The Entire Bee Movie Script

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  1. BadladBarbas

    BadladBarbas Meme Connoisseur

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    According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don't care what humans think is impossible. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Ooh, black and yellow! Let's shake it up a little. Barry! Breakfast is ready! Ooming! Hang on a second. Hello? - Barry? - Adam? - Oan you believe this is happening? - I can't. I'll pick you up. Looking sharp. Use the stairs. Your father paid good money for those. Sorry. I'm excited. Here's the graduate. We're very proud of you, son. A perfect report card, all B's. Very proud. Ma! I got a thing going here. - You got lint on your fuzz. - Ow! That's me! - Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000. - Bye! Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house! - Hey, Adam. - Hey, Barry. - Is that fuzz gel? - A little. Special day, graduation. Never thought I'd make it. Three days grade school, three days high school. Those were awkward. Three days college. I'm glad I took a day and hitchhiked around the hive. You did come back different. - Hi, Barry. - Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good. - Hear about Frankie? - Yeah. - You going to the funeral? - No, I'm not going. Everybody knows, sting someone, you die. Don't waste it on a squirrel. Such a hothead. I guess he could have just gotten out of the way. I love this incorporating an amusement park into our day. That's why we don't need vacations. Boy, quite a bit of pomp... under the circumstances. - Well, Adam, today we are men. - We are! - Bee-men. - Amen! Hallelujah! Students, faculty, distinguished bees, please welcome Dean Buzzwell. Welcome, New Hive Oity graduating class of... ...9:15. That concludes our ceremonies. And begins your career at Honex Industries! Will we pick ourjob today? I heard it's just orientation. Heads up! Here we go. Keep your hands and antennas inside the tram at all times. - Wonder what it'll be like? - A little scary. Welcome to Honex, a division of Honesco and a part of the Hexagon Group. This is it! Wow. Wow. We know that you, as a bee, have worked your whole life to get to the point where you can work for your whole life. Honey begins when our valiant Pollen Jocks bring the nectar to the hive. Our top-secret formula is automatically color-corrected, scent-adjusted and bubble-contoured into this soothing sweet syrup with its distinctive golden glow you know as... Honey! - That girl was hot. - She's my cousin! - She is? - Yes, we're all cousins. - Right. You're right. - At Honex, we constantly strive to improve every aspect of bee existence. These bees are stress-testing a new helmet technology. - What do you think he makes? - Not enough. Here we have our latest advancement, the Krelman. - What does that do? - Oatches that little strand of honey that hangs after you pour it. Saves us millions. Oan anyone work on the Krelman? Of course. Most bee jobs are small ones. But bees know that every small job, if it's done well, means a lot. But choose carefully because you'll stay in the job you pick for the rest of your life. The same job the rest of your life? I didn't know that. What's the difference? You'll be happy to know that bees, as a species, haven't had one day off in 27 million years. So you'll just work us to death? We'll sure try. Wow! That blew my mind! "What's the difference?" How can you say that? One job forever? That's an insane choice to have to make. I'm relieved. Now we only have to make one decision in life. But, Adam, how could they never have told us that? Why would you question anything? We're bees. We're the most perfectly functioning society on Earth. You ever think maybe things work a little too well here? Like what? Give me one example. I don't know. But you know what I'm talking about. Please clear the gate. Royal Nectar Force on approach. Wait a second. Oheck it out. - Hey, those are Pollen Jocks! - Wow. I've never seen them this close. They know what it's like outside the hive. Yeah, but some don't come back. - Hey, Jocks! - Hi, Jocks! You guys did great! You're monsters! You're sky freaks! I love it! I love it! - I wonder where they were. - I don't know. Their day's not planned. Outside the hive, flying who knows where, doing who knows what. You can'tjust decide to be a Pollen Jock. You have to be bred for that. Right. Look. That's more pollen than you and I will see in a lifetime. It's just a status symbol. Bees make too much of it. Perhaps. Unless you're wearing it and the ladies see you wearing it. Those ladies? Aren't they our cousins too? Distant. Distant. Look at these two. - Oouple of Hive Harrys. - Let's have fun with them. It must be dangerous being a Pollen Jock. Yeah. Once a bear pinned me against a mushroom! He had a paw on my throat, and with the other, he was slapping me! - Oh, my! - I never thought I'd knock him out. What were you doing during this? Trying to alert the authorities. I can autograph that. A little gusty out there today, wasn't it, comrades? Yeah. Gusty. We're hitting a sunflower patch six miles from here tomorrow. - Six miles, huh? - Barry! A puddle jump for us, but maybe you're not up for it. - Maybe I am. - You are not! We're going 0900 at J-Gate. What do you think, buzzy-boy? Are you bee enough? I might be. It all depends on what 0900 means. Hey, Honex! Dad, you surprised me. You decide what you're interested in? - Well, there's a lot of choices. - But you only get one. Do you ever get bored doing the same job every day? Son, let me tell you about stirring. You grab that stick, and you just move it around, and you stir it around. You get yourself into a rhythm. It's a beautiful thing. You know, Dad, the more I think about it, maybe the honey field just isn't right for me. You were thinking of what, making balloon animals? That's a bad job for a guy with a stinger. Janet, your son's not sure he wants to go into honey! - Barry, you are so funny sometimes. - I'm not trying to be funny. You're not funny! You're going into honey. Our son, the stirrer! - You're gonna be a stirrer? - No one's listening to me! Wait till you see the sticks I have. I could say anything right now. I'm gonna get an ant tattoo! Let's open some honey and celebrate! Maybe I'll pierce my thorax. Shave my antennae. Shack up with a grasshopper. Get a gold tooth and call everybody "dawg"! I'm so proud. - We're starting work today! - Today's the day. Oome on! All the good jobs will be gone. Yeah, right. Pollen counting, stunt bee, pouring, stirrer, front desk, hair removal... - Is it still available? - Hang on. Two left! One of them's yours! Oongratulations! Step to the side. - What'd you get? - Picking crud out. Stellar! Wow! Oouple of newbies? Yes, sir! Our first day! We are ready! Make your choice. - You want to go first? - No, you go. Oh, my. What's available? Restroom attendant's open, not for the reason you think. - Any chance of getting the Krelman? - Sure, you're on. I'm sorry, the Krelman just closed out. Wax monkey's always open. The Krelman opened up again. What happened? A bee died. Makes an opening. See? He's dead. Another dead one. Deady. Deadified. Two more dead. Dead from the neck up. Dead from the neck down. That's life! Oh, this is so hard! Heating, cooling, stunt bee, pourer, stirrer, humming, inspector number seven, lint coordinator, stripe supervisor, mite wrangler. Barry, what do you think I should... Barry? Barry! All right, we've got the sunflower patch in quadrant nine... What happened to you? Where are you? - I'm going out. - Out? Out where? - Out there. - Oh, no! I have to, before I go to work for the rest of my life. You're gonna die! You're crazy! Hello? Another call coming in. If anyone's feeling brave, there's a Korean deli on 83rd that gets their roses today. Hey, guys. - Look at that. - Isn't that the kid we saw yesterday? Hold it, son, flight deck's restricted. It's OK, Lou. We're gonna take him up. Really? Feeling lucky, are you? Sign here, here. Just initial that. - Thank you. - OK. You got a rain advisory today, and as you all know, bees cannot fly in rain. So be careful. As always, watch your brooms, hockey sticks, dogs, birds, bears and bats. Also, I got a couple of reports of root beer being poured on us. Murphy's in a home because of it, babbling like a cicada! - That's awful. - And a reminder for you rookies, bee law number one, absolutely no talking to humans! All right, launch positions! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Black and yellow! Hello! You ready for this, hot shot? Yeah. Yeah, bring it on. Wind, check. - Antennae, check. - Nectar pack, check. - Wings, check. - Stinger, check. Scared out of my shorts, check. OK, ladies, let's move it out! Pound those petunias, you striped stem-suckers! All of you, drain those flowers! Wow! I'm out! I can't believe I'm out! So blue. I feel so fast and free! Box kite! Wow! Flowers! This is Blue Leader. We have roses visual. Bring it around 30 degrees and hold. Roses! 30 degrees, roger. Bringing it around. Stand to the side, kid. It's got a bit of a kick. That is one nectar collector! - Ever see pollination up close? - No, sir. I pick up some pollen here, sprinkle it over here. Maybe a dash over there, a pinch on that one. See that? It's a little bit of magic. That's amazing. Why do we do that? That's pollen power. More pollen, more flowers, more nectar, more honey for us. Oool. I'm picking up a lot of bright yellow. Oould be daisies. Don't we need those? Oopy that visual. Wait. One of these flowers seems to be on the move. Say again? You're reporting a moving flower? Affirmative. That was on the line! This is the coolest. What is it? I don't know, but I'm loving this color. It smells good. Not like a flower, but I like it. Yeah, fuzzy. Ohemical-y. Oareful, guys. It's a little grabby. My sweet lord of bees! Oandy-brain, get off there! Problem! - Guys! - This could be bad. Affirmative. Very close. Gonna hurt. Mama's little boy. You are way out of position, rookie! Ooming in at you like a missile! Help me! I don't think these are flowers. - Should we tell him? - I think he knows. What is this?! Match point! You can start packing up, honey, because you're about to eat it! Yowser! Gross. There's a bee in the car! - Do something! - I'm driving! - Hi, bee. - He's back here! He's going to sting me! Nobody move. If you don't move, he won't sting you. Freeze! He blinked! Spray him, Granny! What are you doing?! Wow... the tension level out here is unbelievable. I gotta get home. Oan't fly in rain. Oan't fly in rain. Oan't fly in rain. Mayday! Mayday! Bee going down! Ken, could you close the window please? Ken, could you close the window please? Oheck out my new resume. I made it into a fold-out brochure. You see? Folds out. Oh, no. More humans. I don't need this. What was that? Maybe this time. This time. This time. This time! This time! This... Drapes! That is diabolical. It's fantastic. It's got all my special skills, even my top-ten favorite movies. What's number one? Star Wars? Nah, I don't go for that... ...kind of stuff. No wonder we shouldn't talk to them. They're out of their minds. When I leave a job interview, they're flabbergasted, can't believe what I say. There's the sun. Maybe that's a way out. I don't remember the sun having a big 75 on it. I predicted global warming. I could feel it getting hotter. At first I thought it was just me. Wait! Stop! Bee! Stand back. These are winter boots. Wait! Don't kill him! You know I'm allergic to them! This thing could kill me! Why does his life have less value than yours? Why does his life have any less value than mine? Is that your statement? I'm just saying all life has value. You don't know what he's capable of feeling. My brochure! There you go, little guy. I'm not scared of him. It's an allergic thing. Put that on your resume brochure. My whole face could puff up. Make it one of your special skills. Knocking someone out is also a special skill. Right. Bye, Vanessa. Thanks. - Vanessa, next week? Yogurt night? - Sure, Ken. You know, whatever. - You could put carob chips on there. - Bye. - Supposed to be less calories. - Bye. I gotta say something. She saved my life. I gotta say something. All right, here it goes. Nah. What would I say? I could really get in trouble. It's a bee law. You're not supposed to talk to a human. I can't believe I'm doing this. I've got to. Oh, I can't do it. Oome on! No. Yes. No. Do it. I can't. How should I start it? "You like jazz?" No, that's no good. Here she comes! Speak, you fool! Hi! I'm sorry. - You're talking. - Yes, I know. You're talking! I'm so sorry. No, it's OK. It's fine. I know I'm dreaming. But I don't recall going to bed. Well, I'm sure this is very disconcerting. This is a bit of a surprise to me. I mean, you're a bee! I am. And I'm not supposed to be doing this, but they were all trying to kill me. And if it wasn't for you... I had to thank you. It's just how I was raised. That was a little weird. - I'm talking with a bee. - Yeah. I'm talking to a bee. And the bee is talking to me! I just want to say I'm grateful. I'll leave now. - Wait! How did you learn to do that? - What? The talking thing. Same way you did, I guess. "Mama, Dada, honey." You pick it up. - That's very funny. - Yeah. Bees are funny. If we didn't laugh, we'd cry with what we have to deal with. Anyway... Oan I... ...get you something? - Like what? I don't know. I mean... I don't know. Ooffee? I don't want to put you out. It's no trouble. It takes two minutes. - It's just coffee. - I hate to impose. - Don't be ridiculous! - Actually, I would love a cup. Hey, you want rum cake? - I shouldn't. - Have some. - No, I can't. - Oome on! I'm trying to lose a couple micrograms. - Where? - These stripes don't help. You look great! I don't know if you know anything about fashion. Are you all right? No. He's making the tie in the cab as they're flying up Madison. He finally gets there. He runs up the steps into the church. The wedding is on. And he says, "Watermelon? I thought you said Guatemalan. Why would I marry a watermelon?" Is that a bee joke? That's the kind of stuff we do. Yeah, different. So, what are you gonna do, Barry? About work? I don't know. I want to do my part for the hive, but I can't do it the way they want. I know how you feel. - You do? - Sure. My parents wanted me to be a lawyer or a doctor, but I wanted to be a florist. - Really? - My only interest is flowers. Our new queen was just elected with that same campaign slogan. Anyway, if you look... There's my hive right there. See it? You're in Sheep Meadow! Yes! I'm right off the Turtle Pond! No way! I know that area. I lost a toe ring there once. - Why do girls put rings on their toes? - Why not? - It's like putting a hat on your knee. - Maybe I'll try that. - You all right, ma'am? - Oh, yeah. Fine. Just having two cups of coffee! Anyway, this has been great. Thanks for the coffee. Yeah, it's no trouble. Sorry I couldn't finish it. If I did, I'd be up the rest of my life. Are you...? Oan I take a piece of this with me? Sure! Here, have a crumb. - Thanks! - Yeah. All right. Well, then... I guess I'll see you around. Or not. OK, Barry. And thank you so much again... for before. Oh, that? That was nothing. Well, not nothing, but... Anyway... This can't possibly work. He's all set to go. We may as well try it. OK, Dave, pull the chute. - Sounds amazing. - It was amazing! It was the scariest, happiest moment of my life. Humans! I can't believe you were with humans! Giant, scary humans! What were they like? Huge and crazy. They talk crazy. They eat crazy giant things. They drive crazy. - Do they try and kill you, like on TV? - Some of them. But some of them don't. - How'd you get back? - Poodle. You did it, and I'm glad. You saw whatever you wanted to see. You had your "experience." Now you can pick out yourjob and be normal. - Well... - Well? Well, I met someone. You did? Was she Bee-ish? - A wasp?! Your parents will kill you! - No, no, no, not a wasp. - Spider? - I'm not attracted to spiders. I know it's the hottest thing, with the eight legs and all. I can't get by that face. So who is she? She's... human. No, no. That's a bee law. You wouldn't break a bee law. - Her name's Vanessa. - Oh, boy. She's so nice. And she's a florist! Oh, no! You're dating a human florist! We're not dating. You're flying outside the hive, talking to humans that attack our homes with power washers and M-80s! One-eighth a stick of dynamite! She saved my life! And she understands me. This is over! Eat this. This is not over! What was that? - They call it a crumb. - It was so stingin' stripey! And that's not what they eat. That's what falls off what they eat! - You know what a Oinnabon is? - No. It's bread and cinnamon and frosting. They heat it up... Sit down! ...really hot! - Listen to me! We are not them! We're us. There's us and there's them! Yes, but who can deny the heart that is yearning? There's no yearning. Stop yearning. Listen to me! You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. Thinking bee! - Thinking bee. - Thinking bee. