Unknown artist. An Allar in the Holy City. December 310 A.C. Oil on Canvas. Archives of ---. Basic Information ⇶Full Name | Subekti Melatibu →Nicknames: Susu, Su, Susumi, Susan⇶Race | Allar: Kyat Pureblood ⇶Culture | Kota-Allar ⇶Age | 38, hatched on June 26th, 273 A.C. (Name day: Last day of March) ⇶Gender/Pronouns | Identifies male, he/him ⇶Eye Color | Grasshopper yellow ⇶Combat styles | Scout ⇶Occult | Mundane Spoiler: Inventory Subekti carries on him: Almost always, -A coin purse containing 50 regals. -A simple bronze ring on right horn. -An engraved gold ring on left horn.Usually, -A small box of alchemical ingredients and medical supplies. Also contains Chemtech parts. -Numerous slim alchemical bottles, stored in a specially tailored alchemical belt. Poisons, goods. -Some reading glasses with gold leaf frames and small round lenses -A notebook, pen, and ink.Sometimes, -Daen handcannon. Powder, shot. -Assorted books on alchemy, Estelley, the Essa Empire, or travel.Situationally, -Scoped Daen ‘Lance’ rifle. Powder, shot. -A weathered music box and key.Never -His Unionist neck pendant made of tin. -A mask emulating Happiness Arken. Severely damaged. -An alchemical beaker signed by the Happiness Arken with a glowing signature. Spoiler: Pets ⇶Mutant Juvenile Exist Rat [INSERT NAME]: This abnormally large rat found Ningrum and others following a battle against a hive of dimensionally corrupted sewer rats. Alone, traumatized, and scared, Ningrum's divinely inspired compassion comforted the rat, who formed a bond with the cultist, in their little rodent way. The mutant rat has wispy, radiant blue eyes not dissimilar from a Exist Silven. Ningrum will often bring the rat to prayer, though can also be found tending to their firearms with the humongous rat exploring somewhere nearby. The rat usually lives in a terrarium that Ningrum keeps safe in their Root Court hideout. The rat enjoys the smell of rubyflower, and of Xolo, the former Ningrum keeps stocked in their enclosure. Core Concept Subekti is a disgruntled veteran of the Chrysant War. The world was never kind to him, and it is likely that it never will be; but Subekti knows this, and has begun to actively work against it. With the Chrysant War a vivid memory, and the struggles of the his caste being forefront in his mind, he feels cheated from a life that wasn't his. He is what one may term a Collectivist Allar Nationalist, though for had most his life been a Mandater. Subekti's faith, once zealously Estellon, now faded into atheistic despair. Visual Information Subekti is a Kyat Allar with scales a shade of light green. He has two horns on the back of his head which curl forward like a ram, and horned protrusions adorning each brow ridge, with gills situated flat against his neck nearby. With the general head shape of a hypsilophodon with other ornithopod elements mixed in, the Kyat appears mostly friendly, though worn past his years, round pupils and soft greenish-yellow eyes certainly helping this appearance. Subekti stands at 5'4 (162 cm) tall, and dresses in a style reminiscent of mercantile Regalians. Whilst reading, he can also be seen wearing small glasses with gold leaf frames. Spoiler: Disguises and Alternate Forms Disguise Pack | With the name "Ningrum", this disguise acts as the convenient clandestine disguise for when Subekti wishes to venture somewhere he probably shouldn't. They are thus unrecognizable as Subekti. Wishing to keep his activities a secret, his disguise comes in the form of a two-tone hooded robe, which he completes with an ill-fitting mask, with a smile. Proficiency ⇶Points spent | 14/14 ⇶Combat styles | Scout ⇶Strength | 0 →Diving Tackle Pack (Free Allar Pack 2)⇶Constitution | 0 →N/A⇶Intelligence | 3 | Chemtech →Shapeshift Pack →Mindcontrol Pack →Tech Hook Pack⇶Wisdom | 4 | Chemtech, Alchemy →Chem Hyperfocus Pack →Chem Cleanse Pack →Chem Technique Parry Pack →Chem Bang Pack →Chem Mend Pack (Free Allar Pack 1)⇶Dexterity | 7 | Daen handcannon, Modified Chemtech ‘Lance’ rifle →Disguise Pack →Soft Landing Pack →Deadeye Stance (Free) →Deadeye Barrage Pack →Deadeye Luckshot Pack →Deadeye Doubletap Pack →Deadeye Venom Pack →Deadeye