Preserved Sheet Sylvia Arshrenovka Astri
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This policy is no longer valid. We trust our Lore staff members to be unbiased through quality checks, and so should you. The review will continue as it was.
I need to explain her relation to house Vanso. Before I explain this, I am stating that she no longer is considered a noble for she has lost her title and her noble rights when she abandoned Hedryll. That all being said, I would like to keep her history as once being a noble of house Vanso due to the immensely deep character progression that has come from it. Please no one meta this information.
-Removed comment to avoid meta-
So overall:
-She has no noble titles nor noble rights.
-She lost her noble rank when she abandoned Hedryll which is already in the life story.
-I will change the story so she is cured once she gets to Regalia.
-She gets to keep her Blackmark training due to being cured.
-And she also gets to keep the deep story line I have worked on for months.
If you need any more explanation on why she should keep the noble blood relation, I can provide even more reasons as this is just the tip of the iceberg.
@Scribbe
-Removed comment to avoid meta-
So overall:
-She has no noble titles nor noble rights.
-She lost her noble rank when she abandoned Hedryll which is already in the life story.
-I will change the story so she is cured once she gets to Regalia.
-She gets to keep her Blackmark training due to being cured.
-And she also gets to keep the deep story line I have worked on for months.
If you need any more explanation on why she should keep the noble blood relation, I can provide even more reasons as this is just the tip of the iceberg.
@Scribbe
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Your explanations for Sylvia's noble blood are completely irrelevant to the fact that no player can have royalty out of nowhere in the first place. Sylvia cannot be ex-royalty, period.
I'd also like to remind you that an Umredd vampire cannot maintain Blackmark training. They're physically incapable of doing such a thing. As such, Sylvia can't be an Expert in Blackmark due to training levels lost from being unable to keep up the stressful physical maintenance.
Having your Applications reviewed is a privilege, not a right, and I do have to remind you that your app cannot be approved if you don't make the edits I've requested.
I'd also like to remind you that an Umredd vampire cannot maintain Blackmark training. They're physically incapable of doing such a thing. As such, Sylvia can't be an Expert in Blackmark due to training levels lost from being unable to keep up the stressful physical maintenance.
Having your Applications reviewed is a privilege, not a right, and I do have to remind you that your app cannot be approved if you don't make the edits I've requested.
Having re-read your app again, I've noticed a few other points that require fixing.
- Firstly, I'd like you to remove Intelligent and Elegant from Sylvia's Talents section, mainly because as an Expert Blackmark, she wouldn't have time to maintain any kind of large intellect with her rigorous training, nor would she have access to knowledge, and also because Expert Blackmarks are specifically stated to be ugly on their Wiki page.
- Uncertain is a cop-out weakness, since it's only a situational weakness, so I ask that you remove, rework or replace it.
- In essence, Quick-Tempered and Blunt discuss different parts of the same weakness. As such, I ask that you remove Quick-Tempered.
- I'd also ask that you raise the age at which Sylvia was recruited as a Blackmark to over the age of 15 at least. This is because Blackmark students are stated to be recruited in their advanced teens, rather than the much earlier 10.
I request that you please list all changes needed in one post. Having the hope that im about to finally finish it and then only to find out it has to be further editted over and over again is rather tiresome. Most of all, I feel like this is no longer my character. Lore is suppose to allow leniency so everyone's character will not be exactly the same if they have the same skills, am I not correct?
@Scribbe
-Henceforth, I will make these edits, and have decided to update it to the new format, but I just felt it was necessary to bring these things up, along with my opinion in the beginning of my comment.
@Scribbe
-Henceforth, I will make these edits, and have decided to update it to the new format, but I just felt it was necessary to bring these things up, along with my opinion in the beginning of my comment.
Last edited:
Sorry about the wait. Tis taking me a bit to reformat the app.
Any update on this?
Sorry for the extra long wait. Been busy doing other things, and honestly a bit lazy. x3 I'll have it done by the end of the week.
Alright, then. Let's get started.
- First of all, I'd like you to change Sylvia's Body Build from Muscular to Strongman, since the wiki states, "Blackmarks should be strongmen by physical build and muscular by design." in the OOC Rules section.
- You seem to have left the opening guide for the Personality & Abilities in by accident. You should probably remove this.
- Next, I'd like you to remove or rework the "goofy and playful" in Sylvia's third Personality & Abilities paragraph, since this directly contradicts the later statement of "logically based system", which you could alternatively remove or rework.
- Moving into your Talents section, I'd like to ask you to either remove or rework the "Authoritative" talent, largely because that can be seen as more of a character's personality trait than a talent. You could reword and rename this talent, or find a way to work it into your Personality & Abilities.
- I'd also like you to rework her Expert Blackmark talent. Blackmarks only take in students who are in their late teens, not at the age of ten. It also goes against your later statement in the Life Story that she began training aged fifteen.
- Going into your Life Story, I immediately noticed that the section is over two-hundred words longer than the limit. Please shorten it down to the important parts.
- I've also noticed that you mention that Sylvia has a 'right hand that locks up, and has a weaker grip.' Perhaps you could turn this into a Weakness?
- Finally, I don't think sneaking Blackmark armour into Regalia via crates of fish is a valid excuse for having it. Armour simply isn't something you need to play this character.
Fixed
Added the info to explain she has a dual personality disorder.
Changed from the passive form of authority (authoritative) to the active form (authoritating) so the word becomes a talent rather than a personality trait.
Fixed
Removed due to the fact that I just wasn't paying attention, and realized how she wouldn't be able to handle the two-handed blade like an expert.
Removed
@Scribbe
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Playing mental illnesses are generally frowned upon, and, in my eyes, that one is one of the hardest to roleplay out, as the effects are very confusing and advanced.
I'm rejecting this app for three reasons:
- First of all, you've shoehorned a very serious mental illness into your app as a gimmick.
- Secondly, by incorporating this into your app, you've made it into something that could be incredibly insulting to an actual sufferer of this disorder.
- Finally, you've drawn this review out over three weeks, with plenty of unnecessary and wholly avoidable argument against my requested edits.
First of all, this is not a gimmick. This is actually how I have played her and I actually know someone with this. I am not making any joke out of this app. I am being as realistic to the disorder as I can be, and you can even ask those I role-play with on how her attitude flips constantly.
Secondly, I am not the only role-player who plays with a personality disorder, and if you find offense to this, then you have misinterpreted how this was portrayed.
Finally, if I remember correctly, your comments were removed for hostility when there was an argument, not mine. I have had app review also go very much longer than this before. Three weeks is nothing.
@Scribbe
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