Basic Information Full Name | "Sonja Apolena!" Age | "Heh, thirty-six, friendo.~" Gender | "Uhm... Male. You have eyes, right? I'm joking..." Race | "Ailor... I hope." Main Ambition | "To attain that which is not in front of me right now!" - Power, Popularity. Languages | Common, Daendroque, and Elven fluency. Spoiler: Serious Basic Information Full Name: Sonja Apolena Age: 36(Born 269 AC) Gender: Male Race: Ailor Main Ambition: Power, Knowledge, Popularity Skill Information Proficiency Points: 36 Astronomy: 10 (+10 School of Captaincy) Naval Command: 20 (+10 School of Captaincy, +10 from Points) Ship Sailing: 10 (+10 School of Captaincy) Diplomacy: 16 (+16 from Points) Culture Points: 36 Architecture: 35 (+35 from Points) Tailoring: 1 (+1 from Points) Visual Information Eye Color | "Blue... Like the ocean, sweetheart." Hair Color | "A sort of... Dirty-Blonde, I guess? Some say brown, some say "full blonde" but I don't care." Hair Style | "Shaggy, may or may not have sand in it upon my arrival to Regalia." Skin Color | "White, and somewhat tanned; proof of my years on the open sea... Clothing | "People often describe me as... Scruffy. I like to think of it as 'Stains of Experience.'" - Wayfarers clothes; see below. Height | 5'8" Body Build | "Average. I watch my diet, you see." Weapon of Choice | "A scimitar or perhaps a long wooden stick. Whichever gets the job done." Spoiler: Serious Visual Information Eye Color: Blue. Hair Color: Dirty Blonde. Hair Style: Shaggy, ruffled, unstyled; wild. Skin Color: Beige, tanned slightly from a life at sea. Clothing: See image below. Height: 5'8" Body Build: Average. ~~~ ~~~ Personality and Abilities First Paragraph | Sonja might be taken as a Gadabout with words that are likely to capture his audience. A simple passerby might consider him to be Charismatic and affluent when it came to approaching others. He could be seen barking over freedoms, which might imply his genuine heart towards those who wouldn't get a second look. For a first time meeting, he'd be seen as Cheerful or pleasantly surprised by his new company; as if to gain another friend was an invaluable opportunity. If they heard about them, it may be good or bad but the rumour-monger wouldn't leave out how confident he was in his speech. It could be said that he's very Curious, too; always chasing after new information that spells a fine and intriguing story. He has an Adventurous personality, in that he may be seen tracking or looking for things of interest... Whether they be people, objects, or knowledge. Second Paragraph | Inside, he waits, anticipates and imagines new opportunities and possibilities until he's Driven to take action for himself, or cause an occurrence to get where he'd like to be. He does this because he feels that sitting still is a waste and because if he did naught but wait... Then he'd never be able to progress. Being quite Egotistical, Sonja views himself as a revolutionary that can change or manipulate the world around him with "relative success" but then he'd never admit to this or his failures. Instead, he remains certain of his philosophy that all can be achieved if the person is willing to try. Third Paragraph | To anyone or anything who might share his views, Sonja welcomes and loves. He may exercise his Childish Nature by playing tricks, acting "clumsily" and doing anything to keep their spirits up or the area entertained. He loathes dull moments with family because he feels that he can be more open with them, and thus he shouldn't need to restrict himself as he may when in the company of others. How does your character act towards friends and family? This is roughly the same as the first paragraph, but you’d have to get more specific about how your character acts around friends and family and lovers, people they are naturally more comfortable with. Detail how this differs from how they are perceived by strangers. Fourth Paragraph | Given his life, Sonja is not what could be defined as "Evil" and instead works against criminalistic intent with his own intuition. He feels strongly for those who can't help themselves, and like any Good Samaritan... Would try to help them. That being said, there is no clear definition of "good" or "evil" for Sonja. But he isn't black and white. If a guard killed a child, that guard is horrible... Not all guards are horrible. He believes in individualistic integrity, where no matter the scene... You do what you do, and thus people define themselves by what they may allow others to force them to make them do. That said, he may Pity those who are merely puppets and redirect his will onto the puller of their strings, but only if they admit that they were wrong. Evil deeds? He'll need to know more about the situation, and will not join a conformed or majority decision. He prefers to judge for himself, and then join the majority if they prove correct. Fifth Paragraph | Find Out IC. Life Story 0-9 Being born to two Commoners on the far side of the Kingdom of Silsaerimas, it could be said that there were little prospects in regards to what a person could achieve. Whilst being commoners, however, the family wasn't poor... They owned several merchant vessels along the coast which left some excitement for young Sonja... He'd often travel with his father and commune with sailors to learn more about each of the towns... But then he started hearing about other islands, with other cities, in other continents! The young