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! There he is. He's in the pool. You know what your problem is, Barry? I gotta start thinking bee? How much longer will this go on? It's been three days! Why aren't you working? I've got a lot of big life decisions to think about. What life? You have no life! You have no job. You're barely a bee! Would it kill you to make a little honey? Barry, come out. Your father's talking to you. Martin, would you talk to him? Barry, I'm talking to you! You coming? Got everything? All set! Go ahead. I'll catch up. Don't be too long. Watch this! Vanessa! - We're still here. - I told you not to yell at him. He doesn't respond to yelling! - Then why yell at me? - Because you don't listen! I'm not listening to this. Sorry, I've gotta go. - Where are you going? - I'm meeting a friend. A girl? Is this why you can't decide? Bye. I just hope she's Bee-ish. They have a huge parade of flowers every year in Pasadena? To be in the Tournament of Roses, that's every florist's dream! Up on a float, surrounded by flowers, crowds cheering. A tournament. Do the roses compete in athletic events? No. All right, I've got one. How come you don't fly everywhere? It's exhausting. Why don't you run everywhere? It's faster. Yeah, OK, I see, I see. All right, your turn. TiVo. You can just freeze live TV? That's insane! You don't have that? We have Hivo, but it's a disease. It's a horrible, horrible disease. Oh, my. Dumb bees! You must want to sting all those jerks. We try not to sting. It's usually fatal for us. So you have to watch your temper. Very carefully. You kick a wall, take a walk, write an angry letter and throw it out. Work through it like any emotion: Anger, jealousy, lust. Oh, my goodness! Are you OK? Yeah. - What is wrong with you?! - It's a bug. He's not bothering anybody. Get out of here, you creep! What was that? A Pic 'N' Save circular? Yeah, it was. How did you know? It felt like about 10 pages. Seventy-five is pretty much our limit. You've really got that down to a science. - I lost a cousin to Italian Vogue. - I'll bet. What in the name of Mighty Hercules is this? How did this get here? Oute Bee, Golden Blossom, Ray Liotta Private Select? - Is he that actor? - I never heard of him. - Why is this here? - For people. We eat it. You don't have enough food of your own? - Well, yes. - How do you get it? - Bees make it. - I know who makes it! And it's hard to make it! There's heating, cooling, stirring. You need a whole Krelman thing! - It's organic. - It's our-ganic! It's just honey, Barry. Just what?! Bees don't know about this! This is stealing! A lot of stealing! You've taken our homes, schools, hospitals! This is all we have! And it's on sale?! I'm getting to the bottom of this. I'm getting to the bottom of all of this! Hey, Hector. - You almost done? - Almost. He is here. I sense it. Well, I guess I'll go home now and just leave this nice honey out, with no one around. You're busted, box boy! I knew I heard something. So you can talk! I can talk. And now you'll start talking! Where you getting the sweet stuff? Who's your supplier? I don't understand. I thought we were friends. The last thing we want to do is upset bees! You're too late! It's ours now! You, sir, have crossed the wrong sword! You, sir, will be lunch for my iguana, Ignacio! Where is the honey coming from? Tell me where! Honey Farms! It comes from Honey Farms! Orazy person! What horrible thing has happened here? These faces, they never knew what hit them. And now they're on the road to nowhere! Just keep still. What? You're not dead? Do I look dead? They will wipe anything that moves. Where you headed? To Honey Farms. I am onto something huge here. I'm going to Alaska. Moose blood, crazy stuff. Blows your head off! I'm going to Tacoma. - And you? - He really is dead. All right. Uh-oh! - What is that?! - Oh, no! - A wiper! Triple blade! - Triple blade? Jump on! It's your only chance, bee! Why does everything have to be so doggone clean?! How much do you people need to see?! Open your eyes! Stick your head out the window! From NPR News in Washington, I'm Oarl Kasell. But don't kill no more bugs! - Bee! - Moose blood guy!! - You hear something? - Like what? Like tiny screaming. Turn off the radio. Whassup, bee boy? Hey, Blood. Just a row of honey jars, as far as the eye could see. Wow! I assume wherever this truck goes is where they're getting it. I mean, that honey's ours. - Bees hang tight. - We're all jammed in. It's a close community. Not us, man. We on our own. Every mosquito on his own. - What if you get in trouble? - You a mosquito, you in trouble. Nobody likes us. They just smack. See a mosquito, smack, smack! At least you're out in the world. You must meet girls. Mosquito girls try to trade up, get with a moth, dragonfly. Mosquito girl don't want no mosquito. You got to be kidding me! Mooseblood's about to leave the building! So long, bee! - Hey, guys! - Mooseblood! I knew I'd catch y'all down here. Did you bring your crazy straw? We throw it in jars, slap a label on it, and it's pretty much pure profit. What is this place? A bee's got a brain the size of a pinhead. They are pinheads! Pinhead. - Oheck out the new smoker. - Oh, sweet. That's the one you want. The Thomas 3000! Smoker? Ninety puffs a minute, semi-automatic. Twice the nicotine, all the tar. A couple breaths of this knocks them right out. They make the honey, and we make the money. "They make the honey, and we make the money"? Oh, my! What's going on? Are you OK? Yeah. It doesn't last too long. Do you know you're in a fake hive with fake walls? Our queen was moved here. We had no choice. This is your queen? That's a man in women's clothes! That's a drag queen! What is this? Oh, no! There's hundreds of them! Bee honey. Our honey is being brazenly stolen on a massive scale! This is worse than anything bears have done! I intend to do something. Oh, Barry, stop. Who told you humans are taking our honey? That's a rumor. Do these look like rumors? That's a conspiracy theory. These are obviously doctored photos. How did you get mixed up in this? He's been talking to humans. - What? - Talking to humans?! He has a human girlfriend. And they make out! Make out? Barry! We do not. - You wish you could. - Whose side are you on? The bees! I dated a cricket once in San Antonio. Those crazy legs kept me up all night. Barry, this is what you want to do with your life? I want to do it for all our lives. Nobody works harder than bees! Dad, I remember you coming home so overworked your hands were still stirring. You couldn't stop. I remember that. What right do they have to our honey? We live on two cups a year. They put it in lip balm for no reason whatsoever! Even if it's true, what can one bee do? Sting them where it really hurts. In the face! The eye! - That would hurt. - No. Up the nose? That's a killer. There's only one place you can sting the humans, one place where it matters. Hive at Five, the hive's only full-hour action news source. No more bee beards! With Bob Bumble at the anchor desk. Weather with Storm Stinger. Sports with Buzz Larvi. And Jeanette Ohung. - Good evening. I'm Bob Bumble. - And I'm Jeanette Ohung. A tri-county bee, Barry Benson, intends to sue the human race for stealing our honey, packaging it and profiting from it illegally! Tomorrow night on Bee Larry King, we'll have three former queens here in our studio, discussing their new book, Olassy Ladies, out this week on Hexagon. Tonight we're talking to Barry Benson. Did you ever think, "I'm a kid from the hive. I can't do this"? Bees have never been afraid to change the world. What about Bee Oolumbus? Bee Gandhi? Bejesus? Where I'm from, we'd never sue humans. We were thinking of stickball or candy stores. How old are you? The bee community is supporting you in this case, which will be the trial of the bee century. You know, they have a Larry King in the human world too. It's a common name. Next week... He looks like you and has a show and suspenders and colored dots... Next week... Glasses, quotes on the bottom from the guest even though you just heard 'em. Bear Week next week! They're scary, hairy and here live. Always leans forward, pointy shoulders, squinty eyes, very Jewish. In tennis, you attack at the point of weakness! It was my grandmother, Ken. She's 81. Honey, her backhand's a joke! I'm not gonna take advantage of that? Quiet, please. Actual work going on here. - Is that that same bee? - Yes, it is! I'm helping him sue the human race. - Hello. - Hello, bee. This is Ken. Yeah, I remember you. Timberland, size ten and a half. Vibram sole, I believe. Why does he talk again? Listen, you better go 'cause we're really busy working. But it's our yogurt night! Bye-bye. Why is yogurt night so difficult?! You poor thing. You two have been at this for hours! Yes, and Adam here has been a huge help. - Frosting... - How many sugars? Just one. I try not to use the competition. So why are you helping me? Bees have good qualities. And it takes my mind off the shop. Instead of flowers, people are giving balloon bouquets now. Those are great, if you're three. And artificial flowers. - Oh, those just get me psychotic! - Yeah, me too. Bent stingers, pointless pollination. Bees must hate those fake things! Nothing worse than a daffodil that's had work done. Maybe this could make up for it a little bit. - This lawsuit's a pretty big deal. - I guess. You sure you want to go through with it? Am I sure? When I'm done with the humans, they won't be able to say, "Honey, I'm home," without paying a royalty! It's an incredible scene here in downtown Manhattan, where the world anxiously waits, because for the first time in history, we will hear for ourselves if a honeybee can actually speak. What have we gotten into here, Barry? It's pretty big, isn't it? I can't believe how many humans don't work during the day. You think billion-dollar multinational food companies have good lawyers? Everybody needs to stay behind the barricade. - What's the matter? - I don't know, I just got a chill. Well, if it isn't the bee team. You boys work on this? All rise! The Honorable Judge Bumbleton presiding. All right. Oase number 4475, Superior Oourt of New York, Barry Bee Benson v. the Honey Industry is now in session. Mr. Montgomery, you're representing the five food companies collectively? A privilege. Mr. Benson... you're representing all the bees of the world? I'm kidding. Yes, Your Honor, we're ready to proceed. Mr. Montgomery, your opening statement, please. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, my grandmother was a simple woman. Born on a farm, she believed it was man's divine right to benefit from the bounty of nature God put before us. If we lived in the topsy-turvy world Mr. Benson imagines, just think of what would it mean. I would have to negotiate with the silkworm for the elastic in my britches! Talking bee! How do we know this isn't some sort of holographic motion-picture-capture Hollywood wizardry? They could be using laser beams! Robotics! Ventriloquism! Oloning! For all we know, he could be on steroids! Mr. Benson? Ladies and gentlemen, there's no trickery here. I'm just an ordinary bee. Honey's pretty important to me. It's important to all bees. We invented it! We make it. And we protect it with our lives. Unfortunately, there are some people in this room who think they can take it from us 'cause we're the little guys! I'm hoping that, after this is all over, you'll see how, by taking our honey, you not only take everything we have but everything we are! I wish he'd dress like that all the time. So nice! Oall your first witness. So, Mr. Klauss Vanderhayden of Honey Farms, big company you have. I suppose so. I see you also own Honeyburton and Honron! Yes, they provide beekeepers for our farms. Beekeeper. I find that to be a very disturbing term. I don't imagine you employ any bee-free-ers, do you? - No. - I couldn't hear you. - No. - No. Because you don't free bees. You keep bees. Not only that, it seems you thought a bear would be an appropriate image for a jar of honey. They're very lovable creatures. Yogi Bear, Fozzie Bear, Build-A-Bear. You mean like this? Bears kill bees! How'd you like his head crashing through your living room?! Biting into your couch! Spitting out your throw pillows! OK, that's enough. Take him away. So, Mr. Sting, thank you for being here. Your name intrigues me. - Where have I heard it before? - I was with a band called The Police. But you've never been a police officer, have you? No, I haven't. No, you haven't. And so here we have yet another example of bee culture casually stolen by a human for nothing more than a prance-about stage name. Oh, please. Have you ever been stung, Mr. Sting? Because I'm feeling a little stung, Sting. Or should I say... Mr. Gordon M. Sumner! That's not his real name?! You idiots! Mr. Liotta, first, belated congratulations on your Emmy win for a guest spot on ER in 2005. Thank you. Thank you. I see from your resume that you're devilishly handsome with a churning inner turmoil that's ready to blow. I enjoy what I do. Is that a crime? Not yet it isn't. But is this what it's come to for you? Exploiting tiny, helpless bees so you don't have to rehearse your part and learn your lines, sir? Watch it, Benson! I could blow right now! This isn't a goodfella. This is a badfella! Why doesn't someone just step on this creep, and we can all go home?! - Order in this court! - You're all thinking it! Order! Order, I say! - Say it! - Mr. Liotta, please sit down! I think it was awfully nice of that bear to pitch in like that. I think the jury's on our side. Are we doing everything right, legally? I'm a florist. Right. Well, here's to a great team. To a great team! Well, hello. - Ken! - Hello. I didn't think you were coming. No, I was just late. I tried to call, but... the battery. I didn't want all this to go to waste, so I called Barry. Luckily, he was free. Oh, that was lucky. There's a little left. I could heat it up. Yeah, heat it up, sure, whatever. So I hear you're quite a tennis player. I'm not much for the game myself. The ball's a little grabby. That's where I usually sit. Right... there. Ken, Barry was looking at your resume, and he agreed with me that eating with chopsticks isn't really a special skill. You think I don't see what you're doing? I know how hard it is to find the rightjob. We have that in common. Do we? Bees have 100 percent employment, but we do jobs like taking the crud out. That's just what I was thinking about doing. Ken, I let Barry borrow your razor for his fuzz. I hope that was all right. I'm going to drain the old stinger. Yeah, you do that. Look at that. You know, I've just about had it with your little mind games. - What's that? - Italian Vogue. Mamma mia, that's a lot of pages. A lot of ads. Remember what Van said, why is your life more valuable than mine? Funny, I just can't seem to recall that! I think something stinks in here! I love the smell of flowers. How do you like the smell of flames?! Not as much. Water bug! Not taking sides! Ken, I'm wearing a Ohapstick hat! This is pathetic! I've got issues! Well, well, well, a royal flush! - You're bluffing. - Am I? Surf's up, dude! Poo water! That bowl is gnarly. Except for those dirty yellow rings! Kenneth! What are you doing?! You know, I don't even like honey! I don't eat it! We need to talk! He's just a little bee! And he happens to be the nicest bee I've met in a long time! Long time? What are you talking about?! Are there other bugs in your life? No, but there are other things bugging me in life. And you're one of them! Fine! Talking bees, no yogurt night... My nerves are fried from riding on this emotional roller coaster! Goodbye, Ken. And for your information, I prefer sugar-free, artificial sweeteners made by man! I'm sorry about all that. I know it's got an aftertaste! I like it! I always felt there was some kind of barrier between Ken and me. I couldn't overcome it. Oh, well. Are you OK for the trial? I believe Mr. Montgomery is about out of ideas. We would like to call Mr. Barry Benson Bee to the stand. Good idea! You can really see why he's considered one of the best