Rejected Sheet Rhahexll Grisz Rhaok

Discussion in 'Character Applications' started by Surrealizm, Apr 29, 2019.

  1. Surrealizm

    Surrealizm Refugee

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    The world is a cold and cruel place, it isn’t fair. Often the fools, cowards, and liars of the world are hiding in high places.
    Theme ~ Theme ~ Theme
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    • Full Name: Rhahexll Grisz Rhaok
      • Nicknames: Shapeshifter
      • Aliases: Lleyv Kettrakh
    • Age: 105
      • Birthdate: August 8th, 202 A.C.
    • Gender: Male
    • Race: Slizzar (Often shifts between Qadir, Ailor, and Altalar forms)
      • Soul-Line: Ursarr
    • Sexuality: Heterosexual
    • Preferred Weapon(s): Blacksteel knuckledusters, and a longbow
      • Grieving Sun | An ornately crafted elvish blacksteel knife that he had replaced from Nightsilver by an elvish smith in Regalia, the smith carved Olt'vven engravings into the blade causing to blade to glow a silver color. The handle itself is made of charred wood and the palm swell of the knife is custom fit to his hand, and the pommel has a Sun-Cut blood-red ruby laid in it.
      • Shadow's Fate | Right-handed knuckle duster, forged from folded blacksteel this packs a nasty punch.
      • Hatred's Bite | Left-handed knuckle duster, forged from the same ingot of blacksteel it is identical to Shadow's Fate.
    • Inventory:
      • Leather Satchel ~ Lockpicks, Sack of 30-40 Regals, Poppy Milk (Pain Killer), Haagen Blood (Vision Enhancer), Avant Leaf (Stimulant), Four Steel Throwing Knives.
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    Someone who is wise gets more use from his enemies than he ever did from his friends.
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    • Proficiency Points: 50
      • Core:
        • +20 Heavy Ranged Combat (20 Points Spent)
        • +13 Fist Combat (13 Points Spent)
        • +3 Linguistic Science (3 Points Invested)
        • +2 Dagger Combat (2 Points Spent)
      • Talent:
        • +10 Stealth Rogue (10 Talent)
        • +6 Burgling Rogue (6 Points Spent)
        • +1 Strength Training (1 Points Spent)
      • Hobby:
        • +10 Hunting Art (10 Hobby)
        • +3 Wooden Art (3 Points Spent)
        • +2 Sculpting Art (2 Points Spent)
    • Body Shape:
      • Physical Stat: (20 Heavy Ranged Combat*1 = 20 BP) ) + (1 Strength Training*1 = 1 BP) + (13 Fist Combat*1 = 13 BP) + (2 Dagger Combat*1 = 2 BP ) = 36 BP (Capped at 15, 20 in Half-Beast, 25 in Beastmode)
      • Body Build: Ripped
      • Body Fat: Extreme Low Fat
    • Languages:
      • Zasta 10/10 (Childhood)
      • Faraddi 10/10 (Learned)
      • Sofaal 10/10 (Learned)
      • Common 10/10 (Learned)
      • Modern-Altalar 10/10 (Learned)
    • Mutations:
      • Strength of the Ursarr:
        • Black Steel Claws
        • Ursine Hibernation
        • Ursarr Strength
      • Stalk of the Wolverine:
        • Scattering Claws
      • Growl of the Grizzly:
        • Mauling Brawl
      • Solitude of the Polar Bear:
        • Winter Embrace
        • Solitary Hunter
    • Halfbeast Shift:
      • Tufts of fur grow on his forearms and shoulders and his canines become larger and more defined. Long black claws grow from where his nails were previously and his hands have white fur on the back of them. His face remains mostly the same, however his nose becomes more bear-like and his eyes become a bright silver with a light blue glow. When in this form he recieves a +5 Physical Stat Boost.
    • Beastmode Shift:
      • Rhahexll's shift takes on the appearance of a Polar Bear, his eyes become a bright piercing silver with a light blue glow to them. When in this form he recieves a +10 Physical Stat Boost.
    • Slizzar Abilities:
      • Slizzar Shift I
      • Flux Shift I
      • Flux Shift II
      • Flux Shift III
      • Flux Shift IV
      • Flux Shift V
      • Mind Surge I
      • Mind Surge II
      • Mind Surge III
      • Mind Surge IV
      • Mind Surge V
      • Puppet Control I
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    Why do we have a voice? What’s the point of having one if we’re silenced in times we should be speaking out.
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    • Eye Color: Purple.
    • Hair Color: Yellow that shifts into an orange.
    • Hair Style: Loose and long flowing.
    • Scale Color: Black.
    • Clothing: Often will wear loose robes when in this form as to not constrict himself or his movement.
    • Height: 6’0.
    • Weight: 160 lbs.

