Approved Sheet Sarah Mullins (revamped)

Discussion in 'Character Applications' started by gambit22, Jul 21, 2021.

  1. gambit22

    gambit22 The Empress of Death

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    Basic Information
    • Full Name: Sarah (Sadie) Persephone Mullins

    • Age: 20

    • Gender: Female

    • Race: Crystal Spire Isldar

    • Sexuality: Straight

    • Preferred Weapon: Dagger

    Inventory Information
    • Blue Scarf

    • Old pocket watch

    • Antique Red Dagger


    Skill Information


    • Vocal Art 10
    • Dagger Proficiency 10
    • Stave Proficiency 10
    • Sorcery Investment 15
    • Painting Art 5
    • Unarmed Combat Proficiency 5
    • Sword Combat 5


    Body Info
    • Toned

    • Low Body Fat

    Languages
    • Common, Isldar (Racial Language)

    Special Traits/Spells/Mutations

    • Void Tears Mutation


    • Exorcism 1,Racial Spells.


    • Magic Bolt 1


    • Element Control 1


    • Her spirit familiar is a regalian spriggan


    • Arcane mastery 1

    • Mind Shield 1

    • Sorcerer


    Visual Info
    • Eye Color: Blue

    • Hair Color: Brown (dyed)

    • Hair Style: Long

    • Skin Color: Pale

    • Clothing: Maroon long sleeved shirt, and shorts.

    • Height: 5"9

    Personality (Required with Choice)

    Option Two: The Core List
    • Choose your Character Alignment
      • Chaotic Neutral
    • Choose your Character Personality Type
      • Advocate
    • Choose your Character's Religion
      • Old Gods

    The Question List


    Personality (Expansion)

    • Plays with her dad's watch when nervous.

    • Good singer but doesn't like doing it in front of people. Good at swimming/Sailing, but does it on vacation
    Likes

    • Flowers, The color blue, helping others
    Dislikes

    • Killing, grudges, void.


    Life Story

    Grew up in a nice village in the snow. She lived a nice, humble life with her parents and spirit familiar. Her village was constantly under attack by raiders from the east but they always managed to hold them off, but one fateful day the fight got so bad Sarah and her family had to leave her home, most people survived that day but her best friend and mother did not. After this Sarah became depressed and turned to the Old Gods for help. She frequently prayed to Lensa instead of the others because Lensa reminded her of her friend. She didn't care much about her mother because her mother was short tempered and hurt her friend multiple times.


    The young woman was born with a special affinity with magic, her dad only told her years later to protect her. She started practicing magic, being an Isldar she had some racial magic but she wanted to learn more, she learned how to exorcise people from basic curses and illusions and cast a magical bolt of light to use in emergencies, she learned how to the elements to her will, she knew that this was something she wouldn't do before but she didn't care, magic was the only thing to take her mind off of her dead friend. At 16 her dad gave her his old pocket watch as something to remember him by because he was going to war and wouldn't be back for a few years. She was sad but knew that it was something he had to do. Since her dad wasn't there she could learn darker magic... Evil magic... But she failed and now every time she cries it comes out black and tar-like. She worried that it would spread and she would become one with the void. Two years later her dad died of natural causes. She was sad but was happy that he was in a better place


    at age 18 she moved out and started an adventure, she was more comfortable with fighting now but still didn't want to kill anyone. She sailed to a large city and settled down for a bit before exploring and finding tombs, uncharted areas, ruined cities, etc. She still learned magic, but is less of a fanatic now, same with the Old Gods. She went to libraries to find myths about hidden treasure and ruins. She donated all the artifacts she found to museums and the scrolls to convents and monasteries. She made a few friends and went from a depressed black magic fanatic to a cheerful young woman who loves her life. But her greatest fear is growing up alone because of her friends forgetting her.
     
    #1 gambit22, Jul 21, 2021
    Last edited: Jul 24, 2021 at 6:37 PM
  2. gambit22

    gambit22 The Empress of Death

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    Posting to bump up, hopefully the admins will see.
     
  3. gambit22

    gambit22 The Empress of Death

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    Changed the "mage" part to sorcerer just in case I my app. for mage gets rejected, I didn't understand the questions that well so it was pretty sloppy.
     
  4. tinykenzie

    tinykenzie no mourners, no funerals Premium

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    Alright, I'm here to help you out a bit. I am not staff, so feel free to disregard my advice.