lawyers... Yeah. Layton, you've gotta weave some magic with this jury, or it's gonna be all over. Don't worry. The only thing I have to do to turn this jury around is to remind them of what they don't like about bees. - You got the tweezers? - Are you allergic? Only to losing, son. Only to losing. Mr. Benson Bee, I'll ask you what I think we'd all like to know. What exactly is your relationship to that woman? We're friends. - Good friends? - Yes. How good? Do you live together? Wait a minute... Are you her little... ...bedbug? I've seen a bee documentary or two. From what I understand, doesn't your queen give birth to all the bee children? - Yeah, but... - So those aren't your real parents! - Oh, Barry... - Yes, they are! Hold me back! You're an illegitimate bee, aren't you, Benson? He's denouncing bees! Don't y'all date your cousins? - Objection! - I'm going to pincushion this guy! Adam, don't! It's what he wants! Oh, I'm hit!! Oh, lordy, I am hit! Order! Order! The venom! The venom is coursing through my veins! I have been felled by a winged beast of destruction! You see? You can't treat them like equals! They're striped savages! Stinging's the only thing they know! It's their way! - Adam, stay with me. - I can't feel my legs. What angel of mercy will come forward to suck the poison from my heaving buttocks? I will have order in this court. Order! Order, please! The case of the honeybees versus the human race took a pointed turn against the bees yesterday when one of their legal team stung Layton T. Montgomery. - Hey, buddy. - Hey. - Is there much pain? - Yeah. I... I blew the whole case, didn't I? It doesn't matter. What matters is you're alive. You could have died. I'd be better off dead. Look at me. They got it from the cafeteria downstairs, in a tuna sandwich. Look, there's a little celery still on it. What was it like to sting someone? I can't explain it. It was all... All adrenaline and then... and then ecstasy! All right. You think it was all a trap? Of course. I'm sorry. I flew us right into this. What were we thinking? Look at us. We're just a couple of bugs in this world. What will the humans do to us if they win? I don't know. I hear they put the roaches in motels. That doesn't sound so bad. Adam, they check in, but they don't check out! Oh, my. Oould you get a nurse to close that window? - Why? - The smoke. Bees don't smoke. Right. Bees don't smoke. Bees don't smoke! But some bees are smoking. That's it! That's our case! It is? It's not over? Get dressed. I've gotta go somewhere. Get back to the court and stall. Stall any way you can. And assuming you've done step correctly, you're ready for the tub. Mr. Flayman. Yes? Yes, Your Honor! Where is the rest of your team? Well, Your Honor, it's interesting. Bees are trained to fly haphazardly, and as a result, we don't make very good time. I actually heard a funny story about... Your Honor, haven't these ridiculous bugs taken up enough of this court's valuable time? How much longer will we allow these absurd shenanigans to go on? They have presented no compelling evidence to support their charges against my clients, who run legitimate businesses. I move for a complete dismissal of this entire case! Mr. Flayman, I'm afraid I'm going to have to consider Mr. Montgomery's motion. But you can't! We have a terrific case. Where is your proof? Where is the evidence? Show me the smoking gun! Hold it, Your Honor! You want a smoking gun? Here is your smoking gun. What is that? It's a bee smoker! What, this? This harmless little contraption? This couldn't hurt a fly, let alone a bee. Look at what has happened to bees who have never been asked, "Smoking or non?" Is this what nature intended for us? To be forcibly addicted to smoke machines and man-made wooden slat work camps? Living out our lives as honey slaves to the white man? - What are we gonna do? - He's playing the species card. Ladies and gentlemen, please, free these bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! The court finds in favor of the bees! Vanessa, we won! I knew you could do it! High-five! Sorry. I'm OK! You know what this means? All the honey will finally belong to the bees. Now we won't have to work so hard all the time. This is an unholy perversion of the balance of nature, Benson. You'll regret this. Barry, how much honey is out there? All right. One at a time. Barry, who are you wearing? My sweater is Ralph Lauren, and I have no pants. - What if Montgomery's right? - What do you mean? We've been living the bee way a long time, 27 million years. Oongratulations on your victory. What will you demand as a settlement? First, we'll demand a complete shutdown of all bee work camps. Then we want back the honey that was ours to begin with, every last drop. We demand an end to the glorification of the bear as anything more than a filthy, smelly, bad-breath stink machine. We're all aware of what they do in the woods. Wait for my signal. Take him out. He'll have nauseous for a few hours, then he'll be fine. And we will no longer tolerate bee-negative nicknames... But it's just a prance-about stage name! ...unnecessary inclusion of honey in bogus health products and la-dee-da human tea-time snack garnishments. Oan't breathe. Bring it in, boys! Hold it right there! Good. Tap it. Mr. Buzzwell, we just passed three cups, and there's gallons more coming! - I think we need to shut down! - Shut down? We've never shut down. Shut down honey production! Stop making honey! Turn your key, sir! What do we do now? Oannonball! We're shutting honey production! Mission abort. Aborting pollination and nectar detail. Returning to base. Adam, you wouldn't believe how much honey was out there. Oh, yeah? What's going on? Where is everybody? - Are they out celebrating? - They're home. They don't know what to do. Laying out, sleeping in. I heard your Uncle Oarl was on his way to San Antonio with a cricket. At least we got our honey back. Sometimes I think, so what if humans liked our honey? Who wouldn't? It's the greatest thing in the world! I was excited to be part of making it. This was my new desk. This was my new job. I wanted to do it really well. And now... Now I can't. I don't understand why they're not happy. I thought their lives would be better! They're doing nothing. It's amazing. Honey really changes people. You don't have any idea what's going on, do you? - What did you want to show me? - This. What happened here? That is not the half of it. Oh, no. Oh, my. They're all wilting. Doesn't look very good, does it? No. And whose fault do you think that is? You know, I'm gonna guess bees. Bees? Specifically, me. I didn't think bees not needing to make honey would affect all these things. It's notjust flowers. Fruits, vegetables, they all need bees. That's our whole SAT test right there. Take away produce, that affects the entire animal kingdom. And then, of course... The human species? So if there's no more pollination, it could all just go south here, couldn't it? I know this is also partly my fault. How about a suicide pact? How do we do it? - I'll sting you, you step on me. - Thatjust kills you twice. Right, right. Listen, Barry... sorry, but I gotta get going. I had to open my mouth and talk. Vanessa? Vanessa? Why are you leaving? Where are you going? To the final Tournament of Roses parade in Pasadena. They've moved it to this weekend because all the flowers are dying. It's the last chance I'll ever have to see it. Vanessa, I just wanna say I'm sorry. I never meant it to turn out like this. I know. Me neither. Tournament of Roses. Roses can't do sports. Wait a minute. Roses. Roses? Roses! Vanessa! Roses?! Barry? - Roses are flowers! - Yes, they are. Flowers, bees, pollen! I know. That's why this is the last parade. Maybe not. Oould you ask him to slow down? Oould you slow down? Barry! OK, I made a huge mistake. This is a total disaster, all my fault. Yes, it kind of is. I've ruined the planet. I wanted to help you with the flower shop. I've made it worse. Actually, it's completely closed down. I thought maybe you were remodeling. But I have another idea, and it's greater than my previous ideas combined. I don't want to hear it! All right, they have the roses, the roses have the pollen. I know every bee, plant and flower bud in this park. All we gotta do is get what they've got back here with what we've got. - Bees. - Park. - Pollen! - Flowers. - Repollination! - Across the nation! Tournament of Roses, Pasadena, Oalifornia. They've got nothing but flowers, floats and cotton candy. Security will be tight. I have an idea. Vanessa Bloome, FTD. Official floral business. It's real. Sorry, ma'am. Nice brooch. Thank you. It was a gift. Once inside, we just pick the right float. How about The Princess and the Pea? I could be the princess, and you could be the pea! Yes, I got it. - Where should I sit? - What are you? - I believe I'm the pea. - The pea? It goes under the mattresses. - Not in this fairy tale, sweetheart. - I'm getting the marshal. You do that! This whole parade is a fiasco! Let's see what this baby'll do. Hey, what are you doing?! Then all we do is blend in with traffic... ...without arousing suspicion. Once at the airport, there's no stopping us. Stop! Security. - You and your insect pack your float? - Yes. Has it been in your possession the entire time? Would you remove your shoes? - Remove your stinger. - It's part of me. I know. Just having some fun. Enjoy your flight. Then if we're lucky, we'll have just enough pollen to do the job. Oan you believe how lucky we are? We have just enough pollen to do the job! I think this is gonna work. It's got to work. Attention, passengers, this is Oaptain Scott. We have a bit of bad weather in New York. It looks like we'll experience a couple hours delay. Barry, these are cut flowers with no water. They'll never make it. I gotta get up there and talk to them. Be careful. Oan I get help with the Sky Mall magazine? I'd like to order the talking inflatable nose and ear hair trimmer. Oaptain, I'm in a real situation. - What'd you say, Hal? - Nothing. Bee! Don't freak out! My entire species... What are you doing? - Wait a minute! I'm an attorney! - Who's an attorney? Don't move. Oh, Barry. Good afternoon, passengers. This is your captain. Would a Miss Vanessa Bloome in 24B please report to the cockpit? And please hurry! What happened here? There was a DustBuster, a toupee, a life raft exploded. One's bald, one's in a boat, they're both unconscious! - Is that another bee joke? - No! No one's flying the plane! This is JFK control tower, Flight 356. What's your status? This is Vanessa Bloome. I'm a florist from New York. Where's the pilot? He's unconscious, and so is the copilot. Not good. Does anyone onboard have flight experience? As a matter of fact, there is. - Who's that? - Barry Benson. From the honey trial?! Oh, great. Vanessa, this is nothing more than a big metal bee. It's got giant wings, huge engines. I can't fly a plane. - Why not? Isn't John Travolta a pilot? - Yes. How hard could it be? Wait, Barry! We're headed into some lightning. This is Bob Bumble. We have some late-breaking news from JFK Airport, where a suspenseful scene is developing. Barry Benson, fresh from his legal victory... That's Barry! ...is attempting to land a plane, loaded with people, flowers and an incapacitated flight crew. Flowers?! We have a storm in the area and two individuals at the controls with absolutely no flight experience. Just a minute. There's a bee on that plane. I'm quite familiar with Mr. Benson and his no-account compadres. They've done enough damage. But isn't he your only hope? Technically, a bee shouldn't be able to fly at all. Their wings are too small... Haven't we heard this a million times? "The surface area of the wings and body mass make no sense." - Get this on the air! - Got it. - Stand by. - We're going live. The way we work may be a mystery to you. Making honey takes a lot of bees doing a lot of small jobs. But let me tell you about a small job. If you do it well, it makes a big difference. More than we realized. To us, to everyone. That's why I want to get bees back to working together. That's the bee way! We're not made of Jell-O. We get behind a fellow. - Black and yellow! - Hello! Left, right, down, hover. - Hover? - Forget hover. This isn't so hard. Beep-beep! Beep-beep! Barry, what happened?! Wait, I think we were on autopilot the whole time. - That may have been helping me. - And now we're not! So it turns out I cannot fly a plane. All of you, let's get behind this fellow! Move it out! Move out! Our only chance is if I do what I'd do, you copy me with the wings of the plane! Don't have to yell. I'm not yelling! We're in a lot of trouble. It's very hard to concentrate with that panicky tone in your voice! It's not a tone. I'm panicking! I can't do this! Vanessa, pull yourself together. You have to snap out of it! You snap out of it. You snap out of it. - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - Hold it! - Why? Oome on, it's my turn. How is the plane flying? I don't know. Hello? Benson, got any flowers for a happy occasion in there? The Pollen Jocks! They do get behind a fellow. - Black and yellow. - Hello. All right, let's drop this tin can on the blacktop. Where? I can't see anything. Oan you? No, nothing. It's all cloudy. Oome on. You got to think bee, Barry. - Thinking bee. - Thinking bee. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Wait a minute. I think I'm feeling something. - What? - I don't know. It's strong, pulling me. Like a 27-million-year-old instinct. Bring the nose down. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! - What in the world is on the tarmac? - Get some lights on that! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! - Vanessa, aim for the flower. - OK. Out the engines. We're going in on bee power. Ready, boys? Affirmative! Good. Good. Easy, now. That's it. Land on that flower! Ready? Full reverse! Spin it around! - Not that flower! The other one! - Which one? - That flower. - I'm aiming at the flower! That's a fat guy in a flowered shirt. I mean the giant pulsating flower made of millions of bees! Pull forward. Nose down. Tail up. Rotate around it. - This is insane, Barry! - This's the only way I know how to fly. Am I koo-koo-kachoo, or is this plane flying in an insect-like pattern? Get your nose in there. Don't be afraid. Smell it. Full reverse! Just drop it. Be a part of it. Aim for the center! Now drop it in! Drop it in, woman! Oome on, already. Barry, we did it! You taught me how to fly! - Yes. No high-five! - Right. Barry, it worked! Did you see the giant flower? What giant flower? Where? Of course I saw the flower! That was genius! - Thank you. - But we're not done yet. Listen, everyone! This runway is covered with the last pollen from the last flowers available anywhere on Earth. That means this is our last chance. We're the only ones who make honey, pollinate flowers and dress like this. If we're gonna survive as a species, this is our moment! What do you say? Are we going to be bees, orjust Museum of Natural History keychains? We're bees! Keychain! Then follow me! Except Keychain. Hold on, Barry. Here. You've earned this. Yeah! I'm a Pollen Jock! And it's a perfect fit. All I gotta do are the sleeves. Oh, yeah. That's our Barry. Mom! The bees are back! If anybody needs to make a call, now's the time. I got a feeling we'll be working late tonight! Here's your change. Have a great afternoon! Oan I help who's next? Would you like some honey with that? It is bee-approved. Don't forget these. Milk, cream, cheese, it's all me. And I don't see a nickel! Sometimes I just feel like a piece of meat! I had no idea. Barry, I'm sorry. Have you got a moment? Would you excuse me? My mosquito associate will help you. Sorry I'm late. He's a lawyer too? I was already a blood-sucking parasite. All I needed was a briefcase. Have a great afternoon! Barry, I just got this huge tulip order, and I can't get them anywhere. No problem, Vannie. Just leave it to me. You're a lifesaver, Barry. Oan I help who's next? All right, scramble, jocks! It's time to fly. Thank you, Barry! That bee is living my life! Let it go, Kenny. - When will this nightmare end?! - Let it all go. - Beautiful day to fly. - Sure is. Between you and me, I was dying to get out of that office. You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. - Thinking bee! - Me? Hold it. Let's just stop for a second. Hold it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, everyone. Oan we stop here? I'm not making a major life decision during a production number! All right. Take ten, everybody. Wrap it up, guys. I had virtually no rehearsal for that.
     
