Rejected Sheet Srak Abansaddi

Discussion in 'Character Applications' started by Megadonshark, Oct 19, 2020.

  1. Megadonshark

    Megadonshark

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    Character Information

    • Full Name: Srak Kōrinth’raka Abansaddi

    • Race: Imperial Eronidas

    • Age: 23

    • Sex: Male

    • Sexuality: Pansexual

    • Eye color: Deep Blue

    Core Concept

    • Srak devotes himself to Dragon Worship mostly, but keeps the philosophies learned through the Call of Vakgar and Makosh at his heart, as he cares deeply about history and tradition.

    • Srak wishes to be a formidable combatant, not only with physical strength but also with words, intelligence, and actions, focusing his efforts into studying medicine, technology, diplomacy, and of course, fighting.
    Proficiency Information
    • Glaive Combat: 5 points (5 core points invested)

    • Fist Combat: 5 points (5 core points invested)
    • Metallurgy: 9 points (6 core points invested, 3+ from Honed Skill I)
      • Finecraft

      • Iron Family

      • Rich Family
    • Steamtech Engineering: 9 points
      • Environment

      • Mending

      • Biotics
    • Bodycare Training: 10 points (5 core points invested, +5 racial bonus)
    • Strength Training: 10 points (10 core points invested)
    • Medical Training: 10 points (10 core points invested)
    • Wooden Art: 5 points (5 hobby points invested)

    • Sailing Art: 5 points (5 hobby points invested)
    Physical Stat: 52 (4.5 from metallurgy, 5 from glaive combat, 5 from fist combat, 5 from bodycare, 10 from strength, 2.5 from wooden art, and 2.5 from sailing art = 34.5, which gets a bonus of 17 due to Brawn Power II, meaning 34.5 + 17 = 51.5, rounded up to 52)


    Ability Information

    • Medical Science
      • Light Mend 1

      • Light Mend 2

    • Bodycare
      • Skin Purge 1

      • Age Control 1
    • Strength
      • Great Force 1

      • Gate Smash 1
    • Engineering:
      • Environment

      • Mending

      • Biotics
    Languages

    Vasar (Parent Language 10/10)

    Common (Learned from exposure 10/10)

    Appearance Information

    • Srak has no mutations but he does have a missing left hand, which is replaced by a biotic most of the time.

    • Srak is a taller, 6’7 Eronidas with greenish teal skin, he has quite a lot of muscle to go along with his stature, though the muscle is a bit leaner in comparison to many of his kin; His hair is longer and curly, with a dark blonde, almost brown color.
    Life Story

    • Srak was born to Kal and Hadad Abansaddi in a Polon in Merredweg, becoming a part of the Abansaddi Family.

    • Spent many of his younger years learning medicine as that was his passion as a child, before learning engineering and craftsmanship to assist that passion. He’d later decide that he could put his talents to use in combat and on the field, moving to train at the Regalian Marshalry Academy

    • After graduating from the Marshalry Academy at 18, he moved to Vultaro for the next three years to go and study field medicine at the Ecological Academy.

    • They came to Regalia to further hone and demonstrate their array of skills, wishing to prove themselves worthy to their own faith and honor.
    Progression Information

    • Support Level 2 (Forced), Diplomat Level 1
     
    #1 Megadonshark, Oct 19, 2020
    Last edited: Mar 18, 2022
  2. Yui_Drax

    Yui_Drax Loong Worshiper and Sihai Enthusiast Supremium

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    Hello there! This is a peer review which means what I write is merely suggestions and advice, you don't have to follow it completely. I am not a staff member!

    Unfortunately Fineweave Art is not one of the racial boosts for Arak Orcs but Fabric Art is, of course you can change it to Fabric Art to get the racial boost but that would mean that you won't be able to produce good quality clothes, not that you wouldn't produce or make them at all.

    There's nothing wrong here but you can also add fractions to better represent the proficiency of your languages.

    Alright! This is the end of my peer review, again I am not a staff member. These are merely suggestions and advice but most importantly, happy roleplaying!
     
  3. Megadonshark

    Megadonshark

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    Thank you, I appreciate the feedback, and reworked my hobby points along with adding language fractions. This is my first character sheet so it's all been quite new to me.
     
  4. Mollymock

    Mollymock The Verdant Preacher Staff Member Roleplay Staff

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  5. Megadonshark

    Megadonshark

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    @Mollymock Reworked a lot with Eronidas and Metallurgy update. Points moved out of combat stats in favor of more metallurgy and a new arcanology pack. Life story minorly altered just to fit new lore, changed from bi to pan to reflect Eronidas gender blindness, and hopefully changed or removed any mention of Orc, Polorc, Konton, Arak, and Orcon.
     
  6. Mollymock

    Mollymock The Verdant Preacher Staff Member Roleplay Staff

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  7. Megadonshark

    Megadonshark

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    @Mollymock Updated to fit new update. More points to medicine, schooling for medicine, rich family metal, and one point to fist combat just to make stats look even have been added. Statescraft removed as it was removed, and fineweave removed in place of horticulture as it makes more sense with the whole natural sciences school. Daen added as regional language, and two new lines in backstory to reflect schooling were added. Phys stat increased from 30 to 36 due to additions to metallurgy points, 1.5 from horticulture, and the single point from fist combat in combination with Brawn Power. Let me know if you need anything else changed, and I hope you have a great rest of the week!
     
