life but I can swing a sword, it's all I could do with any sort of skill so that's what I did. I owed it to my father, my mother and all those before me that have afforded us our family our lands and renown. I owe it to my nephew and my brother and everyone I love."
Mordred was tense, dissatisfied with how he was speaking feeling a distinct sense of patheticness to himself, he jogged the infant on his knee, calming him down a touch before he carrying on, "It's why I followed Sid in the Lo disaster, you know. I thought if I followed him and Tristan, I thought if we were successful I could earn a small amount of renown to show for my Kin but we failed, I failed. I'm behind, little one, I'm so very far behind. I have so much more I need to do, so much I need to give back but I fail each time and it wounds me. I can't tell anyone if they knew, if they thought me weak, I could never forgive myself. Never. I'm at rock bottom, little one, I feel it. I can feel my age catching up no matter how hard I try to run away from it I just can't get away and it's beginning to show. I can't pretend to be young anymore, my head needs to be out of my ass and in the game before I'm old and decrepit and a blight on the Howlesters history books." Mordred felt a slight relief wash over him, it had been a while since he felt this relaxed and at peace with himself, though still dissatisfied.
He sunk back into the seat beside him, he thought for a long time on to his speech trying to draw inspiration to do it, though, he struggled. He struggled to find the motivation to move from that spot, he wasn't comfortable but he was still and that was good enough for him. Then he watched as his Nephew walked in and scooped the child up from its cot with his wife, and Mordred smiled at the two and moved, sitting up and walking away with a nod and smile to the two. It was going to be slow but the man was not finished living his life.
OOC
Just wrote a thing because I wanted to explore my character more on an emotional level as well as express myself and relieve a bit of stress. I was rather happy with it so I thought I should share it.
Be gentle.
Just wrote a thing because I wanted to explore my character more on an emotional level as well as express myself and relieve a bit of stress. I was rather happy with it so I thought I should share it.
Be gentle.