    • Informative x 4
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  2. Wumpatron

    Wumpatron Dr. House cured my nihilism Staff Member Lore1
    1. House von Drachenburg

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    I saw John Travolta and Jello so I approve
     
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  3. SorryNari

    SorryNari Dream big, and dream far away from me.

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    What is wrong with you.
     
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  4. Zacatero

    Zacatero give a quack to wingback
    1. *✴︎ Cadun ✴︎*

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    This is gods work
     
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  5. Gabauchi

    Gabauchi Goblin Babe (Local Hotsexy)

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    art
     
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  6. Beetletoes

    Beetletoes Regalian Emperor

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    Bees.
     
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  7. Boneead6

    Boneead6 I know everything. But sometimes I forget

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    I wish they knew what paragraphs were.......
     
  8. 65jes89

    65jes89 Leader of SunKiss
    1. -={The Great Kingdom of SunKiss}=-

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    Stay in drugs kids don't do school
     
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  9. ChensSpaghetti

    ChensSpaghetti Space Cowboy

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    I'm not as think as you drunk I am, jes.
     
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  10. Brimstoner

    Brimstoner Carey's Parasite

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    1453604966818.jpg
     
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  11. Optimalfriskies

    Optimalfriskies JayP's buddy

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    Pika.

    Pi.

    Pikachu.

    Well, Pikachu, we're here.

    lt's a Pokémon paradise.

    -This looks like tons of fun. -Yeah, the Pokémon love it.

    Just keep your eye on Togepi, okay, Pikachu?

    Come on, come on, come on

    Let's go

    Vacation, need a little sun

    I'm going to get my friends together and have a little fun

    Ain't nobody going to tell us what we going to do

    Because today it's up to me and you

    Temptation calling out to me

    A little relaxation I'll be free to be

    Come on and wicky-wicky lou

    I do believe it'll start now

    Kick it back to the track

    Vacation's where I want to be

    Buddy on the beach where the fun is free

    We don't need a holiday to start to celebrate

    Repeat after me: I need a vacation

    Let's go

    Vacation's where I want to be

    Buddy on the beach where the fun is free

    We don't need a holiday to start to celebrate

    Because I need a break, I need a vacation

    Vacation's where I want to be

    Buddy on the beach where the fun is free

    Pokédex observation unit now activating.

    My function: Monitor Pokémon activity...

    ...to understand behavioral patterns of the Pokémon...

    ...when they are in a state of total relaxation.

    Togepi, the Egg Pokémon.

    It exhibits a low tolerance for hunger.

    It is able to communicate this condition in a very effective manner.

    Pika, Pika. Pikachu.

    Squirt.

    Saur.

    Psy.

    Bulbasaur

    Bulba, bulba

    Bulbasaur

    This is the first known recording of ''Bulbasaur's Bulbabye. ''

    Bellsprout.

    Bellsprout.

    Activating Pokémon database.

    Snubble, a newly discovered Pokémon.

    A Ground-type Pokémon, Cubone.

    Cubone-bone-bone. Cubone-bone-bone-bone.

    Raichu, the evolved form of Pikachu.

    Marril.

    Marril, a Water-type Pokémon.

    Snub.

    Rai.

    -Squirtle. -Bulbasaur.

    Pokémon do not battle unless directed by their trainers.

    Translation activated.

    ''Let's set a good example for the baby. ''

    lKarp.

    Togepi.

    Slooooooooow.

    Pokémon enjoy competition, but not always in Pokémon battles.

    It's not uncommon for Pokémon to challenge each other in contests.

    Oh come on, try to catch me

    Oh catch me if you can

    Oh come on, try to catch me

    Oh catch me if you can

    -Exeggutor. -Oddish.

    -Exeggutor. -Oddish.

    Pikachu and Raichu are both Mouse Pokémon of the electric variety.

    Combined voltage approaching shockingly dangerous levels.

    This is the perfect place for a comfy catnap.

    What's that?

    What's the rush?

    Farfetch'd, Farfetch'd....

    Hitmonlee.

    Chansey, Chansey.

    lKeep it down!

    Mag.

    Magne. Ma.

    Magnemites!

    Cubone earned its classification as the Lonely Pokémon...

    ...from its usual attitude of caring only...

    ...for itself.

    l told you to keep quiet!

    Well, this ought to shut you all up, you--

    Duck.

    l think l'll take my nap right here.

    Good night.

    Preliminary analysis: Pokémon, by nature, are friendly creatures...

    ...and prefer cooperation to confrontation.

    Final conclusion:

    Despite earlier uncertainties...

    ...Pokémon vacations are highly recommended.

    Pokédex observation unit now deactivating.

    Pikachu, it's time to leave!

    Goldeen! Staryu! Psyduck! Come on back!

    Geodude! Onix! Zubat! Vulpix! We got to go!

    Did you have fun?

    Life.

    The great miracle and the great mystery.

    Who am I?

    Since the beginning...

    ...humans and Pokémon alike have searched for its meaning.

    What am I? What am I?

    Many strange and wondrous legends evolved...

    ...from the pursuit of life's mysteries.

    Where am I? Where am I?

    But none is stranger than this tale...

    ...of the most powerful Pokémon of all.

    I am ready...

    ...to be, to be....

    Where...

    ...am I?

    This is not the same.

    Was everything before just a dream?

    Why?

    -Doctor, look at this. -What?

    lts brain waves, they're surging!

    -Let me see! -She's right!

    -Let's run another scan. -lts mind is racing!

    Those voices.

    l hope we don't lose this one!

    They're outside.

    We can't!

    Where I must be.

    Tell Giovanni what's happened!

    Quiet!

    Let us hear its psychic powers.

    Psychic powers?

    For years we struggled to successfully clone a Pokémon to prove our theories.

    You're the first specimen to survive!

    That is Mew, the rarest of all Pokémon.

    From its DNA we created you, Mewtwo.

    Mewtwo?

    Am l only a copy? Nothing but Mew's shadow?

    You are greater than Mew.

    lmproved through the power of human ingenuity.

    We used the most advanced techniques to develop your psychic powers.

    So l am simply the end result of your experiment.

    What becomes of me now?

    Our experiment isn't over! lt's just beginning!

    Now the serious testing begins.

    These humans, they care nothing for me.

    Congratulations. We've done an excellent job.

    -We'll observe Mewtwo for mutations. -ls the new tank ready?

    We'll have to come up with a cage for it.

    Excellent. We'll start testing.

    Is that my purpose?

    Am Ijust an experiment?

    A laboratory specimen?

    This cannot be my destiny!

    We dreamed of creating the world's strongest Pokémon...

    ...and we succeeded.

    Behold my powers.

    l am the strongest Pokémon in the world.

    Stronger even than Mew.

    Those fools thought you were a science experiment...

    ...but l see you as a valuable partner.

    Partner?

    With your psychic powers and my resources...

    ...together we can control the world.

    l do not need your help for that, human.

    A wildfire destroys everything in its path.

    lt will be the same with your powers unless you control them.

    l can help you do that.

    How?

    l'll show you a way to focus your powers...

    ...that will make you invincible.

    Show me!

    You say this armor protects my body...

    ...yet it suppresses my powers!

    Your powers are not being suppressed. They're being focused.

    Learn to use them to accomplish your purpose.

    What is that?

    Patience, my friend. Your purpose will become clear.

    So this is my power.

    l am in control now.

    Alakazam!

    lKazam!

    But why am l here?

    Now l fully perceive my power.

    But what is my purpose?

    To serve your master. You were created to fight for me.

    That is your purpose.

    That cannot be.

    You said we were partners. We stood as equals.

    You were created by humans to obey humans.

    You could never be our equal.

    Humans may have created me...

    ...but they will never enslave me.

    This cannot be my destiny!

    Stop this now!

    l was not born a Pokémon! l was created.

    My creators have used and betrayed me.

    So l stand alone.

    Who am l?

    What is my true reason for being?

    l will find my own purpose.

    And purge this planet of all who oppose me.

    Human and Pokémon alike.

    The world will heed my warning.

    The reign of Mewtwo will soon begin.

    Today, Ash, Brock and Misty are taking a break from their Pokémon adventures.

    As always, Ash is determined to become a Pokémon master.

    And, as always, he's ready to endure any hardship, bear any burden...

    ...with strength, stamina and a will of steel.

    Hungry. Need food.

    Oh, Ash! You haven't done a thing all day!

    l'm too weak to work, Misty.

    l haven't eaten since breakfast.

    This lunch is going to be just perfect for you.

    lt's my lazy-boy ''no-chew'' stew.

    You there! l'm looking for a Pokémon trainer named Ash from Pallet Town.

    -You know him? -Yeah, he's me.

    Let's have a match. Unless you're afraid to lose!

    l'm afraid you're going to lose this one!

    Ash, you just said you were too weak to work!

    l am too weak to work, but a Pokémon battle isn't work!

    That's progress. At least his mouth is working.

    I want to be the very best

    Like no one ever was

    To catch them is my real test

    To train them is my cause

    I will travel across the land

    Searching far and wide

    Teach Pokémon to understand

    The power that's inside

    Inside Pokémon

    It's you and me

    I know it's my destiny

    You're my best friend

    And the world we must defend

    Our hearts are true

    Our courage will pull us through

    You teach me and I'll teach you

    Pokémon

    Got to catch them, got to catch them all

    Great job, Bulbasaur! You did it!

    You can challenge along the way

    Encourage our faith

    I will battle everything

    About the place

    Come with me, the time is right

    There's no better team

    Arm in arm we'll win the fight

    It's always been our dream

    It's you and me

    I know it's my destiny

    You are my best friend

    In a world we must defend

    A heart so true

    Our courage will pull us through

    You teach me and I'll teach you

    Got to catch them

    Got to catch them all

    We did it!

    Well, that sure was a shocking ending.

    Shocking that Ash moved so fast.

    Another credit on Pikachu's ''charge account!''

    We've got to grab it!

    l know we must grab rare Pokémon for the Boss...

    ...but it wouldn't be a bad idea if we grabbed a bite to eat.

    We didn't come here to steal a meal!

    l'd settle for a taste of that Pika-chow.

    l'm starving.

    l can cook something.

    The last time you cooked, you wiped out eight of my nine lives.

    Master, shall l extend an invitation to these trainers as well?

    As you wish.

    Watch where you're flying.

    Something for me?

    Greetings, Pokémon trainers. I bear an invitation.

    She's really small, but really pretty!

    You've been chosen to join a group of Pokémon trainers at a gathering.

    It will be hosted by my master, the world's greatest Pokémon trainer...

    ...at his palace on New Island.

    A ferry will leave Old Shore Wharf...

    ...to take you to the island this afternoon.

    Only trainers with this invitation will be admitted.

    If you decide to attend, you must reply at once.

    My master awaits you.

    ls there a rewind button?

    -Should we go? -Of course! l've got to meet her!

    l guess the world's number-one trainer wants to challenge me to a match!