  8. Mollymock

    Mollymock The Verdant Preacher Staff Member Roleplay Staff

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    You've spent 53 Skill Points, rather than 50. Please correct this then we should be good to go.
     
  9. Megadonshark

    Megadonshark

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    I'm confused, I did the math and it equals 50. Are you confusing the 12 point metallurgy investment for being 12 core and not 9 core plus 3 honed skill?
     
  10. Megadonshark

    Megadonshark

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  11. Mollymock

    Mollymock The Verdant Preacher Staff Member Roleplay Staff

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  12. Megadonshark

    Megadonshark

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    @Mollymock Very minor update, clockwork metallurgy removed and replaced with clockwork biotics. That's about it besides some very small changes to hobby points (2 points moved around) and phys stat being kicked from 36 to 35 due to loss of the metallurgy stuff.
     
  13. Mollymock

    Mollymock The Verdant Preacher Staff Member Roleplay Staff

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  14. Megadonshark

    Megadonshark

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    @Mollymock not going to mark for re-review due to only 10 points being changed (the talent cap of 10 meant I had to move the 20 medical science to only 10 and just added it to glaive combat for simplicity) but I figured it's good to still tag just in case, because of the fact changes were made.
     
  15. Megadonshark

    Megadonshark

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    @Mollymock Complete rework of the character, can't really even give the specific changes since so many things were changed for the new format. Profs are relatively the same at least, physical stat is the same, and some other parts remain pretty consistent despite the whole rework of Srak.
     
  16. Mollymock

    Mollymock The Verdant Preacher Staff Member Roleplay Staff

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    I feel as though there's too much going on in these proficiencies, being both a Smith, an Engineer and very competent warrior. I suggest you go down one of the following route: Smith/Engineer with no more than 10 Combat Proficiencies, or Warrior with no more than 9 points between Engineering/Smithing.

    Make these changes, tag me and we'll go from there.
     
  17. Megadonshark

    Megadonshark

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    @Mollymock I'm not sure where I want to put the proficiencies, considering the metallurgy is just finecraft with some metals which I use for making the engineering in the first place, even though it's no longer a requirement for making said engineering (as the character doesn't make armor, weapons, or anything with the metal that isn't just engineering or decorative additions to the engineering) I could move some points around anyways, if I did I'd probably just leave it at 9 in engineering and no metallurgy, but is there too much of an issue in having the metallurgy purely so that I feel more justified in making the devices under steamtech environment and biotics? I mean I can still remove it if needed, just wondering if it's a complete necessity since metallurgy isn't really bringing anything in terms of power-stacking when it's practically 9 points for aesthetics.
     
  18. Mollymock

    Mollymock The Verdant Preacher Staff Member Roleplay Staff

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    The issue mostly comes down to a combination of all of these proficiencies. A smith/engineer shouldn't be an incredibly competent warrior, and a warrior shouldn't be a competent Engineer (with smithing being less so the problem). With this point spread, there's few reasons as to why your character would need to go and seek anyone else's help, instead moving from combat-to-combat, remaking any gear lost, rebuilding lost limbs and performing first aid. They sorta just have the proficiencies themselves to hit the reset button on any damage sustained during a fight, and that's what prodominantly feels a bit OTT (not to mention anti-RP). Take some time to consider what the goal actually is with this character, and what niche they would like to opperate within and then update the application accordingly.
     
  19. Megadonshark

    Megadonshark

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    @Mollymock Ah this character isn't meant for crp at all. He focuses mainly on being a medic/engineer and many of the combat profs exist for defensive reasons to protect his friends when they get attacked, which is also what the medicine profs and engineering are for. He's certainly not someone to run around doing combat all the time, especially since it's quite tough to repair one's own wounds when injured due to fatigue, blood-loss, and most of the time being unable to reach most wounds endured (mending in engineering can't be used on self either), and the fact he cannot remake any gear he loses as he has no proficiencies in armor making, weapon making, or tool making. Much of the combat proficiencies are also taken for the sake of increasing physical stat without taking strength training, as I like having a character who's strong aesthetically and can lift heavy stuff for people (recent examples being large logs, small cattle, and carrying two people at a time on his shoulders) without the forced abilities strength training has that I don't wish to take. It also exists due to him believing that being complacent in weapon training is Ra'ah, not wanting to let his skills in the Polon be lost even if he doesn't use them. Quite literally other than a bull attacking the clinic in recent times and him defending from it, the last crp this character has done was training rp a few months ago where he attempted to show others how to properly use a weapon to defend themselves. If you have a suggestion though as to what to move proficiency points to without me losing what I love about the character, as I do get where you're coming from with the whole use of just running around in crp and healing afterwards (even though I don't use Srak for that in the slightest), just let me know because much of the proficiencies I have contribute to how I play Srak and I don't want to lose that.
     
    #19 Megadonshark, Nov 14, 2021
    Last edited: Nov 14, 2021
  20. Mollymock

    Mollymock The Verdant Preacher Staff Member Roleplay Staff

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    If they aren't a CRP character at all, I think that's an even greater reason to lower their combat proficiencies. Since they lean towards the image of an expert in their field. I'm afraid the decision is not negotiable at this moment. You will need to prioritise some things over others here.
     
  21. Megadonshark

    Megadonshark

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    @Mollymock Alright edited out the combat proficiencies so they have less now, replaced with strength training even though I don't want those abilities but I guess I'll have to take them if I want my physical stat.
     
  22. Mollymock

    Mollymock The Verdant Preacher Staff Member Roleplay Staff

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