boy was dazed with curiosity, and as he went back and forth over the years... He just got bored. He wanted to see what he couldn't, and this is where he grew his philosophy. During these young years, he developed his knowledge in the School of Captaincy by consulting his father and various sailors of the night sky and constellations... Heading into his teens, the boy developed well. He'd gotten better at spotting far-off destinations as he desperately tried to make out distant islands and ships heading to places he could only dream of... He also made sure to polish up his studies in Astronomy; knowing he'd be a captain one day just like his father. He continued to bother sailors who he started to grow close to... Now... It's fairly well-known that the Kingdom of Silsaerimas is a dominantly Unionist society, but Sonja lived closer to a port where liberal information was more easily acquired than Unionist ramblings, thus even his father was fine with the idea of a mage if they pulled their weight. 15-19 During the past years, the business had expanded much more which meant that the company naturally gained more ships over time. On his Nineteenth birthday... His father gifted him a fast but sturdy vessel that would be able to take him to Regalia. What Sonja didn't care for was how his father wanted him to branch the business in the Crown City. Sonja's response to his first mate as he sailed opposite of the Regalia was "Let's take the long way around.." Instead, he headed for Farah'deen and the Yang-Tzu Isles where he heard tell of other classes of speedy ships. This would take up the following six years of his life... On his travels, he'd be paid to transport goods in his spare time to keep regals flowing, as well as making sure to keep an eye on anyone who might have a suspicious label. 26-36 Sonja then traveled further; to Daendroc to see the Avanthar and Cielothar. He took the time to embrace their ways, learn new information and so forth. The Ailor even settled for a while... His short stature and blonde hair had most of the natives thinking he were an Altalar which helped because he felt without that... He doubts he'd have gotten very far. He had amassed shipmates of Cielothar, Ailor, Ch'ien-ji, and Songaskia... All close becoming adequate friends. And after all of their seemingly endless conversations, many grew slightly bored of following this adventure-addicted Ailor about, so they demanded he continues his initial mission of setting up shop in Regalia. Sonja admitted defeat to his friends and allies; pulling himself up out of the dirt in order to set sail for the Crown Isle. He kept an eye on friends and crew alike; continuing to monitor people and how they felt... He could tell they were relieved.
Here's my Peer review Basic information. Sonja as a male name for an ailor? you don't have to change it I just found it strange. "Try to keep the information here as simple and confined as possible, it's supposed to be a short list." -Character applications template. No need for all the gabbin. Unless "The embodiment of criminal decadence" is his actual title, I would remove it. https://forums.massivecraft.com/threads/character-applications-template.54735/ Visual information. Same as above. Once again you are told to name a simple and specific colour or term for each point. The fanciness is fun at times, but it is going against the template for char applications. If you want to name all your character's skills, I would recommend creating the optional "Skill section" in basic information. There you can put all the different skills your character possesses, his expertise with them, and the source of said expertise. Refer to link above. Personality and abilities. ^^ (A quote from the Life story) From that it seems like he is a very curious person. Perhaps even a little more than what is good for him, yet I see no mention of neither adventure lust (Which also seems a huge part of his lifestory) Or curiosity (Which is obviously present in him.) I would recommend adding both or one of them. Captaining a ship is an advanced task that requires a lot of studies and trained multi-tasking abilities. It also requires an extensive knowledge of a ship's functions, up to 30 different knots and various other gimmicks that I am slightly skeptical that he would be able to have learned whilst also studying to be a mage. And then add Astronomy ontop of that? For this time and year, that is an incredibly advanced topic which also requires you to study a lot of math and physics. And even if he was only taught to tell star maps, that's still a couple months of memorizing, at least. Magic is a hard thing to learn which you requires rigorous practice. What does this mean? Did he take culture lessons? Did he take time observing the people? In either case, if he feels that sitting still is a waste of time, how would he make time to learn these things. By being on the move he might miss a lot of things, and I doubt the culture would leave a heavy print on his mind if he was always on the move anyway. In short; In what way did he embrace their ways, and how did he learn information. This whole line is terribly vague. How did he get from Yang-Tzu and Farah'deen to Daendroc? Did he sail around the Farah'deen supermass and cross the Yellow sea, then the Southern unknown (On which he would've probably died.) And then finally to the Talarinse sea? All of which are either patrolled by pirates or uncharted, not