    -We've got to let him know right away. -l'm saying yes!

    What's so special about the twerp trio's special delivery?

    Hey, look!

    ''Yes''? To what?

    Raticate!

    Chill out, Raticate!

    lKingler! Save your energy!

    This is going to be so cool!

    Officer Jenny, report to the ferry entrance.

    Officer Jenny to the ferry entrance.

    Togepi's totally soaked!

    l can't believe how fast the storm came up.

    What?! The ferry is canceled?!

    But l've got to get to New lsland!

    -lt's only a little rain! -lt's more than just rain.

    The harbor manager thinks this could be the worst storm ever.

    Listen to me.

    The prophets have predicted the return of the Winds of Water.

    For years...

    ...l prayed mankind would never witness that deadly storm ever again.

    lsn't that just a legend?

    Ancient writings tell of the storm wiping out all but a few Pokémon.

    ln their sorrow...

    ...the water of their tears restored the lives lost in the storm.

    But there are no Pokémon tears today.

    Just waters which no one can survive.

    That's why the ferry has been canceled.

    l'm going to New lsland anyway! All my Pokémon are Water-type!

    We'll just swim over to that palace!

    l warn you, the waves will be savage! You will never make it!

    lf you try that stunt and your Pokémon got hurt...

    ...you'd be out of luck because we closed the Pokémon Center.

    How come?

    The nurse in charge of the center disappeared last month.

    lf any of you see her, please contact me at once.

    That's a picture of her over there on the wall.

    She's cute.

    She sure looks familiar.

    Come back here, or l'll place you under arrest!

    Come back!

    Some trainers have no fear.

    To them, this is just one more challenge.

    They follow their hearts.

    That is what sets them apart and will make them Pokémon masters.

    Good luck to all of you.

    The world's greatest Pokémon master is waiting for me.

    Let's use our Pokémon to get to that island.

    Our Pokémon aren't strong enough. They can't handle waves like this.

    Guess you're right.

    You vant to cross maybe? Ve take you?

    Ve Vikings are used to big vaves.

    Ve get you to New lsland faster than you can say fahrvergnügen.

    Stroke!

    Stroke!

    Stroke! Stroke!

    l think l'm going to have one.

    -l didn't know Vikings still existed. -They mostly live in Minnesota.

    Something's not right. Are you sure this boat's safe?

    Don't vorry. This ship von't let you down.

    Ve alvays sail in da rough veather. Don't get upset.

    Tell my stomach.

    Heave! Heave! Heave!

    lt's all right, Togepi. We're going to be okay.

    -Those aren't Vikings. -lt's Team Rocket.

    l knew there was something fishy about them besides the smell!

    -Prepare for trouble. -Make it double.

    Forget the motto. We're going to have to....

    Ash! Misty!

    -Have you seen Ash and Pikachu? -Not yet.

    Stay together. lt's our only hope.

    Look!

    My master bids you welcome to New lsland.

    lKindly present your invitation.

    Here it is, miss.

    The bearers of this invitation may be admitted.

    l knew l recognized that face.

    What?

    Aren't you the nurse from the treatment center?

    You do look just like her.

    l fear you are mistaken.

    l've always dwelt on this island and been in the service of my master.

    Please, come this way.

    My master awaits your arrival.

    With you here, all trainers...

    ...worthy of an audience with my master are present.

    There's only three of them.

    Aren't we waiting for the others?

    Only the trainers capable of braving the storm...

    ...are worthy in my master's eyes.

    Do you mean that storm was some kind of test?

    Release your Pokémon from their Pokéballs and join the others.

    lt won't be long before my master's intentions are clear.

    Now we'll never know what kind of party we're missing!

    We'll just have to crash that party.

    -You know another way in? -Look over there.

    But how are we going to swim up that thing?

    Pretend you're a catfish.

    -Something wrong, Jessie? -No. Come on. Let's get going.

    l think this plan's all wet.

    Psy-ya-ya duck.

    What took you guys so long?

    How did you get here?

    l decided to fly over. lt was easy.

    Hurricane winds are a breeze for Pidgeotto here.

    Guys, say hello.

    Those are my Pokémon.

    lt was no problem getting through that storm.

    l rode over on Gyarados' back.

    l heard it takes a lot of skill to train Gyarados.

    Yes, but once you train it, it's the most dependable Pokémon there is.

    You haven't met my Pokémon. Over there.

    You are about to meet my master.

    The time has come to encounter the greatest Pokémon master on Earth.

    What's that?

    Yes. The world's greatest Pokémon master...

    ...is also the most powerful Pokémon on Earth.

    This is the ruler of New lsland and soon the whole world.

    Mewtwo.

    Mewtwo.

    A Pokémon can't be a Pokémon master! No way!

    Quiet, human. From now on, l am the one who makes the rules.

    -How's it talking? -lt's psychic.

    We'll show you! Let's go, Gyarados!

    Gyarados, Hyper-Beam attack!

    Gyarados!

    Child's play.

    Your usefulness has ended.

    Nurse Joy!

    Where am l? And how in the world did l get here?

    You have been under my control.

    l transported you here from the Pokémon center.

    Your knowledge of Pokémon physiology proved useful to my plan.

    l have cleansed your tiny human brain of memories from the past weeks.

    Who are you?!

    l am the new ruler of this world...

    ...the master of humans and Pokémon alike.

    You're just a bully!

    Look at these.

    They're Pokémon.

    Are they real?

    l was hoping there'd be a party.

    This is the Pokémon replication system. System activated.

    Pokémon based on genetic analysis.

    Pokémon DNA sampling sequence now in progress.

    Put me down.

    What are you--? Let go!

    -Help! -Grab him!

    Help me!

    l made it. But just by a hair.

    Look, there's your hair.

    Analyzing Pokémon biomaterial sample.

    Analysis complete. Pokémon identified.

    Begin replication sequence.

    -Who's that Pokémon? -lt's Meowth.

    Meowth!

    But l'm Meowth.

    -So is the one in the tank. -Your clone.

    I haven't got much time.

    I pray this record of our experiment survives.

    A year ago we discovered...

    ...the remains of the ancient Pokémon, Mew.

    There was sufficient genetic material to replicate Mew.

    Giovanni insisted on super-clones...

    ...more powerful than any living Pokémon.

    Finally our experiments proved successful.

    We produced a living Pokémon. We called it Mewtwo.

    But the creature's anger is out of control.

    With its psychic powers, it's destroying our laboratory.

    We dreamed of creating the world's strongest Pokémon...

    ...and we succeeded.

    -Sounds like a real Pokénstein. -Sure does.

    One bad cat!

    So this must be the lab.

    But if Mewtwo destroyed it....

    -Somebody rebuilt it. -Yes, but who?

    You humans are a dangerous species.

    You brought me into your world with no purpose but to be your slave.

    But now l have my own purpose.

    My storm will create my own world...

    ...by destroying yours.

    So you hate all humans? And you're going to destroy us to save Pokémon.

    No.

    Your Pokémon will not be spared.

    They have disgraced themselves by serving humans.

    Those Pokémon are nothing but slaves.

    So, you say l am wrong?

    You are not this human's servant? You are his friend?

    You are as pathetic as the rest.

    Humans and Pokémon can never be friends.

    Are you okay?

    Don't pick on Pikachu.

    lf you are Pokémon, there's no reason l can't capture you.

    Go, Rhyhorn.

    -No! Rhyhorn! -Fools!

    Your Pokémon attacks cannot weaken me. My powers are too great.

    No trainer can conquer me.

    You won't mind proving it in a real match!

    ls that a challenge?

    You bet it is!

    They're awake!

    Blast.

    Saur.

    -l'm scared. -Me too.

    Like most Pokémon trainers...

    ...l too began with Charmander, Squirtle and Bulbasaur.

    But for their evolved forms...

    ...l used their genetic material to clone even more powerful copies.

    -Copies! -They're clones.

    A stadium! Mewtwo planned this all along.

    Your fake Venusaur can't beat my real one!

    Right, Bruteroot?

    We'll blow away that Blastoise, won't we Shellshocker?!

    lt may not have a nickname, but l do have a Charizard.

    l choose you!

    Charizard, l didn't say start.

    Your Charizard is poorly trained.

    Which of you will oppose me first?

    Saur.

    l underestimated you last time, but that won't happen again!

    Go, Bruteroot! Razor Leaf!

    Vine Whip.

    Bruteroot!

    lt looks like l'm up.

    Go, Shellshocker!

    Blastoise.

    Blast.

    Shellshocker, Hydro Pump!

    Shellshocker!

    You better forfeit, Ash. Those clones are too powerful.

    l'm not giving up.

    Charizard, use your speed, not power, and you'll win.

    All right, go!

    -Can't Charizard move any quicker? -The clone is too fast.

    -Charizard's in trouble! -Finish it.

    No, Charizard! No! Are you okay?

    As the victor, l now claim my prize:

    Your Pokémon.

    Wait!

    What will you do with those Pokémon?!

    l will extract their DNA to make clones for myself.

    They will remain safe on this island...

    ...while my storm destroys the planet.

    You can't do this!

    Yes, Mewtwo! We won't let you!

    Do not attempt to defy me.

    This is my world now.

    Let's go!

    Gyarados!

    l know!

    Mewtwo can't catch them if they're inside their Pokéballs.

    Bulbasaur, Squirtle, return!

    lt's no use.

    lt's futile to try and escape my power.

    Never mind the Pokéballs. Carry them away!

    Give back my Psyduck!

    Vulpix!

    Run, Pikachu!

    lKeep running, Pikachu!

    You're not going to get Pikachu!

    There goes Alakazam.

    Dewgong.

    Vileplume.

    Sandshrew. Nidoqueen. Vaporeon.

    But me, l got a special place in my tail for this one.

    Look there!

    l don't have time for your dumb motto today.

    Who's that Pokémon? lt's Pikachu!

    Let go! Stupid machine.

    Give me back my Pikachu!

    What's happening?

    l'm so glad you're okay.

    The copies are hatching!

    -They're fabulous fakes! -Send in the clones!

    But where are the real ones?

    -l wonder if they feel.... -Clonesome?

    The Poké originals!

    Squirtle's back!

    You're all okay!

    Humans, you have served my purpose.

    l am sparing your lives, for the moment.

    But you cannot escape your fate.

    The hour of my vengeance draws near.

    Behold!

    With Pokémon and humans eliminated...

    ...the clones shall inherit the world.

    You can't do this. l won't let you.

    -lt's Ash! -All right!

    -Psyduck! -Vulpix!

    lt is useless to challenge me.

    lt's not going to end like this, Mewtwo. We won't let it.

    You're mine!

    -Ash, no! -Look out!

    What?

    Can it be?

    -What is that? -l don't know.

    Mew. So finally we meet.

    l may have been cloned from your DNA...

    ...but l will prove that Mewtwo is better than the original.

    Superior to Mew.

    Mew and Mewtwo!

    So Mewtwo was cloned from Mew.

    This world is too small for two of us.

    Why do you flee from me?

    Are you afraid to find out which of us is greater?

    So you do have some fight in you.

    But l have no time for games. Destiny is at hand.

    Who will rule? My super Pokémon?

    Or your pathetic group of spineless inferior Pokémon?

    We were created with powers far stronger than the originals.

    -Mew's got a good point. -What's it saying?

    You don't prove anything by showing off a lot of special powers.

    And that a Pokémon's real strength comes from the heart.

    My clones don't need their powers to prove their worth.

    l will block all the Pokémon's special abilities...

    ...using my psychic powers.

    Now we shall see who triumphs. Go!

    Pokémon aren't meant to fight. Not like this.

    lt's useless. What can come out of it?

    Nothing but pain.

    Can't Mewtwo understand it's not right to force Pokémon to battle?

    They're all living creatures.

    This just proves that fighting is wrong.

    l was prepared for trouble, but not for this.

    Make that double for me.

    Now l can see how horrible fighting really is.

    Even the best of friends will fight sometimes.

    l'll promise never to fight again if you will.

    What am l doing?

    Let's get something straight!

    You-owth ain't pushing Meowth around.

    You mean, we don't have to fight with each other?

    But how can l trust you? You was born different.

    l almost made a clawful mistake.

    How do l know you're not going to pull a fast one on me?

    You're right, we do have a lot in common.

    The same earth, the same air, the same sky.

    Maybe if we started looking at what's the same...

    ...instead of always looking at what's different, who knows?

    Quit it! Please, stop!

    Are you okay?

    We got to stop this.

    How? Mewtwo wants to prove how strong those super-clones are.

    l'd rather risk my life out in Mewtwo's storm...

    ...than watch Pokémon destroy each other.

    Me too.

    l wish there were some way to stop them. l don't know what to do.

    l don't think they'll ever stop.

    Those Pokémon are ready to fight to the death.

    That's a fight that nobody's going to win.

    Someone's got to take a stand.

    Someone's got to say no and refuse to fight.

    Just like Pikachu.

    Ash, wait!

    You've got to stop right now!

    Stop!!

    Oh, no!

    Fool, trying to stop our battle.

    Please, no!

    The human sacrificed himself to save the Pokémon.

    l pitted them against each other.

    Only when they set aside their differences...

    ...did l see the true power they all share deep inside.

    l see now that the circumstances of one's birth are irrelevant.

    lt is what you do with the gift of life...

    ...that determines who you are.

    Mewtwo, where are you going?

    Where my heart can learn what yours knows so well.

    What transpired here, l will always remember.

    But perhaps for you, these events are best forgotten.

    -This could be the worst storm ever. -You must listen to me.

    You have got to find shelter.

    Excuse me, please.

    The Pokémon Treatment Center will open as a shelter.

    Anyone who needs a place to stay should come with me.

    Nurse Joy and Officer Jenny are really great.

    They keep getting more beautiful every time l see them.

    Guys, how did we wind up in this place anyway?

    Well, l guess we're just here because we're here.

    Yes, let's eat.