    Lleyv Kettrakh
    • Eye Color: Amber Orange.
    • Hair Color: Brown.
    • Hair Style: Long, in dreadlocks with golden jewelry.
    • Skin Color: Dark Brown.
    • Clothing: He wears steel tipped black leather boots, with gray pants, and a darker gray shirt and black sleeves with a navy blue cape. When on duty he wears his Red Lion blacksteel half-plate gifted to him by Julius Peirgarten.
    • Height: 6'6.
    • Weight: 188 lbs.
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    You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have.
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    • Alignment:
      • Neutral Good ~ Rhahexll is neutral, and will often try to not choose sides in a situation. He will remain unbiased on most matters, trying to do whatever he believes is the right thing to do. Often times breaking some rules in the process of doing what is right. He works with the Violet Order,bust does not feel indebted to them in any way. In the case that he has to bend the rules to do what he believes is right, he won’t feel any moral conflict.
    • Personality Type:
      • Virtuoso ~ Rhahexll is a vastly proficient man, making use of all that he has learned from the different cultures he has witnessed. He believes the more he can learn, the better off he will be in the world.
    • Religion(s):
      • Nessrassian: 5/10
        • Rhahexll believes that Sscepston does still exist, he believes in Vailess, The Snake of Power and thinks that the remaining Deep Sea Serpents need to be brought under control or they may be a threat. He does not openly worship this religion in Regalia.
      • Shambala: 4/10
        • Rhahexll worships Shambala when he is in his Songaskian form under the name of Lleyv Kettrakh. He adopted some of the practices while he was among the Songaskian in their homeland and has the belief that the sun is the all-holy and all-powerful. He conservatively worships this religion.
      • Unionism: 4/10
        • Rhahexll worships Unionism when he is in his Ailor form under the name of Lorcan. He has adopted some of its practices, mainly so that he can blend in. He believes in the Imperial Dragon and has come to admire its strength. He will openly worship this religion when on the surface in an ailor form, but conservatively when in the sewers.
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    Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live.
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    • Chapter One: The Upbringing of a Thief
      • 202 AC: Rhahexll is born in the forbidden city of Sassrakkand, and was brought up in military family, his parents were Sristha and Szosha Rhaok. Sristha, his father was a high-ranking member of the Slizzar military while his mother was an informant for the military.
      • 208 AC: Rhahexll would reach adulthood at age 6, and would then choose a mentor. His mentors name was Mizsa who was in her 60's when she took Rhahexll under her mentorship. Under her Rhahexll learned several of the skills that he still uses now. He learned how to break into buildings, and get information. He learned how to remain unseen and use the shadows to his advantage, and he learned how to steal from people without them even noticing, and when they did the young slizzar was already gone. He also began experimenting with his different forms at this age.
      • 211 AC: Rhahexll's younger sister Vazshda would be born, and he would take care of her when his parents could not. This did not last for long as Slizzar grow up quickly.
      • 218 AC: At this time Rhahexll would leave his family and begin to live with his mentor Mizsa in order for him to reach his full potential as a thief. During this period of time Rhahexll would also find himself learning how to use throwing knives, while also learning how to fight with knives. Mizsa and Rhahexll would become partners and come to respect each other immensely, often times trusting the others lives in their hands.
      • 228 AC: Rhahexll used his skills that Mizsa had preached to him and was sent on assignments that took him away from the homeland that he had grown so familiar to. After visiting his parents one last time, and bidding them farewell and then Mizsa he boarded one of the merchant ships bound for Daendroc.
    • Chapter Two: All on my lonesome
      • 235 AC: Rhahexll has been living in Daendroc for 7 years now, and has adopted the name of Faelin and took the template of an Altalarian woman named Anna. He asked her to teach him how to speak and write in Common as well as Modern-Altalar which he learned very quickly, but for the first year of learning it he could only speak in broken sentences.
