Of the tale of how green turned yellow, then magenta.
The day began with blood-curdling screams. These screams were the sort that make flowers wilt. These screams were the sort that shatter glass.
Audrey was having a bad hair day.
Through no fault of her own, the fashionista and aristocrat had wound up with hideous, bright yellow hair. The discovery was made early in the morning, for the woman always primped and preened before letting anyone into her room.
So, when she removed her silken bonnet to look in the mirror and the hair that tumbled out was the color of a banana slug, she was appalled. She grabbed a handful of the stuff, holding it up to the mirror. She hoped, nay, prayed that it was some awful trick of the early morning light. But, when the sun rose and the color intensified, she screamed thunderously:
"Haaaank!"
In moments, the dishevelled and bleary eyed court alchemist appeared. Audrey clung to her vanity, making its mirror wobble dangerously.
"Your hair!" she said, astonished.
"Yes, my hair! Look at it! It's hideous! This is a disaster! Call Philippe! Bolt the doors! I won't have anyone seeing me like this!" Audrey wailed, clasping her hands over her mouth in horror.
Hank scurried out, rousing Philippe without warning. She ordered him to guard the door with such urgency that he assumed something horrific had occurred. He wasn't wrong.
The alchemist swept perhaps a dozen mixtures, tinctures, ingredients, lotions and potions into a knapsack and hurried back to the Lady's chambers. Philippe dutifully guarded the door, fending off curious staff and a concerned Alexander. Hank brushed past him and re-entered the room. Audrey was still at the mirror, grasping her brilliant, yellow locks and muttering. She had lit a fat roll of tabacca and was now puffing it heavily.
"How did this happen?" she whispered. "What did you do?"
The mousy haired woman swallowed. "I.. mixed in Lady's Shine petals. To keep it from burning the scalp! The petals are purple anyway, I didn't think it would matter… At the very least the hair seems quite healthy."
"I don't care about healthy! It's yellow! I loathe yellow!" she cried.
"It's alright, we'll fix it. Just, uhm. Give me a few minutes."
She stepped out and called for a basin of water. Upon its arrival, she mixed a solution of Pureza's Powder and attempted to bleach the hair white again. She let the solution set, then rinsed the hair.
Audrey screamed again, and then fainted.
Hank held a small bottle of Melodin beneath her nose, rousing the normally calm and collected noblewoman.
"This is WORSE! It's brighter! This is no color found in nature!" she wailed in despair, sweating profusely. "My beautiful, beautiful hair!"
It had become highlighter yellow with the bleach. Hank cringed. It was difficult to look at. Gently she began massaging the hair with coconut oil and exotic honey, grimacing. Audrey was unreachable and unconsolable. She did not weep, but she did not speak either.
Thinking quickly, Hank put out her cigarette before it could burn anything, and paused, digging in her bag. She offered a bottle of Qorijjian Auzar. Audrey looked it over suspiciously, then pocketed it for later. She massaged her temples and shut her eyes, pale and gaunt. She had aged fifteen years over this crisis, if only temporarily.
She reclined and allowed Hank to rinse her hair, then dye and perfume it. The colorant stung her tender scalp, but bloomed in a deep magenta. The yellow quickly vanished under the burning blush of the pigment. Hank tentatively draped a towel around Audrey's shoulders, and the fashion queen looked in the mirror with a gasp of relief. Hank offered an awkward curtsy and apology, which Audrey received gracefully, and dismissed the bumbling alchemist while her hair dried.
"Dragons be damned! This is my first real vis-a-vis with crisis in Regalia!"
Written by @InDogsWeTrust