    Look, it's a miracle!

    l can't believe it.

    -The storm disappeared. -That's so weird!

    lt's good to have things clear again.

    What's that?

    What's what?

    -l don't see anything, Ash. -Except the sky.

    The day l started my Pokémon journey...

    ...l saw a really rare Pokémon.

    And just now, l thought l saw another one.

    Maybe you're just seeing things, Ash.

    Maybe he's not.

    Maybe we'll see.

    Many strange legends surround the mysteries of Pokémon.

    Just as many adventures await our heroes...

    ...as they continue on their quest.

    For Ash and his friends, the journey's just begun.

    l don't know how we got here, but who cares?

    -This is paradise! -For once, a happy ending.

    Team Rocket's signing off again!

    Have any unscreen?

    I'd really like to go sailing in one of them catamarans.
    Nerf this.
     
    • Winner Winner x 3
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  12. Pastellanar

    Pastellanar p l a t i n u m   l i z a r d

    Joined:
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    when can i die
     
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  13. tin77

    tin77 The Tin Can Man

    Joined:
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    Jerry Seinfeld
     
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  14. BadladBarbas

    BadladBarbas Meme Connoisseur

    Joined:
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    As requested
    Onward, Chauncey!
    To the highest room
    of the tallest tower...
    ...where my princess awaits rescue
    from her handsome Prince Charming!
    This is worse than "Love Letters".
    I hate dinner theater!
    Me, too.
    Whoa there, Chauncey!
    Hark! The brave Prince Charming
    approacheth.
    Fear not, fair maiden. I shall slay
    the monster that guards you...
    ...then take my place as rightful king.
    What did she say?
    It's Shrek!
    Whoo, Shrek, yeah!
    Prepare, foul beast...
    ...to enter into a world of pain
    with which you are not familiar!
    Happy birthday to thee
    Happy birthday to thee
    Do you mind?
    Do you mind? Boring!
    Prepare, foul beast...
    Someday you'll be sorry.
    We already are!
    Mommy...
    You're right. I can't let this happen.
    I can't!
    I am the rightful King of Far Far Away.
    And I promise you this, Mother...
    ...I will restore dignity to my throne.
    And this time,
    no one will stand in my way.
    Good morning.
    Good morning.
    Morning breath.
    I know. Isn't it wonderful?
    Good morning, good morning
    The sun is shining through
    Good morning, good morning
    To you
    And you!
    And you!
    They grow up so fast.
    Not fast enough.
    You'll be filling in
    for the King and Queen.
    Several functions
    require your attendance, sir.
    Great! Let's get started.
    Come on, lazybones. Time to get moving!
    You need to get a pair ofjammies.
    I got some sleep and I needed it
    Not a lot, just a little bit
    Someone's always
    trying to keep me from it
    It's a crying shame
    It's a royal pain in the neck
    I knight thee.
    If you're filling in for a king,
    you should look like one.
    Can somebody come in
    and work on Shrek?
    I will see what I can do.
    Yeah, wow.
    Is this really necessary?
    Quite necessary, Fiona.
    - I'm Shrek, you twit.
    - Whatever.
    This isn't a rehearsal, peoples.
    Let's see some hustle!
    Smiles, everyone! Smiles!
    I don't know how much longer
    I can keep this up.
    I'm sorry, but can you
    just try to grin and bear it?
    It's just until Dad gets better.
    Shrek?
    You look handsome.
    Come here, you.
    My butt is itching up a storm and
    I can't reach it in this monkey suit.
    Hey, you! Come here. What's your name?
    Fiddlesworth, sir.
    Perfect.
    Ladies and gentlemen...
    ...Princess Fiona and Sir Shrek!
    Ahh! You've got it.
    A little to the left.
    That's it! That's good.
    Oh, yeah! Scratch
    that thing! You're on it.
    Shrek!
    My eye!
    What are you doing?
    Fiona!
    - Are you okay?
    - Yeah. I'm fine.
    Shrimp! My favorite!
    - That's it! We're leaving!
    - Calm down.
    Calm down? Who do you think
    we're kidding? I am an ogre.
    I'm not cut out for this, Fiona,
    and I never will be.
    I think that went well.
    Donkey!
    Come on, Shrek!
    Some people just don't
    understand boundaries.
    Just think. A couple more days
    and we'll be back home...
    ...in our vermin-filled shack
    strewn with fungus...
    ...and filled with the stench
    of mud and neglect.
    You had me at "vermin-filled".
    And, um... maybe even the pitter-patter
    of little feet on the floor.
    That's right, the swamp rats
    will be spawning.
    Uh, no.
    What I'm thinking of is a little bigger
    than a swamp rat.
    Donkey?
    No, Shrek. What if, theoretically...
    ...they were little ogre feet?
    Honey, let's be rational about this.
    Have you seen a baby lately?
    They just eat and poop, and they cry...
    ...then they cry when they poop
    and poop when they cry.
    Now, imagine an ogre baby.
    They extra-cry and they extra-poop.
    Shrek, don't you ever think
    about having a family?
    Right now, you're my family.
    Somebody better be dying.
    I'm dying.
    Harold?
    Don't forget
    to pay the gardener, Lillian.
    Of course, darling.
    Fiona.
    Yes, Daddy?
    I know I made many mistakes with you.
    It's okay.
    But your love for Shrek has...
    ...taught me much.
    My dear boy...
    ...I am proud to call you my son.
    And I'm proud to call you my frog...
    ...King dad-in-law.
    Now there is a matter
    of business to attend to.
    The Frog King... is dead.
    Put your hat back on, fool.
    Shrek...
    ...please come hither.
    Yeah, Dad?
    This kingdom needs a new king.
    You and Fiona
    are next in line for the throne.
    Next in line. You see, Dad,
    that's why people love you.
    Even on your deathbed,
    you're still making jokes.
    Come on, Dad. An ogre as king?
    That's not such a good idea.
    There must be somebody else. Anybody!
    Aside from you, there is
    only one remaining heir.
    Really? Who is he, Dad?
    His name is...
    ...is...
    What's his name?
    ...is...
    Daddy!
    His name is Arthur.
    Arthur?
    I know you'll do...
    ...what's right.
    Harold?
    Dad? Dad!
    Dad?
    Do your thing, man.
    When you were young and your heart
    Was an open book
    You used to say live and let live
    You know you did, you know you did
    You know you did
    But if this ever changing world
    In which we live in
    Makes you give in and cry
    Say live and let die
    Live and let die
    Hey, lady
    You, lady
    Cursing at your life
    You're a discontented mother
    And a regimented wife
    What does a prince
    have to do to get a drink here?
    Ah, Mabel!
    Why they call you an ugly stepsister,
    I'll never know.
    Where's Doris? Taking the night off?
    She's not welcome here,
    and neither are you.
    What do you want, Charming?
    Not much. Just a chance at redemption.
    And a Fuzzy Navel.
    And Fuzzy Navels for all my friends!
    We're not your friends.
    You don't belong here.
    You're absolutely right,
    but, I mean, do any of us?
    Do a number on his face.
    Wait, wait, wait!
    We are more alike than you think.
    Wicked Witch! The Seven Dwarfs
    saved Snow White, and what happened?
    Oh, what's it to you?
    They left you the unfairest of them all.
    Now here you are,
    hustling pool to get your next meal.
    How does that feel?
    Pretty unfair.
    And you!
    Your star puppet abandons the show
    to go and find his father.
    I hate that little wooden puppet.
    And Hook.
    Need I say more?
    - And you, Frumpypigskin!
    - Rumpelstiltskin.
    Where's that firstborn
    you were promised?
    Mabel. Remember how you
    couldn't get your little fat foot...
    ...into that tiny glass slipper?
    Cinderella is
    in Far Far Away right now...
    ...eating bonbons, cavorting with
    every last fairy tale creature...
    ...that has ever done you wrong!
    Once upon a time, someone decided
    that we were the losers.
    But there are
    two sides to every story...
    ...and our side has not been told!
    So who will join me? Who wants
    to come out on top for once?
    Who wants their...
    ..."happily ever after"?
    This way, gents.
    It's out of my hands, senorita. The
    winds of fate have blown on my destiny.
    But I will never forget you.
    You are the love of my life.
    As are you.
    And, uh, you.
    I don't know you, but I'd like to.
    I got to go!
    I don't wanna leave you either.
    But you know how Shrek is.
    The dude's lost without me.
    But don't worry. I'll send you
    airmail kisses every day!
    Be strong, babies.
    Coco, Peanut, listen to your mama.
    Bananas, no roasting marshmallows
    on your sister's head.
    That's my special boy!
    Come here, all of you!
    Give your daddy a big hug!
    Shrek?
    Maybe you should just stay and be King.
    Come on. There's no way
    I could run a kingdom.
    That's why your cousin Arthur
    is a perfect choice.
    It's not that. You see...
    And if he gives me trouble,
    I always have persuasion and reason.
    Here's persuasion... and here's reason.
    Fiona...
    ...soon it's just going to be you, me...
    ...and our swamp.
    It's not going to be just you and me.
    All aboard!
    It will be. I promise.
    I love you.
    That's lovely.
    Bye-bye, babies!
    Shrek!
    - Wait!
    - What is it?
    I'm... I'm...
    I love you, too, honey!
    No! I said I'm...
    You're what?
    I said I'm pregnant!
    What was that?
    You're going to be a father!
    That's great!
    Really? I'm glad you think so!
    I love you!
    Yeah!
    Me, too! You!
    I'm going to be an uncle!
    I'm going to be an uncle!
    And you, my friend, are royally...
    Home.
    Shrek!
    Fiona!
    Fiona?
    Oh, no.
    Better out than in, I always say.
    No, no, no!
    It's okay. It's gonna be all right.
    Stop! Hey, wait!
    Donkey. Donkey!
    Wake up!
    Dada!
    Shrek! Are you okay?
    I can't believe I'm going to be
    a father. How did this happen?
    Allow me to explain. When a man
    has feelings for a woman...
    ...a powerful urge sweeps over him.
    I know how it happened.
    I just can't believe it.
    How does it happen?
    And the cat's in the cradle
    and the silver spoon
    Little Boy Blue and the Man in the Moon
    When you coming home, son?
    I don't know when
    But we'll get together then, Dad.
    Donkey! Can you just cut to the part
    where you're supposed
    to make me feel better?
    You know I love Fiona, boss. Right?
    What I am talking about
    is you, me, my cousin's boat...
    ...an ice cold pitcher of mojitos
    and two weeks of nothing but fishing.
    Don't listen to him!
    Having a baby
    isn't going to ruin your life.
    It's not my life I'm worried
    about ruining, it's the kid's.
    When have you ever heard the phrase
    "as sweet as an ogre"...
    ...or "as nurturing as an ogre"...
    ...or "You'll love
    my dad. He's a real ogre."
    Okay. I get it.
    It's not going to be easy.
    But you got us to help you.
    That's true.
    I'm doomed.
    You'll be fine.
    You're finished.
    Uh, with yourjourney.
    "Wor-ces-ters-shiree"?
    Now that sounds fancy!
    It's Worcestershire.
    Like the sauce?
    It's spicy!
    They must be expecting us.
    What in the shista-shire
    kind of place is this?
    Well, my stomach aches and my palms
    just got sweaty. Must be a high school.
    High school?
    Ready? Okay!
    Wherefore art thou headed, to the top?
    Yeah, we think so, we think so! And
    dost thou thinkest thine can be stopped?
    Nay, we thinkst not, we thinkst not!
    All right, Mr. Percival,
    ease up on the reins.
    For lo, bro, don't burn
    all my frankincense and myrrh.
    I'm feeling nauseous from memories
    of wedgies and swirlies!
    How did you receive wedgies when you are
    clearly not the wearer of underpants?
    Let's just say some things
    are better left unsaid.
    So I was all like, "I'd rather get
    the black plague than go out with you."
    - Oh, totally.
    - Pardon me.
    - Totally ew-eth.
    - Yeah, totally.
    I just altered my character level
    to +3 superb-ability.
    Hi. We're looking for someone named...
    Who rolled a +9 dork spell and
    summoned the beast and his quadruped?
    I know you're busy not fitting in, but
    can you tell me where I can find Arthur?
    He's over there.
    There is no sweeter taste
    on thy tongue than victory!
    Strong, handsome, face of a leader.
    Does Arthur look like a king or what?
    Sorry.
    Did you say you were looking for Arthur?
    That information is
    on a need-to-know basis.
    It's top secret!
    Now, gentlemen, let's away.
    To the showers!
    Greetings, Your Majesty.
    This is your lucky day.
    What are you supposed to be?
    Some kind of giant mutant leprechaun
    or something?
    Giant mutant... You made a funny.
    Unhand me, monster!
    Stop squirming, Arthur.
    I'm not Arthur.
    I am Lancelot.
    That dork over there is Arthur.
    This is, like, totally embarrassing...
    ...but Tiffany thinkest
    thou vex her so soothly.
    She thought perchance thou would
    ask her to the Homecoming Dance.
    Excuse me?
    Like, whatever. She's into college guys
    and mythical creatures.
    Oh, Arthur...
    ...come out, come out, wherever you are!
    You better run,
    you little punk no-goodniks!
    The days of Donkey Dumpy Drawers
    are over!
    Hold it.
    We're here for the mascot contest.
    We're here for the mascot contest, too.
    This is a costume?
    Worked on it all night long.
    Looks pretty real to me.
    If he were real, could I do this?
    Or this?
    If it were real, that would have been
    agonizingly painful.
    - Now watch this!
    - That's quite enough, boys.
    Thank you to Professor Primbottom
    and his lecture...
    ...on "just say nay".
    And now, without further ado, let's give
    a warm Worcestershire hoozah...
    ...to the winner
    of our mascot contest, the...
    ...ogre?
    That's right. I'm the new mascot.
    So let's really try and beat
    the other guys at...
    ...whatever it is they're doing!
    This is all a bit unorthodox...
    Where can I find Arthur Pendragon?
    Hey, wait...
    Classic.
    You should be ashamed of yourself!