Overwatch Pack⇶Faith | 0 | N/A →N/A⇶Magic | 0 → N/A⇶Hobbies → Alchemy Hobby (10/10) → Technology Hobby (4/10, Chemtech) → Medical Hobby (5/10) Language →Pidato (Native) →Common (Fluent, learned in Regalia) →d’Ithanie (Passable, learned in Ithania) →Altalar (Basic phrases, learned for scripture) →Nâtl (Basic phrases, learned amongst Yanar) Mechanics List Spoiler →Allar are immune to any (non Magical) disease or illness, such as viruses or bacteria, though they can become asymptomatic carriers. →Allar bodyparts regrow over the timespan of 24 hours when lost, though scars can be left behind if desired. →Allar have sensitive taste, their tongue capable of deeply analyzing anything they taste, what the ingredients are, and whether it has alchemical functions. →Allar have perfect sight at night and in dark environments, capable of seeing in the dark without needing any external light source. →Allar can breathe underwater without any Abilities, and can also see perfectly underwater without it blurring their vision, allowing them to stay submerged indefinitely. Life Story ⇶ Hatching: Subekti was the product of a hidden romance between two Kyat, one a Mageborn émigré named Mego, and the other a Kota-Allar alchemist named Melati, the former masquerading as a Paria. He was infused to be a Kyat like his parents despite the wishes of their Digmaan who desired aquatic hunters. Subekti spent his younger years on one of the northernmost Hadarian islands on the edge of a small fishing village. It was the bliss of a decent childhood. ⇶ Antebellum and the Chrysant War: The Allar family eventually moved to the city of a local Digmaan in order to take up work, escaping Mego's known status as a Mageborn Pariah. Subekti and his siblings became enamored with the Essa Empire, parents producing alchemy for the garrison. The Chrysant War's beginning left nothing untouched, Subekti losing everything in a series of brutal attacks. Fleeing to the jungle, the young Kyat became a partisan, learning gunpowder via a stolen Regalian cannons, laying deadly ambushes with his crew. He was captured following the war, but do to his age and swearing that he was but a medic-alchemist, he was spared execution and sentenced instead to labor under first the Regalians, and then the Regalian approved Digmaan. ⇶ Early Adult: Subekti was able to flee his imprisoned fate in 298 as a stowaway to Regalia. Here he met Saksono, an Allar whom he settled with, (oddly) having twin daughters together in the slums of the Bridge District. Four short years passed, until news came of the Songaskian Masaya’s invasion of Rivel. The family fled to Ithania with the nobility. On the voyage home, Subekti's newfound family was lost in a storm to the sea, returning to find his home burnt during the occupation. Perseverant, Subekti devoted himself to alchemy and Chemtech. ⇶ Adult: Subekti was one of the first to support Digmaan Yaotl, though remained after it left. These years were eventful and turbulent, and much of what Subekti experienced remains enigmatic. Subekti grew close to the Kyat named Siralli, though they would ultimately decide to go their separate ways. Leaving Regalia in 307 with the coin he had acquired through diligent work, he headed to the edge of the world in western Ithania. Here, he took work on a vineyard. ⇶Return to Regalia: In late 309 he heard word of the Vampire Crisis, and elected to travel back to Regalia, farm life simply too isolated for the Kyat. He began a voyage south, however ran out of money in Hivre Monèrde. Working for another season on a vineyard, a chance skirmish with insurgent Dread Kathar cultists near his vineyard had him rewarded, using skills long neglected in the Chrysant War. With enough coin, he finally arrived in Regalia in late 310. Cursed for nearly all of 311 by the powers of Aegipane, he has recently been relieved of its most extreme effects, and as such, now struggles to simply 'live' once more. [Chapter 1: Music to match] [Chapter 2: Music to match] [Chapter 3: Music to match]
This has been assigned to @Fatherland for a staff review. I will be conducting oversight and approve it officially once you do what he requests.