      • 242 AC: Faelin created a following of people who had the same skills he did and had them infiltrate several of the aristocratic and noble houses within Daendroc. They fed him information and stole from the families and gave him a third of their profit. Faelin would amass a small fortune which we would put towards different needs. He and Anna would purchase a manor and some land along with it.
      • 250 AC: Faelin and Anna would have their first child, Christopher. Leaving most of the parenting to Anna, Faelin would continue to build up his following, and would continue getting money from those who worked under him.
      • 255 AC: This would not last long as some of those who worked beneath Faelin grew unhappy with him and how much money he took from them. Several of them, at least seven raided his manor one night and killed both Anna and their son, this caused Faelin to go on the run. Leaving all of the wealth, and spoils that he had collected behind. After this he snuck onto a ship and persuaded the captain to sail back to Sassrakkand.
      • 274 AC: Now back in his homeland, Rhahexll would seek out his family. He only successfully found his sister, but never their parents. He returned with the knowledge he had learned while in Ceardia and wrote this down in two notebooks that he still has with him today.
      • 286 AC: Almost a decade after, the Regalians began marching on Hadar. This lead to a bloody war with Allar, and Slizzar on one side and the Ailor on the other. Rhahexll joined the Essa Empires army as an informant, following in his mothers footsteps Rhahexll would go behind enemy lines in order to gain critical information.
    • Chapter Three: The Spoils of War
      • 291 AC: The war had been lost, Miko Missa executed, and the mass genocide of Slizzar had taken place. Rhahexll escaped and boarded a ship that took him away from what once was his homeland and now is a sour reminder of what the Ailor could do. He had no idea where the ship was taking him but wherever it was he was sure it was safer than his homeland.
      • 295 AC: The ship turned out to be a merchant ship from Farah'deen. This took Rhahexll, now Lleyv Kettrakh to the Pearl Cities of the Masaya. He took the template of one of the crew members on the ship and blended into the Songaskian society. Lleyv would begin learning how to speak and write in Faraddi, this took him a while longer than Common had. Additionally, he picked up Faraddi from the merchants he met along the way.
      • 302 AC: Lleyv had lived in Farah'deen for 7 years now, he had joined the Songaskian's army because it was one of the many things that he was used to. Once again he joined as an informant, and found himself high in the hierarchy by using his abilities. Later in the year the First Songaskian War broke out and Lleyv found himself in yet another war.
      • 303 AC: The war only lasted a year, and Lleyv had made it out of it unscathed and even took home a trophy from the war. A Regalian longsword that he later had melted down and made into throwing knives. Although there was some conflict, for the most part the coming years were peaceful but that can only last so long.
      • 305 AC: The Second Songaskian War broke out in early May of that year, pitted the Songaskians against eachother and the Regalians once again. After 2 months of bloodshed the war came to an end and Musamansa Massya took his rightful place on the throne. He would then leave the Masaya and travel to Regalia in hopes of regaining his wealth.
    • Chapter Four: Journey to Foreign Lands
      • 306 AC: To avoid any repercussions from the war, Lleyv traveled to Regalia where he would make his way into the underworld of the city. He would go back to his roots as a thief, breaking into many peoples houses and getting away with it due to his ability to change his appearance. He would meet several people, and be a part of many different groups namely the Hierarchy coven where he'd meet Merith who would soon after find her end on the pyre. Lleyv would leave the coven soon after in fear he would be hunted down and killed, and after a series of unfortunate events he was arrested and cured. This was when he met Fathiyaa Nasir, a Songaskian who had offered Lleyv a home. The pair were lovers for a few months before it fell apart and he became a mercenary under Eldradon Deredda which did not last long after the band disbanded.
      • 307 AC: After this Lleyv joined the Crown Isle Wardens and aided the City and its people. One night Fathiyaa had spoken with a man named Jared Kade and told Lleyv that Jared was seeking people with his skillset. Lleyv agreed and went to meet the Kade, and soon after found himself taking on the secretive tasks given to him by the Kade. Lleyv has since left the Wardens and moved fully into the mercenary life, continuing his work for Jared.
     