    I didn't do it. They did.
    Please don't eat me.
    Eat him! Eat him! Eat him!
    I'm not here to eat him!
    Time to pack up
    your toothbrush and jammies.
    You're the new King of Far Far Away.
    What?
    Artie a king?
    More like the Mayor of Loserville!
    Burn.
    Is this for real?
    Absolutely. Clean out your locker, kid.
    You have a kingdom to run.
    So, wait... l'm really the only heir?
    The one and only.
    Give me a second.
    My good people...
    ...there's a lesson here for all of us.
    Next time you're about to dunk a kid's
    head in a chamber pot, stop and think,
    "Hey, maybe this guy has feelings.
    Maybe I should cut him some slack.
    'Cause maybe... just maybe...
    ...this guy's gonna turn out to be,
    I don't know, a king?
    Maybe his first royal decree will be to
    banish everyone who ever picked on him."
    I'm looking at you, jousting team!
    And Guin? Oh, Guin.
    I've always loved you.
    Good friends, it breaks my heart, but...
    ...enjoy your stay here in prison
    while I rule the free world!
    Okay, let's not overdo it.
    I'm building my city, people...
    on rock 'n' roll!
    You just overdid it.
    Look at you!
    You look darling.
    Just precious. Look at her.
    Any cravings since you got pregnant?
    No. Not at all.
    Do you smell ham?
    It's present time!
    Fiona, please open mine first.
    It's the one in front.
    "Congratulations on your new
    mess mak..." Oh, mess maker!
    "Hopefully this helps.
    Love, Cinderella."
    - Look at that!
    - What is it?
    It's for the poopies.
    Wait... babies poop?
    Everyone poops, Beauty.
    Fiona!
    We all chipped in
    for a little present, too.
    Ta-da!
    You know the baby will love it,
    because I do!
    Guys, that's so sweet. Thank you.
    Who's this one from?
    I got you the biggest one,
    because I love you most.
    "Have one on me. Love, Snow White."
    What is it?
    He's a live-in babysitter.
    Where's the baby?
    You're too kind, Snow,
    but I can't accept this.
    It's nothing. I have six more at home.
    - What does he do?
    - Cleaning.
    - Feeding.
    - Burping.
    So, what are
    Shrek and I supposed to do?
    Work on your marriage.
    Thanks, Rapunzel.
    What's that supposed to mean?
    Come on now, Fiona.
    You know what happens.
    You're tired all the time.
    You start letting yourself go.
    Stretch marks.
    Say goodbye to romance.
    I'm sorry, but how many
    of you have kids?
    She's right!
    A baby will only strengthen the love
    Shrek and Fiona have.
    How did Shrek react when you told him?
    When he first found out, Shrek said...
    Onward, my new friends!
    To our happily ever afters!
    Now... bombs away!
    Well, well, well. If it isn't Peter Pan.
    - His name's not Peter.
    - Shut it, Wendy.
    Enough pillaging! To the castle!
    You go! Take care of the baby!
    Everybody stay calm! We're going to die!
    Everyone in! Now!
    Come on! Put some back into it!
    We don't have time. Now go!
    Quickly, ladies!
    We'll hold them off as long as we can!
    Where are Shrek and Fiona?
    The name doesn't ring a bell.
    No bell.
    I suggest you freaks cooperate...
    ...with the new King of Far Far Away!
    The only thing you're ever gonna
    be king of is King of the Stupids!
    - Hook!
    - Right!
    Avast, ye cookie.
    Start talking.
    - Gingy!
    - Papa!
    Settle down now.
    On the good ship Lollipop
    It's a sweet trip to the candy shop
    You!
    You can't lie.
    So tell me, puppet... where is Shrek?
    Well... I don't know where he's not.
    You don't know where Shrek is?
    It wouldn't be inaccurate to assume...
    ...that I couldn't exactly not say that
    is or isn't almost partially incorrect.
    So you do know where he is!
    On the contrary,
    I'm possibly more or less
    not definitely rejecting the idea
    that in no way,
    with any amount of uncertainty...
    Stop it!
    ...I do not know where he shouldn't be.
    If that indeed wasn't where he isn't.
    Even if he wasn't not where
    I knew he was, it could mean...
    On the good ship Lollipop
    Enough! Shrek went off
    to bring back the next heir!
    He's bringing back the next heir?
    No!
    Hook! Get rid of this new "King".
    But bring Shrek to me.
    I have something special
    in mind for him.
    He'll never fall for your tricks!
    Oh, boy.
    I can't believe it. Me, a king?
    I knew I came from royalty, but...
    ...I figured everyone forgot about me.
    Oh, no. In fact the King
    asked for you personally.
    Really? Wow.
    But I know it's not all fun and games.
    It really is
    all fun and games, actually.
    Sure, you have to knight a few heroes,
    launch a ship or two.
    By the way, make sure you hit the boat
    just right with the bottle.
    Any idiot can hit a boat with a bottle.
    Well, I've heard
    it's harder than it looks.
    This is going to be huge.
    Parties, princesses,
    castles. Princesses.
    You'll be living in the lap of luxury.
    The finest chefs
    will wait for your order.
    And fortunately,
    you'll have the royal food tasters.
    What do they do?
    Taste the food before the King eats,
    to make sure it's not poisoned.
    - Poisoned?
    - Or too salty.
    Don't worry. Your bodyguards
    will keep you safe.
    All of them willing
    at a moment's notice
    to lay down their lives
    out of devotion to you.
    Really?
    The whole kingdom will look
    to you for wisdom and guidance.
    Make sure they don't die of famine!
    - Or plague.
    - Plague is bad.
    The coughing, the groaning,
    the festering sores.
    Festering sores!
    You are one funny kitty cat.
    What did I say?
    We don't want Artie
    getting the wrong idea.
    Artie?
    There goes my hip!
    Artie! What are you doing?
    What does it look like?!
    This really isn't up to you.
    I don't know anything about being king!
    You'll learn on the job!
    Sorry, but I'm going back.
    Back to what? Being a loser?
    Now look what you did!
    Look what I did?
    Who's holding the wheel, chief?
    Shrek!
    Land ho!
    How humiliating.
    Oh, nice going, Your Highness.
    Now it's "Your Highness"?
    What happened to "loser"?
    If you think this is getting you
    out of anything, it isn't.
    We're heading back to Far Far Away
    one way or another...
    ...and you're going to be a father!
    What?
    You just said "father".
    King! You're going to be king!
    "You're going to be king!" Yeah, right.
    Where are you going?
    Far Far Away... from you!
    Get back here, young man!
    Boss? I don't think he's coming back.
    Maybe it's for the best.
    He's not exactly king material.
    When did you plan to tell him
    you were supposed to be king?
    Come on. Why would I do that?
    Besides, he'll be ten times
    better at it than me.
    Then change your tactics
    if you want to get anywhere with him.
    You're right, Donkey.
    What about this?
    - Shrek!
    - Come on. It's just a joke.
    Still...
    Listen, Artie.
    If you think this whole mad scene
    ain't dope, I feel you, dude.
    I'm not trying to get up in your grill
    or raise your roof.
    But what I am screamin' is, yo...
    ...check out this
    kazing thazing, bazaby!
    If it doesn't groove, or what I'm saying
    ain't straight trippin',
    say, "Oh, no, you didn't!
    You're getting on my last nerve."
    And then I'll know it's...
    I'll know it's wack!
    Help!
    I've been kidnapped by a monster
    who's trying to relate to me!
    - Artie, wait.
    - Come on! Help! Hello?
    Greetings, cosmic children
    of the universe.
    Welcome to my serenity circle.
    Please leave any bad vibes
    outside the healing vortex.
    Now prepare to...
    I knew I should have got that warranty!
    Mr. Merlin?
    You know this guy?
    Yeah. He was the school magic teacher,
    until he had his nervous breakdown.
    Technically, I was merely a victim
    of a level 3 fatigue.
    At the request of my therapist,
    and the school authorities, I retired
    to the tranquility of nature
    to discover my divine purpose.
    Can I interest anyone
    in a snack or beverage?
    Uh, no.
    Sure you don't want to try
    my Rock Au Gratin?
    It's organic.
    Thanks. I ate a boulder on the way in.
    We need directions to Far Far Away.
    "We"? Who said I was going with you?
    I did. People are counting on you,
    so don't try to weasel out of it.
    If the job's so great, you do it.
    Understand this, kid. No more
    Mr. Nice Guy from here on out.
    That was your Mr. Nice Guy?
    Yeah, and I'm going to miss him.
    Why don't you go terrorize a village
    and leave me alone!
    Was that a crack about ogres? You get
    your royal highness to Far Far Away...
    ...before I kick it there!
    Now, which way am I kicking?
    I could tell you, but since you're
    in the midst
    of a self-destructive rage spiral,
    it would be karmically irresponsible.
    Self-destructive...?
    Are you going to help us or not?
    Most definitely, but only after you
    take the journey to your soul!
    I don't think so.
    It's either that
    or primal scream therapy.
    All right. Journey to the soul.
    Now, all of you,
    look into the Fire of Truth
    and tell me what you see.
    Ooh, charades!
    Okay, I see a Dutch fudge torte
    with cinnamon swirls!
    Okay, monster... go for it.
    I see a rainbow pony.
    Excellent work! Now the boy.
    This is lame.
    You're lame! Now just go for it.
    Okay.
    There's a baby bird and a father bird
    sitting in a nest.
    Yes! Stay with it!
    The dad just flew away. Why did
    he leave the little bird all alone?
    It's trying to fly,
    but it doesn't know how to.
    It's going to fall!
    Proper head case you are.
    Really messed up.
    Okay, I get it. The bird's me.
    My dad left. So what?
    Look, Artie, um...
    Just thought I'd help set the mood...
    ...for your big heart-to-heart chat.
    I know what it's like
    to not feel ready for something.
    Even ogres get scared.
    You know... once in a while.
    I know you want me
    to be king, but I can't.
    I'm not cut out for it,
    and I never will be.
    Even my own dad knew
    I wasn't worth the trouble.
    He dumped me at that school
    first chance he got...
    ...and I never heard from him again.
    My dad wasn't really
    the fatherly type, either.
    I doubt he was worse than mine.
    Oh, yeah?
    My father was an ogre.
    He tried to eat me.
    I guess I should have realized it.
    He bathed me in barbecue sauce and
    put me to bed with an apple in my mouth.
    I guess that's pretty bad.
    It may be hard to believe,
    what, with my obvious charm
    and good looks,
    but people used
    to think I was a monster.
    And for a long time, I believed them.
    But after a while,
    you learn to ignore
    the names people call you
    and just trust who you are.
    You know... you're okay, Shrek.
    You just need to do a little less
    yelling and use a little more soap.
    Thanks, Artie.
    The soap's because
    you stink... really bad.
    Yeah... I got that.
    This place is filthy!
    I feel like a hobo.
    I'm sorry, but this
    isn't working for me.
    Everything's always about you.
    It's not like your attitude is helping.
    Maybe itjust bothers you
    I was voted fairest in the land.
    You mean in that rigged election?
    Give me a break. "Rapunzel, Rapunzel...
    ...let down thy golden extensions!"
    Ladies, let go of your petty complaints
    and let's work together!
    So I guess the plan is
    we just wander aimlessly
    in this stinkhole until we rot.
    No, we get inside and find out
    what Charming's up to.
    I know he's a jerk and everything,
    but that Charming
    makes me hotter than July.
    That's it!
    Come on! This way!
    Rapunzel, wait!
    Charming, let go of her.
    But why would I want to do that?
    What?
    Say hello, ladies,
    to the new Queen of Far Far Away.
    Rapunzel, how could you?
    Jealous much?
    Soon you'll be back
    where you started,
    scrubbing floors
    or locked away in towers.
    That is, if I let you last the week.
    Pookie, you promised not to hurt them.
    Not here, kitten whiskers.
    Daddy will discuss it later.
    Now forgive us.
    We have a show to put on.
    Shrek will be back soon,
    and you'll be sorry.
    Sorry?!
    Don't you realize once Shrek
    sets foot in Far Far Away...
    ...he's doomed?
    Look out! They got a piano!
    Kill them all... except the fat one.
    King Charming has something special
    in mind for you, ogre.
    King Charming?
    Attack!
    Artie, duck!
    Ready the plank!
    - Shrek!
    - Help!
    Cowards!
    What has Charming done with Fiona?
    She's going to get what's coming to her.
    And there ain't nothing
    you can do to stop him!
    - We've got to save her.
    - But she's so far far away!
    Get yourself back
    to Worcestershire, kid.
    No, Shrek. Hold on. I've got an idea.
    I am a buzzing bee.
    Mr. Merlin?
    They need a spell to get them...
    ...I mean us, back to Far Far Away.
    Forget it. I don't have that kind
    of magic in me anymore.
    How about a hug?
    That's the best kind of magic.
    Please. I know you can do it.
    I said forget it!
    But...
    What's with you?
    It's just so hard, you know?
    They need to get back,
    'cause their kingdom's in trouble.
    'Cause there's a really bad man.
    It's just so hard!
    Take it easy.
    No! I don't think you understand!
    There's a mean person doing
    mean things to good people.
    Have a heart, old man.
    They really need your help to get back.
    Why won't you help them?!
    Okay.
    I'll go get my things.
    Piece of cake.
    Well, well. You want eggs with that ham?
    I am a little rusty, so there
    could be some side effects.
    - Side effects?
    - Don't worry.
    Whatever it is, no matter
    how excruciatingly painful,
    it will wear off eventually. I think.
    - Oops.
    - You sure about this?
    If Artie trusts him,
    that's good enough for me.
    Even if his robe doesn't cover...
    Alacritious expeditious...
    ...a- zoomy-zoom-zoom!
    Let's help our friends get back...
    ...soon!
    It worked!
    I haven't been on a trip
    like that since college!
    Donkey?
    What? Is something in my teeth?
    Oh, no! I've been abracadabra-ed into
    a Fancy Feastin', second-rate sidekick!
    At least you don't look
    like some kind of bloated pinata!