Staff Review- First off, good work on this application! Very thorough and well worded. With that said, here are some points that you may want to edit: Basic Information: Expanding on Susumu's ambition of acquiring wealth is ideal; give a brief rundown using a sentence or two. Visual Information: Susumu's tail is described as having "bony spikes" at its end. However, Al-Allar only have spines around their skull and jaw's bone structure- you may want to edit this. Osstissa is not an empire itself but rather a member state / kingdom of the greater Essa Empire. Susumu's height is also 6'7 while the max limit on Al-Allar is 5'10. Body Build should be concise and utilize one of the presets from here: https://wiki.massivecraft.com/Character_Body_Build Life Story: It'd be prudent to explain briefly why Susumu decided to focus on wealth for his ambition, or provide some short allusion. Also, elaborating on why Susumu decided to shun his native name would be beneficial. Please color these changes and additions in blue.
Jesus I missed a couple of lore changes, eh? Uh, I believe I fixed everything, @Fatherland . (I had meant to add that stuff in the life story, but I was very afraid of going over that 900 world limit :P)
@Staff Roleplay I think it's time for this skill to be added, and, i'm just tagging lore since neither Valentinian or Fatherland are staff anymore.
Basic: Given his birth date, he should be 30 not 29. Make that one edit and tag me once you're done! @ezalB
Application has been entirely redone, both to fit the new proficiency skill system (and update), as well as to update it to the newest Allar lore rewrite. The new application additionally reflects his personality and how I play him now, as he has evolved since the time of original writing. The application also now reflects my current skill in writing. Changes have not been highlighted due to all but the physical aspects being rewritten.
Tagged as Needs-Reviewer as the the last three reviewers are no longer staff. Proficiency has been updated to fit the latest update, increasing points from twenty to thirty. Also sort of bumping this back to the first page, since it was on the sixth.
His weapon of choice is listed as shortsword, though he has no skill in it. I would advise changing to unarmed or investing a point into shortsword so he can properly utilize the weapon at the very least. Mark your edits in red and tag me when you have made the appropriate changes. @ezalB
Complete, pardon about the wait! I suppose I hadn't thought of that change, but it makes perfect sense @AptlyRatley .
@AptlyRatley Hey there! Nothing major has been changed, however all instances of "Susumu Yi" have been changed to "Zuzumi Rassa Al-Ziisora" due to a conforming to the Allar culture once again, except for the part in his abbreviated life story where he referred to himself as Susumu. I simply needed to tag this as a re-review, in order to change the name of the thread to reflect the character's current name. Hope that's okay! I did however mark a story addition, and name change in red just to be even more transparent.
@Bagley_ Apologies for the extra work here-- the entire application has been rewritten from the ground up. Consider it basically a new application.
@Carlit0o ALL CHANGES MARKED IN BLUE. Updated application July 22nd, 2020. Last major update December 30th, 2018. Added "Inventory" section to Basic Information. Updated "Skill Information" to modern format with minimal proficiency change. Added hobby points. Added Wa'an as a language. Updated "Personality and Abilities" section to modern format. Added "Recent Life" section to life story, explaining a year of OOC and IC absence. Other minor changes. Updates to lore-terms, spelling and grammar errors, wording, format, other inconsistencies.
Changes: -Rewritten from the ground up for a final return, too many to list. -Guilt Demon (white+red aesthetic is cool). Sorry old buddy.
@Lizmun Changes: -Changed Demon origin from Guilt Arken (Void) to Happiness Demon (Exist), because I already have multiple Void-adjacent characters. Also, extreme happiness funny. Changed aesthetics a little bit in the spoiler. -Removed Affliction Pack and 1 Wisdom for possible Cahal in future. -Added Fire Magic and 1 Magic.