    • Winner x 18
    • Cuddles! x 6
    • Immersive x 2
    • Powerful x 2
    • Informative x 1
    #1 Surrealizm, Apr 29, 2019
    Last edited: Mar 26, 2021
  2. SageTheMage

    SageTheMage

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    This is actually pretty neat, I liked the way you categorized everything. I have yet to see it on the thread but then again, I've only looked at the first page of Character Applications.
     
    • Cuddles! Cuddles! x 1
  3. Havsbris_

    Havsbris_ Doomer

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    Hi I will be claiming this app for review.
     
    • Thank You! Thank You! x 1
  4. Havsbris_

    Havsbris_ Doomer

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    Review!
    • 1) Your 'Experiencing fear' section is too mary sue-ish as explaining the character has little to no fear. Fix that and how they rect to fear.
    • 2) Your stress section is mary sue-ish as well. Explain the difference between him not showing stress and what he does to bury that stress, not that he doesn't get stressed.
    • 3) His biggest fear is extremely confusing, as his greatest fear is that people never backstab him? Rework his fears or reword them to make more sense.
    Tag me @Havsbris_ And mark your edits in Blue

    @JcRED
     
  5. Surrealizm

    Surrealizm Refugee

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    I’ll fix it when I get home! It’ll be a couple hours
     
  6. Surrealizm

    Surrealizm Refugee

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  7. Havsbris_

    Havsbris_ Doomer

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    Good work. Approved.

    @JcRED
     
  8. Surrealizm

    Surrealizm Refugee

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    @Havsbris_ Update, changed some proficiency points, added Barghest mutations, and put it in his life story that he was infected
     
  9. Surrealizm

    Surrealizm Refugee

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  10. Surrealizm

    Surrealizm Refugee

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    I also added werewolf profs
     
  11. Surrealizm

    Surrealizm Refugee

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    @Havsbris_ Major changes in profs and he has also become a werewolf
     
  12. Havsbris_

    Havsbris_ Doomer

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  13. Surrealizm

    Surrealizm Refugee

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    @Havsbris_ Major rework, aged him down to 55 and adjusted his life story as well as his points!
     
  14. Havsbris_

    Havsbris_ Doomer

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    Fix the labeling on your profs like labeling what is hobby points, or that you hve one prof listed as 10 points spent but actually have 5. Otherwise then simple mistakes, Approved

    @JcRED
     
  15. Surrealizm

    Surrealizm Refugee

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  16. Surrealizm

    Surrealizm Refugee

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    @Havsbris_ I need a re-review please! I aged him up to 105 and made the necessary changes in his life story and birthdate and last but not least I redid his profs.
     
    #16 Surrealizm, Feb 13, 2020
    Last edited: Feb 15, 2020
  17. Surrealizm

    Surrealizm Refugee

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    Bumpity bump
     
  18. Surrealizm

    Surrealizm Refugee

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    @Havsbris_ I reworked his app so I need to get a re-review
     
  19. Havsbris_

    Havsbris_ Doomer

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    • Thank You! Thank You! x 1
  20. Surrealizm

    Surrealizm Refugee

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  21. studsonsc

    studsonsc the only son.

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    Picking up for staff review!
     
  22. studsonsc

    studsonsc the only son.

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    Re-approved.
     
  23. Surrealizm

    Surrealizm Refugee

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    @Katiesc Proficiency changes, he became a vampire, and I added a sentence to the lifestory at the end
     
  24. Surrealizm

    Surrealizm Refugee

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  25. Surrealizm

    Surrealizm Refugee

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  26. Surrealizm

    Surrealizm Refugee

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  27. Surrealizm

    Surrealizm Refugee

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  28. studsonsc

    studsonsc the only son.

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  29. Surrealizm

    Surrealizm Refugee

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    New reviewer needed!
     
  30. Antimreoir

    Antimreoir Refugee

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    Hello! I'll be taking this application for review, expect a response shortly.
     
    • Thank You! Thank You! x 1
  31. Antimreoir

    Antimreoir Refugee

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  32. Surrealizm

    Surrealizm Refugee

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    @Antimreoir I spread his proficiency points around a little bit!
     
  33. Antimreoir

    Antimreoir Refugee

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  34. Surrealizm

    Surrealizm Refugee

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    @Antimreoir I would like a re-review please as I’ve been rejected.
     
  35. Antimreoir

    Antimreoir Refugee

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    @Surrealizm This application was rejected per the most recent Proficiency Update, please rework your proficiencies then I'll supply a re-review.
     

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