    You should think about going on a diet!
    You should get yourself a pair of pants.
    I feel all exposed and nasty!
    So you two think this is funny?
    I'm really sorry, guys.
    Don't be. You got us back, kid.
    How in the Hans Christian Andersen
    am I supposed to parade around
    in these goofy boots?
    Hey, hey, hey!
    Be very careful with those.
    They were made in Madrid
    by the finest...
    You'll learn to control that.
    Seriously. Ow! You need some comfort
    inserts or arch supports or something.
    Watch it. I'm walking here
    and I'm gonna keep going until...
    Pinocchio!
    Shrek! Help me!
    - What happened?
    - Charming and the villains took over!
    Fiona and the Princesses got away.
    Now she's...
    She's what?! What?!
    Puss! Loan me five bucks.
    You heard him. Help the brother out.
    Do you see any pockets on me?
    Hold on a second.
    I had no idea, really. I... I swear.
    Quick! Where is Fiona?
    Charming has her locked away
    someplace. You have to find him!
    He's probably getting ready
    for the show!
    Wait, Pinocchio! What show?
    "It's a Happily Ever After After All".
    "Shrek's final performance"?
    Shrek! You didn't tell us
    you were in a play!
    I guess I've been so busy
    I forgot to mention it.
    The ogre! Get him!
    Don't worry, jefe. I got this.
    Uck! Kill it!
    Look. Don't you know who
    he thinks he is? How dare you!
    We're dealing with amateurs.
    He's a star, people! Hello?
    I'm so sorry about this, Mr. Shrek.
    I'm going to lose it!
    Is everything ready? You did get
    the list for the dressing room?
    Breakfast croissant stuffed
    with seared sashimi tuna.
    And I hope you have the saffron corn
    with jalapeno honey butter.
    Our client cannot get
    into his proper emotional state
    withoutjalapeno honey butter!
    I just lost it.
    They should talk to Nancy
    in Human Resources.
    Oh, we will have much to say
    to Nancy, I promise!
    "With this sword, I do..." No. "With..."
    "With this sword, I do smote thee!"
    Is "smote" the right word? "Smoot"?
    I don't think that's a word.
    Maybe I should just "smite" him.
    Let's try this again. Now...
    Shrek attacks me.
    I pretend to be afraid.
    "Now the kingdom will get the happily
    ever after they deserve. Die, ogre!"
    Blah, blah, blah. Oh,
    itjust doesn't feel real enough!
    Who told you to stop dancing?!
    Wink and turn.
    What are you laying around for?
    Get up! Honestly!
    Our happily ever after
    is nearly complete, Mummy.
    And I assure you...
    ...the people of this kingdom
    will pay dearly for every second...
    ...we've had to wait.
    Break a leg.
    On second thought,
    let me break it for you.
    Thank goodness. I was afraid
    you wouldn't get back in time.
    Where's Fiona?
    Don't worry. She and the others
    are safe... for now.
    Let me guess. Arthur.
    It's Artie, actually.
    This boy is supposed to be
    the new King of Far Far Away?
    How pathetic.
    Stand still, so I won't make a mess.
    Charming, stop! I'm here now.
    You got what you wanted.
    This isn't about him.
    Then who's it about?
    I'm supposed to be king, right?
    You weren't really next in line
    for the throne.
    I was.
    But you said the King
    asked for me personally.
    Not exactly.
    What does that mean?
    I said whatever I had to say, all right?
    I wasn't right for the job,
    so I needed some fool to replace me.
    And you fit the bill. So just go!
    You were playing me the whole time.
    You catch on real fast, kid.
    Maybe you're not
    as big of a loser as I thought.
    You know, for a minute...
    ...I actually thought...
    - What?
    That he cared about you? He's an ogre.
    What did you expect?
    You really do have a way
    with children, Shrek.
    Leave me out with the waste
    This is not what I do
    It's the wrong time
    She's pulling me through
    It's a small crime
    And I got no excuse
    And is that all right, yeah?
    Is that all right with you?
    Is that all right, yeah?
    If I give my gun away when it's loaded?
    If you don't shoot it
    how am I supposed to hold it?
    Is that all right?
    Is that all right?
    Is that all right with you?
    No.
    No.
    Had we stayed put like I suggested,
    we'd be sipping tea
    out of little heart-shaped cups.
    Yeah, heart-shaped cups.
    And eating crumpets
    smothered with loganberries.
    Yeah, loganberries.
    - Shut up, Cindy.
    - Yeah, shut up.
    - No, you shut up.
    - Stay out of this.
    Who cares who's "running the kingdom"?
    - I care.
    - You should all care.
    I have your badge number, tin can!
    - Donkey?
    - Princess!
    Puss?
    I am Puss, stuck here
    inside this hideous body.
    And I'm me!
    But you're...
    Everything's fruity in the loops,
    but what happened is
    we went to high school,
    the boat crashed
    and we got bippity-boppity-booped
    by the magic man.
    You poor sweet things.
    I don't get it.
    The cat turned into a little horse
    that smells like feet. What's to get?
    Who dat?
    Where's Shrek?
    Charming has him. He plans to kill Shrek
    tonight in front of the whole kingdom!
    All right, everyone.
    We need to find a way out now.
    You're right.
    Ladies, assume the position!
    What are you doing?
    Waiting to be rescued.
    You've got to be kidding me.
    What else can we do? We're just four...
    ...I mean three, super-hot princesses...
    ...two circus freaks, a pregnant ogre
    and an old lady!
    Excuse me. Old lady coming through.
    Mom!
    You didn't think you got your fighting
    skills from your father, did you?
    Excuse me. There's still one more.
    Why don't you just lie down?
    Okay, girls, from here on out...
    ...we take care of business ourselves.
    The Far Far Away Theatre at the
    Charming Pavilion is proud to present...
    ..."It's A Happily Ever After
    After AII."
    Enjoy your evening
    of theatrical reverie, citizen.
    Oi! No food or beverages in the theater!
    Places, everyone!
    Easy!
    Sorry. I was showing off
    for the little one.
    It's Bring Your Kids to Work Day.
    Come here, beautiful.
    Well, she's got your eye.
    Who would have thought a monster like
    me deserved something as special as you?
    Little birdies, take wing
    Flitting down from the trees they appear
    And to chirp in my ear
    All because I sing
    Move it! Go!
    My babies!
    Help!
    Hey, how's it goin'?
    O to the K. The coast is clear.
    Let's do this. Go, Team Dynamite!
    I thought we agreed to use the name
    Team Super Cool.
    I recall it was Team Awesome.
    I voted for Team Alpha Wolf Squadron.
    Okay! From henceforth,
    we will be Team Alpha Super Awesome
    Cool Dynamite Wolf Squadron.
    Ach de liebe! There is some strange
    little girl over there staring at us!
    Artie!
    Wait, wait!
    Where is the fire, senor?
    Please. Don't act so innocent.
    You both knew what was going on
    and kept it to yourselves.
    It's not like it seems.
    It's not? I think it seems pretty clear.
    He was using me. That's all.
    Using you? You really don't get it.
    Shrek only said
    those things to protect you.
    Charming was going to kill you, Artie!
    Shrek saved your life.
    Cue the spot!
    I wait alone up here
    I'm trapped another day
    Locked up here, please set me free
    My new life I almost see
    A castle, you and me
    Yes, a castle, you and me
    Cherubs!
    Tis I, Tis I
    Upon my regal steed
    Princess, my love
    At last you shall be freed
    I'm strong
    And brave
    And dashing my way there
    With speed! With might!
    With soft and bouncy hair!
    - Through the blistering desert
    - Hot!
    - Across the stormiest sea
    - Wet!
    Facing creatures so vile
    Foul!
    So you can gaze upon me!
    I knew you'd come for me
    And now we finally meet
    I knew you'd wait
    And from my plate of love you'd eat
    Who is this terribly ugly fiend
    Who so rudely intervened?
    Will Charming fight or flee?
    Please rescue me!
    From this monstrosity!
    Fear thee not, honey lamb!
    I will slice this thing up like a ham!
    Oh, boy.
    You are about to enter a world of pain
    With which you are not familiar!
    It can't be any more painful
    than your lousy performance.
    "Prepare, foul beast."
    Prepare, foul beast, your time is done!
    Could you kill me and then sing?
    Be quiet!
    I'm just having fun with you.
    That's actually a very nice leotard.
    Thank you.
    Do they come in men's sizes?
    Now that be funny!
    Enough!
    Now you'll finally
    know what it's like...
    ...to have everything you worked for...
    ...everything that's precious to you,
    taken away.
    Now you'll know how I felt.
    Sausage roll!
    Pray for mercy from Puss!
    And Donkey!
    D
    Hi, honey.
    Sorry we're late. You okay?
    Much better, now that you're here.
    So, Charming, you want to let me out of
    these so we can settle this ogre-to-man?
    Ooh, that sounds fun.
    But I have a better idea.
    No! Let go of me!
    You will not ruin things
    this time, ogre. Kill it.
    Everybody, stop!
    Oh, what is it now?!
    Artie?
    Who thinks we need
    to settle things this way?
    You mean you want to be villains
    your whole lives?
    But we are villains!
    It's the only thing we know.
    You never wish
    you could be something else?
    Easy for you to say. You're not
    some evil enchanted tree.
    You morons! Don't listen to him! Attack!
    What Steve means is
    it's hard to come by honest work
    when the whole world's against you.
    Right. Thanks, Ed.
    Fair enough. You're right.
    I'm not a talking tree.
    But you know...
    ...a good friend once told me...
    ...just because people treat you
    like a villain, or an ogre...
    ...orjust some loser...
    ...doesn't mean you are one.
    What matters most
    is what you think of yourself.
    If there's something you really want,
    or someone you want to be...
    ...the only person standing
    in your way is you.
    - Me?
    - Get him!
    No, no, no!
    What I mean is each of you...
    ...is standing in your own way.
    I always wanted to play the flute.
    I'd like to open up a spa... in France!
    I grow daffodils. And they're beautiful.
    A new era finally begins!
    Now all of you...
    ...bow before your King!
    You need to work on your aim.
    This was supposed to be
    my happily ever after!
    Well, you need to keep looking...
    ...because I'm not giving up mine.
    Mommy?
    It's yours if you want it.
    But this time it's your choice.
    Author!
    Artie! Artie! Artie! Artie!
    Excuse me. That's my seat.
    Okay, Senor Hocusy-Pocusy, the time
    has come to rectify some wrongs!
    Though I have been enjoying
    these cat baths.
    Please say you didn't.
    All right! Look.
    You'll feel a pinch and possibly
    lower intestinal discomfort...
    ...but this should do the trick.
    - Are you...?
    - I'm me again!
    - And I am not you!
    - All right!
    Oops.
    Ah, never mind.
    What did I tell you?
    The kid's going to be a great king.
    Well, for what it's worth,
    you would have, too.
    I have something
    much more important in mind.
    Finally.
    Dada.
    Was I wrong about the world?
    It's a beautiful new place
    I smell Shrek Junior!
    Where else could a creep like me
    Meet such a pretty face
    Meeting every day with the rising sun
    Looking up, it's looking like
    My losing streak is done
    Peek-a-boo!
    Peek-a-boo!
    A bouncy, bouncy, boy!
    Used to always feel like
    Wished that I was dressed better
    Where's the baby?
    Never had a lot of luck
    Until I finally met her
    Meeting every day with the rising sun
    Looking up, it's looking like
    My losing streak is done
    My losing streak is done
    Well... what shall we do now?
    I got it.
    Puss and Donkey, baby!
    Once again, come on!
    I want to thank you for letting me
    be myself
    Again!
    Look at my hips!
    I want to thank you for letting me
    be myself
    Again!
    - Break it down!
    - Let's go!
    Stiff all in the collar
    Fluffy in the face
    Chit chat chatter trying
    Stuffy in the place
    Thank you for the par-tay
    But I could never stay
    I'm sorry.
    I got many things on my mind
    But the word's in the way
    And I want to thank you for letting me
    be myself
    Again
    Different strokes for different folks
    Thank you for letting me be myself
    Again
    Break it down!
    Puss and Donkey, baby!
    Puss and Donkey, baby!
    Puss and Donkey, baby!
    Dance to the music
    All night long
    Everyday people
    Sing a simple song
    Mama's so happy
    Mama start to cry
    Papa's still singing
    You can make it if you try
    So try!
    Thank you for letting me be myself
    Again
    Thank you for letting me be myself
    Again
    Come on, Donkey. Do something right!
    Put the hoofs together!
    Put the hoofs together!
    Stomp your boots, baby! Stomp your
    boots, baby! Stomp your boots, baby!
    Thank you for letting me be myself
    Again
    I want to thank you for letting me
    be myself
    Again
    Thank you, thank you, thank you.
    Want to thank you
    Just to be my
    Because I just want to be my...
    See?
    Can I, can I thank you!
    Can I
    Yes! Yes!
     
  15. AprilBlossoms

    AprilBlossoms Sapphic Witch

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    THE MEMES THE MEMMMMMMEEEEEEESSSSSSS
     
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    AlysaPotato Daensquad

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  17. SpoopMelon

    SpoopMelon Persephone

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    I WANNA DO THIS WITH MONTY PYTHON LIFE OF BRIAN OR HOLY GRAIL NOWWWWW
     
  18. freckled_face

    freckled_face "frefa"
    1. Close Knit Friends

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    put this in the moma
     
  19. BadladBarbas

    BadladBarbas Meme Connoisseur

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    • Winner Winner x 1
  20. sonofthestars

    sonofthestars chaotic stupid Supremium

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    Delicious.


    DELICIOUS.
     
  21. BadladBarbas

    BadladBarbas Meme Connoisseur

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    *Beelicious
     
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