[☾] [☾] Character Information Full Name: Shegan Zorić El-Jaouhari Race: Half Qadir, Half Ailor Qadir Dominant Age: Twenty-one Gender: Male Eye Color: Sand yellow Core Concept Shegan is a kleptomaniac with the ultimate goal of mastering his grasp on technology. Behind any initial impressions lies an eccentric young man pursuing knowledge. Proficiencies Strength: 1 Skirmisher Pack Constitution: 1 Metallurgy Craft Pack Wisdom: 5 Artificer Point Buy | Master Artificers (Qadir Racial) Stimboost Pack (Investment Plus) Dexterity: 6 Pickpocket Skill Pack Sleight of Hand Pack Parkour Pack Grenadier Pack Prepared Pack Buster Pack Magic: 0 Charisma: 1 East Linguist Pack Languages Common (Free) Faraddi (Native) East Linguist Pack (Linguistics) Appearance Information Shegan has the vitiligo seen in half-Qadirs. A prominent splotch of this is located on his left cheek. Shegan stands at five feet and eight inches. He wears his dark brown hair in braids, and sports scruffy facial hair on his chin and upper lip. He wears pale earthen colors accentuated by metals of bronze and copper. Life Story Shegan was born in a mining town in Tirgunn. His father Gjanosh worked the mines, while his mother Jawahir took care of Shegan at home. A mining accident rendered Gjanosh without use of his legs. Fearing the shortage in manpower might cause the young Shegan to join the men of the mines, Jawahir took Shegan to live with his aunt and uncle in the South Kassar isles. The prospects of Biotic prosthetics intrigued Shegan, in addition to similar technology. He stole from local stores to experiment with artificery, honing the craft his mother's race had perfected. Shegan returns to the mines of Tirgunn as an adult, outfitting his father with biotic replacements for his lost limbs. Shegan joins up with a band of thieves, and travels to Regalia, though they are soon sent on different paths upon arrival to the city. He enters alone.
My review goes as follows: Skill Information Your Physical Stat actually totals up to 12. 6 + (5 x 0.5) + (6 x 0.5) = 11. Fix this problem. "Moren" is not a language. The language spoken by the Dvala people is simply known as "Dvala," as displayed on the Linguistics page. Personality For your Religion, why is your character agnostic? Agnosticism refers to the belief that there may or may not be a god. However, there has been evidence of deities existing so this plays oddly into Massive's lore. Search for a better term for this. Life Story & Skill Information To start off, to have 8 Engineering Packs at the age of twenty along with your other investments is too much. Yes, he had the capabilities to practice, but seeing as he did not even have the best technology at hand it sounds unrealistic. Some of the packs are reasonably easier to learn than the others on paper, but to have all of them bar one is unfeasible. Either remove some of them or age your character up to make it fair. Once these edits have been made, tag me in a post and color the changed text in a color of your choice.
@Tortellinis Your physical stat still adds up to 12, not 11- sorry that's a mishap on my end. I'll approve the character sheet now, but remember to fix this post-approval. The rest of the character application looks alright; just be sure to be wary of engineering use. You can revert the brown color back to default. Enjoy playing the character!