Hi again @ChapterDeath . I haven't actually played this character since the multiple times I've updated this app, and have been flip-flopping on what I want to do with him, but I think, this time, I've actually figured it out. Demonology and Technician is kinda blegh, and so I have taken Demonology out back. Yet, I obviously wasn't going to let a good Demon skin go to waste. This form, essentially a hooded robe and mask, is becoming his disguise form with a few edits. It definitely, absolutely, no way in heck, has any relation to the Happiness Arken and I think you're crazy for even mentioning it. I have adjusted everything else to fit this, life story, core concept, etc. I have shifted points around accordingly towards an entirely support role, though I did give him a honse, because little lizard on honse is funny. I have also updated the appearance section to give him a coat of new paint, and instead of being a lizard, he now looks like a little dinosaur guy. I will not be changing his core design again, unless he were to somehow become afflicted.
@ChapterDeath Just a few changes, all in blue. -Added @Ghirko art. -Rewrote Core Concept to account for IC development. -Readjusted proficiencies to reflect IC developments. A tiny bit more capable of violence and troublemaking. -Aged Subekti up by 4 years (again), giving him a deeper involvement in the Chrysant War, which strengthens his current development. Adjusted backstory to account.
@ChapterDeath , changes marked in blue. I swear I don't mean to make this a monthly thing. -Major overhaul to 'class' design. I am returning to Subekti to his initial design roots, and have shifted his niche from Technician support, to sniper/scout support as a disgruntled veteran of the Chrysant War that he was when I first played him. It is more compelling to me than solely nervous, nerdy lizard. -Vivitech because Vivitech cool, and makes sense given parts of backstory- still mostly focused on alchemy. -Drank the blue Gatorade. Will update with appropriate information when I have the skin. -Wording.
Okie doke. Just a few spots that I saw: Abilities/Magic: -Please add your curse point buy packs to your proficiencies. You are still technically investing in magic, but just denote that they are your commutable points from your affliction. Backstory: -I know you overhauled his core niche into a sniper/scout, but it is not really touched upon how he gained those skills within his backstory. Did he learn during the Chrysant war or was it during his time in western Ithania? Maybe he felt that alchemy wasn't just enough anymore? -This is a minor thing that I noticed, but when mentioning the invasion of the Songaskian Masaya, you accidently misspelled Regalia. -It doesn't really mention when Subekti was turned into a cahal, or why. Was this something done in-game or was it during his time in Hivre Monerde while working at the vineyard? Please make these changes, and you'll be good to go!
Kept it in spoiler to avoid meta as he is supposed to semi-secretive, and because the Character Application template is semi-contradictory on what it asks for in this section. I really don't like the abilities section, haha. Moved tho. This is referring to the initial invasion of Rivel by the Songaskian Masaya, before they invaded the City of Regalia proper. He fled the city before the Songaskians actually arrived. At the time, I just dropped him as a character to play one of the occupiers, haha. I left it vague on purpose as handheld firearms weren't something in wide use during the Chrysant War, but that OOCly I wished to play guns. It states that he became a 'partisan', which I was largely using to handwave where he got the skills. His focus is largely still alchemy, and this is what he uses most of the time. Despite firearms being the majority of his Proficiency, it isn't reflective of what he's actually up to to more than half the time, since most alchemical things I have and use are done via only 3 Specials. I added a line stating he was on a (stolen) cannon crew (explaining familiarity with guns), clarified his switch to alchemy post-war, clarified his adoption of Vivitech and further focus into alchemy later. I also added a line in the final paragraph stating he 'rediscovered' his neglected skills in Hivre Monerde (guns). Kept this semi-lowkey so as to avoid meta, and also keeping specific details out because the Life Story is already unwieldy and large due to his age as a character, but it's probably fine. Clarified that he was radicalized following his return to Regalia due the rapidly spiraling tyrannical stuff going on under the Regent, and that Aegipane was able to draw him onto a Cahalic path because of it. Should be all good, @RaggedyGrace !