    Basic Information:
    • Everything here looks alright.
    Skill Information:
    • You have only used 34 points out of the possible 50 core and 10 hobby.
    • "Agility" is not a category you can invest points into. I suggest Circus Arts instead.
    • This is where you need to detail your points invested into sorcery.
    • Specify where your free 10 hobby points went.
    Body Stat:
    • Your calculation is incorrect. The only points that would go into your body stat calculation would be "Fist Combat".
    • Crystal Spire Isldar Body Stat cap is 15. There is no possible way you could have a 30 body stat.
    • You have not invested any points into sword combat or dagger combat.
    Special Traits:
    • Mind Surges are not accessible to this character in any way through point-buy or racial abilities.
    • 15 points would be spent to purchase your sorcery abilities which again, should be listed in skill information.
    • I am not sure what "Sorcerer 3" means. It is probably best to specify.
    Extra Comments:
    • I would advise to not putting anything on an application pertaining to special permissions you are not officially in possession of. It was a good call taking 'mage' off.
     
  5. gambit22

    gambit22 The Empress of Death

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    I'm new at this so the rules were pretty confusing. I didn't know there were Racial stat caps, thanks for letting me know that, same with Mind Surge. I don't know how Sorcerer3 got there it might've been a typo, it was just supposed so say "sorcerer" to say that my character is a sorcerer but I'm not sure if that's where I'm supposed to put it. As for the Skill information, I didn't know about hobby points, I did do something for the extra 16 points but I might've forgot to save. I thought my sorcery investments went in the spells section. Thanks for the advice! Also, thanks for taking the time to comment on my thread, I was getting worried no one would notice.
     
    • Like Like x 1
    #5 gambit22, Jul 22, 2021 at 6:20 PM
    Last edited: Jul 22, 2021 at 7:11 PM
  6. Antimreoir

    Antimreoir Forza dei Male Staff Member Lore1

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    Claimed for review, expect a response shortly! @gambit22
     
  7. Antimreoir

    Antimreoir Forza dei Male Staff Member Lore1

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    Alright, let's get down to this review;
    • Please remove all of the Spoiler Tags.
    • You have spent 34 Proficiency points, please mark the remaining 16 as unused, or list them as invested if they are. I do not know what
    • Sorcerer is, please fix this.
    • Sorcery costs 3 points per spell, meaning you have 12 points invested in Sorcery. You have 4 points left unspent.
    • Your physical Stat should be 15, 10+5 is 15, not 30.
    • Crystal Spire Isldar have universally white hair. Please change the hair colour or note that it is dyed.
    • Please expand upon all of your answers in the Question List Personality section or change over to the Core List instead, listing Religion, Moral Alignment and Personality Type. This would be a much simpler fix.
    Please make these changes and we'll get you approved!
     
  8. gambit22

    gambit22 The Empress of Death

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    I'm confused, sorcerer is what exactly?
     
    #8 gambit22, Jul 23, 2021 at 5:14 PM
    Last edited: Jul 23, 2021 at 5:39 PM
  9. Antimreoir

    Antimreoir Forza dei Male Staff Member Lore1

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    Oh, apologies, the bullet points seem to have messed up.

    I do not know what Sorcerer is in your Proficiency listing, as you have just stated Sorcerer, with no investments next to it.
     
  10. gambit22

    gambit22 The Empress of Death

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    aah, yes. That's because I don't know where I'm supposed to put it exactly, nor could I find anything about it on the wiki. I'm confused but I think you mean I need to put Sorcery and the investments in the special traits section? I know I'm being difficult but I'm seriously confused.
     
  11. Antimreoir

    Antimreoir Forza dei Male Staff Member Lore1

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    You would note your investment in Sorcery in your Proficiency listing, you don't state what spells you have selected there, but you do state the amount of points you've spent in it total, for example.

    • 10 Sword Combat
    • 9 Sorcery Investment
    • 5 Fist Combat
    • etc
    You note it with your other Proficiencies, then in your Special Traits section you list what specific spells you have taken.
     
  12. gambit22

    gambit22 The Empress of Death

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    I think I fixed the sorcery problem now. Anything else?
     
  13. Antimreoir

    Antimreoir Forza dei Male Staff Member Lore1

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    Why do you have your Skill Information and then Proficiency Listings separate? You have 50 Skill Points to spend, and 10 Hobby Points. Please consolidate these into one list and fix it.
     
  14. gambit22

    gambit22 The Empress of Death

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    Sorry about that, I put that section in a google doc and then separated the skill info and proficiency listing to make it easier for me to access each one, I know it's weird but it helps me keep it organized (I have mild OCD). When I pasted it from the doc into the thread I must have forgotten to merge them. I fixed it now.
     
    #14 gambit22, Jul 24, 2021 at 8:35 AM
    Last edited: Jul 24, 2021 at 8:42 AM
  15. Antimreoir

    Antimreoir Forza dei Male Staff Member Lore1

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    Good, please reduce your proficiencies by 5 as you have spent 55 Points when you only have 50 to spend. Please fix this and then we'll get you approved.
     
  16. gambit22

    gambit22 The Empress of Death

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    I fixed it now.
     
  17. Antimreoir

    Antimreoir Forza dei Male Staff Member Lore1

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