to mention violent and unruly, waters. This is an extremely dangerous trip and no matter how charismatic he is, I don't see him winning his crew over. Remember that what we see maps of is the "Known Aloria" which is roughly 30% of the planet, meaning you can't sail past Farah'deen and then immediatly be in Guldar waters and take the short path to Daendroc. You would still have an extensive part of the planet to travel. Faraddi is a language, not a culture or nationality. And that is all I could find in this sheet. It was harder this time, but I hope my changes help. Also, you don't have to take all of my advice, since I am not staff. All the rest if very eloquently written and you have put a clear effort into it. I love the way you linked the various subjects as you go on. Nicely done, and good luck with the changes. @Anseran
Sailing in Massive, or rather to get the skill, requires what I guess would be considered lesser Astrology, in that you don't learn physics and such, but this part specifically: "Discipline of Aloria The first discipline in the School of Astronomy is known as the Discipline of Aloria. As the name may suggest, this discipline focuses on Aloria as a body rather than the other bodies of the system. This is where many navigators draw their information and study from, as they map out the stars and constellations from various points in Aloria, from the snowy peaks of Ellador to the warm climate of south Yang-Tzu. Since different constellations are visible in different points in Aloria, it is impossible for a scholar in this field to be lost on a large scale; he will always know at least what continent he is on. Aside from studying navigation, those who invest in the Discipline of Aloria are also very knowledgeable in the geology of Aloria, which means they’ll be able to tell one mineral from another quite easily. It takes eight years in total (one level per two years) to complete education in this discipline. Skill: This Discipline grants a character the ability to act as a compass, navigate the seas of Aloria, or know the value of different minerals, like Starris or Kadite." Is what I referred to. It's the ability to navigate, essentially. In other words, it's a must for Captain(-ous?) characters... Also, I'm uncertain as to how old you need to be to learn a school, so I've put it in his childhood (young to later teens) that he studied from his Father whilst being a passenger on a ship that transported goods to the villages. He then started learning air magic.
My Review: To begin, you do not seem to understand the Intellect Schools. As seen on the Intellect page, just like Military, there is a series of levels. Please choose which skill level he possess and additionally, know that he would at least need to be 8 by my guess to start learning this school. How is he Mage level in Gusting Wind when he is only 32? Magic begins being learned at 14 and for this magic, then would take 20 years to reach Expert. Please adjust this throughout the application. He somehow did not notice that most of his crew were wind mages? Isn't that really odd considering as he grew more skilled, he'd know what to look for in other wind mages? Please tag me once these edits are addressed in green @Anseran
@HydraLana Oh, and another thing... What language(s) do you think would be reasonable to say he knows?
@HydraLana I think it'd be fine to add that he can speak Elven and Daen? They're similar in structure and he spent ten years in that area, unless you think otherwise?
Those two are fine yes, along with Common. Once that edit takes place I will approve the application.
@HydraLana Just removed all traces of his Wind magic. Other than that, replaced his 'Air magic' talent with 'Silver-Tongued'. Edit: Also switched 8 years to 10 years on his Astronomy to give him Those who reach the scholar level finally graduate from whatever institution they’ve been training in. This stage lasts at least ten years before the scholar can be considered an expert in astronomy. Discipline of Aloria The scholar knows the orientation and structure of Aloria by heart. He can draw an accurate map of the world (only listing the continents) in mere seconds. Since it's only a couple off.
My Review: Your Proficiency Points section needs to be below Basic Information, not Visual Information, please change this accordingly. Talents are no longer a feature of the new template, so please remove them. The Kingdom of the Silver Shore is now the Kingdom of Silsaerimas with new lore/information. Please fully update the Life Story to the current lore standard. Tag me once the edits have been done in green @Anseran
@HydraLana I've made the changes, but the page on 'Silsaerimas' isn't up so I couldn't go into anymore detail than what's already in his story.
"He had Cielothar, Ailor, Ch'ien-ji, Songaskia..." What does this mean? Those are races, not goods or products. Your life story as a whole is written very weirdly, with many "..." and just odd sentence constructions. I'd ask that you please try to fully straight these out or perhaps make them bullet points. Tag me once this editing has been complete @Anseran
@HydraLana Made it a bit more clear about what I was referring to. Essentially, over his travels he picked up new members of his crew, all of which are in those race categories. I also just added the last 10 points (FilmNoir pointed out to me that I still had 10 remaining) to Naval Command to total 20.
